1 00:00:09,364 --> 00:00:14,015 In the greatest Seattle area, the number is 555-KACL. 2 00:00:14,169 --> 00:00:16,646 We've got a number of lines open, so please give us a call. 3 00:00:16,647 --> 00:00:17,804 Now who's up next, Roz? 4 00:00:17,805 --> 00:00:19,528 We have Pan on line four. 5 00:00:19,529 --> 00:00:21,378 She's having a problem with her family. 6 00:00:21,379 --> 00:00:25,235 Hello, Pam. This is Dr. Frasier Crane; I'm listening 7 00:00:25,864 --> 00:00:27,594 Hi. It's my in-laws. 8 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:28,923 It's just that, well... 9 00:00:29,657 --> 00:00:31,866 they drop over all the time without calling first, 10 00:00:32,024 --> 00:00:34,312 and then expect us to stop what we're doing and entertain them. 11 00:00:34,313 --> 00:00:36,962 Well, they're your husband's parents - what does he suggest? 12 00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:42,070 The other day, he had us drop to the floor and stay quiet until they drove away. 13 00:00:44,789 --> 00:00:48,417 A creative approach, but hardly a long-term solution. 14 00:00:48,863 --> 00:00:50,379 Well I, I thought about saying something, 15 00:00:50,380 --> 00:00:51,881 but I'm afraid I'll hurt their feelings. 16 00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:53,530 Well, then you have a choice 17 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,369 Either you risk hurting their feelings, 18 00:00:55,370 --> 00:01:00,739 or you spend the rest of your life diving for cover whenever they happen to drop on by... 19 00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:02,758 Shhh! They're here! 20 00:01:05,305 --> 00:01:08,690 - Who... your in-laws? -Shh! Yes. 21 00:01:08,691 --> 00:01:10,963 Well then, why don't you just take this opportunity to... 22 00:01:10,964 --> 00:01:11,890 Oh, for pete's sake! 23 00:01:11,891 --> 00:01:14,154 Why don't you just tell them how you feel? 24 00:01:14,155 --> 00:01:17,539 Okay! Okay. I will next time, I promise! Thanks, Dr. Crane. 25 00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:20,416 Yes... ah, well, 26 00:01:20,417 --> 00:01:23,310 as, er, Pam belly-crawls across her living room, 27 00:01:25,096 --> 00:01:27,437 let's take a moment for this message from... 28 00:01:27,438 --> 00:01:29,361 "Carpet Fresh". 29 00:01:29,911 --> 00:01:31,075 How's that for a segue? 30 00:01:37,489 --> 00:01:39,146 I just don't think it's very smart 31 00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:41,129 to make rude gestures at other drivers! 32 00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:42,229 He cut you off! 33 00:01:42,230 --> 00:01:43,719 That doesn't matter! 34 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,655 You, you do not antagonize a man whose bumper sticker says, 35 00:01:46,656 --> 00:01:49,078 "If you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you!" 36 00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:52,750 Big talk from a Volvo. 37 00:01:54,272 --> 00:01:56,137 I see you've found yourself a new suit. 38 00:01:56,138 --> 00:01:57,854 Oh, wait till you see it, Daph - it's a beaut! 39 00:01:57,855 --> 00:01:59,208 Let's have a look! 40 00:01:59,209 --> 00:02:00,779 Oh, can't let you see it on the hanger, 41 00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:02,028 I'll model it for you! 42 00:02:02,029 --> 00:02:05,268 What a nice son you are, buying your father a new suit. 43 00:02:05,463 --> 00:02:08,033 Well, it didn't quite work out the way I planned, but er... 44 00:02:09,048 --> 00:02:10,242 Daphne, what are you doing? 45 00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:11,578 Fluffing your knickers. 46 00:02:13,681 --> 00:02:15,573 If you don't mind my saying so, 47 00:02:15,965 --> 00:02:18,341 you're losing some of your elasticity. 48 00:02:19,066 --> 00:02:20,752 Well, I appreciate everything you're doing, Daphne, 49 00:02:20,753 --> 00:02:22,299 but a man's knickers are certainly... 50 00:02:24,158 --> 00:02:25,407 Ooh... 51 00:02:28,150 --> 00:02:29,556 How'd you get them so... soft? 52 00:02:29,557 --> 00:02:32,574 Fabric softener and twice through the fluff cycle. 53 00:02:32,575 --> 00:02:34,682 Oh, well keep up the good work! 54 00:02:35,878 --> 00:02:36,913 Hello? 55 00:02:37,169 --> 00:02:38,319 Yes. Oh, hi Niles. 56 00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:40,012 Well, of course you can come by! 57 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,204 Great! I'll, I'll see you there! 58 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,335 Hi Niles, good to see you! 59 00:02:51,336 --> 00:02:52,577 Thanks for calling first. 