1 00:00:56,258 --> 00:00:58,749 Billy Boy! Get your ass ready. 2 00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:01,694 It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy needs to get his drink on. 3 00:01:01,764 --> 00:01:03,857 - No, no, no. Give me that. - Don't. 4 00:01:03,932 --> 00:01:06,162 - I'm gonna burn it once and for all. - Stop that. 5 00:01:06,235 --> 00:01:08,863 Dude, it's been six months. It's time to move on, okay? 6 00:01:08,937 --> 00:01:11,098 Whatever. Even if I wanted to meet other women, 7 00:01:11,173 --> 00:01:12,470 I wouldn't even know what to do. 8 00:01:12,541 --> 00:01:14,441 I've been out of the game for so long. 9 00:01:14,510 --> 00:01:17,502 Dude, you come out with me tonight, I promise you will get laid. 10 00:01:17,579 --> 00:01:19,638 Yeah, it sounds very tempting, 11 00:01:19,715 --> 00:01:21,512 but Berenson needs me to update these financial models 12 00:01:21,583 --> 00:01:23,244 for the meeting with the foreign investors. 13 00:01:23,318 --> 00:01:24,785 So what? It's Friday night. 14 00:01:24,853 --> 00:01:26,582 The Germans are taking an early flight back. 15 00:01:26,655 --> 00:01:28,247 The meeting got changed to tomorrow. 16 00:01:28,323 --> 00:01:30,154 So? Why don't you just get somebody else 17 00:01:30,225 --> 00:01:31,783 to do your work for you? 18 00:01:31,860 --> 00:01:33,088 Who? 19 00:01:33,162 --> 00:01:37,189 Harold, I need you to update those models for me. 20 00:01:37,266 --> 00:01:39,894 - Billy, aren't you supposed to... - I know. Something just came up. 21 00:01:39,968 --> 00:01:42,061 I have this meeting with these new clients tonight, 22 00:01:42,137 --> 00:01:44,935 and I'm never gonna have time to get to those. 23 00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:47,567 So that's your responsibility now, big boy. 24 00:01:47,643 --> 00:01:50,407 Make sure those are in by 9:00 sharp tomorrow. 25 00:01:50,479 --> 00:01:52,777 With all the downsizing that's been going on around here, 26 00:01:52,848 --> 00:01:55,976 we wouldn't want to have to tell Berenson you've been slacking, now would we? 27 00:02:02,858 --> 00:02:04,382 Yeah. 28 00:02:04,460 --> 00:02:06,360 Okay, no problem. 29 00:02:06,428 --> 00:02:07,793 Hey. 30 00:02:07,863 --> 00:02:10,195 You have a great weekend, okay, buddy? 31 00:02:10,265 --> 00:02:12,893 I owe you one. Just one. 32 00:02:13,402 --> 00:02:14,391 Thank you. 33 00:02:22,778 --> 00:02:26,305 Wow! That was amazing. I cannot believe how easy that was. 34 00:02:26,381 --> 00:02:28,542 Dude, how do you think I get all my shit done? 35 00:02:28,617 --> 00:02:30,778 I'm telling you, those Asian guys love crunching numbers. 36 00:02:30,853 --> 00:02:32,844 You probably just made his weekend. 37 00:02:34,756 --> 00:02:36,155 Chick magnet 38 00:02:36,225 --> 00:02:38,887 Chick magnet. Chick magnet 39 00:02:38,961 --> 00:02:41,293 Chick magnet. Yeah 40 00:02:41,363 --> 00:02:42,660 Fuck. 41 00:02:43,532 --> 00:02:45,261 An excellent point, Mr. Patel. 42 00:02:45,334 --> 00:02:47,859 You are one of the finest applicants I have ever interviewed. 43 00:02:47,936 --> 00:02:49,130 Thank you. 44 00:02:49,204 --> 00:02:53,231 It comes as no surprise. Your father is highly respected in his field. 45 00:02:53,308 --> 00:02:54,969 As you probably heard from your old man, 46 00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:58,171 he and I had some pretty wild times back in med school. 47 00:02:58,247 --> 00:02:59,407 Really? 48 00:02:59,481 --> 00:03:02,507 Yeah. We started our own basketball team... 49 00:03:02,584 --> 00:03:04,518 the Hemoglobin Trotters. 50 00:03:05,053 --> 00:03:07,613 Hemo-globin Trotters... get it? 51 00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:13,059 A play on the name of the famous colored, Negro basketball squad... 52 00:03:13,128 --> 00:03:15,358 black, African-American. 53 00:03:15,430 --> 00:03:18,160 You know, people of colors. 54 00:03:18,233 --> 00:03:21,828 Let's end up with one final question, just as a formality. 55 00:03:21,904 --> 00:03:25,840 What are some potential symptoms of pancreatitis? 56 00:03:25,908 --> 00:03:28,900 Well, you would have epigastric tenderness, 57 00:03:28,977 --> 00:03:30,808 diffuse abdominal tenderness... 58 00:03:31,580 --> 00:03:33,844 I'm sorry. Can you hold on one second? 59 00:03:35,784 --> 00:03:37,376 Kumar's phone. Kumar speaking. 60 00:03:37,452 --> 00:03:39,215 Hey, what's up? It's me. What are you doing? 61 00:03:39,288 --> 00:03:41,381 Nothing important. I can talk. What's going on? 62 00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:45,722 Listen, I can't party tonight, okay? I gotta stay late at the office. 63 00:03:45,794 --> 00:03:47,728 Dude, fuck that shit. We had plans. 64 00:03:47,796 --> 00:03:49,821 I know, but I got a lot of work to do. 65 00:03:49,898 --> 00:03:53,299 When has getting high ever prevented you from doing your work? 66 00:03:53,368 --> 00:03:54,357 Jesus! 67 00:03:55,771 --> 00:03:58,035 Believe me. I would love to come home. Okay? 68 00:03:58,106 --> 00:03:59,869 - I got a lot of work to do. - Thank you. I'll do that. 69 00:03:59,942 --> 00:04:02,035 I got a quarter of the finest herb in New York City. 70 00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:03,805 I'm not smoking that shit alone, okay? 71 00:04:03,879 --> 00:04:06,609 So you need to just chill the fuck out and prepare to get blazed 72 00:04:06,682 --> 00:04:08,274 because in the next couple of hours, 73 00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:10,477 I expect both of us to be blitzed out of our skulls, got it? 74 00:04:10,552 --> 00:04:11,746 All right, I got it. 75 00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:14,254 I'll talk to you later. Where was I? 76 00:04:14,323 --> 00:04:17,690 We've got the severe anal discharge, sometimes violent... a.k.a. Diarrhea. 