1 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,872 Five hundred grand's a lot of money, Johnny. It's a lot of money. 2 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,753 So, before I do the deal, 3 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:15,191 I need to look you in the eye and ask you, Johnny, is there any reason... 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:16,832 any reason at all... 5 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,189 why I should be nervous about doing this? 6 00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,629 - Mr. Coleman, I assure you... - Sorry darling, no offence, 7 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:25,912 but this is a man I've already done business with. This is a man I know I can trust. 8 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,916 I need to hear it from him. 9 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,714 Johnny, is there any reason, any reason at all... 10 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,478 why I should not transfer the money? 11 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:53,789 World politics, editorial comment, current affairs, means nothing to you? 12 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,479 - Depends on their odds. - What race are they in? 13 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,590 Think I'm gonna stick with Blinkered Outlook. 14 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,915 It's a tragedy, it's a bloody tragedy. 15 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,474 My football team gone under. 16 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,750 I spent half me life down that club. 17 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,995 Butcher Boyland, Chopper Norris. 18 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,958 Cup of Bov! Dog roll! 19 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,592 Is he still speaking English? 20 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,995 And now it's gone, just like that. 21 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:18,238 Part of your heritage, part of my community, gone forever! 22 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,793 And do you want to know why? 23 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,795 Cos it got infected, didn't it? 24 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,628 Infected with the same disease that's gonna kill 'em all off soon enough - 25 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,954 greed. 26 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,318 I want to tell you a story... 27 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,151 about a man who had a dream... 28 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,079 that ordinary fellas would come together once a week. 29 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,275 And worship. 30 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,596 And these gods that we came to adore, they weren't invisible deities 31 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,315 who demanded we fear them or abase ourselves before them. Nah! 32 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,275 No, these gods were just like us. 33 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,674 Hard-working men who came from the same factories we worked in, 34 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,190 who played for the same reasons we watched - for the joy! 35 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,874 Not for the money, not for the fame, not for the loose cars and fast women. 36 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,798 - Don't you mean... - Because they loved what they did! 37 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,238 Let me tell you... 38 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,191 in 1862... 39 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,992 Ebenezer Cobb Morley... 40 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:20,999 had a dream that this beautiful game of ours would be played 41 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,396 in every town, every village, every city in the land! 42 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:29,912 But now, 150 years after he formed the Football Association of Great Britain... 43 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,915 that dream lies in tatters, my friends. 44 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:38,557 Ripped apart by the greed of the players, the managers, the owners, and... 45 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,591 the ones that corrupt them all... 46 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,871 the agents! 47 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,477 Well, I say to you... 48 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:52,115 we can no longer sit back and watch this dream die forever, 49 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,077 watch communities like Railton be ripped apart, 50 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,190 because football is my game. 51 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,992 Football is your game. 52 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,713 Football is our game. 53 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,391 And I want it back! 54 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,592 Yeah, well, you're supposed to clap and cheer at that bit, you know. 55 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,873 There's lolly in it. 56 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,558 Lots of lovely lolly. 57 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,512 Lolly? You should have said something... 58 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,790 Fantastic. Great. 59 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,035 - I love football. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 60 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,112 Let me introduce you to Don Coleman. 61 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,470 Agent. Businessman. Cockroach. 62 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,433 Three months ago, he pulled up outside a house in the back streets of Railton. 63 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:28,996 See, if you look like a general and you walk like a general 64 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,112 and you sound like a general, 65 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,673 then you are a general. 66 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,318 You want me to wear a general's uniform? 67 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,920 I want you to wear a suit that cost more than my lunch. 68 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,788 Shit! 69 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,114 Gino Genovase. 70 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:52,397 Runs Genovase Talent Ltd. Wasn't supposed to be here till tomorrow. 71 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,590 - What? - Remember, kid... 72 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,913 we're like sharks - 73 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,428 we stop moving forward, we die. 74 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:15,071 - You can't do that, that was... - When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. 75 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,792 No one's gonna steal this boy from me. 76 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,674 This boy is my suite at Sandy Lane, this boy is my new Merc. 77 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,314 If anybody asks, he stepped out in front of me. 78 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,476 There was nothing I could do. 79 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:26,999 - But you... - Correct. Get out. 80 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,710 Come on. 81 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:36,719 Follow my lead. 82 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,432 Step back, step back, step back. 83 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,631 Mr. Price, how are you? Looking really, really good. 84 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,875 Do you mind if we come in? Eh? 85 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,796 Oh! Mrs. Price. 86 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,037 You look a million dollars. 87 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,433 You're not Gino. 88 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,151 Well, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, 89 00:05:55,200 --> 00:06:00,433 but Gino Genovase was arrested this morning on child pornography charges. 90 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:04,314 So, I've taken the liberty of popping over to help you out of this little hole. 91 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,396 Now, where's the infant prodigy? 92 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,430 - Your son. Where's your son? - Oh, right. 93 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,994 - Asda? - I tell you what, you carry on making the tea, 94 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:17,192 I'll pop up, and Pete here will take you through our draft contract. 95 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,071 But we didn't want to sign today. 96 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,669 And you absolutely shouldn't sign today. It's a huge decision you're making. 97 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,030 In fact, I forbid you from signing... 98 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,838 today. 99 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,552 All right? Great. 100 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,355 So, Asda was a Railton lad, born and bred. 101 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,436 He came up through their young talent programme 102 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,152 and they've been waiting a long time for this day, 103 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,794 when all their hard work would pay off, and they could recoup the money, 104 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,637 the time, the faith they'd invested in the lad, 105 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,432 with his transfer fee to a bigger club. 106 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:53,193 Cristal champagne, Asda. Imagine that! It's the best champagne money can buy! 107 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,832 What about lager? 108 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,791 Or lager. You like lager? I'll get you lager. 109 00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:00,355 I'll get you the finest lager in the world. On tap. 110 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,551 And cars? A new Porsche every week. Smash it up. Boom! Get another one. 111 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,797 And the girls, Asda. Oh, the girls, what'll they do for you? 112 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:10,549 Everything. Anything! There'll be roasts every night of the year. 113 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,955 - Chicken or beef? - Mainly pork. 114 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,956 - With gravy? - Oh, Asda! 115 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,595 There'll be a lot of gravy, Asda. There'll be gravy for everyone. 116 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,278 All you have to do is pop downstairs, 117 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:24,199 tell your mum and dad you want to sign our draft contract now. 118 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,198 Remind them that City's window is now, 119 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,516 and you insist on signing today. 120 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:32,959 So the boy signed, 121 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,629 and Railton started to spend the hundred grand they thought they were gonna get. 122 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:41,356 But Coleman had pulled a flanker - some legal small print nobody had spotted, 123 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,949 which meant no transfer fee was due if he left before his 16th birthday. 