1
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,779
AQUAMOM

2
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:20,968
- Six.
- Are you out of your mind, Drama?

3
00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:23,033
That girl was perfect.

4
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:26,501
Excuse me, sweetheart.

5
00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:29,968
How would you like to come to a
movie premiere Wednesday night?

6
00:01:31,167 --> 00:01:33,601
"Aquaman"?

7
00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:36,033
- I'd love to.
- Here you go.

8
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:38,367
- See you there.
- Thanks.

9
00:01:38,438 --> 00:01:40,361
See you there.

10
00:01:40,437 --> 00:01:42,432
"Six" my ass, Drama.

11
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:46,008
She was a six to me.
And I wouldn't have given her a ticket.

12
00:01:46,068 --> 00:01:48,714
50 hot girls have walked by,
guy's had a problem with every one.

13
00:01:48,778 --> 00:01:51,528
- That's 'cause none will look at him.
- What was wrong with her?

14
00:01:51,588 --> 00:01:52,933
She was top-tall, bro.

15
00:01:53,008 --> 00:01:54,860
What the fuck
is top-tall?

16
00:01:54,935 --> 00:01:57,260
Torso's too long,
legs are too short.

17
00:01:57,338 --> 00:01:59,460
- She was inverted.
- Your brain's inverted.

18
00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,503
<i>I don't have to defend
my rating system.</i>

19
00:02:01,565 --> 00:02:04,800
Every girl I've given a ticket
to has been at least an eight.

20
00:02:04,865 --> 00:02:07,130
And what do you rate, Drama?
I'm just curious.

21
00:02:07,225 --> 00:02:09,723
Blow me, E. I don't have to
rate, I'm holding the cards.

22
00:02:09,788 --> 00:02:12,280
Not many cards left. How many
did you guys give out anyway?

23
00:02:12,345 --> 00:02:13,371
Just the right amount.

24
00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:15,270
Yeah, it's like chumming
for sharks, Vince.

25
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,220
You throw enough blood
and guts in the water,

26
00:02:17,286 --> 00:02:18,790
you're bound to catch a great white.

27
00:02:18,825 --> 00:02:20,962
Yeah, except there's gonna
be 50 girls at the party

28
00:02:21,025 --> 00:02:22,891
who all show up thinking
they're your dates.

29
00:02:22,965 --> 00:02:25,841
And what happens when 50 sharks
show up looking for their goodies, E?

30
00:02:25,906 --> 00:02:27,361
Feeding frenzy.

31
00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:29,430
Whatever. We got Ari in 30. Let's roll.

32
00:02:29,507 --> 00:02:31,203
Let's do it.

33
00:02:36,488 --> 00:02:38,703
Hey.
10!

34
00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:43,533
- Last ticket.
- Our work here is done.

35
00:02:43,607 --> 00:02:44,863
Excuse me!

36
00:02:53,735 --> 00:02:56,301
Jesus Christ!
Lloyd!

37
00:03:01,666 --> 00:03:03,730
What the fuck is this?

38
00:03:03,807 --> 00:03:05,561
- Your finger.
- It's dust, Lloyd.

39
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:07,231
It's fucking dust.
Why is it here?

40
00:03:07,305 --> 00:03:10,001
The cleaning staff's on strike.
You know that.

41
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:13,232
They strike, you work. You're Asian.
You're supposed to be a neat freak.

42
00:03:13,307 --> 00:03:14,963
Go get a rag.

43
00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,962
You're nervous
Vince is coming up.

44
00:03:17,037 --> 00:03:20,431
<i>- Lloyd!
- It's the agent, Ari, not the office.</i>

45
00:03:20,506 --> 00:03:22,531
And you do have
a lovely view.

46
00:03:22,607 --> 00:03:24,460
It's West fucking
Hollywood, Lloyd!

47
00:03:24,535 --> 00:03:27,963
And what I got is nine people
in 1400 square feet.

48
00:03:28,035 --> 00:03:29,763
Now go grab a rag.
Go!

49
00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:33,660
<i>I want every desk sterile
enough for you to get trained on.</i>

50
00:03:38,336 --> 00:03:39,561
Lloyd!

51
00:03:49,635 --> 00:03:51,600
Look at this.

52
00:03:51,667 --> 00:03:53,403
What a dump.

53
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:55,332
You could use the
exercise anyway, fat boy.

54
00:03:55,407 --> 00:03:58,162
Yeah, why don't you race me
up, you 50-year- old cocksucker?

55
00:04:05,407 --> 00:04:06,132
Hey, Lloyd.

56
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,061
<i>- Hey.
- Hey, Lloyd,</i>

57
00:04:08,135 --> 00:04:10,193
you might want to tell
someone the elevator's out.

58
00:04:10,288 --> 00:04:12,501
I would tell someone,
Johnny Drama, but who?

59
00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:14,731
Do you guys need a quarter
to feed the meter?

60
00:04:14,807 --> 00:04:16,862
No, we're all good, Lloyd.

61
00:04:16,938 --> 00:04:19,200
You telling me I couldn't
be repped at this shithole?

62
00:04:19,266 --> 00:04:21,803
You've been repped at
bigger shitholes, right?

