1
00:00:02,525 --> 00:00:04,678
So you're saying that if
filmmaker Kathryn Bigelow
2
00:00:04,786 --> 00:00:07,209
married and divorced
former wrestler Bam Bam Bigelow,
3
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:08,997
then married Deuce Bigelow,
she'd be known as
4
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:11,786
Kathryn Bigelow-Bigelow-Bigelow
Male Gigolo?
5
00:00:11,893 --> 00:00:16,889
Yes. And if Kathryn and Bam Bam
had a one-night stand four-way
6
00:00:17,001 --> 00:00:19,014
with Andrew Ridgeley
and George Michael,
7
00:00:19,129 --> 00:00:22,739
then that would be a wham bam,
thank you, wham, with Bam Bam
8
00:00:22,809 --> 00:00:25,778
and Kathryn Bigelow-Bigelow-
Bigelow-Bigelow Male Gigolo.
9
00:00:25,899 --> 00:00:27,692
(Thud) (Brad) Right.
10
00:00:27,791 --> 00:00:29,386
But what I asked was,
"who's hungry?"
11
00:00:29,503 --> 00:00:30,815
- I could eat a sub.
- Oh, yeah. I could always eat.
12
00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:32,777
Okay. I thought you idiots
were going to the Bulls game?
13
00:00:32,873 --> 00:00:34,307
We tried to scalp tickets,
14
00:00:34,427 --> 00:00:36,241
but Dave's "instincts"
kicked in.
15
00:00:36,357 --> 00:00:37,596
I won these at a church raffle,
16
00:00:37,715 --> 00:00:39,401
so you can just have them
for face value.
17
00:00:39,570 --> 00:00:42,264
He's a cop! Deal's off, pig!
18
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:47,299
- I told you. Chicago PD has
a jump street unit. - Ugh.
19
00:00:47,412 --> 00:00:48,752
(Sighs deeply)
We gotta watch the game here.
20
00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:49,807
Well, you're gonna have to
take it up
21
00:00:49,889 --> 00:00:51,045
with the little one over there.
22
00:00:51,146 --> 00:00:52,964
Consider your TV
Liam Neeson's daughter,
23
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:54,171
'cause this bitch is taken.
24
00:00:54,264 --> 00:00:56,101
And your remote is also
Liam Neeson's daughter
25
00:00:56,198 --> 00:00:57,541
'cause this bitch
is taken, too.
26
00:00:57,647 --> 00:00:59,742
Why don't you just watch TV
at your place?
27
00:00:59,849 --> 00:01:01,334
We don't have cable anymore.
28
00:01:01,449 --> 00:01:03,238
(Speaks indistinctly)
Deal's off, pig!
29
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,718
(Clatter)
30
00:01:04,979 --> 00:01:07,475
Well, in fairness to Dave,
he has been overly suspicious
31
00:01:07,576 --> 00:01:09,674
ever since he accidentally
got on that bangbus.
32
00:01:09,776 --> 00:01:12,328
Everyone, quiet!
"Baby Justice" is on.
33
00:01:12,427 --> 00:01:15,282
Oh! This is that show about
a sassy toddler named Justice
34
00:01:15,404 --> 00:01:17,963
who's also the honorary sheriff
of a small town in Ohio.
35
00:01:18,071 --> 00:01:21,236
The tagline is, "I'm gettin'
too old for this poop."
36
00:01:21,327 --> 00:01:22,813
Talk to me.
37
00:01:22,893 --> 00:01:24,076
Where's my gun?
38
00:01:24,158 --> 00:01:25,340
Uhh!
(Explosion)
39
00:01:25,422 --> 00:01:26,821
Well, that crap is PBS
40
00:01:26,936 --> 00:01:28,298
compared to the other stuff
she watches,
41
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:29,214
which is basically
42
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,989
people just getting hit
in the sac for cash and prizes.
43
00:01:32,074 --> 00:01:34,170
(Laughs) It's funny 'cause
we're a nation in decline.
44
00:01:34,258 --> 00:01:36,191
"Baby Justice" isn't garbage.
45
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,850
President Obama watches it.
46
00:01:37,937 --> 00:01:39,636
That was an "SNL" sketch.
47
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:40,754
Look, guys,
48
00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:44,181
I may not read the paper
or know what an ira glass is,
49
00:01:44,292 --> 00:01:45,356
but I have depth.
50
00:01:45,455 --> 00:01:48,780
I will have you know
that I am an avid journaler.
51
00:01:48,872 --> 00:01:50,640
Oh, I gotta get my mitts
on this.
52
00:01:50,733 --> 00:01:53,154
I have been waiting my whole
life for this moment. Thank you.
53
00:01:53,291 --> 00:01:56,784
Wait a minute. This is just a series
of top ten lists.
54
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,406
Coolest smells.
Celebrity crushes.
55
00:01:59,502 --> 00:02:01,095
Favorite time of day?
56
00:02:01,183 --> 00:02:03,521
Ohh. 4-way tie for first.
57
00:02:03,615 --> 00:02:05,301
Naptime is on there twice?
58
00:02:05,383 --> 00:02:07,207
Everyone needs two naps per day.
59
00:02:07,282 --> 00:02:09,171
Honorable mention
for "beer o'clock."
60
00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:11,228
This is serious journalism.
(Chuckles)
61
00:02:15,032 --> 00:02:17,588
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
62
00:02:21,181 --> 00:02:23,333
And that's where the term
"downbeat" comes from.
63
00:02:23,493 --> 00:02:24,668
- Cool.
- Oh.
64
00:02:24,771 --> 00:02:26,389
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow, I was way off.
65
00:02:26,558 --> 00:02:28,761
Oh, man.
Thumb-face Larry is here.
66
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,823
Ugh! Oh, that guy is
so annoying.
67
00:02:30,927 --> 00:02:32,653
(Exhales deeply) How many times
am I gonna have to hear the story
68
00:02:32,745 --> 00:02:34,243
about how he test-drove
a volt?
69
00:02:34,359 --> 00:02:35,463
And I hate how
he's always trying
70
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:37,364
to check the label on my shirt
to see where it's from.
71
00:02:37,444 --> 00:02:38,716
Yeah, plus he's bad in bed.
72
00:02:38,819 --> 00:02:39,981
I've heard.
73
00:02:40,074 --> 00:02:40,800
- Ah.
- Oh.