124 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,998 Asda was 15 years, 11 months and 29 days the day Coleman signed him to City. 125 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,031 - No way. - Why would he do that? 126 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,479 What difference does it make to Coleman 127 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,317 whether Railton get their transfer fee or not? 128 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,158 Because no transfer fee made Price a more attractive buy for City, 129 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,033 which meant Coleman was able to negotiate a bigger weekly wage, 130 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:05,676 which upped his commission, so Coleman made five grand more and cost Railton 100. 131 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,711 They went into administration a week later. 132 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,799 - Evil. - Isn't it? 133 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,319 But a perfect mark. 134 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,032 - Exactly. - So how do we get him? 135 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,232 Let's find who he is first, and then we'll take it from there. 136 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,591 People like to buy. 137 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,756 People love to buy. 138 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:33,472 Doesn't matter if it's a car, a laptop, or a footballer, people love to buy. 139 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,477 Why do they like to buy? 140 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,956 It's because, in this unsure world full of ups and downs, 141 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,798 ins and outs, comings and goings, 142 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,115 if you sell our product well, 143 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,798 it comes gift-wrapped 144 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,512 in your certainty 145 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:55,599 that this product will... enhance the punter's life! 146 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,988 And let me tell you, gentlemen, a punter likes that. 147 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,832 Oh! The punter loves it! 148 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,998 It makes him feel all warm and gooey inside! 149 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:13,272 And when he feels all warm and gooey inside... 150 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:18,110 that, my friend, is when you have the sucker! 151 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,276 Yeah! 152 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:25,235 Let's all make some money! 153 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,956 - ...through to Marquez. - Go on, son. Go on. 154 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,837 - And, oh, goodness! - Ooh! 155 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:39,873 What a crunching tackle there by the City left back, Don Coleman. 156 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,399 Ah! This is my kind of research. 157 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,432 - Not half. - Another beer please, Ed. 158 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,191 Tell us about your latest signing, Don. 159 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,596 Jason's a simple lad... with simple tastes. 160 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,754 That's why we're quite confident here at Footstar 161 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,395 that Fresh-Pops will benefit... 162 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,796 from its association with such a down-to-earth fella. 163 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,473 See? Hand-to-eye coordination, innit? You've either got it... 164 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:40,998 - Or you haven't. - Ash. 165 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,589 Eddie was just telling me he was something of a sportsman himself in his day. 166 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:45,868 - Really? - Yeah, I mean, 167 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,196 I've let meself go a bit, obviously, but in me time... 168 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,834 - I had trials, you know. - Oh, we've all had trials, Eddie. 169 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,677 It's the convictions that count. 170 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,713 Right, you ready? 171 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,673 OK. Sean. 172 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,552 So, ex-footballer himself, 173 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,398 he set up Footstar with the insurance payoff he got from an injury. 174 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,399 He used the skills he learnt on the pitch - cheating and intimidation, mainly - 175 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,476 to make it very successful very quickly. 176 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:17,911 Well, he had some run-ins with the FA, then there are allegations about tapping up. 177 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,191 He procured some forged visas for foreign players, 178 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,358 but nothing ever stuck. Why? 179 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,198 Because he was the original Teflon Don. 180 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:32,155 Last year he brokered deals worth over 100 million pounds. 181 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,590 He looks after several England players, and he... 182 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:39,076 ...he actually managed to secure them pay rises after South Africa. 183 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,315 No! I'm getting angry again now. 184 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,476 Don't let him get angry, he starts making speeches. 185 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,556 - All right. Emma. - OK. 186 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,592 Alongside the agency, he now also runs a sponsorship company, 187 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,551 tying up his players to products, 188 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,752 and in the last 18 months he's attempted to broker the purchase 189 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,392 of at least one Premiership side. 190 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,115 But the deal always falls through, because he's out of his depth. 191 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,071 Well, judging by what I saw last night, 192 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,793 Don Coleman represents everything that's going wrong with the game. 193 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,230 He thinks he's beyond ordinary morals or rules, that he's untouchable. 194 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,113 If he thinks that, he's gonna teach those lessons to the players. 195 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,835 - So how do we rope him in? - Don Coleman is a salesman. 196 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,836 That's the only thing he really understands. 197 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,229 So we have to brush up on our old sales patter, 198 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,074 after which we can offer him the only thing he's really interested in. 199 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,759 - Money? - Exactly. Money in the form of a bribe 200 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,953 to secure a work permit for Brandon Casey, our new star striker, 201 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,036 looking to relocate all the way from Canada. 202 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,799 - And if he takes the bribe? - If he takes it, he likes us, trusts us. 203 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,592 Then we offer him what he really wants. 204 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,312 - Exactly. - A seat at the big boys' table. 205 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:42,117 Yes. The chance to broker the sale of a football club to Albert. 206 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,230 What possibly could go wrong. 207 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,829 Erm... Sorry, did I miss something? What do I do? 208 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,472 Oh, it's a bit of a back-room role on this one, Emma. 209 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:58,310 Erm... Lots of R&D necessary, of course, but you can't be front-line, can you? 210 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,351 - Can't I? Why? - Well, it's just... 211 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,868 - Just what? - It's just you're a woman. 212 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:06,390 - What, and women and football don't go? - Well... 213 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,432 - Ooh, Ash, that is so sexist. - Sexist? There's nothing I like better 214 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,075 than watching 22 gorgeous women in tight-fitting shorts rolling about in the mud. 215 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,678 Mm! I see what you did there. 216 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,508 Like I said, there's lots of R&D necessary. You'll still be a vital part of the con. 217 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,913 Oh, yeah. God. Vital, yeah. 218 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,554 - Essential, you know, key... in fact. - Yeah! Yeah! 219 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,510 Now where's my bleedin' dinner? 220 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,359 It was a joke! 221 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,391 - Then you've got the Assumptive. - OK, what's that one? 222 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,954 It's, erm, "We need to discuss your life insurance, sir. 223 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,797 "Which day would be best, Monday or Thursday?" 224 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:43,955 - All right, I got it. - Yeah. 225 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,319 And then there's the Puppy Dog. 226 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,272 "Oh, you don't want a puppy dog, sir?" 227 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,629 "Well, how about you take it home on a free trial? 228 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:51,671 - "Is that OK with you, kids?" - Whoo! 229 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,188 - He does listen. - And you've got your Ben Franklin. 230 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,437 "Ben Franklin always made a list of all the pros and cons, ma'am. 231 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,994 "Howsaboutee we do the same?" 232 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,076 But then my favourite is the Negative. 233 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:03,872 - The Negative? - You take it away from them. 234 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,558 If you tell someone they can't have something, 235 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,909 it quickly becomes the only thing in the world they actually want. 236 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,916 - Nah, it's risky. - Yeah, but perfect for this. 237 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,632 We don't want him to bite straight away. 238 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,478 We're gonna plant a seed in his head, leave it there, let it grow 239 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,158 then harvest it later on. 240 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,156 And then... Bam! He's ours. 241 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,118 All right there, mate, can I help you? 242 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:30,392 One minute and 48 seconds. Oh, dear. 243 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,715 - I'm sorry, who... - Planes? Too hard now. 244 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,796 Trains? Been there, done that. 245 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,432 What aspect of British culture 246 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:39,233 do you think your crazed terrorist is likely to strike at next? 247 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:40,952 - Er... - Er... Exactly. 