60 00:02:52,578 --> 00:02:54,026 Well, I heard you show today. 61 00:02:54,027 --> 00:02:56,303 - I wouldn't dream of popping by unannounced. - Ahhh... 62 00:02:57,517 --> 00:03:00,100 Actually, I was in the neighborhood, and I've come to beg for a favor. 63 00:03:00,101 --> 00:03:03,836 Er, my housekeeper Mary is a very big fan of your little radio program. 64 00:03:03,837 --> 00:03:04,637 Is she? 65 00:03:04,638 --> 00:03:05,521 Yes. Well, 66 00:03:05,522 --> 00:03:07,638 what she lacks in taste, she makes up for in vigor. 67 00:03:09,547 --> 00:03:11,200 She'd like an autographed photo. 68 00:03:11,201 --> 00:03:12,212 Oh, well, it'd be my pleasure. 69 00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:15,107 Daphne, this is my brother Niles. 70 00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:18,798 You're Daphne? 71 00:03:19,321 --> 00:03:20,660 Why, yes I am 72 00:03:20,661 --> 00:03:22,001 Well, I... 73 00:03:22,108 --> 00:03:24,160 When Frasier told me he'd hired an Englishwoman, 74 00:03:24,161 --> 00:03:25,674 I pictured someone a little more... 75 00:03:26,675 --> 00:03:27,553 not quite so... 76 00:03:29,147 --> 00:03:30,358 You're Daphne? 77 00:03:31,814 --> 00:03:33,236 It's nice to meet you. 78 00:03:33,758 --> 00:03:35,853 Well, what a lovely accent. Is that, er, Manchester? 79 00:03:35,854 --> 00:03:36,818 Yes. How'd you know? 80 00:03:36,819 --> 00:03:38,447 Oh, ha! I'm quite the anglophile; 81 00:03:38,448 --> 00:03:40,324 I'm sure Frasier and dad have already told you. 82 00:03:40,325 --> 00:03:42,185 No, they didn't mention it. 83 00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:43,979 Ah... you undoubtedly guessed as much 84 00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:46,032 when they said I'd spent a year studying at Cambridge. 85 00:03:46,424 --> 00:03:48,452 No, they didn't mention that, either. 86 00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:53,211 I guess my father and brother don't spend a lot of time talking about me when I'm not around! 87 00:03:53,869 --> 00:03:55,283 Oh, I wouldn't say that... 88 00:03:56,918 --> 00:03:59,650 Niles, here's your picture... 89 00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:00,952 DO YOU MIND?! 90 00:04:03,839 --> 00:04:06,974 "Mary, here's wishing you good mental health: Frasier Crane." 91 00:04:10,005 --> 00:04:11,366 Fits like a glove. 92 00:04:12,061 --> 00:04:15,828 - Hi, Niles! - Hey, dad... wow. 93 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,280 How do I look? 94 00:04:18,898 --> 00:04:19,665 Wow 95 00:04:22,215 --> 00:04:25,251 Dr. Crane took you father shopping to Armani this afternoon. 96 00:04:25,252 --> 00:04:26,632 You got that at Armani? 97 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,136 Just like I told you, Frasier 98 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:29,554 he can't tell the difference. 99 00:04:33,192 --> 00:04:35,242 Well, we were on our way to Armani, 100 00:04:35,243 --> 00:04:38,284 when dad spotted this in the window of a discount clothing store. 101 00:04:38,635 --> 00:04:39,914 It's sharkskin! 102 00:04:39,915 --> 00:04:42,123 Look at the way it changes color when I move my arm! 103 00:04:44,699 --> 00:04:47,745 You're going to be the handsomest gent at your friend's retirement party. 104 00:04:47,989 --> 00:04:50,776 Now come on, let's go and hang it up before it gets wrinkled. 105 00:04:50,777 --> 00:04:52,323 Oh, it's supposed to resist wrinkles. 106 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,852 They had one in the display window winded up inside a mayonnaise jar! 107 00:04:59,528 --> 00:05:00,999 Frasier, is he our real father? 108 00:05:02,246 --> 00:05:03,221 Now don't start that again 109 00:05:03,222 --> 00:05:05,208 we've been having this discussion since we were children. 110 00:05:08,137 --> 00:05:09,165 But that suit! 111 00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:11,168 Well, it's not just the suit, it's, 112 00:05:11,169 --> 00:05:12,965 it's his taste in everything! 113 00:05:12,966 --> 00:05:14,663 Clothing, films, music... 114 00:05:15,047 --> 00:05:17,930 Outside of our last name and abnormally well-developed calf muscles, 115 00:05:17,931 --> 00:05:19,344 we have nothing in common with the man. 116 00:05:20,679 --> 00:05:22,571 Well, thank goodness we took after mum. 117 00:05:22,837 --> 00:05:24,843 So how come he didn't acquire any of her... 118 00:05:24,844 --> 00:05:26,022 sophistication? 