63
00:04:21,867 --> 00:04:24,630
- What's the good word, boys?
- Ari!

64
00:04:24,707 --> 00:04:26,660
<i>Hey, Ari.</i>

65
00:04:26,736 --> 00:04:29,202
Hey, the place is, uh,
it's really...

66
00:04:29,265 --> 00:04:32,031
- it's nice.
- Thanks, Drama. How're you doing?

67
00:04:32,108 --> 00:04:34,530
Still no agent.

68
00:04:34,606 --> 00:04:35,962
What do you say?

69
00:04:36,036 --> 00:04:38,362
I say that it's important
that whoever reps you

70
00:04:38,437 --> 00:04:40,131
cares about you,
right?

71
00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:43,103
- Right.
- Right. Vinnie, E, let's go.

72
00:04:44,865 --> 00:04:46,662
Awful.
Just awful.

73
00:04:46,737 --> 00:04:50,001
So boys, boys,
big week.

74
00:04:50,068 --> 00:04:53,360
Big week. The kind of week that
you will remember your whole lives.

75
00:04:53,437 --> 00:04:55,360
Like the week that you
got your first blowjob.

76
00:04:55,436 --> 00:04:57,800
Do you remember
that week? I do.

77
00:04:57,866 --> 00:04:58,891
Ninth grade.

78
00:04:58,957 --> 00:05:00,553
One of the boys on the chess team, Ari?

79
00:05:00,608 --> 00:05:03,000
Oh, E. You could never
have gotten this girl.

80
00:05:03,066 --> 00:05:06,802
Never. Beth Mariposa had a mouth

81
00:05:06,866 --> 00:05:09,122
like a Dyson vacuum.
You know, never lost suction--

82
00:05:09,216 --> 00:05:10,961
Okay, Ari, big week.
Why are we here?

83
00:05:11,025 --> 00:05:12,952
- I want to talk business.
- Okay, shoot.

84
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,933
Who are you taking to the premiere?
Shauna says you're rolling solo.

85
00:05:15,996 --> 00:05:18,101
- No, I'm gonna roll with the boys.
- No, no, no.

86
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:20,780
You're not gonna roll the red carpet
with the three musketeers.

87
00:05:20,855 --> 00:05:23,112
- Not this time.
- It's only two. I'm bringing Sloan.

88
00:05:23,175 --> 00:05:23,950
Perfect.

89
00:05:24,016 --> 00:05:26,810
Let Vinnie walk the rug with her.
She's way too hot for you anyway.

90
00:05:26,907 --> 00:05:28,160
- He's worried.
- Definitely.

91
00:05:28,236 --> 00:05:29,893
- What am I worried about?
- The movie.

92
00:05:29,986 --> 00:05:31,463
You're worried it's not gonna open.

93
00:05:31,558 --> 00:05:33,290
This is why we should've
taken a job.

94
00:05:33,385 --> 00:05:35,252
Should we have taken
another job, Ari?

95
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:37,703
You take a job after we open.
Any job you want.

96
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:40,232
He always said
"you take your next job

97
00:05:40,308 --> 00:05:42,600
- "before the last one opens."
- That was your quote.

98
00:05:42,698 --> 00:05:43,961
Yeah, but I amended that quote

99
00:05:44,056 --> 00:05:46,341
when you got James Cameron
and the biggest movie ever.

100
00:05:46,436 --> 00:05:47,942
- He's nervous.
- Definitely.

101
00:05:48,066 --> 00:05:50,462
Boys, I am not nervous.
We are all good.

102
00:05:50,537 --> 00:05:52,330
But this is the biggest
night of your life.

103
00:05:52,407 --> 00:05:54,931
This is your coming out party.
This ain't "head on."

104
00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:57,433
We want to make a statement.
A statement that says,

105
00:05:57,506 --> 00:05:59,292
"I am a man now,
not a boy."

106
00:05:59,385 --> 00:06:00,611
Come on, let's be classy.

107
00:06:00,678 --> 00:06:03,743
You've been banging every girl west
of Sepulveda for the past six months.

108
00:06:03,815 --> 00:06:06,850
Just pick the one skank that's gonna
photograph well and be done with it.

109
00:06:06,877 --> 00:06:07,502
Boom!

110
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,002
- Hey!
- That does sound classy.

111
00:06:09,128 --> 00:06:11,141
E, for the love of God,
help me out here.

112
00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:12,951
Look, I agree it's a big night. Okay?

113
00:06:13,015 --> 00:06:15,391
<i>And if you're gonna take
someone you got to be smart.</i>

114
00:06:15,545 --> 00:06:17,650
This girl's gonna be linked
to you for a long time

115
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,162
- so she's got to be premiere-worthy.
- Okay. All right.

116
00:06:20,236 --> 00:06:24,360
I just don't think any of my west
of Sepulveda skanks fit the bill.

117
00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:27,502
Bottom line, there's only
one woman in my life

118
00:06:27,566 --> 00:06:29,330
who really is premiere-worthy.

119
00:06:29,408 --> 00:06:30,900
- Who?
- Ma.

120
00:06:31,598 --> 00:06:33,303
Aquamom!