74
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:41,941
- From people.
(Both) - Mm.
75
00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:44,044
- Who are me.
(Both) - Wait!
76
00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:45,854
You slept
with Thumb-face Larry?!
77
00:02:45,961 --> 00:02:48,285
First of all,
I blame beer goggles.
78
00:02:48,373 --> 00:02:50,070
But he was
the last gay guy in the bar,
79
00:02:50,168 --> 00:02:52,081
so I do have to blame
queer goggles.
80
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,511
And he did give me
a piece of his bagel,
81
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,890
- so I do have to also blame
schmear goggles. - Mnh.
82
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,188
Look, I've just been trying
to avoid him ever since.
83
00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:00,361
- Oh, well, I think he just spotted you.
- Mm.
84
00:03:00,519 --> 00:03:01,284
(Whispers) Oh, man.
85
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,597
Okay, act like we're in some
sort of in-depth conversation
86
00:03:02,691 --> 00:03:04,531
so that he doesn't feel the need
to come over here and interject.
87
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:06,193
- Of course.
- We got you, buddy.
88
00:03:06,977 --> 00:03:08,228
Traitors!
89
00:03:09,994 --> 00:03:11,759
Uh, uh... hey. Hey! Hey.
90
00:03:11,865 --> 00:03:13,558
Uh, sorry to do this,
but would you mind, uh,
91
00:03:13,658 --> 00:03:15,160
pretending to have
a fake conversation with me
92
00:03:15,248 --> 00:03:17,080
so that someone doesn't
come over here and talk to me?
93
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,423
Okay. Uh, what should
we pretend to talk about?
94
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,445
I don't know.
Our fake marriage?
95
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:23,630
- We're married?
- D-- uh, dating.
96
00:03:23,735 --> 00:03:24,971
- For how long?
- Three years.
97
00:03:25,073 --> 00:03:26,448
We're not married yet?
98
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,019
Can't we just have
one fake conversation
99
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,850
without you talking about
marriage all the time?
100
00:03:29,978 --> 00:03:31,184
(Laughs) (Laughs)
101
00:03:31,286 --> 00:03:33,062
Hey, Brad. Hey, Penny.
102
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,057
(Inhales loudly)
103
00:03:34,136 --> 00:03:36,801
I love that shirt, Brad.
(Singsongy) Where's it from?
104
00:03:36,913 --> 00:03:37,670
(Inhales sharply) Come on.
105
00:03:37,770 --> 00:03:40,291
J-- hey!
Get your thumbs off me, Larry!
106
00:03:40,405 --> 00:03:42,382
God! Structure.
107
00:03:42,602 --> 00:03:43,582
So crisp.
108
00:03:43,686 --> 00:03:44,384
Thanks.
109
00:03:44,487 --> 00:03:45,454
Then it's settled.
110
00:03:45,557 --> 00:03:46,753
Next Valentine's Day,
111
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,746
we will meet at the top
of the Empire State Building,
112
00:03:48,849 --> 00:03:51,222
and when I don't show up, you will jump.
(Chuckles)
113
00:03:51,353 --> 00:03:53,041
Okay, this has got to be
the weirdest way
114
00:03:53,148 --> 00:03:54,760
a guy's ever tried
to hit on me,
115
00:03:54,937 --> 00:03:56,535
and honestly, I don't hate it.
116
00:03:56,643 --> 00:03:58,186
Oh! (Chuckles)
(Giggles)
117
00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:00,627
- This happens a lot. I'm not
actually, um-- - Hey, listen.
118
00:04:00,743 --> 00:04:03,647
I get great seats to
tons of stuff through my job.
119
00:04:03,770 --> 00:04:05,729
Would you wanna go
to the Bulls game tomorrow?
120
00:04:05,909 --> 00:04:07,338
- The Bulls game?
- Yeah.
121
00:04:07,475 --> 00:04:09,589
With a beautiful woman?
Y-- uh...
122
00:04:09,706 --> 00:04:11,194
I'd have to be gay
to say "no" to that.
123
00:04:11,321 --> 00:04:13,568
(Forced laughter)
124
00:04:13,705 --> 00:04:14,874
Just to be clear, I am not gay,
125
00:04:14,966 --> 00:04:16,463
and yes, I do wanna go
to the Bulls game.
126
00:04:17,464 --> 00:04:20,020
So... this is
definitely weird.
127
00:04:20,123 --> 00:04:21,471
Yeah, and I know
I'm not dreaming,
128
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,582
'cause if I were,
everyone would be me.
129
00:04:23,668 --> 00:04:24,378
Oh, I'm sorry, guys.
130
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:26,410
I'm finished with the Metro
section. Help yourself.
131
00:04:26,609 --> 00:04:28,676
Okay. All right. I'll bite.
132
00:04:28,791 --> 00:04:30,222
Whatcha doin', Al?
133
00:04:30,319 --> 00:04:31,434
Well, I thought about
what you guys said,
134
00:04:31,516 --> 00:04:32,486
and you're right, okay?
135
00:04:32,588 --> 00:04:34,701
I've been polluting my mind
with tabloid magazines
136
00:04:34,813 --> 00:04:36,232
and entertaining television.
137
00:04:36,397 --> 00:04:39,113
So from now on, I am
only gonna read newspapers
138
00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:41,512
and watch TV shows where
white guys sit behind big desks.
139
00:04:41,586 --> 00:04:42,759
(Whispers) That is it.
140
00:04:42,848 --> 00:04:44,664
Okay.
(Chuckles)
141
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,842
- Cool.
- Good luck with that.
142
00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:48,341
What? You don't think
I can do it?
143
00:04:48,446 --> 00:04:50,262
No. We think you can do it.
144
00:04:50,388 --> 00:04:51,856
There's just no way
that you will.
145
00:04:51,953 --> 00:04:53,930
And also... you can't.
146
00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:56,277
Come on, let's face it, Al.
You lose focus more often
147
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,477
than that camera I told Jane
not to buy.
148
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:00,921
- Eight years. It's been eight years.
- I told you not to buy it.
149
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,747
You guys don't know
what you're talking about.
150
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:04,461
All right, Al,
remember that time
151
00:05:04,567 --> 00:05:07,531
that you tried to watch
the AFI top 100 comedies,
152
00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:08,400
and you gave up
153
00:05:08,493 --> 00:05:10,735
when Harold and Maude didn't
make it to White Castle?