119 00:05:26,023 --> 00:05:28,332 Well, maybe he was too busy working his tail off... 120 00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:30,710 - ...so that we could have the nicer things. - Mmm. 121 00:05:30,987 --> 00:05:33,957 You know Niles, maybe it's time we tried to pay him back in some way. 122 00:05:34,119 --> 00:05:36,929 Expose him to some of the finer things, 123 00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:41,877 so that he stop lumbering through life like some great polyester dinosaur. 124 00:05:43,248 --> 00:05:45,385 I don't know. Dad's so set in his ways. 125 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:46,887 Well, we all are at some point in our lives. 126 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:47,978 Remember when you used to think 127 00:05:47,979 --> 00:05:50,831 the 1812 Overture was a great piece of classical music? 128 00:05:51,503 --> 00:05:52,551 Was I ever that young? 129 00:05:58,154 --> 00:06:01,401 Well, you and I have to broaden dad's horizons. 130 00:06:01,857 --> 00:06:04,715 Show him the world that he'd only read about in TV guide. 131 00:06:06,539 --> 00:06:07,890 How about an evening of fine dining? 132 00:06:07,891 --> 00:06:09,839 Perfect... but where? 133 00:06:10,628 --> 00:06:12,435 Le Cigare Volant! 134 00:06:12,436 --> 00:06:14,493 Hah! 135 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,574 But can we really get in? I been trying for months. 136 00:06:17,575 --> 00:06:18,114 Oh, please. 137 00:06:18,115 --> 00:06:20,676 Niles, you're forgetting the cache my name carries in this time. 138 00:06:20,677 --> 00:06:21,764 Actually, I'm not. 139 00:06:21,765 --> 00:06:23,890 If the maitre d' happens to be a housewife, we're in. 140 00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:28,500 Niles, you are so mean. 141 00:06:30,217 --> 00:06:31,367 I'll just call information. 142 00:06:31,368 --> 00:06:33,942 - Oh, no need; I have it on speed dial. - Oh. 143 00:06:35,476 --> 00:06:36,075 Thank you 144 00:06:36,954 --> 00:06:39,323 Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. 145 00:06:39,805 --> 00:06:41,651 Yes, the one on the radio. 146 00:06:42,262 --> 00:06:48,947 Say... any chance of, er, getting a table for four on Saturday at, et, say... eight, hmm? 147 00:06:49,563 --> 00:06:51,047 Merci, a bientôt! 148 00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:52,366 Ah! We're in! 149 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,039 Niles, can I get you a beer? 150 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,333 Some pork rinds? 151 00:06:56,856 --> 00:06:58,529 No thanks, Em... 152 00:06:58,530 --> 00:07:07,372 Dad, Niles and I and Maris would like you to join us for Saturday night at, Le Cigare Volante 153 00:07:07,373 --> 00:07:09,006 it's one of the hottest new restaurants in town. 154 00:07:09,007 --> 00:07:11,215 Ah, gee, I don't know... 155 00:07:11,216 --> 00:07:12,662 Oh, oh-oh-oh, the food is to die for! 156 00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:15,121 Niles, you country and your family are to die for, 157 00:07:15,122 --> 00:07:16,333 food is to eat. 158 00:07:17,487 --> 00:07:20,002 Look, I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn't like it. 159 00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:21,589 Oh dad, how do you know if you don't try it? 160 00:07:21,590 --> 00:07:24,888 Well, I didn't have to get shot in the hip wih a 38 to know I wouldn't like that. 161 00:07:25,916 --> 00:07:26,814 Yes, but, dad, 162 00:07:26,815 --> 00:07:30,117 It'll give us a chance to have an evening all together as a family. 163 00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:32,072 You know, Niles and I really want to do this for you. 164 00:07:34,347 --> 00:07:35,536 Oh... alright. 165 00:07:37,071 --> 00:07:38,354 We're gonna have the best time! 166 00:07:38,355 --> 00:07:41,181 Hey - it'll give me a chance to wear my suit again, too. 167 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,785 And won't that be nice? 168 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:49,889 So, how do the calls look today? 169 00:07:50,194 --> 00:07:52,302 Well, we've got a couple of jilted lovers, 170 00:07:52,303 --> 00:07:53,695 a man who's afraid of his car, 171 00:07:53,696 --> 00:07:54,997 a manic depressive, 172 00:07:54,998 --> 00:07:57,202 and three people who feel their lives are going nowhere. 173 00:07:57,203 --> 00:07:58,257 Oh, I love a monday. 174 00:07:59,991 --> 00:08:01,313 So how was you weekend? 