248 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,197 You've just given him one minute and 48 seconds to recce your facility. 249 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,800 I mean, we knew things were bad, but not this bad. 250 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,639 - What's your name, son? - Michael. Michael Williams. 251 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,990 OK, Mr. Michael Williams. 252 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:58,156 - I'm ready to go inside now. - Er... 253 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,156 Bez, come on. Why are you making an issue here? 254 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,394 There is no problem. 255 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,874 You don't open till eleven, we're gonna be out by ten. 256 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,672 Bez, I need you to trust me on this one. 257 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,269 Just one favour. That's all I'm asking, all right? Trust me. 258 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:13,757 Guys, listen up! Those of you lucky enough to be chosen need to be here by seven. 259 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,588 It's for a private event, for a sports charity. Come on, look alive! 260 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,351 Hi. And you are? 261 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,998 - Cheryl Cole. - Right. 262 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,112 But I can also do Michelle Heaton or Posh. 263 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,038 At a push, if it's not too close up. 264 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,072 Yeah, we would need to be within the same county I'm afraid, love. 265 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,111 OK, thank you, we'll call you. 266 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,995 Next, please. 267 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,712 Don't tell me. Peter Crouch. 268 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,038 OK, Michael, where are we now? 269 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,470 Section G, pitch level, South End. Like you said. 270 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,918 - Effectively in the heart of the stadium. - Yeah. 271 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,474 Pitch side, training session in progress. 272 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,988 - Hmm. - And you don't even know my name. 273 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,911 - What? - You don't even know my company's name. 274 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,109 No, but you said... 275 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,879 Yet you have led me, Michael, into the heart of the stadium 276 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,718 because of some, frankly, quite crude auto suggestion on my part. 277 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,910 I could be a complete fraud, Michael. 278 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,032 Look, go and wait in your office. I'll be ten minutes. 279 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,638 All right. 280 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:18,231 You're calling him a liar. You're calling him a liar? Is that right? Eh? 281 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,833 I mean... How's that gonna work? 282 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,030 You tell me how that's gonna work. 283 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,152 Explain that to me, cos you're making no sense whatsoever, Susan. 284 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:32,352 We're going round and round in circles here, girl. You what? 285 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,753 Say that again. 286 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,268 Nah, nah, nah, nah. It don't work like that, girl. 287 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:42,119 Listen, if you're not making me any money, you're working for the competition. 288 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,355 Are you working for the competition, Susan? 289 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,437 No, wrong answer. You're working for no-one. You're fired. 290 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,115 Unbelievable! Good-looking girl, brain the size of a peanut. 291 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,752 Get us a cup of tea. Three sugars. 292 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,475 Yeah, yeah, but I bet it's worse for them. 293 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,630 Same training regime, every day of every week of every year. 294 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,874 Can you imagine? 295 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,990 I should think 100 grand a week softens the pain. 296 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,759 Yes, I should think it does, yes. 297 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,995 Yes, well, I'm here for work. What's your excuse? 298 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,235 Oh, same. I'm an agent. 299 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,078 Oh! Smart man. Knows where the money is. 300 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:26,715 Oh, sorry, James Buckingham, Hawford and Buckingham Ltd. 301 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,671 Don Coleman, Footstar. 302 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,998 - Hawford and Buckingham? - Hmm. 303 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,793 I've not heard of them. What game are they in, then? 304 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:40,197 Oh, it's all very dull, I'm afraid. Investment mainly, bit of EC, bit of FIE. 305 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,753 All in the leisure industry. 306 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,837 - Finding money for projects. - What sort of projects? 307 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,997 Anything that'll net us shedloads of cash. 308 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,871 Oh, no, no, no, no. 309 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,998 We put together the lion's share of the Emirates package, 310 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:57,591 we're heavily involved in the Olympic site, we're moving into club ownership. 311 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,837 You know, sort of... introducing money to opportunities. 312 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,475 You know, I've got a few contacts in that area myself. 313 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,670 - You know, club ownership. - Yeah? 314 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,952 Yeah, you know, potential investors looking to put money into a football club. 315 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,560 There's not many of them about, cos the numbers are so big, 316 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,239 but when you find 'em... you keep 'em close. 317 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,511 - That's very... interesting, Don. - Yeah, yeah. 318 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,710 You know, perhaps we should... 319 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,318 - Sorry. - No worries. 320 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,477 Oh, bugger off, Boris. 321 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,911 Look, Don, I have to go but, erm... are you coming to this knees-up later on? 322 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,235 - Knees-up? - Sports bash in the city. Kahiti's. 323 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,714 - Erm... - It might be good if we could talk further. 324 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,796 - Oh, yeah, yeah... - I've got loads of tickets. 325 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,273 Shall I put a couple on the door? 326 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,833 - Yeah. - I'll leave four. 327 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,997 - Cool. Yeah. - See you later, good to meet you. 328 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,598 Nice to meet ya. 329 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,312 Bit of business, Don. Bit of business. 330 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,871 I mean, I get the same, Em. They don't take me seriously sometimes. 331 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,629 - Yeah? - I've got skills they know nothing about. 332 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,990 - Really? - Listen, I worked in the City for a long time. 333 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,429 - As a trader? - Yeah, I was in sandwiches, 334 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,152 had me own lunch round. 335 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,633 Oh, OK. 336 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,591 Worked at MI5. 337 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,039 Did their windows for years. 338 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,593 Hey, I bet you didn't know this... 339 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,557 I was nearly a famous actor once. 340 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,108 All right, guys, he's here. Let's have a party! 341 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,272 No, I know how it happened. Get to my office, get to my desk. 342 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,357 Find it, fax it to him. Yes, immediately! 343 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,516 Look, call me back. Call me back! 344 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,073 Don! Glad you could make it. 345 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,680 - How are you? - I'm good. Better than you, by the look of it. 346 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,518 - Just lost a ruddy investor. - Oh, right. Big one? 347 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,031 Supposed to be in for 20. 348 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,550 I can't imagine 20K's gonna be hard for a man like you to replace. 349 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,795 Million, Don. 20 million. 350 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,354 I'm very sorry, but I'm gonna have to go and sort this out. 351 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,914 - I thought we were gonna have a little... - I talked to my co-directors. 352 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,996 They're very keen for us to sit down and meet properly. 353 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,349 - If I could just have five... - I'll call you, Don, you're on my radar. 354 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,594 Five... 355 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,834 Yeah, no. No, I've just finished with Fabio now. 356 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,952 Yeah, no, he said he's definitely gonna help us, 100%. 357 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:43,232 I'll meet you in the bar in two minutes. All right, all right. Bye. Bye. 358 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,191 Sorry... 359 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,755 - Sorry, are you Don Coleman? - Yeah, who wants to know? 360 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,634 Brandon Casey, I wrote you a few years back looking for representation. 361 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,240 - I'm a... I'm a footballer. - Yeah? 362 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,430 Yeah, I recognised you from your website. 