121
00:06:33,377 --> 00:06:34,930
I love it.
Boom!

122
00:06:35,006 --> 00:06:37,462
There's no way Ma's
coming to L.A., bro.

123
00:06:37,536 --> 00:06:38,843
- No way.
- We'll see.

124
00:06:38,905 --> 00:06:42,153
You've never gotten her to come before.
What makes you think she'll come now?

125
00:06:42,248 --> 00:06:43,720
- She won't.
- No way.

126
00:06:43,785 --> 00:06:45,930
- We'll see.
- Why do you keep saying we'll see?

127
00:06:46,007 --> 00:06:47,680
- I've got a plan.
- What kind of plan?

128
00:06:47,777 --> 00:06:49,432
You'll see.

129
00:06:49,506 --> 00:06:52,131
<i>Power 106,
Big Boi's Neighborhood.</i>

130
00:06:52,205 --> 00:06:55,633
Vincent Chase
is in the hood!

131
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,800
<i>The movie is "Aquaman."
Premieres Wednesday.</i>

132
00:06:58,865 --> 00:07:00,500
It's huge.
It's everywhere.

133
00:07:00,566 --> 00:07:04,501
My question to you, Vince,
is how is it?

134
00:07:04,566 --> 00:07:07,662
I begged Ma to come to my
"Viking Quest" DVD release party.

135
00:07:07,737 --> 00:07:10,630
She said no. What would
possibly get her to come to this?

136
00:07:11,938 --> 00:07:14,430
<i>Look at these two.</i>

137
00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:18,260
One on the left
is from the 50 Cent video.

138
00:07:19,478 --> 00:07:21,362
Video hos.

139
00:07:21,436 --> 00:07:23,030
I love it.

140
00:07:23,106 --> 00:07:24,901
What the fuck
are you looking at?

141
00:07:26,735 --> 00:07:29,002
I'm just playing
with you, sweetie.

142
00:07:31,907 --> 00:07:35,662
Flirty video hos.
Even better.

143
00:07:35,738 --> 00:07:38,962
- So, Big Boi, I need a favor.
- Anything for Aquaman. I got you.

144
00:07:39,032 --> 00:07:42,608
I need you to call the most
beautiful woman in the world

145
00:07:42,668 --> 00:07:44,734
and ask her if she'll be
my date for the premiere.

146
00:07:44,808 --> 00:07:47,838
That's done. Watch this. Get Halle
Berry on the phone for him, man.

147
00:07:47,907 --> 00:07:51,962
Actually, Halle Berry doesn't
even hold a candle to this woman.

148
00:07:52,035 --> 00:07:53,932
Okay, now you know--
roll him out.

149
00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:56,601
That's blasphemy. That'll
get you cut up in here.

150
00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:58,602
<i>- It's my mother.
- Okay, sorry.</i>

151
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:00,930
- Good plan.
- We'll see.

152
00:08:01,037 --> 00:08:03,631
Ma will not cave in to
public pressure. No way.

153
00:08:09,038 --> 00:08:11,763
- Hello? Yeah.
- Hello, Mrs. Chase?

154
00:08:11,856 --> 00:08:14,360
How're you doing? It's Big Boi.
You're live on the radio.

155
00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:15,860
<i>Power 106 in Los Angeles.</i>

156
00:08:15,935 --> 00:08:18,433
If I haven't won anything,
let me save you the time.

157
00:08:18,507 --> 00:08:21,663
- Hey, Ma, don't hang up.
- Vincent, is that you?

158
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,300
Yes, Ma, and we're live
so don't curse.

159
00:08:24,366 --> 00:08:25,333
Please don't curse.

160
00:08:25,428 --> 00:08:27,471
What do you mean we're live?
Don't do this to me.

161
00:08:27,638 --> 00:08:29,963
Look, I'm standing here in
a robe. Don't do this to me.

162
00:08:30,037 --> 00:08:33,060
Ma, no one can see you.
Calm down and don't curse.

163
00:08:33,136 --> 00:08:36,002
What am I, some kind of animal?
Will you please stop saying that?

164
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,703
- Is your brother with you?
- Yeah, Ma, he's outside.

165
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,232
<i>Has he gotten
any work yet?</i>

166
00:08:40,308 --> 00:08:42,260
Ma, don't worry about Johnny.
He's fine.

167
00:08:42,337 --> 00:08:46,232
We'll talk about him later.
I want to talk to you, okay?

168
00:08:46,307 --> 00:08:48,063
You're brothers?

169
00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:50,702
- Yeah.
- I'm a close cousin.

170
00:08:50,766 --> 00:08:53,432
<i>Over the radio you need to
talk to me? What are you up to?</i>

171
00:08:53,528 --> 00:08:55,561
I want you to come to the L.A.
premiere with me.

172
00:08:55,637 --> 00:08:57,962
Vincent, this is not the forum
for this discussion.

173
00:08:58,036 --> 00:09:00,131
- She is not coming.
- Of course she's not coming.

174
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:02,300
- What's the issues?
- She doesn't like to travel.

175
00:09:02,365 --> 00:09:04,273
- That's an issue.
- All right, all right.