175 00:08:01,431 --> 00:08:03,994 I had the most hellacious date of my life. 176 00:08:04,436 --> 00:08:06,388 First, he asks me to pick him up from work. 177 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:10,751 Then, I stop for gas - I have to pump it myself while he sits there reading the sports section. 178 00:08:11,416 --> 00:08:14,654 So I take him back to my place and make him my famous sweet and sour shrimp; 179 00:08:14,655 --> 00:08:16,991 I'm in the middle of cooking, I ask him to hand me the honey, 180 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:23,024 and he gets this freaked-out look on his face and says he can't because he has a deathly fear of touching anything sticky. 181 00:08:25,754 --> 00:08:28,648 I told him it was a new jar, but he didn't want to take any risks. 182 00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:30,977 Roz, where do you meet these people? 183 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,328 I answered his ad! 184 00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:37,319 You got thirty seconds - you'd better get in there. 185 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:38,439 - Not yet. - Oh, no... 186 00:08:38,744 --> 00:08:39,740 Roz, are you ready? 187 00:08:39,741 --> 00:08:41,145 Don't make me do this... 188 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,434 Come on, we do this every Monday! 189 00:08:42,435 --> 00:08:44,340 You do this every Monday. I play along! 190 00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:45,484 Come on! 191 00:08:46,661 --> 00:08:48,553 Who's got the best talk show in Seattle? 192 00:08:48,554 --> 00:08:50,093 We do. We do. 193 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:51,046 Alright! 194 00:09:03,007 --> 00:09:06,449 We-ell! Aren't you a bobby dazzler? 195 00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:08,779 Well, I'll go out on a limb and take that as a compliment. 196 00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:12,522 Where are you off to? 197 00:09:12,523 --> 00:09:14,037 I'm going to poker night. 198 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,047 I wouldn't have pegged you as a card player. 199 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,545 It's mostly social. 200 00:09:18,546 --> 00:09:20,986 Me and the girls just bumping the gums. 201 00:09:21,997 --> 00:09:25,376 No-one ever loses more than five or six hundred dollars. 202 00:09:27,454 --> 00:09:28,689 - Hi, Niles! - Hello. 203 00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:29,630 Where's Maris? 204 00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,370 Are you two taking separate elevators again? 205 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:32,334 Oh, no. 206 00:09:32,335 --> 00:09:35,102 - I'm afraid Maris is having one of her episodes. - Ah... 207 00:09:35,645 --> 00:09:36,844 In the middle of dressing for the evening, 208 00:09:36,845 --> 00:09:40,350 she suddenly slumped down on the edge of the bed in her half-slip and sighed. 209 00:09:41,766 --> 00:09:43,939 Course, I knew then and there that dinner was not to be. 210 00:09:43,940 --> 00:09:45,106 I'm sorry. 211 00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:47,065 Yes, well, I'll just have to make the best of it... 212 00:09:47,066 --> 00:09:49,325 Hi-ho, Daphne, you're looking luminous this evening! 213 00:09:51,176 --> 00:09:52,710 Why thank you, Dr. Crane. 214 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,314 What's in the bag? 215 00:09:54,315 --> 00:09:56,367 Er, just a little treat I picked up for dad: 216 00:09:56,368 --> 00:09:58,146 some Devonshire Clotted Cream. 217 00:09:59,034 --> 00:09:59,932 For... dad? 218 00:10:00,753 --> 00:10:02,328 I love Devonshire Clotted Cream. 219 00:10:02,642 --> 00:10:04,315 Isn't that lucky - you two can share it. 220 00:10:04,526 --> 00:10:06,454 I'll just go and pop this in the fridge. 221 00:10:08,322 --> 00:10:09,820 - Sherry, Niles? - Thank you. 222 00:10:11,684 --> 00:10:13,145 I'm having a thought, Frasier. 223 00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:16,530 Since Maris has sadly dropped out and we do have an extra space, 224 00:10:17,019 --> 00:10:20,036 perhaps we should invite Daphne to join us for the evening. 225 00:10:20,347 --> 00:10:25,128 I mean, it is a table for four and, and three is such an awkward number, 226 00:10:25,129 --> 00:10:27,997 you know, at a, at a dinner. 227 00:10:29,784 --> 00:10:30,891 What are you doing? 228 00:10:34,316 --> 00:10:35,511 Nothing, nothing... 229 00:10:36,182 --> 00:10:37,769 Oh, for goodness sake, Frasier! 