363 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,233 Well, looks like you got a few connections now, kid. 364 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:09,558 Just a few. I'm hoping they can help me. I'm trying to move over here from Ontario. 365 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,993 Oh, you're Canadian? 366 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,999 Yeah, I lived here when I was growing up, but technically I'm a Canadian citizen, 367 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,953 hence the problems with the work permit, blah, blah, blah. You know what it's like. 368 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,514 - Johnny! - Listen, we should talk. 369 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,357 - It's my guy. Excuse me. - Come on, kid. 370 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,631 - Take care, Don. You look after yourself. - Excuse me! Excuse me! 371 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,468 Sorry to jump in like this. Would you, by any chance, be this young man's agent? 372 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:35,672 I certainly am. Johnny Savage, but the guys call me Mr. ABC. 373 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,631 Always Be Closing! 374 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,310 - Hey! A kindred spirit. - Find the need... but sell the want! 375 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:45,670 One foot in the door is worth two on the desk! 376 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,233 If at first you don't succeed... 377 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,157 Boom! You're fired. 378 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,279 Don Coleman. 379 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,834 I run a UK agency called Footstar. 380 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,348 I think you might just need my help. 381 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,799 Sit down? 382 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,231 The only reason I didn't get it, 383 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,317 and Dickie phoned me personally to tell me this, 384 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:07,590 the only reason I did not get that role... 385 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,633 eyes the wrong colour. 386 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,198 I've got blue eyes... 387 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,434 Gandhi's were brown. 388 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,634 And, I mean... they couldn't have just 389 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,399 - Given you coloured contact lenses? - No. Not authentic, you see. 390 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,873 They wanted authenticity. 391 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,629 Sir Ben had real brown eyes. That was the only difference between us. 392 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,113 Right. 393 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,550 - Mickey, hi! - Hey. 394 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,194 Come and sit down. Have a beer, it's my shout. 395 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,232 In fact, you can have two, I'll get you one. Just gonna go to the toilet. 396 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,068 Hey, Mickey, did I ever tell you about the time I worked in the City? 397 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,071 I tell you, this kid is special, Don. 398 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:50,112 I've seen a lot of players in my time, even repped some of the greats, 399 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:54,950 but this kid - I swear, he's the new Pelé, the new Maradona, the new Rooney. 400 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:59,391 Fabio loves him. Sir Alex, Roy, Carlo, they're all interested. 401 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,039 I've got a couple of people in immigration who've, er... 402 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,594 sorted out problems like this for me before. 403 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:06,959 Are you serious? 404 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,317 Chinese lad last year - couldn't get a permit. 405 00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,759 Ran out for Rovers last week. 406 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:18,316 Hey, now, Don, if you could help us here we really would be very grateful. 407 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,233 How grateful? 408 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,468 OK. 409 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,149 If you can genuinely get me a permit that passes muster... 410 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,795 it'll be worth 25 grand to you. 411 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:34,799 Sterling. 412 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,999 - No. - OK, OK. How much? 413 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,077 Nothing. I'll get you the paperwork for free. 414 00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,317 But when he's sold, I want in on the commission, 50-50. 415 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:54,353 - In on the commission? - And I will earn every penny of that, Johnny, 416 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,755 - Because I'll do the deal. - But that is my job. 417 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:57,869 This is not your manor 418 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,798 and, with all due respect, you do not have the contacts that I have. 419 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,876 I'm the best salesmen in the business, Johnny. 420 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:07,152 I will get him double what you will get him, and you would be a fool... 421 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,997 not to except my offer. 422 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,634 Right. 423 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,154 - So what did you say? - What could I say? That I'd think about it. 424 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,430 - So now what? - We quit. 425 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,038 - No. - Ash... 426 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,310 he actually wants to try and sell Brandon. 427 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:28,316 He's obviously not even gonna start trying to do that 428 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,396 until he's confirmed he's as good a player as you said. 429 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:31,759 Even if we convince him of that, 430 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,791 he would then have to convince a real team of the same. 431 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,037 I know we've been in worse situations, but I can't think of any right now. 432 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,672 - What are you actually like at football? - Well... 433 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,836 - He's got two left feet. - That's a bit harsh. 434 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,030 At school there was a kid with no legs got picked before him, once. 435 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,992 Tell you what I am good at though - goal celebrations. 436 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,476 Get in there! Come on! Shh! 437 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,078 # Ba-ba-da-da, ba-ba... # 438 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,915 - What you thinking? - I think I'm thinking what you're thinking. 439 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,279 What d'you think I'm thinking? 440 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,197 - Goal celebrations. - You think right. 441 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,595 Emma, we may actually need your help on this one. 442 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,870 What, to slice some half-time oranges? 443 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,478 Oh, a bit more fun than that. 444 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,317 It was part of his dying wish, 445 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,397 to literally become part of this club that he loved so much. 446 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,428 So if you could just... 447 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,311 ...give us half an hour... 448 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:19,588 alone... 449 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,232 we'd be so grateful. 450 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,236 Take as long as you need, love. 451 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,714 - Thank you. - Thanks. 452 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,756 All right, lads, lots of hugging, lots of kissing. 453 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,870 Jumpers off, let's celebrate. Come on! 454 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:02,034 Have some of that! Come on! Whoo! 455 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,398 Hey, how's it going? 456 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,795 Oh, do you know, mate, it's harder than I thought. 457 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:37,992 - But you think you can do it? - He brought down my old club, Mickey. 458 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,190 Failure's not an option. 459 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,832 All right. 460 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,158 Come on, baby. 461 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,592 Don, James Buckingham here. 462 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,598 Look, I'm on a train, so I'm probably going to cut out. 463 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:58,629 All right, go on. 464 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:03,514 Our company has some lucrative deals on the horizon, and we have a role for Footstar. 465 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,516 Which is what exactly? 466 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,279 A bridge between our investment opportunities 467 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,949 and the high-net-worth sports personalities you work with all the time. 468 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,752 OK, yeah, yeah, good. 469 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,075 And we have absolutely no doubt 470 00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:20,875 that some sort of partnership would be very profitable for us both. 471 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,309 So, I would like us to... 472 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,793 Hello? James? 473 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,834 Yeah, James, it's Don Coleman. Give us a call back, mate. 474 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:06,148 Woo-hoo! Come on! Who's that? Who's that? Yeah! 475 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,474 Oh, come on. This is money. This is money! 476 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,949 Three grand a week and I can't get a bloody reception in this place! 477 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:21,198 - Do you want a biscuit with your tea? - No, I don't want a sodding biscuit! 478 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:26,714 Uh, OK. 479 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,833 Here's Wallacey with the ball, taking it down the left-hand side. 480 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,077 Oh! That is a fantastic line down through to... 481 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,873 - Oh, I am good. - A goal for Casey! 482 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,593 I am very good. 483 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,076 Yeah. You're also Sepp Friedel, 1979 AC Farola. 484 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,519 Yeah? 485 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,835 - Who else? - Bonjachek, Piranesi, and Meissen. 