154
00:05:10,857 --> 00:05:14,070
Or... remember that time
when you almost married Dave?
155
00:05:14,186 --> 00:05:15,070
Yeah, remember that?
156
00:05:15,164 --> 00:05:17,027
This time it's different,
okay? I'm serious.
157
00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:19,922
I'm as serious as this mess
in Washington. Am I right?
158
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,318
(Indistinct conversations)
159
00:05:21,384 --> 00:05:23,387
What? Am I not right? I'm only
halfway through the article.
160
00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:27,619
Check out how dope my seats
at the Bulls game were.
161
00:05:27,724 --> 00:05:29,355
That's Carlos Boozer's knee.
162
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,326
That's Rip Hamilton's thigh.
163
00:05:31,427 --> 00:05:33,412
That's the security guard's hand
from when he took my phone
164
00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:35,546
because apparently
upshort pictures are not allowed
165
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,328
at the United Center.
166
00:05:37,431 --> 00:05:39,435
- Hmm.
- So this girl took you to a Bulls game,
167
00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:42,313
you went for drinks after,
then you walked her home.
168
00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:43,464
Sounds like a date.
169
00:05:43,554 --> 00:05:45,220
Good. That's what
I'm going for.
170
00:05:45,329 --> 00:05:48,338
Wait. Did you get off the "D" train
and transfer to the "V" train
171
00:05:48,454 --> 00:05:49,912
at Grand Sexual Station?
172
00:05:50,025 --> 00:05:52,017
Guys, come on. (Scoffs)
173
00:05:52,405 --> 00:05:54,023
Gay. Straight.
174
00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:57,582
Human sexuality is a--
is a rich mosaic with vivid--
175
00:05:57,682 --> 00:05:59,277
So you're using her
for Bulls tickets?
176
00:05:59,385 --> 00:06:01,690
Some would say
that she's using me.
177
00:06:01,816 --> 00:06:03,063
Of course,
those people would be wrong,
178
00:06:03,156 --> 00:06:04,359
and the more accurate
description
179
00:06:04,485 --> 00:06:05,628
is that I'm using her.
180
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:06,591
Max!
(Hits arm)
181
00:06:06,686 --> 00:06:07,801
I'm doing her a favor.
182
00:06:07,902 --> 00:06:11,291
Who would you rather her date,
some 24-year-old jager hound
183
00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:13,067
who's only using her
for her body?
184
00:06:13,215 --> 00:06:14,324
I would rather her date
185
00:06:14,424 --> 00:06:16,980
some sophisticated,
older gay man.
186
00:06:17,082 --> 00:06:18,952
- And who might that be now?
- Really?
187
00:06:19,063 --> 00:06:20,564
Okay, as someone who's dated
enough gay guys
188
00:06:20,674 --> 00:06:22,416
to earn the nickname
"will she ever learn?",
189
00:06:22,545 --> 00:06:25,245
I cannot allow you to
keep wasting this girl's time.
190
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:28,072
Wasting her time?!
(Scoffs) She'll figure it out.
191
00:06:28,161 --> 00:06:29,157
She's young. She's hot.
192
00:06:29,246 --> 00:06:30,876
That makes it worse, Max!
193
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:33,206
There are a limited number
of hot chicks out there.
194
00:06:33,324 --> 00:06:34,171
And on behalf of
195
00:06:34,264 --> 00:06:36,851
the 24-year-old jager hounds
who don't have a voice,
196
00:06:36,969 --> 00:06:38,570
I also object.
197
00:06:38,684 --> 00:06:41,700
How dare you, sirs...
198
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:45,295
telling me who I can
and can't love?
199
00:06:45,457 --> 00:06:47,096
I am just glad
200
00:06:47,219 --> 00:06:50,315
that the gay guy
that Sean Penn played in "Milk"
201
00:06:50,448 --> 00:06:52,165
is not around to hear this.
202
00:06:52,267 --> 00:06:53,935
You mean Harvey Milk?
203
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:57,058
(Whispers)
I saw "Yes Man" instead.
204
00:06:59,626 --> 00:07:00,619
Ohh.
205
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,201
Look at that little girl
reading that great big book!
206
00:07:03,368 --> 00:07:07,216
"The Global Financial Crisis,
A Macroeconomic Perspective."
207
00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:09,617
Jumping right into the deep end,
no floaties.
208
00:07:09,736 --> 00:07:10,827
I'll be honest, it's tough.
209
00:07:10,934 --> 00:07:12,637
I'm having a hard time
following some of it.
210
00:07:12,702 --> 00:07:15,893
Well, if you're lookin' for
the 4-1-1 on the GFC,
211
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:17,160
look no further than
212
00:07:17,257 --> 00:07:20,438
the University of Dave Rose,
Champaign-Urbana.
213
00:07:20,549 --> 00:07:21,608
Here's what you need to know.
214
00:07:21,761 --> 00:07:24,868
The economy is like this great,
big unpoppable bubble.
215
00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:26,222
Wait. I don't think
that lines up
216
00:07:26,319 --> 00:07:28,444
with what I just learned
about the economy...
217
00:07:28,659 --> 00:07:30,273
or what I've always known
about bubbles.
218
00:07:30,407 --> 00:07:31,945
Yes, it is
a complicated matter.
219
00:07:32,070 --> 00:07:34,202
Okay, you see,
you have Fannie and Freddie.
220
00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:35,629
They might be
brother and sister.
221
00:07:35,731 --> 00:07:36,608
Let me back up.
222
00:07:36,776 --> 00:07:38,426
At the end of "Trading Places,"
223
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,366
they're selling
frozen orange juice futures.
224
00:07:40,449 --> 00:07:41,954
That-- you know what?
Let me back up again.
225
00:07:42,065 --> 00:07:44,394
Eddie Murphy was fresh off
"48 hrs."
226
00:07:44,496 --> 00:07:45,470
Okay, let me stop you
right there.
227
00:07:45,569 --> 00:07:47,338
I'm sorry. Am I moving
too quickly for you?
228
00:07:47,455 --> 00:07:48,944
Dave...
229
00:07:49,442 --> 00:07:51,739
no offense, but it just seems
like you're bundling
230
00:07:51,853 --> 00:07:53,805
a bunch of your worthless ideas
and trying to pass them off
231
00:07:53,915 --> 00:07:56,795
the same way the banks did
with mortgage-backed securities.