77 00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:20,592 Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar with diarrhea. 78 00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:23,529 Do you actually believe after the way you've just behaved 79 00:04:23,599 --> 00:04:26,329 that I would ever even consider recommending you for admission? 80 00:04:26,401 --> 00:04:28,266 No. I'm gonna be honest with you. 81 00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:29,326 The only reason I'm applying 82 00:04:29,404 --> 00:04:30,701 is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. 83 00:04:30,772 --> 00:04:32,433 I really don't have a desire to go to med school. 84 00:04:32,507 --> 00:04:35,067 But you have perfect MCAT scores. 85 00:04:35,143 --> 00:04:37,111 Yeah. Just 'cause you're hung like a moose 86 00:04:37,179 --> 00:04:38,874 doesn't mean you gotta do porn. 87 00:04:39,414 --> 00:04:41,439 Get out! Bernadette, show this young man to the door! 88 00:04:41,516 --> 00:04:45,077 And please bring in some fresh diarrhe... dry towels! 89 00:05:20,722 --> 00:05:21,984 Yes! 90 00:05:22,057 --> 00:05:24,287 Right in front of the door. 91 00:05:27,562 --> 00:05:29,496 This is America, dude! Learn how to drive! 92 00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:30,929 Better "ruck" tomorrow! 93 00:05:33,168 --> 00:05:36,001 - Extreme! - Fucking assholes. 94 00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:38,734 Fuck. 95 00:06:17,746 --> 00:06:19,179 Okay. 96 00:06:20,282 --> 00:06:23,774 Be yourself. Don't be nervous. 97 00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:45,133 So, Maria, what's been goin' on? 98 00:06:45,207 --> 00:06:49,166 I actually had a very long week at work. How about you? 99 00:06:49,244 --> 00:06:51,576 Work was good. I caught up on some sleep. 100 00:06:51,646 --> 00:06:54,274 Plus, the guy who works next to me decided to bathe for a change. 101 00:06:54,349 --> 00:06:55,646 Really? 102 00:06:55,717 --> 00:06:57,582 So what are you up to tonight? 103 00:06:57,652 --> 00:06:59,916 Actually, I'm just gonna be sitting on my ass, 104 00:06:59,988 --> 00:07:01,649 probably eat a whole pint of Haagen-Dazs 105 00:07:01,723 --> 00:07:02,917 while I watch Blind Date. 106 00:07:02,991 --> 00:07:05,619 Well, that sounds awful. 107 00:07:07,696 --> 00:07:09,163 If you want some company, 108 00:07:09,231 --> 00:07:12,064 maybe you can come over and sit on your ass at my place. 109 00:07:13,268 --> 00:07:14,735 That sounds nice. 110 00:08:01,449 --> 00:08:02,814 Bye. 111 00:08:04,753 --> 00:08:06,778 Bye. Bye. 112 00:08:22,437 --> 00:08:23,631 Kumar. 113 00:08:23,705 --> 00:08:25,002 Yo. 114 00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:32,803 Yo, Kumar. 115 00:08:34,349 --> 00:08:35,941 Yo, I'm in here, dude. 116 00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:45,319 Hey! What the hell are you doing? 117 00:08:45,393 --> 00:08:47,657 I'm trimming my pubes. 118 00:08:47,729 --> 00:08:50,027 Why aren't you doing this in your room, man? 119 00:08:50,098 --> 00:08:52,589 The mirror's in here. Hey, check it out. It's like a bonsai tree. 120 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:53,656 Hey! 121 00:08:53,735 --> 00:08:56,033 Besides, man, it makes your johnson look totally bigger. 122 00:08:56,104 --> 00:08:57,833 Please! 123 00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:02,403 Are those my scissors? Dude, I trim my nose hair with those! 124 00:09:02,477 --> 00:09:05,571 Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months. 125 00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:11,511 Get out! Get out of my room. 126 00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:22,424 Kumar. It's Daddy. 127 00:09:22,497 --> 00:09:24,556 I hope your interview today was good. 128 00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:27,067 I'm calling to remind you that you have another one tomorrow 129 00:09:27,135 --> 00:09:30,593 with Dr. Wein from Cornell at 10 a.m. Do not be late. 130 00:09:30,672 --> 00:09:32,867 - Hook it up, bi-yatch. - Let's do it. 131 00:09:41,616 --> 00:09:43,049 Fuck! 132 00:09:46,755 --> 00:09:49,781 In tonight's top story. A cheetah escaped earlier today 133 00:09:49,858 --> 00:09:51,621 from the Morristown Zoo. 134 00:09:51,693 --> 00:09:55,595 Oh, nice. Sixteen Candles is on, man. 135 00:09:55,664 --> 00:09:58,064 And the award for the least heterosexual statement 136 00:09:58,133 --> 00:10:01,534 ever made in this apartment goes to... Harold Lee. 137 00:10:01,603 --> 00:10:04,071 Come on down, man. Take a bow. 138 00:10:04,139 --> 00:10:06,107 Shut up, man. It's a classic. 139 00:10:06,174 --> 00:10:08,199 It's a very beautiful story about someone 140 00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:11,541 who feels unnoticed, unappreciated, unloved, you know? 141 00:10:11,613 --> 00:10:13,478 - Turn it. - It's a good one, though. 142 00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:14,572 Homo. 143 00:10:14,649 --> 00:10:16,913 Come on. Dude. Just take one hit. 144 00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:19,985 Don't you wanna be cool? 145 00:10:25,393 --> 00:10:27,588 Hey. Man. What are you doin'? 