486 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:51,440 You're a Euro pudding. 487 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,119 - So are these ready to post now? - Yeah, yeah. You ready? 488 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,675 I'll be a scout Coleman hasn't dealt with before, so he won't know him to speak to. 489 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,553 As for the other callers, Emma's had a bit of a brainwave. 490 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,875 - Oh, I thought I smelt burning. - Hilarious. 491 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,630 OK... let's do this. 492 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,558 Call Coleman, tell him the deal is on and that Brandon Casey's for sale. 493 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,716 Albert, get Sean plastered. 494 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,911 Yeah, then let's show this cheating, slimy toad - 495 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,793 he dicks with my football team at his peril. 496 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,036 Are you talkin' to me? 497 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,753 Are you... Hang on a minute. See how I get on with this. 498 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:29,239 Are you talkin' to me? 499 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,037 Well, I'm the only one here. 500 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,152 Oh, all right? 501 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:41,716 I was just brushing up on me old skills. I don't want to let you down, Em. 502 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,355 I'll take this off. 503 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,879 He really is worth his weight in gold, 504 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,070 absolutely worth his weight in gold. 505 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,155 Oh! Get in. Go on! 506 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:03,111 Ooh-hoo-hoo! Boom-a-ho! 507 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,228 So, is he good, or is he good? 508 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,310 - He's good. - Shall I get him in? 509 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:12,793 No, let's go and see him. 510 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,437 So, we'll have to start looking at what's out there, who wants what. 511 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,155 I'll probably have to film a training session with him and... 512 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,156 - What the... - What? 513 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,792 What d'you mean "what"? He's on bloody crutches! 514 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,876 - I ripped the tendons. - I told you about that. 515 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,480 - You never said anything about that. - Hey, Don, what's the problem? 516 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,875 It's just a little tear, he'll be training again in a couple of weeks. 517 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,595 That might be so, but how am I supposed to sell him when he's on bloody crutches?! 518 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:41,200 You could sell underarm deodorant to the Venus de Milo. 519 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,437 Anyway, we're selling those and we're selling these. 520 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,119 Remember - find the need, sell the want. 521 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,596 Mr. Coleman, I've got Ray Bowles on line three for you. 522 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,200 - Ray who? - The scout? 523 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,196 Says he wants to talk to you about a new lad you've taken on, 524 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,151 - Brandon Casey. - How'd he know about that? 525 00:30:58,200 --> 00:30:59,599 Hey, good news travels fast. 526 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,151 OK, OK. 527 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,550 OK, this could work. With the injury... 528 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,152 Buzz means a frenzy, frenzy means a quick sale. Boom! 529 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:12,633 Punch him through! Line one! 530 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,513 And do something about your face, you're putting me off my lunch. 531 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,796 Oh, mate! Mate! Listen, you can moan all you like, 532 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,831 but you got more chance of winning silverware 533 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:29,950 than Brandon becoming a Gooner. So, bye-bye. 534 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,558 Close the door on your way out. 535 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:35,593 Cheeky git! What's he thinkin'? Mercy. 536 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:42,000 - Don Coleman, hello? - Don, how you doing? 537 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,508 Hey, big fella! How you doing? What can I do for you? 538 00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:47,870 I was just ringing about this new boy you've taken on - the lad Casey. 539 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:51,071 What? Brandon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You heard of him, have you? 540 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,874 - I saw him play last year in Toronto. - He's something special, ain't he? 541 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,398 Not bad, Don, not bad. So look... 542 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:01,555 Hello, Footstar. 543 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,149 Tell him it's Alan Bristol from City, calling about Brandon Casey. 544 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,795 He's actually on the phone at the moment. Would you mind holding? 545 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,070 All right? Thank you. 546 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,396 There's a position opened up in our squad. 547 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,319 - We think your Brandon's the one to fill it. - Well, listen, Ray, here's the deal, 548 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,635 I've got offers coming out my arse on this one, mate. 549 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,319 - Not as good as ours, Don. - Listen, mate, I'm telling you! 550 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,875 I've got top offers, so if you're interested, you better move fast. 551 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,549 - I'm looking to shift him out the door today. - Today? 552 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,637 - Look, Don, obviously, I'd have to see him. - Ray! Ray, mate! 553 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,796 - You've already seen him. - In Canada, I'd still have to... 554 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,876 Ray, you know what the boy can do. 555 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,798 - Oh, sure, but... - Look, just forget it, right? Forget it. 556 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,991 You're obviously not serious and, to be honest with you, I haven't the time. 557 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,316 - So thanks for the call. - Er... Wait, wait, wait. 558 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,630 All right. Give me some figures, Don. 559 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,474 Very, very nice doing business with you, Ray. 560 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,876 I'll have the contracts and the work permits on a bike ASAP. 561 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,480 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the best. Bye-bye. 562 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,078 35 grand a week, 563 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,315 three-year contract, and... 564 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,191 they pay your National Insurance. 565 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:25,119 The Don is on! 566 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,310 I am the Don! 567 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,920 - You are the Don! - I am the Don! 568 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:34,590 - You are the Don! - And the Don is on! 569 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,269 And you, Johnny Savage, you owe me 50 grand. 570 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,676 You are the Don! 571 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,915 The King Don! 572 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:48,795 Wait. We're to hand over 50K of our money? 573 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,071 Mm. As convincers go, you'd have to admit, it's pretty convincing. 574 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:56,432 And then Ash introduces the idea of his potential football club buyer. 575 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,756 Mm-hm. Billionaire businessman, Mr. Karl Schultz. 576 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,473 And Coleman sees the opportunity to broker the sale 577 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,909 - Between Schultz and James Buckingham. - You. 578 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,474 - Yeah. - What could be simpler? 579 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,273 Em, I just thought you might like to know... Erm... 580 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:11,833 I do animal noises as well. 581 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,834 Canada goose, you know, just if you need it. 582 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,552 What was that? 583 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,472 I think that was a goose. 584 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,079 Oh, a goose. 585 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,996 Ten... 586 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,359 twenty... 587 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:32,839 thirty... 588 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,791 forty... 589 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,317 fifty thousand. 590 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,515 You know the difference between try and triumph... 591 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,154 it's just a little bit of "umph". 592 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,555 Voice of velvet, heart of stone. 593 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,398 You could sell the pope a condom. 594 00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,678 You're a true gentlemen, Johnny, you know that? 595 00:34:57,720 --> 00:34:59,995 You... are a true gentlemen. 596 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,876 You know... 597 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,229 ...there's someone I'd like you to meet, Don. 598 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,510 - Yeah? - A friend of mine from New York. 599 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,279 Uh, I've done a couple of deals for him in the past, 600 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,596 but he's mostly Europe-based now, and I don't really have the contacts here. 601 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,757 - What's his game? - Hotels, casinos, shopping malls, 602 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,836 but he sold up a couple of years back. 603 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,792 I mention him cos he's a big soccer fan 604 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,958 and he's looking to get involved in a club on an investment basis. 605 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,911 You ever come across opportunities like that? 606 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,316 Mm, maybe, you know. From time to time. 607 00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,869 - Really? - What's this... What's this fella's name? 608 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,270 The negative close thing... 