232
00:07:57,321 --> 00:07:58,000
Hmm.
233
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,153
I guess some of this
is sinking in.
234
00:08:01,395 --> 00:08:03,410
(Whispers) Dear God,
what did that mean?
235
00:08:10,112 --> 00:08:12,329
Ugh. Another text from Max.
236
00:08:12,455 --> 00:08:14,649
It's a picture
of him and Katie at the game.
237
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:17,356
Wait. They have seats
next to John Cusack's mom?
238
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:19,272
- No, that's John Cusack.
- Oh.
239
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,115
(Scoffs) I cannot believe
Max is getting away with this.
240
00:08:21,213 --> 00:08:22,996
It is so unfair to that girl.
241
00:08:23,098 --> 00:08:25,785
And it's unfair to whoever has
that seat behind his giant head.
242
00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:27,447
We have to tell Katie he's gay.
243
00:08:27,554 --> 00:08:28,983
Oh, that seems mean.
(Scoffs)
244
00:08:29,096 --> 00:08:31,302
Okay, well, then let's use
the gay stuff Max does
245
00:08:31,388 --> 00:08:33,652
to create a trap
and force him to out himself.
246
00:08:33,761 --> 00:08:34,505
All right.
247
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:36,971
What are the gay things
Max does?
248
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,598
Okay. Hmm.
249
00:08:38,854 --> 00:08:41,922
Oh! Doesn't he spend hundreds of
dollars on lotions and creams?
250
00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:43,107
No, that's me.
251
00:08:43,197 --> 00:08:44,505
(Gasps) Ooh!
What about that binder he has
252
00:08:44,604 --> 00:08:46,501
full of pictures
of men's goatees?
253
00:08:46,604 --> 00:08:47,878
- That's Dave.
- Mm.
254
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:49,924
But he does have that
giant collection of gay porno.
255
00:08:50,027 --> 00:08:51,476
- Weirdly, that's Alex.
- Oh.
256
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,136
And every time I ask her why,
she just says...
257
00:08:53,236 --> 00:08:55,076
(Deep voice) "Hey, I don't smoke
but I have ashtrays."
258
00:08:55,255 --> 00:08:56,193
You know, I'm starting to think
259
00:08:56,273 --> 00:08:57,969
Max is the least gay
of all of us.
260
00:08:58,156 --> 00:08:59,541
What a fresh character.
261
00:08:59,682 --> 00:09:03,840
Except for the one
really gay thing he does.
262
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,934
Sex with men?
263
00:09:06,029 --> 00:09:07,879
That's exactly what
I was referring to!
264
00:09:07,986 --> 00:09:09,065
Oh! (Laughs)
(Laughs)
265
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,618
I wish there was a way
we could use that.
266
00:09:13,222 --> 00:09:16,590
Hey, Max! You remember
Thumb-face Larry.
267
00:09:16,685 --> 00:09:17,896
I mean, regular Larry.
268
00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:19,898
Hey, Max. I love that shirt.
269
00:09:20,009 --> 00:09:21,245
(Singsongy) Where is it from?
270
00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:23,240
Oh, come on! Oh!
(Groans)- Enough for that.
271
00:09:23,348 --> 00:09:24,855
- Okay.
- Okay. So...
272
00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:26,205
thanks for stopping by,
273
00:09:26,311 --> 00:09:27,607
but you guys gotta
get going now.
274
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,168
Max! Are these your friends?
275
00:09:29,267 --> 00:09:31,455
- Uh...
- I think it's safe to call these two
276
00:09:31,562 --> 00:09:33,488
"more than friends."
Am I right, Lar?
277
00:09:33,611 --> 00:09:36,306
Well, we did spend
a magnificent night together.
278
00:09:36,404 --> 00:09:37,806
Yes, coming up
with business ideas.
279
00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:39,148
Business ideas?
280
00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:40,979
I-I thought we had
something special.
281
00:09:41,108 --> 00:09:42,781
So did I, but the market
didn't like it.
282
00:09:42,871 --> 00:09:44,497
And the market--
she's a fickle lady.
283
00:09:44,593 --> 00:09:46,306
We made love in your shower.
284
00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:48,679
(Gasps) Is the title of the track
that we produced together,
285
00:09:48,768 --> 00:09:49,735
which we thought would go
286
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:51,557
- straight to the top of the charts.
- Oh, I remember that track.
287
00:09:51,694 --> 00:09:53,716
Just sounded like
a couple of dudes having sex.
288
00:09:53,809 --> 00:09:55,736
Everybody's a critic,
ain't they? Huh?
289
00:09:55,865 --> 00:09:57,606
Oh, hey! Larry, look!
290
00:09:57,717 --> 00:09:59,740
That guy's wearing
two different shirts!
291
00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:01,076
I wish there was a way
that we could find out
292
00:10:01,164 --> 00:10:02,654
where each one of them
was from.
293
00:10:02,766 --> 00:10:04,069
- I have a way.
- Yeah?
294
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,984
(Max, clenched teeth)
You got some nerve on you.
295
00:10:06,426 --> 00:10:08,888
(Laughs) Well, that was weird.
296
00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:09,805
Weird alert.
297
00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:12,805
Yeah. I didn't know Max had
a business partner.
298
00:10:12,941 --> 00:10:14,222
(Whispers)
She still doesn't know.
299
00:10:14,316 --> 00:10:15,645
I wonder
if I should invite Larry
300
00:10:15,763 --> 00:10:17,121
to the Bulls game tomorrow?
301
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,761
I have a third ticket.
It's right behind the bench.
302
00:10:19,858 --> 00:10:22,253
Aw, Katie, the thing is,
Max is--
303
00:10:22,349 --> 00:10:24,685
Really insistent on not mixing
business with pleasure.
304
00:10:24,783 --> 00:10:25,776
But I'll go to the game
with you guys.
305
00:10:25,871 --> 00:10:27,242
Great!
(Laughs)
306
00:10:27,357 --> 00:10:29,349
(Lowered voice) What are
you doing? What about the truth?
307
00:10:29,473 --> 00:10:31,952
(Whispers) Oh. Right.
308
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:35,194
Um, Max and Penny used to date,
309
00:10:35,297 --> 00:10:36,143
and she's still
in love with him,
310
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,604
so any, like, wild claims
she makes should instantly
311
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:41,136
be dismissed as the ravings
of a jealous mad woman.