146 00:10:27,662 --> 00:10:29,721 I'm so high! 147 00:10:30,899 --> 00:10:32,298 Nothing can hurt me. 148 00:10:33,668 --> 00:10:35,499 No! 149 00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:38,596 - Marijuana kills. - I love that shit. 150 00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:40,999 We're so high right now. 151 00:10:41,076 --> 00:10:42,441 We're not low. 152 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:45,911 Dude, I don't know about you, but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls. 153 00:10:45,981 --> 00:10:47,539 No shit, dude. Let's eat. 154 00:10:47,615 --> 00:10:50,106 No, I don't feel like delivery tonight. 155 00:10:50,185 --> 00:10:53,313 - What about KFC? - We've been there too many times. 156 00:10:53,388 --> 00:10:56,084 I want something we haven't had in a while. 157 00:10:56,658 --> 00:11:00,059 Something different, something that'll really hit the spot. 158 00:11:01,096 --> 00:11:03,121 I want the perfect food. 159 00:11:03,198 --> 00:11:05,962 Are you hungry? 160 00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:09,595 Then come to White Castle and try our Slyder Special... 161 00:11:10,972 --> 00:11:15,238 Six burgers. Fries. And a soft drink for only $2.99. 162 00:11:16,444 --> 00:11:20,540 Imagine all those burgers in your stomach right now. 163 00:11:24,352 --> 00:11:27,617 Don't you like food that's tasty and delicious? 164 00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:28,747 I do. 165 00:11:28,823 --> 00:11:30,791 Then what are you waiting for? 166 00:11:30,859 --> 00:11:33,953 Head over to White Castle. It's what you crave. 167 00:11:35,597 --> 00:11:37,690 You sure you know how to get there? 168 00:11:37,766 --> 00:11:39,791 I haven't been to White Castle in ages. 169 00:11:39,868 --> 00:11:42,428 Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by that multiplex in New Brunswick. 170 00:11:42,504 --> 00:11:43,493 Nice. 171 00:11:43,571 --> 00:11:45,061 - Rosenberg! - Goldstein! 172 00:11:45,707 --> 00:11:49,768 Yo, Manny and Shevitz, get up. We're going to White Castle. 173 00:11:49,844 --> 00:11:52,642 No, we're watching The Gift on HBO. 174 00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:54,477 No, no, no. No watching. We're starving. 175 00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:56,778 Hey, put that back. 176 00:11:56,851 --> 00:11:59,115 No eating until we get to White Castle. Let's roll. 177 00:11:59,187 --> 00:12:00,916 Sorry, kids, we ain't going nowhere. 178 00:12:00,989 --> 00:12:03,219 Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie. 179 00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:05,486 Is that all you Jews ever think about... tits? 180 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,961 Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl. 181 00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:11,863 And I'm gonna see her boobs. 182 00:12:11,933 --> 00:12:14,902 The things I would eat out of her ass... you have no idea! 183 00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:17,500 That is a completely vulgar statement. 184 00:12:17,572 --> 00:12:20,507 So is "I want to bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor." 185 00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:22,338 But it's true. 186 00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:23,399 Touche. 187 00:12:23,478 --> 00:12:24,706 Hey, listen, if... 188 00:12:28,016 --> 00:12:29,813 I think Kumar's a faygele. 189 00:12:29,884 --> 00:12:32,011 They're totally gay for each other. 190 00:12:32,087 --> 00:12:34,453 - Hey, you wanna suck on this? - Uh-huh. 191 00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:37,349 What the hell are you bringing your bag for? 192 00:12:37,425 --> 00:12:39,484 Try to get some work done in the car. 193 00:12:39,561 --> 00:12:41,961 - Here, you're driving. - Shit, I forgot my cell phone. 194 00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:44,157 You wanna run back and get it? 195 00:12:49,771 --> 00:12:51,864 No, we've gone too far. 196 00:12:52,774 --> 00:12:54,708 Hey, there's your girlfriend. 197 00:12:54,776 --> 00:12:56,266 You gonna talk to her this time, 198 00:12:56,344 --> 00:12:58,539 or are you gonna be a Vagina McGinastein about it? 199 00:13:00,181 --> 00:13:01,443 What the hell are you doing? 200 00:13:01,516 --> 00:13:02,881 You could've asked her if she wanted to come to White Castle with us. 201 00:13:02,951 --> 00:13:05,283 - Hold the elevator. Wait! - Hey, how are... 202 00:13:07,021 --> 00:13:08,613 You're worthless. 203 00:13:09,324 --> 00:13:10,916 I'm not worthwhile. 204 00:13:10,992 --> 00:13:13,517 Just fucking talk to her once. It won't be weird anymore. 205 00:13:13,595 --> 00:13:14,994 Look, it doesn't matter. 206 00:13:15,063 --> 00:13:17,861 The only girls who are interested in me are girls I have no interest in. 207 00:13:17,932 --> 00:13:19,126 Like Cindy Kim. 208 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,792 Speaking of Cindy, she called earlier. 209 00:13:20,869 --> 00:13:23,531 One of those Asian clubs she's in is throwing a party at her dorm tonight. 210 00:13:23,605 --> 00:13:25,664 God, she invites me to everything. 211 00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:28,903 So what? She's kind of fuckin' cute. Let her touch your penis. 212 00:13:29,544 --> 00:13:30,909 Oh, look. 213 00:13:30,979 --> 00:13:33,038 It's the Brothers McFag. 214 00:13:33,114 --> 00:13:35,742 Let me guess... the one with the purse is the catcher. 215 00:13:37,085 --> 00:13:39,713 Come on, guys, let's get ourselves some fucking Mountain Dew. 216 00:13:39,787 --> 00:13:40,776 Extreme! 