609 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,311 you don't think we've played it a bit too... 610 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:07,959 negative? 611 00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,191 It's fine, he'll call. 612 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:15,679 He'll call. 613 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,797 - James Buckingham. - James, Don Coleman. 614 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,876 Don, how are you? 615 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,316 - Yeah, not bad, not bad. - To what do I owe the pleasure? 616 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,079 James, I was just, er... wondering. 617 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,476 That investment problem you had - did you manage to sort it? 618 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,080 No, not yet, Don. Still working on it. 619 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,599 Right, right. 620 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:51,919 D'you mind me asking... 621 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,113 what sort of investment was it? 622 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,993 - For your ears only? - Of course, James. 623 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:05,069 It's a football club, Don. Why? Know of an investor? 624 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,593 James, can we meet? 625 00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:14,597 Yeah. 626 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:15,959 Yeah, yeah. 627 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,195 OK, yeah, see you then. 628 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,799 - And that is kick-off! - Come on you Railton! 629 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,038 The Minnesota Tigers. 630 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:34,914 - Yank outfit? - Yeah, yeah. What? Is that a problem? 631 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,712 No, no, my client's an American. 632 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,512 Really? Very good. 633 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:43,551 Well, they're recently valued at a little under 150 million US. 634 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,956 Our consortium has secretly been buying stock over the last month. 635 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,878 We were very near a position which would have given us effective ownership 636 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,399 when our problem occurred. 637 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,396 - The twenty million. - Yeah, yeah. 638 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:56,111 So, Don... 639 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,435 this isn't a buy, strip and flip, all right? 640 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,790 We're offering a simple bootstrap deal - LBO or HLT - 641 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,912 with a combination of syndicated loan and high-yield bonds, 642 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:08,077 or a mezzanine arrangement, revolving credit, 643 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,588 with floating instruments pegged to the London Interbank Offered Rate. 644 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,551 Which one do you think your man would go for? 645 00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,997 - The second one. - The second one, very smart choice. 646 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,828 Pre-payable at the rate of the issuer with a no-call period of three to five years. 647 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,359 But look at me. Ha! 648 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:27,473 What am I doing? Blah, blah, blah. Teaching my grandmother to suck eggs. 649 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,512 So... Don! 650 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:34,352 Finder's fee, huh? Standard... Standard one percent? 651 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,231 - One... - All right. God. 652 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,794 Look at me - crucified. 653 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,195 One and a quarter, then. Bastard. 654 00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:43,390 Should net you 250 thou. 655 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,034 - Lastly, we have the time issue. - How long you got? 656 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:47,672 I have it on good authority 657 00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:50,917 there's a journalist from one of the Sundays sniffing around the story. 658 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,872 Story breaks, bid is dead. 659 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,037 So we have effectively 24 hours to find that money. 660 00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,796 Bottom line, Don... 661 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,432 can you do it? 662 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,434 Can you sell this baby? 663 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,955 James, I could sell salt to a slug. 664 00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,233 You leave it with me. 665 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:13,872 Ha! Good man! 666 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,036 That's what I like to hear. Ha-ha! 667 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:17,559 Salt to a slug! 668 00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,875 - You will call me, as soon as you find out? - Right. 669 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,478 - Ha! - Take care, James! 670 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:27,230 Will do! Salt to a slug! Love it. 671 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:29,509 Hey! 672 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,035 Oh, Lord! Oh, blimey. 673 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,440 Oh, walk away, Don. Out your depth, walk away. 674 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:48,750 It's 250 grand! 675 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,630 Flip strip, mezzanine arrangement, floating pegs. 676 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,116 Oh, you cannot sell this, Don. 677 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,594 You do not understand a bloody word! 678 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:03,473 One phone call, quarter of a million quid. 679 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,478 Nice and calm, Don. Nice and easy. 680 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,792 - Johnny Savage. - Johnny... 681 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,675 I think I need to see your man. I think I might have a deal for him. 682 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,477 - Get in there! - Yeah! 683 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,750 Das ist gut, ja? 684 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,150 The land of 10,000 lakes. 685 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:46,589 Minnesota means "star tinted water" in the Dakota language. 686 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,359 Oh, right, well, you... you know the area. 687 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,233 My father moved to Berlin as a young man. 688 00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:53,554 Before the war? 689 00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:55,551 No, after. 690 00:40:56,560 --> 00:41:00,030 He was otherwise engaged... during. 691 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,309 Right. 692 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,636 They welcomed him, made him feel safe, till he met my mother. 693 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:09,514 Then they moved to New York when I came along, but... 694 00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,313 I've always felt a debt of gratitude to the place. 695 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,709 So, your people sent these over a couple of hours ago. 696 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,672 Boring legal stuff. I haven't had time to read them. 697 00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:24,235 So, you will tell me, what is this deal? 698 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:26,553 OK. 699 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,309 Well... i- it's not a buy, strip and... whip. 700 00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,715 They're offering either a simple shoelace deal - 701 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:34,876 LSO or HRT - 702 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:38,879 with a combination of syndicated loan and high-gain bonds, 703 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,673 or a little mezzanine arrangement. 704 00:41:41,720 --> 00:41:43,517 Revolving credit? 705 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:47,439 All the way round. Superior secured with floating-rate instruments 706 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:50,995 pegged to the London Interface Offered Rate. 707 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,429 Pre-payable at the option of the issuer? 708 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,119 With a no-call period of five to seven, ja? 709 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,673 Three to five, I'm afraid. 710 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:01,788 They know what they're doing, ja? 711 00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,150 Yeah, but you got to move fast, Karl. There's a journalist sniffing around. 712 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,316 If the story breaks, the deal collapses. 713 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,510 I can't be rushed, Johnny. 714 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:10,879 This journalist - 715 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:17,359 warum nicht benutzen das alte wood-chipper, huh? 716 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,709 - Oh, I don't think so, Karl. - Huh? 717 00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:25,517 I shall read it. If I like it, 718 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:29,155 I'll have Johnny call you up tomorrow morning before ten with my answer. 719 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,839 I hope we have a business deal, Herr Coleman. 720 00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:33,639 Das ist alles. 721 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:36,834 The bill. 722 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,314 Oh, oh, I'll get this. 723 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,115 Guten Abend. 724 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,318 Alfie, er... Did... Bitters... 725 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,996 - What was that about a wood chipper? - No, no, no. It's just a joke, you did good. 726 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:49,314 Right. 727 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,513 Blimey. 728 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,839 We are so bloody close, Albert, I can taste it, I tell you we are so bloody... 729 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,155 Ash? Ash? 730 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,710 I've got a great feeling about this, James. I think Schultz wants to invest. 731 00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,432 So... Savage is gonna meet me by ten. 732 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,438 If it's a thumbs-up, they'll need all the sort codes, bank details - 733 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,597 - Everything they need to make the transfer. - I'll e-mail it straight over. 734 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,757 And, Don... I've got a good feeling about it, too. 735 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:10,512 How long has it been now? 736 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:13,639 Nine hours. 