230 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:38,951 I'm a happily married man! 231 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,752 Maris means the world to me. 232 00:10:40,753 --> 00:10:43,544 Why, just the other day I kissed her for no reason whatsoever. 233 00:10:45,547 --> 00:10:47,778 Well, I'm off to my poker game. 234 00:10:48,259 --> 00:10:50,465 It was nice seeing you again, Dr. Crane... 235 00:10:51,623 --> 00:10:52,866 Oh, wait a minute! 236 00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:54,750 I'm getting something on you... 237 00:10:56,444 --> 00:10:59,072 She's psychic. We've decided to find it charming. 238 00:11:05,116 --> 00:11:08,583 You have occasional bouts of colitis, don't you? 239 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,236 Yes! 240 00:11:15,165 --> 00:11:17,221 Frasier... she's phenomenal! 241 00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:20,503 - It's a gift. Well, cheerio! - Ta-ta! 242 00:11:21,792 --> 00:11:23,615 Niles, you've never had colitis a day in your life! 243 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,359 I know, but I couldn't bear to disappoint her... 244 00:11:27,898 --> 00:11:29,646 'Kay! I'm ready to go! 245 00:11:30,437 --> 00:11:34,126 Ah, ah, dad, what's happened to your suit? 246 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,289 Oh, it's at the cleaners. 247 00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:38,426 I got some creamed chicken on it at Phil's retirement dinner last night. 248 00:11:38,912 --> 00:11:40,531 You can't keep anything nice. 249 00:11:41,239 --> 00:11:44,330 Well, well, I-I-I-I'm sure the Cigare Volante has a dress code... 250 00:11:44,331 --> 00:11:46,303 Er Niles, may I borrow your phone? 251 00:11:47,670 --> 00:11:48,807 Thank you so much. 252 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,338 - Where's Maris? - Episode. - Oh. 253 00:11:53,896 --> 00:11:56,560 Yes hello, this is Dr Frasier Crane, I have a reservation tonight. 254 00:11:56,561 --> 00:12:00,535 I'm calling to enquire about you, minimun dress code. 255 00:12:03,525 --> 00:12:06,868 Crane. Frasier. Doctor! 256 00:12:07,246 --> 00:12:09,412 Well, what do you... we've had the reservation for over a week! 257 00:12:09,655 --> 00:12:10,985 They've lost our reservation. 258 00:12:10,986 --> 00:12:11,703 Give me that. 259 00:12:12,548 --> 00:12:14,127 Listen, this is Dr. Niles Crane. 260 00:12:14,128 --> 00:12:16,224 I've never been treated so shabbily in my entire life 261 00:12:16,225 --> 00:12:18,798 and I've a good mind to come over there and create and embarrassing scene. 262 00:12:18,799 --> 00:12:19,785 Niles, they've already hung up. 263 00:12:19,786 --> 00:12:20,973 Ah... thank god! 264 00:12:24,979 --> 00:12:27,142 Well, what now, Frasier? 265 00:12:27,143 --> 00:12:28,425 It's saturday night, quarter-to-eight, 266 00:12:28,426 --> 00:12:29,967 and we-we're not going to get to anywhere. 267 00:12:30,819 --> 00:12:32,254 Hey, I know! 268 00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:35,195 Why don't I take us all to The Timber Mill? 269 00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:36,665 The... Timber Mill? 270 00:12:36,666 --> 00:12:37,916 Oh, it's great! 271 00:12:37,917 --> 00:12:40,408 You can get a steak this thick for eight ninety-five! 272 00:12:40,409 --> 00:12:41,702 Ah... honestly, dad, 273 00:12:41,703 --> 00:12:44,153 that doesn't sound like the kind of restaurant we'd like. 274 00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:46,226 Well, I was willing to go to your place. 275 00:12:46,227 --> 00:12:50,027 Er, dad, I - I think we'd better just er, take a rain check. 276 00:12:50,028 --> 00:12:53,175 Oh gee, I was looking forward to spending an evening with you boys. 277 00:12:53,558 --> 00:12:55,221 But we can do it some other time. 278 00:12:55,493 --> 00:12:58,492 I'm sure Daphne's got something in the fridge I can heat up... 279 00:13:04,722 --> 00:13:06,323 You know, on second thoughts I'm, 280 00:13:06,324 --> 00:13:08,444 I'm really in the mood for a good steak! 281 00:13:08,671 --> 00:13:09,412 What? 282 00:13:10,777 --> 00:13:11,671 Well yes, you know, 283 00:13:11,672 --> 00:13:13,964 the point of the whole thing is not exactly where we have dinner, 284 00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:17,024 but that the three of us have an evening together as a family! Right? 285 00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:18,413 Ah, you won't be sorry! 286 00:13:18,414 --> 00:13:20,981 They've got five different toppings for your baked potato! 287 00:13:20,982 --> 00:13:21,945 Ooh, did you hear that, Niles? 288 00:13:21,946 --> 00:13:23,182 I'm sold! 289 00:13:23,787 --> 00:13:25,168 We'll bring you a bone, Eddie! 