217 00:13:40,855 --> 00:13:42,948 Yeah, extreme assholes. 218 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:44,616 Why do I have to be the catcher? 219 00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:47,160 Dude, forget about those pricks. Let's just get some food. 220 00:13:51,866 --> 00:13:54,960 I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat, like, 20 of those burgers, man. 221 00:13:55,036 --> 00:13:59,666 Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers and raise you 5 orders of fries. 222 00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:03,138 Dude, give me 35 cents. 223 00:14:10,151 --> 00:14:11,846 What's going on? It didn't register. 224 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,150 - What? - Give me 35 more cents. 225 00:14:14,222 --> 00:14:17,453 - I don't have any more change. - Should I just go through? 226 00:14:17,525 --> 00:14:20,016 No, no, I don't like breaking the law. 227 00:14:20,094 --> 00:14:21,618 Yeah, I can see that. 228 00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:25,298 Hey, move your ass! 229 00:14:25,366 --> 00:14:27,493 - I'm sorry. Hold on. - I'm going through. 230 00:14:27,569 --> 00:14:29,264 No, don't. No. No. Hold on. 231 00:14:29,337 --> 00:14:32,204 Let me walk to a manned tollbooth and I'll tell them what happened. 232 00:14:32,273 --> 00:14:35,208 - Sorry! - Move, you fuckin' twat! 233 00:14:35,276 --> 00:14:37,244 - What's the fuckin' holdup here? - Shit. 234 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,210 Move, you retarded cocksucker! Move! 235 00:14:43,017 --> 00:14:45,247 - Are you crazy? - What? 236 00:14:46,721 --> 00:14:48,086 What are you doing? Why you throwing the weed out?! 237 00:14:48,156 --> 00:14:50,386 - The cops are gonna catch us. - No, they're not. Not for that. 238 00:14:50,458 --> 00:14:51,516 - Take this exit. - What? 239 00:14:51,593 --> 00:14:52,753 - Take this exit! - No! 240 00:14:52,827 --> 00:14:54,192 Dude! 241 00:14:54,262 --> 00:14:56,025 You know, that was the last of our weed. 242 00:14:56,097 --> 00:14:58,588 Sorry. I get a little paranoid sometimes. 243 00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:00,395 Now we're in Newark, of all places. 244 00:15:00,468 --> 00:15:02,333 You know we're gonna get shot. 245 00:15:02,403 --> 00:15:05,998 Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype. 246 00:15:06,074 --> 00:15:08,872 Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us. 247 00:15:14,382 --> 00:15:15,576 - Holy shit! - Holy shit! 248 00:15:21,122 --> 00:15:23,113 Let's get the fuck outta here. 249 00:15:24,392 --> 00:15:27,418 - Go! Go! Drive! Drive! - Yeah, that was your fault. 250 00:15:27,495 --> 00:15:29,019 - Fuck you. - Fuck you. 251 00:15:32,033 --> 00:15:33,398 Yo, check it out. We're almost there. 252 00:15:33,468 --> 00:15:34,992 Thank God. I'm starving. 253 00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:39,062 - Hello, New Brunswick! - Prepare to gorge yourself. 254 00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:41,472 You know... We need some tunage for this. 255 00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:43,100 Presets. Use the presets. 256 00:15:43,177 --> 00:15:45,042 Oh, come on, dude, your whole life is preset. 257 00:15:45,113 --> 00:15:46,478 Try something new. 258 00:15:48,349 --> 00:15:51,113 Where is this place? Isn't it supposed to be right around here? 259 00:15:51,185 --> 00:15:53,710 - Chill. We'll find it. - Wait a second... is that the multiplex? 260 00:15:53,788 --> 00:15:55,346 - Yes. - Sweet! 261 00:15:55,423 --> 00:15:58,017 That means the White Castle should be right around the corner. 262 00:15:59,761 --> 00:16:01,126 What the hell is going on, Kumar? 263 00:16:01,195 --> 00:16:02,958 That does not look like a White Castle to me. 264 00:16:03,031 --> 00:16:05,556 Uh-uh. Dude, we gotta check this out. 265 00:16:10,338 --> 00:16:13,705 Hey, look here, fellas. You guys gonna have to order from the drive-thru menu. 266 00:16:13,775 --> 00:16:15,800 What happened to the White Castle? 267 00:16:15,877 --> 00:16:16,866 What? 268 00:16:16,944 --> 00:16:18,844 There used to be a White Castle right here in this location. 269 00:16:18,913 --> 00:16:19,902 Where is it? 270 00:16:19,981 --> 00:16:21,915 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, guys, 271 00:16:21,983 --> 00:16:24,383 but Burger Shack, they bought this location about four years ago. 272 00:16:24,452 --> 00:16:25,441 God! 273 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,283 Please tell me there's another White Castle in town. 274 00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:28,913 - No. - Are you sure? 275 00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:30,014 Do I look like the kind of brother 276 00:16:30,091 --> 00:16:31,649 that would be unsure about something like that? 277 00:16:31,726 --> 00:16:34,092 Shit! What are we gonna do? 278 00:16:34,162 --> 00:16:36,722 I don't know, man. Should we just eat here? 279 00:16:36,798 --> 00:16:37,787 Hey. Psst. 280 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,958 There's a White Castle that's open 24 hours up in Cherry Hill. 281 00:16:43,037 --> 00:16:44,436 It's about 45 minutes from here. 282 00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,268 I can make the trip if you're willing to. 283 00:16:46,341 --> 00:16:48,070 Kumar, I got a shitload of work to finish. 284 00:16:48,142 --> 00:16:49,632 You got that med school interview. 