176
00:09:04,337 --> 00:09:06,863
I don't need the whole world
thinking I'm a lunatic, Vincent.

177
00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:09,431
Look, I haven't been out
of New York in 30 years, okay?

178
00:09:09,506 --> 00:09:11,660
- She's breaking.
- Not even close.

179
00:09:11,735 --> 00:09:14,700
- And putting me live on the radio--
- Ma, you know what?

180
00:09:14,766 --> 00:09:18,603
Just forget about the 100 million
potentially heartbroken listeners

181
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:21,333
- and listen to me for a second.
- Oh, fuck, Vincent.

182
00:09:21,406 --> 00:09:22,700
Whoa, Mrs. Chase!

183
00:09:22,765 --> 00:09:25,260
<i>- Mama gangster.
- I knew she'd curse.</i>

184
00:09:25,337 --> 00:09:27,100
- That's 'cause she's breaking.
- No way.

185
00:09:27,177 --> 00:09:29,630
<i>- Ma.
- Yeah, baby?</i>

186
00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:33,003
I love you and I've never
pressured you to come out.

187
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:36,131
Not for any of my premieres,
not when I bought my house.

188
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:39,531
But I didn't realize what a big night
this was till a little while ago.

189
00:09:39,607 --> 00:09:42,332
<i>And it's important to me
that I share it with you.</i>

190
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,902
<i>So I'll send a boat,
I'll send a plane.</i>

191
00:09:44,968 --> 00:09:46,761
I'll do whatever
I have to do,

192
00:09:46,838 --> 00:09:49,902
but I want you by my side when
I walk down that red carpet.

193
00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:53,363
- This is moving shit.
- Still won't work.

194
00:09:53,437 --> 00:09:54,932
<i>- Ma?
- Vince.</i>

195
00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:58,002
- Yeah?
- All right.

196
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,032
I will do it.
I'm coming.

197
00:10:00,107 --> 00:10:00,881
<i>Yes!</i>

198
00:10:02,138 --> 00:10:04,403
You got yourself a date!

199
00:10:04,467 --> 00:10:07,661
You got yourself a date!
Got yourself a date!

200
00:10:07,735 --> 00:10:09,730
<i>You got yourself a date!</i>

201
00:10:09,806 --> 00:10:11,900
I can't believe it.

202
00:10:11,968 --> 00:10:14,160
She better come
to my next premiere.

203
00:10:14,236 --> 00:10:17,862
Hey, why don't you guys
take us to this premiere?

204
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:21,601
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.

205
00:10:21,665 --> 00:10:24,200
There's no more tickets.
What do you guys want from me?

206
00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:26,061
- We want more tickets.
- Just two.

207
00:10:26,137 --> 00:10:27,603
Don't make
a big deal out of it.

208
00:10:27,666 --> 00:10:30,602
I'm still stinging from the
knowledge that Ma favors Vince.

209
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,561
Ari gave you guys
50 tickets.

210
00:10:32,637 --> 00:10:35,162
You want more have Vince call
him and ask him. That's it.

211
00:10:35,238 --> 00:10:38,632
Vince, will you please call Ari
and ask him for two more tickets?

212
00:10:38,707 --> 00:10:41,060
<i>- No.
- Oh please, Vince!</i>

213
00:10:41,136 --> 00:10:43,501
We peaked too early.
You can't push us for that.

214
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:46,533
Yeah, how were we supposed to know
best in show would appear so late?

215
00:10:46,608 --> 00:10:50,060
Let me ask you a question:
what's so special about these two, huh?

216
00:10:50,137 --> 00:10:52,331
These two will fuck us
if we take 'em.

217
00:10:52,408 --> 00:10:54,261
- Guaranteed.
- How do you know?

218
00:10:54,338 --> 00:10:57,230
'Cause they said "if you
take us we'll fuck you".

219
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,103
Call Ari.

220
00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:03,403
Are these for Vince or are they
more for Turtle and Drama?

221
00:11:03,465 --> 00:11:06,732
<i>- They're for Vince, Ari.
- Don't lie to me, E.</i>

222
00:11:06,805 --> 00:11:09,261
Ari, your business manager's
on the phone.

223
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,831
I'm in the gym until 11:30, Lloyd.
I need two more tickets for Vince.

224
00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:14,701
We don't have any more.

225
00:11:14,766 --> 00:11:17,632
Take two from Jimmy Woods,
he never uses them all anyway.

226
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,560
Okay, but your
business manager, Ari.

227
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,631
The gym, Lloyd.
The fucking gym!

228
00:11:21,706 --> 00:11:22,771
It's pretty urgent.

229
00:11:22,868 --> 00:11:25,153
It's pretty urgent that
in the 15 minutes a day

230
00:11:25,306 --> 00:11:28,462
I have free I take the time
to keep this body fit.

231
00:11:28,537 --> 00:11:30,631
And not just so you have
a great ass to look at--

232
00:11:30,705 --> 00:11:32,361
I want to live.

233
00:11:32,436 --> 00:11:35,730
Ari, he says you bounced
a check to your kids' school.

234
00:11:39,305 --> 00:11:43,260
So you'll just send
those tickets over, Ari?