290 00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:27,525 He's ecstatic. 291 00:13:34,172 --> 00:13:35,705 Quite a place, huh? 292 00:13:35,706 --> 00:13:37,510 Used to be a real working saw-mill! 293 00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:40,088 Until somebody stated the obvious and said: 294 00:13:40,089 --> 00:13:42,581 "Hey, let's turn this place into a restaurant!" 295 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,422 I just walk in here and my mouth starts watering. 296 00:13:46,423 --> 00:13:49,053 There's nothing like the smell of charbroided meat. 297 00:13:49,054 --> 00:13:51,299 This aroma's triggering a, a sense memory. 298 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,087 Something familiar. It... 299 00:13:53,088 --> 00:13:56,359 oh, of course, Maris in her home tanning bed. 300 00:14:00,075 --> 00:14:02,353 Hi! Welcome to The Timber Mill. 301 00:14:02,354 --> 00:14:04,929 You don't have a table for three... do you? 302 00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,761 Sure, right this way. 303 00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:11,193 - Is this your first visit to The Timber Mill? - Yes. 304 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,712 Well, we've got a dress code. 305 00:14:13,713 --> 00:14:15,555 Oh well, couldn't you make an exception in this case? 306 00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:16,856 - His suit was at the cleaners- 307 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,089 - Er, not him. You. 308 00:14:19,557 --> 00:14:21,520 Tim-berrr! 309 00:14:23,587 --> 00:14:25,239 My tie! 310 00:14:25,737 --> 00:14:27,199 She, she cut off my tie! 311 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,664 Gotcha! Ain't that great! 312 00:14:28,665 --> 00:14:30,112 Well, why did she cut off my tie?! 313 00:14:30,113 --> 00:14:31,638 Oh, they've been doing it for years! 314 00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:33,433 They like to keep the place casual. 315 00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:34,691 Dad, you could have mentioned to us. 316 00:14:34,692 --> 00:14:36,354 What, and spoil the fun? 317 00:14:37,802 --> 00:14:40,652 Ah, cheer up! You get a free dessert! 318 00:14:40,653 --> 00:14:41,375 Oh, boy. 319 00:14:41,852 --> 00:14:45,544 Well, I guess you're right, dad; it's just a tie. 320 00:14:45,822 --> 00:14:47,225 A Hugo Boss tie. 321 00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:52,529 Hi, can I get you guys something from the bar? 322 00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:53,638 Oh dear God, yes. 323 00:14:56,384 --> 00:14:59,925 I'll have a Stoli Gibson on the rock, with three pearl onions. 324 00:14:59,926 --> 00:15:02,625 If you bring him two, if you bring him four... 325 00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:04,242 he'll send it back. 326 00:15:04,243 --> 00:15:05,635 - And for you? - The same. 327 00:15:07,349 --> 00:15:08,581 I'll have a Ballantine. 328 00:15:11,882 --> 00:15:13,826 Say, funny thing happened the other day: 329 00:15:13,827 --> 00:15:16,845 one of my patients had a rather amusing Freudian slip. 330 00:15:16,846 --> 00:15:18,971 He was having dinner with his wife, and he meant to say, 331 00:15:18,972 --> 00:15:20,780 "pass the salt," but instead he said, 332 00:15:20,781 --> 00:15:22,765 "You've ruined my life, you blood-sucking shrew." 333 00:15:29,043 --> 00:15:30,446 Bet she didn't like that. 334 00:15:32,215 --> 00:15:34,456 N-no, no dad, she didn't, 335 00:15:36,944 --> 00:15:39,543 Say, how was your buddy's retirement party last night? 336 00:15:39,544 --> 00:15:41,151 Oh, it was great. 337 00:15:41,152 --> 00:15:43,085 You know, I really miss those guys. 338 00:15:43,605 --> 00:15:46,702 Bad new, though. Remember Mo Hanson? 339 00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:48,715 The desk captain of my old precinct? 340 00:15:48,716 --> 00:15:50,451 Killed in a boating accident. 341 00:15:50,452 --> 00:15:51,577 Oh, I'm sorry. 342 00:15:51,578 --> 00:15:53,305 Yeah. Well, at least he went quick. 343 00:15:53,798 --> 00:15:58,219 Hank Grinsky - well he had three bypasses before he went. 344 00:15:59,618 --> 00:16:02,658 Jimmy Bourbon, he had this weird disease. 345 00:16:02,659 --> 00:16:04,029 I went to visit him in the hospital; 346 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:04,944 by the time he died, 347 00:16:04,945 --> 00:16:08,282 his skin all yellow, wasted away to nothing. 