312
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,385
- No. See, okay--
- Awkward.
313
00:10:42,499 --> 00:10:43,776
No, it's not awkward, actually,
because it's not true.
314
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:45,468
- But, see, Max is gay.
- Ohh.
315
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,187
Sad, sad Penny.
316
00:10:47,299 --> 00:10:48,211
I'm sorry.
317
00:10:48,313 --> 00:10:49,978
No, don't you feel sorry for me.
I feel sorry for you!
318
00:10:50,074 --> 00:10:52,211
- Aw, now she's projecting.
- I've been there.
319
00:10:52,339 --> 00:10:53,775
What? I'm engaged. I don't care.
320
00:10:53,906 --> 00:10:55,411
- How come I've never met him?
- Okay.
321
00:10:55,549 --> 00:10:58,080
Now should we eat at the game
or go for steaks after?
322
00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,727
- I vote both.
- Both, yeah.
323
00:10:59,864 --> 00:11:01,663
(Laughing loudly)
324
00:11:04,091 --> 00:11:05,795
Go, Bulls! (Laughs)
325
00:11:06,145 --> 00:11:08,768
You don't understand.
Alex has gotten way smarter.
326
00:11:08,873 --> 00:11:11,199
(Whispers) It's possible
she's even smarter than me.
327
00:11:11,321 --> 00:11:12,142
Until last week,
328
00:11:12,248 --> 00:11:14,997
you thought people in the army
wore "camel-flage."
329
00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:16,968
Makes sense.
Camels are good at blending in.
330
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:19,075
Anyway, she's out of control.
331
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,442
I can't say or do anything
without her correcting me.
332
00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:23,949
I can't live like this. We gotta
get her back on the sauce.
333
00:11:24,043 --> 00:11:24,973
All the old shows.
334
00:11:25,065 --> 00:11:26,854
I'm talking
fatsos in small spaces,
335
00:11:26,968 --> 00:11:28,829
real housewives
in various locations,
336
00:11:28,944 --> 00:11:31,258
idiots giving roses
to other idiots.
337
00:11:31,335 --> 00:11:32,563
I actually think
it's gonna be nice to have
338
00:11:32,649 --> 00:11:34,819
a little intellectual discourse
with my sister.
339
00:11:34,951 --> 00:11:36,234
Okay, fine.
340
00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:37,759
If you won't help me
make her dumber,
341
00:11:37,858 --> 00:11:39,439
then I'm gonna help me
make me smarter.
342
00:11:39,537 --> 00:11:42,479
So if you'll excuse me, I have
some library books to read.
343
00:11:42,737 --> 00:11:43,925
Your truck's on fire.
344
00:11:44,005 --> 00:11:45,875
Why did I put the books
next to the grill?
345
00:11:45,987 --> 00:11:47,858
Why did I put the books
next to the grill?!
346
00:11:47,955 --> 00:11:51,338
Oh, God! Oh, dear God! Oh, God!
(Loud banging)
347
00:11:51,432 --> 00:11:53,831
I cannot wait to hear about all
the new stuff you're learning.
348
00:11:53,918 --> 00:11:54,960
But let's order first.
349
00:11:55,046 --> 00:11:56,093
I'm thinking about the ribs.
350
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,397
Oof! Ribs for lunch.
No, too heavy.
351
00:11:58,502 --> 00:11:59,598
I'm gonna have the salmon.
352
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:01,410
You get the beet salad,
and we'll share.
353
00:12:01,529 --> 00:12:02,415
You can pick the dressing,
354
00:12:02,531 --> 00:12:04,615
and long it's on the side
and in the vinaigrette family.
355
00:12:04,708 --> 00:12:05,875
You know what?
I'll pick the dressing.
356
00:12:05,981 --> 00:12:07,299
Classic controlling Jane.
357
00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:09,898
No, I'm not controlling.
I'm just aggressively helpful.
358
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:11,774
Jane, it's okay.
And obsessive need to control
359
00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:13,681
is actually quite common
in older siblings.
360
00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:14,833
I'm reading all about it
361
00:12:14,946 --> 00:12:17,019
in a fascinating book
on birth order.
362
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,685
That is a...
interesting theory.
363
00:12:19,776 --> 00:12:21,398
Yeah. It's an unconscious
attempt to regain
364
00:12:21,497 --> 00:12:23,449
the status you felt you lost
when I was born.
365
00:12:23,562 --> 00:12:25,801
It's why you dye your hair, it's
why you hate wearing long pants,
366
00:12:25,897 --> 00:12:28,569
and it's why... well,
don't even get me started
367
00:12:28,654 --> 00:12:31,051
on the whole
interracial marriage thing.
368
00:12:31,289 --> 00:12:33,353
That is mom-sense.
369
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:34,958
- Mm?
- I mean, nonsense.
370
00:12:35,077 --> 00:12:36,436
I mean, I-I don't...
371
00:12:37,568 --> 00:12:38,883
(Shaky voice) The new baby
372
00:12:38,982 --> 00:12:40,524
doesn't have to wear
the big girl pants.
373
00:12:40,618 --> 00:12:42,453
- I know.
- Are you all set to order?
374
00:12:42,566 --> 00:12:44,625
Yes. I'm gonna have the ribs,
and she'll also have the ribs.
375
00:12:44,724 --> 00:12:45,892
That way, we can share.
376
00:12:46,035 --> 00:12:47,555
- We're gonna share ribs.
- Thank you.
377
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,945
So you are throwing a party
for smart people.
378
00:12:51,051 --> 00:12:52,301
Actually... (Chuckles)
379
00:12:52,388 --> 00:12:54,183
a salon is a type of gathering
380
00:12:54,302 --> 00:12:55,929
popularized
in 18th century France,
381
00:12:56,027 --> 00:12:57,821
where writers, artists,
and intellectuals would meet
382
00:12:57,905 --> 00:12:59,812
to refine their tastes
through conversation.
383
00:12:59,944 --> 00:13:03,136
Oh, sounds fun. I wish I could,
but I have... stuff.
384
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:04,882
Tonight is gonna be
a veritable who's who
385
00:13:04,955 --> 00:13:06,238
of people who respond
to fliers they see
386
00:13:06,323 --> 00:13:08,374
on community college
bulletin boards.
387
00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:11,301
Well, you seem to have
the hot hand intellectually.
388
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,621
What should I do about
my Max situation?