285 00:16:49,711 --> 00:16:52,009 Forget about the med school interview. It's a non-issue. 286 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,570 What do you mean it's a non-issue? 287 00:16:53,648 --> 00:16:56,811 Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? 288 00:16:56,884 --> 00:16:59,978 As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, 289 00:17:00,054 --> 00:17:03,046 if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, 290 00:17:03,124 --> 00:17:04,785 the burgers here just don't cut it. 291 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:11,494 In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers 292 00:17:11,566 --> 00:17:13,534 with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions 293 00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:15,831 that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals 294 00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:17,393 every time you bite into one... 295 00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:22,635 ...just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. 296 00:17:23,745 --> 00:17:26,873 Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! 297 00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:29,348 Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! 298 00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:31,385 Let's burn this motherfucker down! 299 00:17:31,452 --> 00:17:34,046 Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! 300 00:17:36,657 --> 00:17:40,821 So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle. 301 00:17:42,196 --> 00:17:45,495 You can always get your work done in the car. 302 00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:47,830 - Let's do it. - All right. Awesome. 303 00:17:47,902 --> 00:17:51,065 Then listen, listen... no matter what, we are not ending this night 304 00:17:51,139 --> 00:17:52,606 without White Castle in our stomachs. 305 00:17:52,673 --> 00:17:53,867 - Agreed? - Agreed. 306 00:17:54,342 --> 00:17:55,570 Wise choice. 307 00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:57,702 You guys might have wanted to stay away 308 00:17:57,779 --> 00:18:00,145 from our special sauce tonight. 309 00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:02,842 Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. 310 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,110 I'll give you a hint. 311 00:18:09,157 --> 00:18:10,249 It's semen. 312 00:18:13,928 --> 00:18:15,020 Semen. 313 00:18:15,096 --> 00:18:16,427 Animal semen. 314 00:18:25,406 --> 00:18:28,705 Dude, remember when Goldstein used to work at that burger place? 315 00:18:31,846 --> 00:18:34,280 This is the most fucking confusing movie I've ever seen... 316 00:18:34,348 --> 00:18:35,940 she's possessed, she's not possessed. 317 00:18:36,017 --> 00:18:37,780 Dude, that rack better be stacked. 318 00:18:37,852 --> 00:18:40,116 - Tits! Tits! - Boobies, boobies, boobies. 319 00:18:40,188 --> 00:18:42,383 Holy shit! Whoa! 320 00:18:42,457 --> 00:18:43,754 Those aren't real. Yes, they are. 321 00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:46,582 You know, I'm almost completely sober right now. 322 00:18:46,661 --> 00:18:48,686 I wish we had some more weed. 323 00:18:48,763 --> 00:18:50,355 Sorry. 324 00:18:50,431 --> 00:18:52,729 Princeton. 325 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,700 - We're getting off here. - Why? 326 00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:57,465 Because we're gonna sweet-talk Cindy Kim into finding us some weed. 327 00:18:57,538 --> 00:18:58,527 - No. - Why not? 328 00:18:58,606 --> 00:19:00,164 You talk to her on the phone all the time. 329 00:19:00,241 --> 00:19:01,799 She calls me. Then she rambles on 330 00:19:01,876 --> 00:19:04,674 about her East Asian Students Club or whatever. 331 00:19:04,745 --> 00:19:06,076 Then I have to actually pretend that I give a shit 332 00:19:06,147 --> 00:19:07,478 or else she calls me a Twinkie. 333 00:19:07,548 --> 00:19:08,742 A what? 334 00:19:08,816 --> 00:19:11,478 Twinkie... yellow on the outside, white on the inside. 335 00:19:12,053 --> 00:19:13,315 Look, you Twinkie bitch, 336 00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:15,548 you were the one that threw our weed out the window, okay? 337 00:19:15,623 --> 00:19:16,647 So we're going to Princeton, 338 00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:18,282 and it's your responsibility to make sure we're high as shit 339 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,122 by the time we're eating those burgers. 340 00:19:20,194 --> 00:19:22,992 Forget it. End of discussion. 341 00:19:23,064 --> 00:19:25,658 I am not seeing Cindy Kim. 342 00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:27,496 Harold, I'm so glad you showed up. 343 00:19:27,568 --> 00:19:29,832 Yeah, me too. 344 00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:33,067 Did you like the hibiscus petals I glued to the envelope I sent you? 345 00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:35,768 Yeah, they were nice. 346 00:19:37,345 --> 00:19:39,472 Hey, dude, you know where I can get some green? 347 00:19:42,316 --> 00:19:44,978 Dude, you know where I can get some chronic? 348 00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:47,486 Jesus, what the hell kind of lvy League school is this? 349 00:19:47,555 --> 00:19:48,886 Man. 350 00:19:48,956 --> 00:19:50,218 Over here, man. 351 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:52,690 You lookin' to toke up? 352 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,125 - Yes. - Yes? 353 00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:56,891 Thank Christ. Just give me a dime of your finest sticky. 