348 00:16:09,175 --> 00:16:11,751 Nice nurse, though - Betty I think her name was. 349 00:16:13,977 --> 00:16:16,347 I see we have a couple of first-times here! 350 00:16:16,348 --> 00:16:17,777 Let me tell you how it works. 351 00:16:17,778 --> 00:16:21,305 Every entrée comes with soup or a trip to the salad bar: 352 00:16:21,306 --> 00:16:22,924 one trip only, please! 353 00:16:22,925 --> 00:16:26,063 Also included is our famous garlic cheese bread. 354 00:16:26,064 --> 00:16:29,180 And now if you're ready, you can claim your steaks. 355 00:16:29,181 --> 00:16:30,270 Claim our steaks...? 356 00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:32,511 You get to pick the cut you want off the bed trolley! 357 00:16:39,229 --> 00:16:43,457 How much extra would I have to pay to get one from the refrigerator? 358 00:16:45,747 --> 00:16:47,329 Would you just pick your steak? 359 00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:49,975 I'll, I'd like a, a petite filet mignon, 360 00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,261 very lean - not so lean that it lacks flavour, 361 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,384 but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate. 362 00:16:54,385 --> 00:16:57,739 And I don't want it cooked - just lightly seared on either side, 363 00:16:57,740 --> 00:17:00,704 pink in the middle; not a true pink, but not a mauve either, 364 00:17:00,705 --> 00:17:01,735 something in between. 365 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:06,869 Bearing in mind the slightest error either way, and it's ruined. 366 00:17:07,219 --> 00:17:08,220 ...Okay! 367 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,485 How about you? 368 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,157 Could I see the other side of that one? 369 00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:19,999 Just bring us those three: 370 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,155 medium-rate, all the 'fixins. 371 00:17:22,951 --> 00:17:23,957 Hey, come on! 372 00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:25,648 There's a lull at the salad bar! 373 00:17:32,211 --> 00:17:33,007 Isn't this great? 374 00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:35,104 They have the best Thousand Island Dressing in town. 375 00:17:35,105 --> 00:17:37,574 I know, dad, I saw the plaque by the cash register. 376 00:17:38,353 --> 00:17:41,353 Here we go: three boiled onions, medium-rare! 377 00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:43,220 Wha-? We've barely touched our salads! 378 00:17:43,221 --> 00:17:44,277 Great service, huh? 379 00:17:44,278 --> 00:17:45,234 Yes. With any luck... 380 00:17:45,235 --> 00:17:47,929 we should be completing our dining experience in less that twenty minutes. 381 00:17:48,891 --> 00:17:51,043 If you're not ready I could put this under the heat lamp... 382 00:17:51,044 --> 00:17:53,188 Oh no, no-no, that won't be necessary young lady, 383 00:17:53,189 --> 00:17:55,226 I'm as ready as I'll ever be... 384 00:17:55,227 --> 00:17:56,460 Alright. 385 00:17:56,461 --> 00:17:58,208 Let me know if I can get you anything else. 386 00:17:58,209 --> 00:17:59,434 Yes, thank you. 387 00:17:59,887 --> 00:18:02,072 You know, I don't mind you guys being tough on this place, 388 00:18:02,073 --> 00:18:03,818 but you could be a little nicer to the waitress. 389 00:18:04,407 --> 00:18:05,604 You're right. 390 00:18:05,605 --> 00:18:07,932 I'll apologize when she comes with the dessert. 391 00:18:07,933 --> 00:18:09,451 Which should be any time now. 392 00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:16,278 Sometimes there's nothing like a good steak. 393 00:18:16,677 --> 00:18:18,501 I wish this was one of those times. 394 00:18:20,552 --> 00:18:21,495 What's wrong? 395 00:18:21,829 --> 00:18:24,407 - Well, I don't mean to complain, but... - Well, then don't! 396 00:18:24,723 --> 00:18:28,503 For your information, these steaks come from prized beef raised... 397 00:18:28,504 --> 00:18:29,921 What the hell are you doing? 398 00:18:31,055 --> 00:18:33,099 Something seems to have fallen in my potato. 399 00:18:33,318 --> 00:18:34,643 Those are bacon bits! 400 00:18:35,249 --> 00:18:36,443 But I didn't ask for them. 401 00:18:36,444 --> 00:18:38,625 I ordered all the 'fixins. You got all the 'fixins. 402 00:18:38,626 --> 00:18:40,499 But I don't eat bacon because of the nitrates. 403 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:43,072 No problem. They're artificial. They're made out of soy. 404 00:18:43,073 --> 00:18:45,261 They really look out for your health here, don't they? 405 00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:50,608 Everybody in this restaurant's enjoying the dinner. 