389
00:13:13,719 --> 00:13:15,304
Sorry, Penny.
I can't help you.
390
00:13:15,398 --> 00:13:17,691
But I do know someone who can--
Sun Tzu.
391
00:13:17,781 --> 00:13:19,544
Dave's friend who always tries
to sell me yarn?
392
00:13:19,649 --> 00:13:21,084
Oh, Penny.
393
00:13:21,264 --> 00:13:22,701
- Classic Alex.
- What?
394
00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:25,468
Sun Tzu. "The Art Of War."
395
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,851
Turn your weakness
into your strength.
396
00:13:27,963 --> 00:13:30,089
As Max's crazy ex,
you have intimate knowledge
397
00:13:30,186 --> 00:13:32,127
of the one thing
he does not want to do.
398
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,439
Exercise? Bathe? Kill spiders?
399
00:13:34,518 --> 00:13:36,522
Hold farts in? Not eat sugar
directly out of the bag?
400
00:13:36,623 --> 00:13:37,780
Have sex with a woman?
Touch corduroy?
401
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,668
Oh, it's touch corduroy! Dee!
402
00:13:39,751 --> 00:13:42,225
- No! It was "have sex with a woman."
- Damn it!
403
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,425
Use your knowledge of
Max's repulsion to lady parts
404
00:13:44,535 --> 00:13:45,783
against him.
405
00:13:45,888 --> 00:13:46,874
(Whispers) Wow.
406
00:13:46,983 --> 00:13:48,984
You and your Chinese buddy
are good.
407
00:13:49,098 --> 00:13:50,547
Hey, Al!
408
00:13:50,783 --> 00:13:51,956
Look what we got.
409
00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:53,793
(Closes door) Wait. Is it
"have got" or "have gotten"?
410
00:13:53,902 --> 00:13:55,878
Damn it. I've forgotten
how to use grammar.
411
00:13:55,981 --> 00:13:58,129
(Lowered voice) All right, keep
it together. She can smell fear.
412
00:13:58,260 --> 00:13:59,519
DVDs.
413
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:02,124
We have "Wipeout," "Jackass,"
414
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:03,782
and a Japanese game show
415
00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:05,377
where you carry
your best friend's cat
416
00:14:05,485 --> 00:14:07,014
through a room full of dogs.
417
00:14:07,090 --> 00:14:09,370
(Laughs) Sounds so fun.
418
00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:10,816
While we're here,
I'm gonna have you take
419
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,768
a quick whiff
of this modeling glue,
420
00:14:12,866 --> 00:14:13,941
see if it's gone bad.
421
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:16,042
- All this seems strange.
- Not really.
422
00:14:16,139 --> 00:14:18,097
They're just intimidated
by my growing intellect,
423
00:14:18,226 --> 00:14:20,027
and they want the old Alex back.
424
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:21,755
Listen, clowns,
I got news for you.
425
00:14:21,874 --> 00:14:23,893
I like the way I am now,
and I'm not gonna change,
426
00:14:23,983 --> 00:14:25,416
so deal with it.
427
00:14:28,162 --> 00:14:28,982
(Sniffs)
428
00:14:29,872 --> 00:14:32,703
(Sniffs) Oh.
This glue smells fine to me.
429
00:14:33,682 --> 00:14:36,064
Mmm. Trees.
430
00:14:36,824 --> 00:14:38,700
(Clattering)
Oh, God. All righty.
431
00:14:38,871 --> 00:14:40,055
(Thud) Okeydokey.
432
00:14:46,037 --> 00:14:47,558
So I heard Katie's
taking you and Max
433
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,531
to the Jay-Z concert
on Saturday night.
434
00:14:49,624 --> 00:14:52,038
- That sounds fun.
- Yep. It's his last retirement tour...
435
00:14:52,144 --> 00:14:53,696
before his next
last retirement tour.
436
00:14:53,817 --> 00:14:55,343
Wait. How do you know that?
437
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,497
Oh, Katie told me...
when I invited her here.
438
00:14:57,583 --> 00:14:58,795
When you what now?
439
00:14:58,947 --> 00:15:00,573
- Hey, guys!
- Hi there!
440
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,846
There's my little sweetie.
441
00:15:01,953 --> 00:15:03,375
(Chuckles) Hey.
442
00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:04,900
Penny, what are you doing?
443
00:15:05,028 --> 00:15:06,926
You're not gonna
embarrass yourself again
444
00:15:07,019 --> 00:15:09,307
by making a bunch of
jealous accusations, are you?
445
00:15:09,401 --> 00:15:11,444
Actually, I invited Katie here
to apologize.
446
00:15:11,563 --> 00:15:14,732
You were right, Brad. I do have
unresolved feelings for Max,
447
00:15:14,835 --> 00:15:16,831
and that's why I was
talking so cray.
448
00:15:16,987 --> 00:15:18,191
Okay. Uh--
449
00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:20,730
They're not feelings up here...
or here.
450
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,573
More like... (Clenched teeth) down here.
451
00:15:22,681 --> 00:15:24,587
- Oh.
- Real talk-- Max gave me
452
00:15:24,703 --> 00:15:27,774
the most world view-shattering
sex of my life.
453
00:15:27,873 --> 00:15:28,597
Eh-squeeze?
454
00:15:28,685 --> 00:15:31,216
Katie knows what I'm talking
about. Am I right, girl?!
455
00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:32,988
Actually,
we've been taking it slow.
456
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:34,514
Well, that explains why
you still have your voice.
457
00:15:34,619 --> 00:15:36,255
You haven't lost it yet
from screaming.
458
00:15:36,365 --> 00:15:39,172
- Ugh. - Tell you the truth,
we haven't even kissed yet.
459
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,174
But we have done something
Max calls "forekissing."
460
00:15:42,478 --> 00:15:44,724
(Easy listening muzak playing)
461
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,427
(Blows air)
462
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,989
Nice. Nice.
463
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,084
(Kisses fingers)
464
00:15:53,654 --> 00:15:54,607
Aw!
465
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:55,630
Boop, boop, boop.
466
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,384
Oh. Oh.
467
00:16:05,314 --> 00:16:06,618
(Sighs deeply)
468
00:16:07,502 --> 00:16:09,364
You were amazing.
469
00:16:10,855 --> 00:16:12,875
Oh, sure. That move.
470
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,468
He calls that back later.