354 00:19:56,964 --> 00:20:00,365 You wanna see sticky-icky, my friend? 355 00:20:02,036 --> 00:20:03,128 Oh, my God! 356 00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:04,796 Whoa, man! 357 00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:06,806 Don't touch, man. That's not cool. 358 00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,535 You can't... 359 00:20:08,609 --> 00:20:10,668 Jeez! This is my baby! 360 00:20:17,385 --> 00:20:18,374 Yes? 361 00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:20,443 Kenneth Park, class of 2004. 362 00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:21,510 - Hi. - Hi. 363 00:20:21,589 --> 00:20:24,114 Is it true you're an analyst for Brewster Keegan? 364 00:20:25,593 --> 00:20:26,992 Yes, I'm a junior analyst. 365 00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:28,528 Awesome! 366 00:20:30,531 --> 00:20:32,055 I told you, he's good. 367 00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:38,967 - Yes. - This is actually a two-part question. 368 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,372 I'm applying for a summer internship at Brewster Keegan. 369 00:20:41,442 --> 00:20:44,741 I was wondering, a) what's it like being an investment banker, 370 00:20:44,812 --> 00:20:47,440 and b) would you write me a recommendation? 371 00:20:49,617 --> 00:20:51,881 Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks. 372 00:20:51,953 --> 00:20:53,352 - 80 bucks? - Yeah, 80 bucks. 373 00:20:53,421 --> 00:20:55,889 Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro. 374 00:20:55,957 --> 00:20:57,857 "Bro"? I'm not your bro, bro. 375 00:20:57,925 --> 00:20:59,392 Okay, and that's 80 bucks. 376 00:20:59,460 --> 00:21:01,018 You don't feel like getting high tonight? 377 00:21:01,095 --> 00:21:03,893 If you don't feel like getting high, that's cool with me, 378 00:21:03,965 --> 00:21:06,024 because there's lots of people around here. See this guy? 379 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,089 Hey, loser. 380 00:21:07,168 --> 00:21:09,693 Hey, what's up, George? I smoke buds with George all the time. 381 00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:11,738 What kind of hippie are you? 382 00:21:11,806 --> 00:21:14,434 What kind of hippie am I? Man, I'm a business hippie. 383 00:21:14,508 --> 00:21:16,772 I understand the concept of supply and demand. 384 00:21:16,844 --> 00:21:19,574 "What's it like being an investment banker?" 385 00:21:19,647 --> 00:21:23,310 To be honest with you, it's actually pretty aw... 386 00:21:26,754 --> 00:21:28,449 ...awesome. 387 00:21:28,522 --> 00:21:29,511 Excellent! 388 00:21:29,590 --> 00:21:33,219 As for the recommendation, I guess I can make a couple calls. 389 00:21:33,294 --> 00:21:35,728 Actually, Harold, we should be getting to the party. 390 00:21:35,796 --> 00:21:37,263 We can discuss all this stuff on the way there. 391 00:21:37,331 --> 00:21:38,889 - It's just down the hall. - Okay. 392 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:42,925 I'm sorry. I can't go. I have to wait for Kumar. 393 00:21:43,004 --> 00:21:44,494 You'll see him when we're done. 394 00:21:44,572 --> 00:21:46,733 Trust me, you're gonna love this. 395 00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:49,503 Kenny's mom dropped off a big pot of kimchi jigae. 396 00:21:49,577 --> 00:21:52,068 It's really good. It's delicious. 397 00:21:52,146 --> 00:21:53,204 Yeah? 398 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,907 That's nice. 399 00:21:55,416 --> 00:21:57,407 - 80 bucks, okay? - Okay. 400 00:21:57,485 --> 00:22:00,545 - Hello. - Are you guys about to smoke? 401 00:22:00,621 --> 00:22:03,556 Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you wanna come back to my place? 402 00:22:03,624 --> 00:22:06,525 Please, like they want to go listen to a bunch of Phish records 403 00:22:06,594 --> 00:22:08,789 while you read your lame-ass poetry. 404 00:22:08,863 --> 00:22:10,421 Girls, you guys wanna hang out, 405 00:22:10,498 --> 00:22:12,591 maybe smoke a little weed and have some fun? 406 00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:14,635 - All right. - All right. 407 00:22:14,702 --> 00:22:16,567 My poetry's not lame. It's really good. 408 00:22:16,637 --> 00:22:18,537 - Yeah, I'm sure. - It's great. 409 00:22:18,606 --> 00:22:20,233 We're gonna eat before this gets cold. 410 00:22:20,307 --> 00:22:23,401 What you say we meet back in our room in about 20 minutes? 411 00:22:23,477 --> 00:22:24,910 We're in room 109. 412 00:22:24,979 --> 00:22:28,415 109. Got it. I'll see you ladies later, huh? 413 00:22:28,482 --> 00:22:29,779 Yes! 414 00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:34,014 109. We'll see you ladies later. Yes! 415 00:22:34,555 --> 00:22:35,886 We're getting laid, bro. 416 00:22:39,427 --> 00:22:41,327 All right, I'll see you there, man. 417 00:22:42,596 --> 00:22:45,793 20... 20... 208? 418 00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:48,198 208. Yes! 208! 419 00:22:49,336 --> 00:22:51,327 Roldy, dude, you gotta come quick. 420 00:22:51,405 --> 00:22:55,205 There's these two filthy pussies just aching to get boned by us. 421 00:22:56,243 --> 00:22:59,542 I mean, there are these two very lovely young pussies 422 00:22:59,613 --> 00:23:01,547 who would like to have a chat with you and I. 423 00:23:01,615 --> 00:23:04,106 Sorry. Harold's coming with us. 424 00:23:04,185 --> 00:23:06,312 That's bullshit. He's coming with me. Isn't that right, Roldy? 