406 00:18:50,609 --> 00:18:51,967 Can't you guys do the same? 407 00:18:57,985 --> 00:18:59,353 - Niles... - Mmm-hmm? 408 00:19:00,638 --> 00:19:02,478 - Is Maris organizing the... 409 00:19:04,024 --> 00:19:06,333 Arts Council benefit again, this year? 410 00:19:06,334 --> 00:19:07,889 Matter of fact, she is. 411 00:19:08,485 --> 00:19:09,811 Where are they holding it? 412 00:19:09,812 --> 00:19:11,120 Well, they haven't picked a spot yet... 413 00:19:11,565 --> 00:19:13,353 perhaps I should tell them about this place! 414 00:19:19,062 --> 00:19:20,987 I'd like to be a fly on the wall that night! 415 00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:22,568 You wouldn't be the only one! 416 00:19:24,582 --> 00:19:26,083 Alright, that's it. 417 00:19:27,352 --> 00:19:29,120 I've had enough of you two jack-asses. 418 00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:32,545 I've spent the whole night listening to you making cracks about the food and the help. 419 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,192 Well, I got news for you: people like this place. 420 00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:37,154 I like this place. 421 00:19:37,155 --> 00:19:39,570 And when you insult this restaurant, you insult me. 422 00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:43,147 You know, I used to think you two took after your mother. 423 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:44,739 liking the ballet and all that, 424 00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:47,275 but you mother liked a good ball game too. 425 00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:49,318 She even had a hot dog once in a while. 426 00:19:49,679 --> 00:19:51,304 She may have had fancy tastes, 427 00:19:51,305 --> 00:19:54,232 but she had too much class to ever make me or anybody else feel second-rate. 428 00:19:54,797 --> 00:19:57,240 If she saw the way you two have behaved tonight, she'd be ashamed. 429 00:19:58,277 --> 00:19:59,567 I know I am. 430 00:20:00,517 --> 00:20:01,603 Dad, wait! 431 00:20:01,604 --> 00:20:03,548 No, I'm going over to Duke's for a night-cap. 432 00:20:03,549 --> 00:20:04,843 Well, at least let us take you there! 433 00:20:04,844 --> 00:20:05,849 I'll take the cab! 434 00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:07,249 I've had enough of you two for one night. 435 00:20:07,805 --> 00:20:11,094 Leave the waitress a good tip. She deserves it. 436 00:20:11,964 --> 00:20:13,450 Niles, say something! 437 00:20:14,195 --> 00:20:15,421 Dad, wait... 438 00:20:17,103 --> 00:20:18,364 ...the Mud Pie's coming! 439 00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:30,430 "The Mud Pie's Coming!" 440 00:20:36,457 --> 00:20:37,924 I feel terrible. 441 00:20:37,925 --> 00:20:38,848 Oh, so do I... 442 00:20:39,376 --> 00:20:41,366 The sad thing is, he's right about us. 443 00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:43,470 Have we really become such snobs? 444 00:20:43,471 --> 00:20:46,344 You don't see anybody else driving their father out into the street to drink, do you? 445 00:20:56,738 --> 00:20:59,141 Niles, we... we've gotta apologize to dad. 446 00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:00,109 You're right. 447 00:21:00,110 --> 00:21:02,348 We'll give him a couple of hours to cool down over at Duke's, 448 00:21:02,349 --> 00:21:04,400 and then when he gets home, we'll, we'll settle this thing. 449 00:21:04,401 --> 00:21:06,484 Absolutely. We've been just horrid. 450 00:21:07,407 --> 00:21:12,177 Frasier... do you think we've actually lost the ability to appreciate the simple things? 451 00:21:12,178 --> 00:21:14,390 Steak, potatoes... 'fixins? 452 00:21:17,867 --> 00:21:19,280 I'm afraid so. 453 00:21:19,977 --> 00:21:22,774 Well you know, the thing is, this-this is, this is good food! 454 00:21:22,775 --> 00:21:26,872 It's not too fancy but it's, it's, it's food, wholesome American fare! 455 00:21:26,873 --> 00:21:29,676 You know Frasier, as a tribute to dad, 456 00:21:29,677 --> 00:21:32,821 I think we should sit here until we have cleaned our plates. 457 00:21:33,837 --> 00:21:35,493 Well, I'm game if you are! 458 00:21:41,030 --> 00:21:43,869 Going to prove we are not snobs. 459 00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:45,633 Absolutely. 460 00:21:51,194 --> 00:21:52,472 - Frasier... - Hmm? 461 00:21:52,473 --> 00:21:53,382 Look who's here. 462 00:22:06,799 --> 00:22:08,139 Eat your meal!