And when he does,
471
00:16:14,564 --> 00:16:16,503
be prepared to purchase
a whole new bedroom set.
472
00:16:16,582 --> 00:16:17,599
(High-pitched voice)
All of it?
473
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,387
Oh. Well... I do like sex,
474
00:16:19,486 --> 00:16:21,474
and I hate
my current bedroom furniture.
475
00:16:21,557 --> 00:16:23,093
Then make a move, girl!
476
00:16:23,188 --> 00:16:25,847
- Do not wait.
- Or a-keep a-waiting. (Chuckles)
477
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,648
At least until
after the Jay-Z concert,
478
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,166
'cause you're gonna wanna have
full range of motion,
479
00:16:29,299 --> 00:16:30,492
pelvicly speaking.
480
00:16:30,594 --> 00:16:31,955
Uh, I think I'm gonna opt
481
00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:34,839
for the world view-shattering
sex instead.
482
00:16:34,943 --> 00:16:37,892
(Laughs) - Yeah, girl!
- Hey, now! (Laughs)
483
00:16:38,384 --> 00:16:39,449
Ahh.
484
00:16:41,697 --> 00:16:44,446
Max, it's an emergency!
Open up!
485
00:16:45,113 --> 00:16:45,966
Hey, Brad.
486
00:16:46,086 --> 00:16:47,318
Ugh. Larry?
487
00:16:48,326 --> 00:16:49,231
Really?
488
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:50,691
What? I needed
to blow off some steam.
489
00:16:50,784 --> 00:16:52,596
I've been forekissing all week.
(Scoffs)
490
00:16:52,689 --> 00:16:54,411
Besides, he doesn't look
that much like a thumb.
491
00:16:55,228 --> 00:16:57,022
- I look like a thumb?
- Whoops.
492
00:16:57,131 --> 00:16:58,914
Not now, Larry. A little.
493
00:16:59,026 --> 00:17:00,423
Listen, man,
we have a situation.
494
00:17:00,532 --> 00:17:01,927
Your girlfriend's gonna try
and have sex with you.
495
00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:03,940
Ah! Well, I fold.
496
00:17:04,043 --> 00:17:04,857
Too rich for my blood.
497
00:17:04,946 --> 00:17:05,998
Hey, hey! No, no, no!
498
00:17:06,114 --> 00:17:07,265
Come on, man,
you can't quit now!
499
00:17:07,356 --> 00:17:08,798
The Jay-Z concert's
in three days!
500
00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:10,359
You're right.
501
00:17:10,704 --> 00:17:12,564
- You're right. I can do this.
- Yes!
502
00:17:12,685 --> 00:17:14,352
- It's just sex with a woman.
(Laughs) - Right?
503
00:17:14,462 --> 00:17:16,372
- Straight guys do it all the time.
- I did it this morning.
504
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,656
(Laughs) And I can do anything
I set this mind to.
505
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:19,828
Lady butt.
506
00:17:19,927 --> 00:17:22,322
Gross! Why are they so weird
and hairless?
507
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:24,104
All right, we have work to do.
508
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,324
Um...
509
00:17:25,516 --> 00:17:26,341
Va...
510
00:17:26,438 --> 00:17:27,665
Testicles.
511
00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:29,118
All right. (Sighs)
512
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:30,667
Fallopian...
513
00:17:30,746 --> 00:17:32,070
Dudes.
514
00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:33,226
(Sighs)
515
00:17:33,316 --> 00:17:34,158
Which is why I think
516
00:17:34,257 --> 00:17:36,392
our understanding of
the subconscious will evolve
517
00:17:36,502 --> 00:17:37,321
the more we learn about
518
00:17:37,410 --> 00:17:39,709
- the cognitive structures of the brain.
- Very true.
519
00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:41,917
You know, I was reading
about Freud,
520
00:17:42,031 --> 00:17:43,622
and his theory
on the subconscious
521
00:17:43,713 --> 00:17:45,249
was fascinating.
522
00:17:45,654 --> 00:17:46,986
Freud? (Chuckles)
523
00:17:47,135 --> 00:17:49,487
Excuse me, 1897 wired.
524
00:17:49,574 --> 00:17:51,578
They'd like
their antiquated notions back.
525
00:17:51,991 --> 00:17:53,975
(Man and woman laughing)
526
00:17:54,529 --> 00:17:56,790
Well, they can't have 'em.
You know what I mean?
527
00:17:57,642 --> 00:18:00,111
No, I don't.
528
00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:03,411
Anyway, the prefrontal cortex
houses broca's area,
529
00:18:03,547 --> 00:18:05,190
so we get to choose our...
530
00:18:05,306 --> 00:18:06,571
This is really romantic.
531
00:18:06,659 --> 00:18:07,804
So romantic.
532
00:18:08,279 --> 00:18:08,976
(Giggles)
533
00:18:09,177 --> 00:18:10,763
- You know what else is romantic?
- What?
534
00:18:10,864 --> 00:18:12,217
- DVDs.
- Ooh.
535
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,253
I got "Schindler's List."
We could watch that.
536
00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:15,129
Okay.
537
00:18:15,207 --> 00:18:16,817
I got a documentary
on female circumcision,
538
00:18:16,918 --> 00:18:19,217
and I got a home movie
that I made
539
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:22,272
that's just a bunch of scenes
of old men buying fruit.
540
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,914
So... we're in for
a pretty steamy night.
541
00:18:24,987 --> 00:18:26,759
Mmm. Speaking of steamy,
542
00:18:26,849 --> 00:18:29,181
I feel like it's...
it's hot in here, right?
543
00:18:29,278 --> 00:18:30,530
It's kind of... yeah...
544
00:18:30,646 --> 00:18:31,585
Usually, this apartment...
545
00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:33,147
- A little hot, I feel.
- ...is drafty.
546
00:18:33,257 --> 00:18:34,276
I feel like it.
547
00:18:34,369 --> 00:18:36,392
- Oh, you brought those.
- There are these.
548
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:37,795
You know what else is sexy?
549
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,547
This compression sleeve.
550
00:18:39,676 --> 00:18:40,726
- Mm?
- What do you say
551
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,412
we just strap this over your yabbos?
(Velcro rips)
552
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,016
Flatten those perky things out?
553
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:45,353
- What?
- What?
554
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:46,791
- Forget that.
- Oh.
555
00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:49,500
- Let's take it back to one.