425 00:23:07,421 --> 00:23:09,150 - Let's go to the party. - No, no, no. Fuck that. 426 00:23:09,223 --> 00:23:12,386 Here. This is Harold's understudy. You can do whatever you want. 427 00:23:12,460 --> 00:23:13,722 Roldy, let's go. 428 00:23:14,729 --> 00:23:15,957 Sorry. 429 00:23:16,030 --> 00:23:17,861 I can't believe you were gonna ditch me for the Joy Luck Club. 430 00:23:17,932 --> 00:23:19,365 You know what their parties are like. 431 00:23:19,433 --> 00:23:21,731 What do you want me to say? I was under pressure. 432 00:23:21,802 --> 00:23:23,827 Just say no. That's all it takes. Here. 433 00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:25,166 All right, take a hit of that. 434 00:23:25,239 --> 00:23:26,536 What's going on up there? 435 00:23:26,607 --> 00:23:29,007 Barracuda to Sparrow, Barracuda to Sparrow. 436 00:23:29,076 --> 00:23:31,567 We got two high-fliers on level three. 437 00:23:35,716 --> 00:23:38,207 I just wanna talk! 438 00:23:40,988 --> 00:23:42,421 Dude, in here, in here. 439 00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:43,980 Women! 440 00:23:44,058 --> 00:23:45,889 What if someone finds us in here? 441 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,451 Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna look for us in the girls' bathroom. 442 00:23:51,031 --> 00:23:52,396 Shit! Come here. 443 00:23:53,033 --> 00:23:55,797 It worked on me. There's no reason it shouldn't work on you. 444 00:23:55,870 --> 00:23:58,395 But your breasts look beautiful. 445 00:23:58,472 --> 00:24:01,373 I just want those cute little ping-pong breasts. 446 00:24:01,442 --> 00:24:03,376 You know, that kind of go... 447 00:24:05,179 --> 00:24:07,010 Hurry up because I want to go smoke weed 448 00:24:07,081 --> 00:24:08,878 with that dishy Indian guy. 449 00:24:08,949 --> 00:24:10,814 It's gonna be a few minutes. 450 00:24:10,885 --> 00:24:14,377 I'm about to have the worst case of taco shits. 451 00:24:14,455 --> 00:24:15,888 Oh, God. 452 00:24:22,296 --> 00:24:24,321 Great, I think I've got to go, too. 453 00:24:42,149 --> 00:24:45,482 Hey, Clarissa, do you want to play battle shits? 454 00:24:45,553 --> 00:24:47,919 - Oh, my God! - Battle shits? 455 00:24:47,988 --> 00:24:50,980 We haven't played that since back at camp. 456 00:24:51,058 --> 00:24:53,026 I know, I know. Wait for it. 457 00:24:58,799 --> 00:25:00,096 Hit. 458 00:25:03,204 --> 00:25:05,502 Scag! You sank my destroyer! 459 00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:15,504 Fuck! 460 00:25:17,251 --> 00:25:19,515 I can't take it anymore! 461 00:25:22,823 --> 00:25:24,290 Christy, are you still there? 462 00:25:27,061 --> 00:25:30,360 Damn! You sank my battle shit! 463 00:25:30,431 --> 00:25:31,921 Shit. 464 00:25:35,402 --> 00:25:36,426 Dude! 465 00:25:38,339 --> 00:25:40,307 She said in 20-10? 466 00:25:40,374 --> 00:25:42,604 Have you seen a Korean guy around here? 467 00:25:42,676 --> 00:25:45,543 Yeah, only when I open my eyes, though. 468 00:25:46,614 --> 00:25:47,808 'Tard. 469 00:25:50,551 --> 00:25:52,576 20-11. 470 00:26:00,761 --> 00:26:02,194 Yo, this party's bumpin'! 471 00:26:02,263 --> 00:26:05,027 - Who wants some Buda? - Yeah! 472 00:26:05,099 --> 00:26:08,660 Holy shit! Kenneth Park, class of 2004. 473 00:26:08,736 --> 00:26:11,967 Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up by not coming to this party. 474 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:11,280 Hey, you! 475 00:26:12,039 --> 00:26:13,700 I screwed up? 476 00:26:12,089 --> 00:26:13,147 Shit! 477 00:26:13,223 --> 00:26:15,088 Hey! 478 00:26:16,426 --> 00:26:18,257 - Hey! - Let's get 'em! Halt! 479 00:26:18,328 --> 00:26:20,592 - Hey. - Hey. 480 00:26:20,664 --> 00:26:22,825 - Harold! Harold! - No, no, no. 481 00:26:23,867 --> 00:26:25,300 - Hey, dude! - Come here! 482 00:26:27,804 --> 00:26:29,294 Well, well, well. 483 00:26:29,373 --> 00:26:31,170 - What do we have here? - Oh, no! That's my baby! 484 00:26:31,241 --> 00:26:33,573 Hold his throat and groin. Come on, rookie. 485 00:26:33,644 --> 00:26:35,236 Should we go back for the weed? 486 00:26:35,312 --> 00:26:36,711 Are you crazy? Run! Run! 487 00:26:38,982 --> 00:26:41,974 I can't believe it, man. We were this close to getting laid. 488 00:26:42,052 --> 00:26:43,485 Oh, dude, you always exaggerate. 489 00:26:43,553 --> 00:26:46,021 The diarrhea twins definitely would have had sex with us. 490 00:26:46,089 --> 00:26:48,489 What about Cindy? She was looking kinda cute tonight, man. 491 00:26:48,558 --> 00:26:50,788 Cindy's fine. It's just... 492 00:26:50,861 --> 00:26:51,850 - Just what? - We... 493 00:26:51,928 --> 00:26:53,555 Oh, you'd rather have Maria. 494 00:26:53,630 --> 00:26:54,619 Look, it doesn't matter. 495 00:26:54,698 --> 00:26:56,962 I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim whether I like it or not. 496 00:26:57,034 --> 00:27:00,128 Can we just drop this and get our asses to White Castle, man? 497 00:27:00,203 --> 00:27:02,330 Fine. Maria. 498 00:27:05,442 --> 00:27:06,636 What are you doing? 499 00:27:06,710 --> 00:27:08,769 Daddy needs to urinate. 500 00:27:09,713 --> 00:27:10,805 Hurry up! 501 00:27:12,716 --> 00:27:14,343 I'm serious. Don't take all night. 502 00:27:14,418 --> 00:27:15,851 All right. 