235
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,900
Thanks.

236
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:49,661
Okay, no wonder everyone at the
book drive was staring at me.

237
00:11:49,736 --> 00:11:51,803
They were staring at you
because you're hot, okay?

238
00:11:51,866 --> 00:11:53,701
Look at all the other
mommies. They're ugly.

239
00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:55,731
This is so humiliating.

240
00:11:55,806 --> 00:11:58,233
I had no idea we were in
this bad of trouble, Ari.

241
00:11:58,308 --> 00:12:00,100
Look, it's not like
this was tuition.

242
00:12:00,165 --> 00:12:01,932
This was our
charitable donation.

243
00:12:02,006 --> 00:12:05,231
25,000-bucks-a-year tuition
so a six-year-old

244
00:12:05,306 --> 00:12:08,563
can play with blocks and they
still want a charitable donation?

245
00:12:08,636 --> 00:12:10,391
I mean, this won't
even affect our kids.

246
00:12:10,455 --> 00:12:12,531
We'll never have to see
the kids this affects.

247
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,630
Ari, tell me
what you need now.

248
00:12:14,705 --> 00:12:17,103
Now that you ask, we've got
to pay off the staff,

249
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:19,502
<i>- we've got rent on the office--
- What's the number?</i>

250
00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:20,961
<i>- I need 100 grand.
- Jesus!</i>

251
00:12:21,035 --> 00:12:23,561
Come on, baby.
I'm on fumes here.

252
00:12:23,637 --> 00:12:27,030
<i>It'll float me until I get
the settlement from Terrance.</i>

253
00:12:27,106 --> 00:12:30,701
Well, I have dipped into my
personal savings five times already.

254
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,603
What's mine is yours.

255
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:35,662
- Sell your car.
- Sell your fucking watch.

256
00:12:35,736 --> 00:12:37,700
You eat at the palm
four nights a week.

257
00:12:37,766 --> 00:12:39,862
Do I ever order the lobster?

258
00:12:39,936 --> 00:12:42,800
No, I order the gigi salad
and I sign clients.

259
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,831
Honey, the master plan
is happening here.

260
00:12:44,905 --> 00:12:47,803
The seeds have been planted all
over this town. You know that.

261
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:50,101
Honey, they just need
a little water.

262
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:52,402
You keep telling me that
but when are they gonna grow?

263
00:12:52,465 --> 00:12:54,771
Vinnie opens on Friday.
He is the first seed to bloom.

264
00:12:54,838 --> 00:12:57,002
He's gonna be the biggest
movie star on the planet.

265
00:12:57,065 --> 00:12:59,060
- You know that.
- No, Ari. I don't.

266
00:12:59,135 --> 00:13:01,411
Well, you need to know
that I know that, okay?

267
00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:04,391
And you need to trust me the way
you trust your daddy's trust fund.

268
00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:06,662
<i>All right? You call
them personal savings</i>

269
00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:09,362
- but you haven't saved shit personally.
- Whatever, Ari.

270
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,230
My father put that money
aside for me

271
00:13:11,297 --> 00:13:13,583
in case something happened
to us and it's almost gone.

272
00:13:13,646 --> 00:13:16,543
But we're still here and I could've
banged Heidi Klum when she was 23

273
00:13:16,636 --> 00:13:19,381
but I took a pass, okay? What the
fuck is gonna make me leave now?

274
00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:21,261
You could die.

275
00:13:21,337 --> 00:13:22,932
You'd like that,
wouldn't you?

276
00:13:23,005 --> 00:13:26,761
Not until I saw that the life
insurance check didn't bounce.

277
00:13:30,336 --> 00:13:31,932
Oh, what do you
think about this?

278
00:13:32,006 --> 00:13:34,432
Oh, I like it.
Ma would look great in that.

279
00:13:34,507 --> 00:13:36,901
What about this?

280
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:40,263
- Look how excited you are.
- Does that make me a pussy?

281
00:13:40,337 --> 00:13:42,933
No, it makes you a man.
And a very handsome one.

282
00:13:43,007 --> 00:13:44,960
- Now what size is she?
- I don't know. E?

283
00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:48,203
A: I don't know women's dress sizes
and B: I don't look at your mom's body.

284
00:13:48,265 --> 00:13:50,702
You don't?
I look at your mom's.

285
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:52,563
Shut the fuck up.

286
00:13:52,638 --> 00:13:54,933
We'll take this whole
rack in different sizes.

287
00:13:55,006 --> 00:13:57,262
Nice when you're on
commissions, huh, sweetheart?

288
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,932
Now let's go find me a dress
that makes my tits pop.

289
00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:02,423
Jeez, and you have me
walking up.

290
00:14:02,527 --> 00:14:04,110
Do you know how much
these shoes cost?

291
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:07,163
Of course I know how much they cost,
Stephanie. I fucking paid for them.

292
00:14:07,227 --> 00:14:10,021
And you told me I was gonna meet
Jim Cameron. When did that happen?

293
00:14:10,085 --> 00:14:11,023
Oh, it's Jim now.

294
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,893
We were supposed
to have lunch last week.