737 00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,114 I can't believe it, this is awful. 738 00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:18,993 Yep, completely buggered up the con. 739 00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,670 Well, it's awful for Ash too. 740 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:27,949 Obviously. 741 00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:31,753 You can see him now. 742 00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:45,040 - Oh, Ash! - All right. 743 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,548 I'm so pleased you're OK. 744 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:50,232 How are you feeling? 745 00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,829 Sexually aroused by the feel of your impossibly firm breasts against my chest. 746 00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,952 - Ash, that's my sister. - Ask me what I think about the consultant. 747 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:00,150 - You what? - Just... ask me. 748 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,668 Fine. What do you think about the consultant? 749 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:05,518 I think he's a pompous little git with a tiny head and a mouth like an arse. 750 00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,838 - Albert ask me whether I like your cooking? - Like? I thought you loved my cooking. 751 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,518 - Don't you? - Everything you cook 752 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,437 tastes like the elephant house at London Zoo, 753 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,153 and if I never have to eat another mouthful I shall die a happy man. 754 00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:17,997 I'm sorry, Albert, I'm sorry, Em. 755 00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,270 I don't mean to say these things, but I can't help it. 756 00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,799 What do you mean, you can't help it? 757 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,831 What's wrong with you? What's wrong with him? 758 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:26,553 I'm afraid your friend has developed a very unusual condition 759 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,158 as a result of his head injury. 760 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,033 - What condition? - Creutzman Belling syndrome. 761 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,311 In fact, it's one of the most severe cases I've ever come across. 762 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:37,238 - Sorry, Creutzman what? - Belling syndrome. 763 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,350 It's a rare side effect of certain cranial traumas 764 00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:44,551 with subsequent oedema on the left prefrontal lobe, 765 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:50,118 with the result that the patient develops a complete and profound inability to lie. 766 00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,558 For a conman, something of a handicap, I'd have thought. 767 00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:58,149 - You told him you were a conman? - Yeah, just after I told him I had his wallet. 768 00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:01,636 OK, look, then there's a cure. There must be a cure. Tell me there's a cure. 769 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:03,671 No, there's no cure. 770 00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:05,233 Sometimes it just goes away. 771 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,834 Sometimes people live with it for the rest of their lives. 772 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:15,430 Personally, with you... I hope it's the latter. 773 00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:18,435 - Any other questions? - Is that a syrup? 774 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,388 You're free to go. Good morning to you. 775 00:46:26,240 --> 00:46:29,789 - Are they really impossibly firm? - Yes. Sorry. 776 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:33,799 - Not even my Shepherd Pie? - No. Sorry. 777 00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,833 - The con is over, Ash. This one definitely... - No, no, I won't accept that. 778 00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:40,836 - If you can't lie, you can't con. - Look, 779 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,871 I only tell the truth when I'm asked a direct question. 780 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,229 I can still be Johnny Savage, Albert can still be Karl. 781 00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:48,113 The only problem is if Coleman asks me a direct question 782 00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:49,752 that has an answer that exposes the con. 783 00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:53,429 - That's actually quite a big problem, Ash. - But is it? 784 00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,794 No, not if those questions aren't allowed to be asked. 785 00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:58,068 But how would you stop them? 786 00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:01,999 What if Emma goes to the meeting with Ash as Schultz's lawyer. 787 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,315 Then when Coleman asks Ash a direct question, 788 00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:06,112 Emma, you can distract him, deflect him, 789 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,072 do whatever it takes to make sure Ash doesn't answer the question honestly. 790 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:12,396 - You really think you can pull this off, Ash? - No, not a chance. 791 00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:16,038 But it's worth a try, isn't it? 792 00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:19,755 It's only one meeting, and if we get through that, then we've got him. 793 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:23,637 He has got our dosh. 794 00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,391 Yeah, Emma, what do you think? 795 00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,478 But I'm a woman. Surely I'll just mess things up? 796 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:30,511 Come on, he's met everyone else, it has to be you. 797 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,710 - Please? - Pretty please. 798 00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:35,352 - Go on, then. - Good. 799 00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,358 - OK, how long have we got? - I said I'd call him and arrange a meet. 800 00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:42,188 Right, OK. Then talk at him. Don't give him a chance to get a word in edgeways. 801 00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:44,754 Set up the meeting. We'll take it from there. 802 00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:56,958 Hi, Don, how you doing? I'm good. 803 00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,719 So, I got some news. I think we're in business and we need to meet. 804 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,911 Can I suggest Denbies restaurant again in about an hour? Hope that's OK with you. 805 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,919 Great talking to you, look forward to seeing you later, OK, gotta run now, bye. 806 00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:12,399 Piece of cake. 807 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,148 - Johnny! - Hmm! 808 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,918 Whoo! How are you, mate? 809 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,070 - You good? - He's good! 810 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:32,159 - We're both good. How are you? You good? - Yeah, I'm good. Who are you? 811 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:35,636 - I'm Jess, nice to meet you. - Right. 812 00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:38,516 - Don't tell me. She's your niece, right? - Wrong. 813 00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:41,996 - No, I'm Mr. Schultz's lawyer. - Yeah, sure you are, darling. 814 00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:45,316 You sly old dog. You got any more secrets you're not telling me? 815 00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:48,397 - Well, as a matter of fact... - Absolutely not. No, none at all. 816 00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:51,438 Actually, we don't have a lot of time, so can we get straight to it? 817 00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,710 A woman after my own heart. My apologies. 818 00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,638 So, by the sounds of it... we're gonna make some money. 819 00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,432 Well, you're not. 820 00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,597 No. You're not gonna make some money, Mr. Coleman. 821 00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:05,838 - You're gonna make lots of money. - Schultz likes my deal? 822 00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,316 - No, he does... - Doesn't like your deal, he loves your deal. 823 00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:11,078 And, you know, he's good to go, 824 00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,634 so all we need now are the transfer details. 825 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:19,071 - It's that simple? - It hasn't been that simple, Don, trust me. 826 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,237 Right, well, I've got the details right here. 827 00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:23,474 Great. 828 00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:27,471 Yeah. Great. This all looks like it's in order. 829 00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,353 OK, I'll get that transferred straight away. 830 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,391 And unless there's anything else? 831 00:49:34,240 --> 00:49:36,356 - What, that's it? - That's it. 832 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:41,272 - Almost seems too easy. - Well, in a funny sort of way, it is. 833 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:44,149 Well, I can't hang about. 834 00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:46,316 People to see, money to make. Jess, it's been a pleasure. 835 00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,828 - Johnny, I'll speak to you later. - I don't think so. 836 00:49:53,720 --> 00:49:56,553 Ah! Quarter of a million pound. 837 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:03,910 I'm here to see James Buckingham. 838 00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,680 James, me old mate! Get your chequebook out. 839 00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:09,632 As of about 20 minutes ago, you owe me a quarter of a million sovs. 840 00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,875 - Don't you ruddy "mate" me. - You what? 841 00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:13,717 - Schultz's money has just come in. - Yeah. 842 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,194 - 14.36! - Sterling, yeah. And? 843 00:50:16,240 --> 00:50:19,312 And, Don, and... How many times do I have to bloody tell you! 844 00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,430 You, take a tea break. Tea break! 845 00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:28,439 Don the conversion rate was based on the short Libor rate plus 0.25 points. 846 00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:32,109 Those points discounted on the swaps zero-coupon yield 847 00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:36,836 and shifted by 0.15 points to equal the actual market curve basis price. 848 00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:38,438 Making, Don? 849 00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:44,117 Making 14.86 sterling. I mean, I couldn't have been clearer! 850 00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:45,991 - This is kindergarten stuff. - Just... 851 00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,758 Your man is nearly half a million short, 852 00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:51,349 with 40 minutes to go before the papers hit the newsstands and the deal collapses! 