- Okay.
556
00:18:50,012 --> 00:18:50,916
(Inhales deeply)
557
00:18:51,116 --> 00:18:52,674
Okay, here I come.
558
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,156
(Gags, swallows)
559
00:18:59,243 --> 00:19:00,313
I'm sorry. I'm gay.
(Sighs)
560
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:01,910
Of course you are.
561
00:19:02,121 --> 00:19:03,659
I had a feeling.
562
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,475
Why have you been
going out with me then?
563
00:19:05,583 --> 00:19:07,628
At first, it was just 'cause of
your sweet-ass Bulls tickets.
564
00:19:07,726 --> 00:19:10,598
But... but then, Katie,
I got to know you,
565
00:19:10,719 --> 00:19:13,542
and it was still just about
your sweet-ass Bulls tickets.
566
00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:14,579
(Scoffs) (Slaps leg)
567
00:19:14,668 --> 00:19:16,548
It's true what they say.
568
00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:18,422
All the good ones
are either taken or gay.
569
00:19:18,504 --> 00:19:20,603
Um, okay,
you're not a good one.
570
00:19:20,709 --> 00:19:23,236
You're a liar,
and you have my mom's body.
571
00:19:23,339 --> 00:19:24,661
So good-bye, Max.
572
00:19:24,741 --> 00:19:26,464
Are we still going to
the Jay-Z concert?
573
00:19:26,613 --> 00:19:29,021
If we are, don't say anything!
Just slam the door!
574
00:19:29,162 --> 00:19:30,521
(Slams)
575
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,752
(Exhales deeply)
576
00:19:32,698 --> 00:19:34,531
I hate myself sometimes.
577
00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:37,338
(Sighs)
578
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:38,639
Hey, Larry.
579
00:19:39,477 --> 00:19:40,606
♪
580
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,651
- Hey, Al.
- Hi.
581
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,958
We've been looking for you.
582
00:19:46,063 --> 00:19:47,298
Why aren't you out at
your party?
583
00:19:47,468 --> 00:19:48,555
(Sighs) You guys were right.
584
00:19:48,651 --> 00:19:50,139
The smart world is not for me.
585
00:19:50,246 --> 00:19:51,437
No, we were wrong.
586
00:19:51,541 --> 00:19:53,198
We think it's great
that you're bettering yourself,
587
00:19:53,268 --> 00:19:54,835
and we should've been
more supportive.
588
00:19:54,966 --> 00:19:56,117
Yeah, we kinda suck.
589
00:19:56,212 --> 00:19:57,192
But those people...
590
00:19:57,277 --> 00:20:00,138
I mean, you mix up
the in and the ego one time,
591
00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:01,998
and they are all over you.
592
00:20:02,108 --> 00:20:05,162
Well, in your defense, those are
two similar-looking fish.
593
00:20:05,255 --> 00:20:06,684
- Oh.
- That's not right, is it?
594
00:20:06,793 --> 00:20:07,707
- No.
- Okay.
595
00:20:07,822 --> 00:20:08,507
It's too bad,
596
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,002
'cause I enjoyed knowing stuff
about things.
597
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:12,252
But on the bright side, I get to
catch up on my shows.
598
00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:13,857
I wonder if Baby Justice
599
00:20:13,971 --> 00:20:15,786
ever brought down
that dogfighting ring.
600
00:20:15,911 --> 00:20:18,194
You know, you don't have to
choose one world or the other.
601
00:20:18,302 --> 00:20:20,564
Yeah. You can be smart
and still watch crap.
602
00:20:20,703 --> 00:20:21,803
I mean, just do what
everyone else does
603
00:20:21,899 --> 00:20:22,929
and like it ironically,
604
00:20:23,030 --> 00:20:24,466
when really
there's no difference
605
00:20:24,572 --> 00:20:26,588
between that
and actually liking it.
606
00:20:26,682 --> 00:20:27,938
You had me at "watch crap,"
607
00:20:28,078 --> 00:20:29,536
then you lost me
at "ironically,"
608
00:20:29,626 --> 00:20:30,630
then I just got hungry.
609
00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:32,933
- She's back. She's back!
- Oh. Oh! (Laughs) She's back!
610
00:20:33,722 --> 00:20:35,956
So what do you say? You wanna
get back to your party?
611
00:20:37,227 --> 00:20:38,740
I got a better idea.
612
00:20:38,823 --> 00:20:40,097
Get out, nerds!
613
00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:43,004
(Extinguisher hissing)
(Guests shouting)
614
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,135
(Screaming) Ooh!
615
00:20:46,734 --> 00:20:49,233
He got it in the nads!
(Laughs)
616
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,443
Right in the nuts.
617
00:20:51,748 --> 00:20:53,501
Bye.
(Hisses)
618
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,451
- Maxy, did you learn your lesson?
- Oh, yeah.
619
00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:02,902
Next time I pretend to be
straight for free Bulls tickets,
620
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:05,430
I gotta tell 'em right off
the bat I can't have sex
621
00:21:05,543 --> 00:21:07,651
because my penis has been cursed
by a witch.
622
00:21:07,746 --> 00:21:08,920
Yeah, super believable.
623
00:21:09,028 --> 00:21:09,989
Do not try and top that.
624
00:21:10,097 --> 00:21:11,118
- I won't.
- 'Cause you can't.
625
00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:13,236
- Hey, guys.
- Katie. What are you doing here?
626
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,089
I'm taking you
to the Jay-Z concert.
627
00:21:15,215 --> 00:21:16,551
Awesome. Really?
628
00:21:16,621 --> 00:21:18,322
No, fat ass.
I'm bringing Penny!
629
00:21:18,425 --> 00:21:19,348
Aw!
(Brad and Max groan)
630
00:21:19,422 --> 00:21:20,733
(Chuckles)
She called you a fat ass.
631
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:23,072
You see, we bonded over
all the gay guys we've dated.
632
00:21:24,706 --> 00:21:26,442
In fact, I'm seeing
this new guy and
633
00:21:26,562 --> 00:21:28,214
he's coming to the
concert tonight.
634
00:21:28,293 --> 00:21:29,626
- Ohh!
- You gotta meet him.
635
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:32,519
- Congratulations. That's really...
- Derek...
636
00:21:35,865 --> 00:21:37,151
Drama.
637
00:21:39,024 --> 00:21:42,373
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com