295
00:14:13,015 --> 00:14:14,850
<i>- Jim Cameron, I love that.
- You know what?</i>

296
00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:17,501
Now where are we?
This fucking place.

297
00:14:19,236 --> 00:14:21,332
- This way.
- How do you know?

298
00:14:21,405 --> 00:14:23,102
- I don't know.
- Yeah, you don't know.

299
00:14:23,225 --> 00:14:24,702
Please.

300
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,802
Fucking elevator's broken,
Lloyd. Are you aware of that?

301
00:14:28,866 --> 00:14:30,661
Yes.
Hi, Mr. Woods.

302
00:14:30,725 --> 00:14:33,001
So this is the shithole he's
been working out of, huh?

303
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,660
<i>- You haven't been up here yet?
- No,</i>

304
00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:36,961
He's hiding this place
like Anne Frank.

305
00:14:37,036 --> 00:14:40,033
- Um...
- Hey, get your own girlfriend.

306
00:14:40,108 --> 00:14:42,930
Mr. Woods, did you get
your premiere tickets?

307
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,862
Some of them, Lloyd.
Some.

308
00:14:51,706 --> 00:14:53,960
- Hello?
- Johnny Drama,

309
00:14:54,036 --> 00:14:56,260
it seems that we made
a terrible mistake.

310
00:14:56,336 --> 00:14:59,133
The tickets we sent you yesterday
actually belong to James Woods.

311
00:14:59,205 --> 00:15:02,303
Oh yeah?
That sucks.

312
00:15:02,366 --> 00:15:04,861
Uh, yes, it sucks.
And I need them back.

313
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,360
- No go.
- Fuck that.

314
00:15:07,437 --> 00:15:09,060
Uh, Johnny--

315
00:15:09,135 --> 00:15:11,401
Lloyd, possession
is two-fifths of the law.

316
00:15:11,465 --> 00:15:13,730
- Just get Woods two more.
- Turtle, there are no more

317
00:15:13,806 --> 00:15:16,962
and Mr. James Woods is very
unhappy and he wants them back.

318
00:15:17,036 --> 00:15:20,202
Sorry, bro, but
you tell Jimmy Woods--

319
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:22,061
and this is coming
from me personally--

320
00:15:22,136 --> 00:15:24,093
if he wants them
he can come and get them.

321
00:15:27,206 --> 00:15:29,800
Fuck Jimmy Woods.

322
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,860
I heard.

323
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,760
This is for your
premiere date?

324
00:15:38,835 --> 00:15:41,041
- He's taking his mother.
- Oh, that's really sweet.

325
00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:43,540
I don't know, I can't decide.
Should I just take them all?

326
00:15:43,605 --> 00:15:45,861
<i>Yeah, if you're desperate
for frequent flyer mileage.</i>

327
00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:47,631
I'm gonna take them all.

328
00:15:47,706 --> 00:15:50,760
Uh, here,
take my card too.

329
00:15:50,836 --> 00:15:52,333
In case you need
anything else.

330
00:15:52,407 --> 00:15:54,700
Why don't you just say
what you really mean, hon?

331
00:15:55,837 --> 00:15:57,032
Hello?

332
00:15:57,107 --> 00:15:59,003
Eric, it's your other mother.

333
00:15:59,066 --> 00:16:01,363
Hey, Rita.
Why aren't you on the plane?

334
00:16:01,437 --> 00:16:04,060
- Eric, is Vince with you?
- Yeah, are you okay?

335
00:16:04,135 --> 00:16:06,401
<i>- Hold on.
- No, don't get him. Don't get him.</i>

336
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,132
Look, I'm at the airport.
I can't do it.

337
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:12,430
<i>I can't get on the plane. I've been
sitting in the limo for over an hour.</i>

338
00:16:12,507 --> 00:16:15,133
- Did you miss your flight?
- Honey, I'm not coming.

339
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,361
- Hold-- let me put Vince on.
- No don't, please.

340
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:21,262
I just can't have him guilt-tripping
me about this right now.

341
00:16:21,337 --> 00:16:23,702
Tell him I love him.
Tell him I miss him.

342
00:16:23,766 --> 00:16:26,032
- Tell him to wear a suit.
- Rita!

343
00:16:26,105 --> 00:16:28,131
Tell him I'm very sorry.
Bye bye.

344
00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:32,201
- Ari?
- No, it was you mother.

345
00:16:32,268 --> 00:16:34,400
She's not on the plane?

346
00:16:44,106 --> 00:16:47,330
Sweetie, just calm, okay?

347
00:16:47,408 --> 00:16:49,502
Of course.

348
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:05,802
Holy shit, it's Woods.

349
00:17:05,865 --> 00:17:08,531
- Hey, Drama, it's Jimmy Woods.
- What?

350
00:17:12,636 --> 00:17:15,162
- Hello?
- Hey, Drama, hey.

351
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,603
Hey, it's Jimmy Woods.

352
00:17:17,665 --> 00:17:19,501
I need my tickets.

353
00:17:19,565 --> 00:17:21,631
Uh, what tickets, Jimmy?

354
00:17:23,568 --> 00:17:27,163
Drama, look, I got a--
I got a big day for the--

355
00:17:27,237 --> 00:17:29,533
you know,
I got to get a facial.