853 00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,710 - Jesus! I'm sorry. - Don't-don't... Don't be sorry, Don. 854 00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:56,512 Don't be sorry, be better. 855 00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:00,394 Could you please call your man and get him to wire the rest of the money now! 856 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,477 I'll call my man, Johnny. He'll sort it out. 857 00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,192 I'll call him right now. 858 00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:13,272 - Jess speaking. - I need to speak to him, Jess. 859 00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,392 Johnny's on another call right now and, actually, 860 00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,749 - We're on our way to the airport. - The airport? 861 00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:24,432 Yeah. An ex-business partner of Mr. Schultz has turned up on a pig farm in Connecticut. 862 00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,119 - Well, some of him turned up. - Oh, my God. 863 00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:31,756 I know. Johnny's flying over to the States now to help Mr. Schultz sort things out. 864 00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:33,552 Well? 865 00:51:34,720 --> 00:51:36,676 Just a minute. 866 00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:38,392 We can't get a hold of him. 867 00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,590 Coleman, Coleman, we need that money. 868 00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,557 We need that money and we need it fast! 869 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,068 I don't care if it comes from your account or your client's account, 870 00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:49,715 but if it is not in our account in 37 minutes 871 00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:52,194 the deal collapses, you do not get a penny of your finder's fee 872 00:51:52,240 --> 00:51:54,674 and I might just look at suing your arse for breach of contract 873 00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:56,199 all the way from here to Minne-bloody-sota! 874 00:51:56,240 --> 00:51:58,993 OK! OK, just calm down. Calm down. 875 00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,349 I can transfer the money from Footstar's account. 876 00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,630 No problem. Get it back from Schultz later. 877 00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:05,272 - Good. - I just... 878 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,000 - I just need 15 minutes, James. - We don't have 15 minutes! 879 00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,679 - 15 minutes and you'll have your money! - Look. 880 00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:17,835 Do you see this? Do you want your finder's fee? 881 00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:21,711 It had better be 15. 882 00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:27,714 I need to see Johnny. 883 00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:29,239 Well, like I said... 884 00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:31,669 I need to see Johnny now or the deal's off! 885 00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:37,511 - We have to go back. - No, I can't. 886 00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,915 - Ash, we have to. - Look, I can't. 887 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:49,034 - All right. - OK, OK, we'll get the later flight 888 00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:52,072 and we'll see you back at the restaurant in ten. Bye-bye. 889 00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:57,633 Right, so here's the deal. 890 00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:02,196 There's been a slight bollocks with the figures, some currency rate issue. 891 00:53:02,240 --> 00:53:05,357 Bottom line is Schultz is 500 grand light. 892 00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:09,279 I don't want to bother him on his day off - he's got better things to think about. 893 00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,756 So... I have my bank on the line here. 894 00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:15,829 I'm prepared to transfer the funds from my account 895 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:17,632 and get it back from the German later. 896 00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:19,511 OK, but... 897 00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:23,269 500 grand's a lot of money, Johnny. It's a lot of money. 898 00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,198 So... before I do the deal... 899 00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:31,671 I need to look you in the eye and ask you, Johnny, is there any reason... 900 00:53:31,720 --> 00:53:33,278 any reason at all... 901 00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:34,958 why I should be nervous... 902 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,468 - About doing this? - Mr. Coleman, I can assure you... 903 00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:40,592 Sorry, darling, no offence, but this is a man I've already done business with. 904 00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,313 This is a man I know I can trust. 905 00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:45,271 I need to hear it from him. 906 00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,198 Johnny, is there any reason, 907 00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:49,878 any reason at all, 908 00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:53,310 why I should not transfer the money? 909 00:53:58,240 --> 00:54:02,950 Well, of course there is. It's a con, and you are being completely turned over. 910 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,595 If you transfer that half a million, you'll never see it again. 911 00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:12,194 Wha...? 912 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,878 What can I tell you, Don? 913 00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,992 I'm a professional con artist! 914 00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:33,476 In fact... so is Jess here. 915 00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,750 Yeah, we're a team, Don, we're in it together. 916 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,598 - Yeah, I'm not a football agent. - I'm not a lawyer. 917 00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:41,837 - Johnny's not my real name. - I'm called Emma. Emma! 918 00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:46,791 - So you're not really an American? - No, I'm from London, ain't I? 919 00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:50,272 Oh, and that 50 grand you gave me, that was just to pull me in, right? 920 00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,197 Yeah, right, that was to earn your trust. 921 00:54:52,240 --> 00:54:55,357 - It's what we call it a convincer! - And we call you the mark. 922 00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,154 And I've fallen for it - hook, line and sinker? 923 00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:01,634 So we thought, but now you've seen through us. 924 00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,274 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll come quietly, officer. 925 00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,952 - Genius! - Isn't it? Yeah! 926 00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:11,595 - You crack me up! - I crack me up, Don. I crack me up. 927 00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,279 Yeah, it's Don Coleman. Transfer the money. It's all good. 928 00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:17,072 It's fine, transfer the money. 929 00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:19,634 - Con artists! - Oh, my God. 930 00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:22,797 Oh, you like that! Tell me honestly, you liked that? 931 00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:24,478 Oi! Champagne! 932 00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:29,109 Come on. 933 00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:31,919 Here we go. 934 00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:37,798 Yes! Now that is what I'm talking about! 935 00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:40,274 Come on! That's the one! 936 00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:43,589 Con artists. 937 00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:55,268 James? 938 00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:00,633 Buckingham? Someone? 939 00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:04,474 Anyone? 940 00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,472 No! 941 00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:13,714 And a superb bit of play there by Morgan and Kennedy, 942 00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:17,435 and a richly deserved victory for... 943 00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:19,550 Railton FC. 944 00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,668 So... d'you think Coleman'll come looking for us? 945 00:56:25,720 --> 00:56:27,676 No, I think he'll be otherwise distracted. 946 00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:32,475 As far as he's concerned, he has lost Karl Schultz's 20 million to a con artist. 947 00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:35,114 If I were him, I'd be keeping a very low profile. 948 00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:37,439 Oh, yes! 949 00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:38,794 Railton! 950 00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:42,833 - Things couldn't have worked out better. - Yeah, except for Ash. 951 00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:45,553 Mickey, what the hell are we gonna do about him? 952 00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,873 - Ash! - What? Is he all right? 953 00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:52,433 Ash, are you OK? 954 00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:56,795 - What happened? - How many fingers am I holding up? 955 00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,513 - One. - Oh, Ash. 956 00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:01,916 - Joking. Four, love. I'm absolutely fine. - Wait, wait, wait. A joke? 957 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:03,188 - Lie. - Lie. 958 00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:04,229 Lie. 959 00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:05,315 - Lie! - Lie. 960 00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:06,236 - What's your name? - Bob. 961 00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:07,156 - How old are you? - 21. 962 00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:08,952 - What d'you do for a living, Bob? - I'm a brain surgeon. 963 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,468 - It's Albert, how do you like my cooking? - Oh, Albert, I love it. 964 00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:14,990 I absolutely love it! 965 00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,396 Yeah, yeah. Here's to us! 966 00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:25,193 We're back on! Cheers! 967 00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:34,909 An anonymous donor, apparently. 968 00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:36,552 Over 200 grand. 969 00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,589 Restores your faith, doesn't it? 970 00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,151 Don't come near me with that thing. 971 00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:51,838 Dog roll, can't beat it. 972 00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:55,554 I wouldn't even ask why they call it that. 973 00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:58,273 - It's delicious. Pure minced lips and hoof. - Oh! 974 00:57:58,320 --> 00:57:59,833 - Organic? - Oh, of course. 975 00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:02,599 - Now don't mock until you've tried it. - Not a chance. 976 00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:14,830 Come on, you, Railton!