356
00:17:29,606 --> 00:17:31,362
Just give me
the fucking tickets.

357
00:17:31,437 --> 00:17:33,302
- Uh...
- No.

358
00:17:33,365 --> 00:17:34,003
No.

359
00:17:39,207 --> 00:17:43,032
How about-- how about
you got five seconds

360
00:17:43,106 --> 00:17:47,202
to give me
my fucking tickets?

361
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:48,052
Five.

362
00:17:49,108 --> 00:17:50,802
Or what?

363
00:17:50,867 --> 00:17:54,233
You gonna huff and puff
and blow the house down?

364
00:17:54,305 --> 00:17:56,733
How about I'm gonna knock
this fucking door down

365
00:17:56,808 --> 00:17:59,663
and come in there and shove
your head up Turtle's ass?

366
00:17:59,736 --> 00:18:03,632
Give me my fucking tickets!
You got five seconds!

367
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:04,900
Five!

368
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,233
You pussy.

369
00:18:27,305 --> 00:18:29,233
A clever pussy.

370
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:32,030
There are no tickets
in that envelope.

371
00:18:32,108 --> 00:18:35,500
Wow. Sneaky sneaky.

372
00:18:35,568 --> 00:18:38,133
- Fuck with me, huh?
- Just remember your blood pressure.

373
00:18:38,207 --> 00:18:40,301
No, don't-- ah, my blood
pressure up the ass, okay?

374
00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:42,630
I've got medicine. I've
got medicine for this shit.

375
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:45,831
I've got so many fucking pills I
feel like I'm working for Pfizer.

376
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,760
- Come here.
- All right.

377
00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:52,660
Hey, I'll see you tomorrow
night, Vince! And up your ass!

378
00:19:00,838 --> 00:19:02,630
I've got it.
Jessica Biel.

379
00:19:02,705 --> 00:19:06,133
- Take Jessica Biel, Vince.
- I don't know Jessica Biel, Turtle.

380
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:08,630
So get to know her
and get to bang her.

381
00:19:08,707 --> 00:19:11,430
- Or get to know her so I can bang her.
- Okay, I'll do my best.

382
00:19:11,497 --> 00:19:13,300
You don't want to take
someone famous, bro.

383
00:19:13,365 --> 00:19:14,241
Why not?

384
00:19:14,305 --> 00:19:17,141
They'll overshadow him.
I learned that from Tom sizemore

385
00:19:17,206 --> 00:19:19,920
when he brought Heidi Fleiss to
the "Black Hawk Down" premiere.

386
00:19:20,017 --> 00:19:22,483
Bringing a hooker's probably
not a good idea either, Drama.

387
00:19:22,546 --> 00:19:24,100
I wasn't going with Ma
for the press

388
00:19:24,168 --> 00:19:26,240
and I'm not going with
anybody else for the press.

389
00:19:26,318 --> 00:19:28,531
I'll go by myself.
It's not that big a deal.

390
00:19:28,607 --> 00:19:31,403
Thanks for dinner, Johnny.
I'm gonna go get changed.

391
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:33,402
Meeting the
jewelry store girl.

392
00:19:35,135 --> 00:19:37,161
He's bummed.

393
00:19:37,236 --> 00:19:38,311
He loves strawberries.

394
00:19:38,436 --> 00:19:40,932
Ma must be bummed too.
She's missing something big.

395
00:19:41,036 --> 00:19:43,760
Nah, Ma doesn't care
if she misses things

396
00:19:43,836 --> 00:19:46,760
as long as no one else
she knows catches her.

397
00:19:46,838 --> 00:19:48,901
Ma can be very petty.

398
00:19:53,508 --> 00:19:55,902
What?
What's with the look?

399
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:02,272
<i>- I've got a plan.
- What, now he's got a plan?</i>

400
00:20:02,366 --> 00:20:04,082
For my Ma, everyone's
got a plan.

401
00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:06,601
I hope you're not thinking
what I hope you're not thinking.

402
00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:08,211
What do you hope
he's not thinking?

403
00:20:09,238 --> 00:20:12,302
- Make the call to her.
- I'm not making the call.

404
00:20:12,365 --> 00:20:15,320
I'm making the call, you're making
the call. Now make the fucking call.

405
00:20:15,418 --> 00:20:17,863
<i>- What call?
- This will ruin the whole night.</i>

406
00:20:17,937 --> 00:20:21,033
It's not your night, it's
Vince's night. Make the call.

407
00:20:21,106 --> 00:20:22,332
Fuck.

408
00:20:23,267 --> 00:20:26,460
- What time is it back east?
- 10:30.

409
00:20:28,808 --> 00:20:31,202
Will someone please
tell me how you did this?

410
00:20:31,266 --> 00:20:32,401
Oh, quit your whining.

411
00:20:32,475 --> 00:20:35,271
Seriously, what do you want
to ruin the surprise for?

412
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:38,803
Just worry about how you're gonna
get Ma to my next big event, bro.

413
00:20:38,867 --> 00:20:41,961
The good news is you'll have
plenty of time to plan for that one.

414
00:20:42,037 --> 00:20:44,571
You're funny.

415
00:20:45,736 --> 00:20:47,452
Ma! Ma!

416
00:20:47,965 --> 00:20:50,732
I can't believe this.
How did you do it?

417
00:20:50,805 --> 00:20:51,802
Holy shit!

418
00:20:56,237 --> 00:20:58,792
Ms. Jericho!

419
00:20:59,106 --> 00:21:00,902
Yeah, it's real funny.

420
00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:03,530
Best pussy night of the year
and we just destroyed it.

421
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,770
Hey, Ma!

422
00:21:14,265 --> 00:21:16,850
Always hugs him first.
I am your firstborn, Ma.

423
00:21:16,947 --> 00:21:18,243
Did you bring a dress, Ma?

424
00:21:18,308 --> 00:21:20,083
No, I'm gonna wear this
on the red carpet.

425
00:21:20,176 --> 00:21:22,232
- Fucking idiot.
- Nice way to travel, isn't it?

426
00:21:22,308 --> 00:21:24,462
Yeah, but where is Sloan?
I'm dying to meet her.

427
00:21:24,536 --> 00:21:27,360
Soon, mom, soon. You're gonna
meet her tonight at the premiere.

428
00:21:27,438 --> 00:21:29,702
I'm glad I came.
This is gonna be fun.

429
00:21:37,738 --> 00:21:40,263
- Limo's coming at 6:30.
- I'll be back.

430
00:21:40,338 --> 00:21:41,800
Pick up my suit
from the tailor?

431
00:21:41,866 --> 00:21:43,961
I'm going to the fucking
tailor, all right?

432
00:21:44,038 --> 00:21:47,131
<i>So I can pick up the new $5,000
suit that I fucking paid for.</i>

433
00:21:51,838 --> 00:21:53,963
What? I've heard
a lot worse

434
00:21:54,036 --> 00:21:56,400
come out of your
wife's mouth, Phil!

435
00:22:28,877 --> 00:22:30,651
When you're doing
a comic book character

436
00:22:30,736 --> 00:22:33,461
it's even more critical that
everything be absolutely real.

437
00:22:33,538 --> 00:22:36,760
So we had to devise a way for
Vince to really breathe underwater.

438
00:22:36,836 --> 00:22:39,633
<i>- Turtle, Drama!
- Hey!</i>

439
00:22:39,708 --> 00:22:41,793
- Do you have our tickets?
- We couldn't get 'em.

440
00:22:41,886 --> 00:22:44,473
- Who's that animal?
- What do you mean you couldn't get 'em?

441
00:22:44,565 --> 00:22:46,333
I just got my hair
pressed for this shit.

442
00:22:46,405 --> 00:22:49,200
Next time, ladies,
next time.

443
00:22:49,265 --> 00:22:52,731
I play Avedon, a brutal
and corrupt businessman

444
00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:54,533
hellbent on
world domination,

445
00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:58,631
so I'm not sure how I really
identify with such a character.

446
00:22:58,706 --> 00:23:02,463
Oh hey! Whoa, look
at this! Look at this.

447
00:23:02,537 --> 00:23:05,331
Now here's the real star
of the Chase family,

448
00:23:05,408 --> 00:23:08,162
Johnny Chase, huh?
Johnny Chase.

449
00:23:08,237 --> 00:23:10,933
God, this guy--
did you ever see "Viking Quest," huh?

450
00:23:11,008 --> 00:23:13,731
Well, you're probably too
young. I love this guy!

451
00:23:13,805 --> 00:23:16,060
Johnny Chase,
nice to see you.

452
00:23:16,137 --> 00:23:18,001
<i>Okay, buddy,
take it easy.</i>

453
00:23:18,066 --> 00:23:20,560
- Big movie, you look handsome.
- Thank you very much,

454
00:23:20,635 --> 00:23:22,363
- and you look lovely.
- Thank you.

455
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:25,160
- So tell me: how do you feel?
- Oh, I feel great.

456
00:23:25,235 --> 00:23:27,463
I'm so proud to be
part of this movie

457
00:23:27,538 --> 00:23:30,330
and James Cameron is simply
a genius. What can I say?

458
00:23:30,405 --> 00:23:32,803
Yes, he is. He's coming
up right behind you.

459
00:23:32,865 --> 00:23:34,762
Okay, don't party
too late tonight.

460
00:23:34,837 --> 00:23:37,803
If they don't like the movie,
reshoots 8:00 am tomorrow.

461
00:23:37,867 --> 00:23:38,791
Okay.

462
00:23:38,916 --> 00:23:41,702
- He's serious too.
- Go get 'em, Vinnie.

463
00:23:41,766 --> 00:23:45,400
<i>- He looks good out there.
- He's gonna be a huge star.</i>

464
00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:47,900
- You really believe that?
- I know it.

465
00:23:47,967 --> 00:23:51,302
<i>- Vincent, over here!
- I trust you.</i>

466
00:23:51,366 --> 00:23:53,080
- But still no lobsters.
- I love you.

467
00:24:09,076 --> 00:24:11,952
Subtitles: Lemonhead & Raceman
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