503 00:27:57,227 --> 00:27:59,695 - Excuse me, I have to... - Huh? 504 00:27:59,763 --> 00:28:03,756 I have to ask you. Why are you peeing right here? 505 00:28:03,834 --> 00:28:05,028 What? 506 00:28:05,102 --> 00:28:07,764 I mean, why'd you pee right next to me 507 00:28:07,838 --> 00:28:10,102 when you could choose that bush or... 508 00:28:10,173 --> 00:28:12,141 This is a good bush to pee on. 509 00:28:13,143 --> 00:28:15,668 Why are you peeing on it? 510 00:28:15,746 --> 00:28:17,873 Well, no one was here when I chose this bush. 511 00:28:17,948 --> 00:28:19,074 Oh. 512 00:28:19,149 --> 00:28:22,016 So you get to pee on it and no one else does? Huh? 513 00:28:22,085 --> 00:28:24,417 - No, I just... - This your bush? 514 00:28:24,488 --> 00:28:26,956 You have a special bond with this bush? 515 00:28:27,023 --> 00:28:29,958 - No, I just thought that... - You the king of the forest? 516 00:28:30,026 --> 00:28:31,254 - I'm sorry? - What? 517 00:28:31,328 --> 00:28:35,025 Are you a fuckin' tree-hugger? Is this your special bush?! 518 00:28:35,098 --> 00:28:37,623 Never mind. Forget it. I really don't feel like getting stabbed tonight. 519 00:28:43,173 --> 00:28:44,401 Nice pubes. 520 00:28:48,145 --> 00:28:49,134 Thanks. 521 00:29:12,469 --> 00:29:14,460 Do you even know where you're going? 522 00:29:14,538 --> 00:29:16,631 I'm gonna be honest, I'm a little lost, but, you know, 523 00:29:16,706 --> 00:29:18,799 once we get back on the highway, we'll be there soon, don't worry. 524 00:29:18,875 --> 00:29:20,206 We'd better. 525 00:29:21,311 --> 00:29:23,506 Shit. Now it's raining. 526 00:29:24,347 --> 00:29:25,644 Put on your wipers. 527 00:29:25,715 --> 00:29:27,273 What are you talking about? It's just a little mist. 528 00:29:27,350 --> 00:29:29,614 Yeah, mist, hence the mist setting. 529 00:29:29,686 --> 00:29:32,314 It's a safety issue, okay? There we go. 530 00:29:32,389 --> 00:29:35,654 Thank you, Mr. Wizard. What crawled up your ass? 531 00:29:35,725 --> 00:29:38,125 I'm completely on edge right now, man. 532 00:29:38,195 --> 00:29:39,787 After all the shit that we've been through tonight, 533 00:29:39,863 --> 00:29:41,854 I don't know how much more I can take. 534 00:29:42,532 --> 00:29:44,864 Oh, shit! How the fuck did that get in here? 535 00:29:44,935 --> 00:29:46,027 Oh, shit! 536 00:29:49,739 --> 00:29:52,469 He bit me! I've got rabies! 537 00:29:54,077 --> 00:29:55,066 Oh, my God! 538 00:29:55,145 --> 00:29:57,306 Dude, get that fuckin' cancer raccoon away from me! 539 00:29:57,380 --> 00:29:58,847 Open my window! 540 00:29:58,915 --> 00:30:01,509 Fuck you, raccoon! 541 00:30:03,954 --> 00:30:05,546 What the Christ? 542 00:30:06,289 --> 00:30:09,315 - Shit! - Shit! 543 00:30:12,863 --> 00:30:14,694 Jesus! You all right? 544 00:30:14,764 --> 00:30:16,925 I don't know. 545 00:30:17,701 --> 00:30:19,100 Shit. 546 00:30:19,636 --> 00:30:21,194 Shit, dude, he's coming over here. 547 00:30:22,305 --> 00:30:24,068 Probably some old blind bitch! 548 00:30:24,140 --> 00:30:28,042 - What the fuck are you doing? - We're sorry. We're very sorry! 549 00:30:28,111 --> 00:30:30,841 - Holy shit! - Goldstein? 550 00:30:30,914 --> 00:30:32,882 Dude, it's Rold and Kumar. 551 00:30:32,949 --> 00:30:35,509 Shit. What's going on, man? 552 00:30:35,585 --> 00:30:38,179 - What's up, dude? What's up? - All right. 553 00:30:38,255 --> 00:30:39,654 What the hell are you guys doing here? 554 00:30:39,723 --> 00:30:42,749 We got the munchies, so we decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven. 555 00:30:42,826 --> 00:30:44,726 How about you? How was White Castle? 556 00:30:44,794 --> 00:30:47,422 We haven't gotten there yet. I think I may have rabies. 557 00:30:47,497 --> 00:30:49,431 Yo, dude, how were Katie Holmes' tits? 558 00:30:49,499 --> 00:30:51,490 - You know the Holocaust? - Yeah. 559 00:30:51,568 --> 00:30:53,502 Picture the exact opposite of that. 560 00:30:53,570 --> 00:30:55,231 Nice. 561 00:30:56,172 --> 00:30:57,469 Boy, do you need a girl. 562 00:30:57,540 --> 00:30:59,201 If you guys got the yellow fever, 563 00:30:59,276 --> 00:31:01,141 there's a rockin' Asian party down at Princeton. 564 00:31:01,211 --> 00:31:02,576 Dude, I got the yellow plague. 565 00:31:02,646 --> 00:31:05,513 There's nothing sexier than a hot Asian chick! 566 00:31:05,582 --> 00:31:07,243 Asian tits... I wanna squeeze 'em! 567 00:31:07,317 --> 00:31:09,751 Stop. Don't do that. Please, do not touch me. 568 00:31:09,819 --> 00:31:10,945 I'm very woozy. 569 00:31:11,021 --> 00:31:13,012 I think I have to go to the hospital. 570 00:31:13,089 --> 00:31:15,080 You should go to Beth Israel. 571 00:31:15,158 --> 00:31:17,490 - We gotta hit up this Asian joint. - No, we don't. 572 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,893 We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven. No more detours along the way. 573 00:31:20,964 --> 00:31:22,761 - This is what I'm dealing with. - Come on! 574 00:31:22,832 --> 00:31:24,129 I'm telling you, hit up the Asian party. 575 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,031 Did you leave the key in the car with the engine running? 576 00:31:26,102 --> 00:31:27,194 Good luck. 577 00:31:27,270 --> 00:31:30,467 You don't have rabies. We're not going to a hospital. You're fine. 578 00:31:41,151 --> 00:31:44,120 Uh... Yeah, I don't have rabies. 579 00:31:44,187 --> 00:31:46,815 Great. Let's just get out of here. 580 00:31:47,791 --> 00:31:51,318 Hey, aren't those the guys that got the shit kicked... 581 00:31:51,394 --> 00:31:54,158 I know. I know. Let's just go. 582 00:31:55,865 --> 00:31:57,423 Just go. 583 00:31:58,101 --> 00:31:59,363 Kumar. 584 00:32:01,271 --> 00:32:03,432 - Hey, it's your dad and brother. - Shit. 585 00:32:04,641 --> 00:32:07,303 No wonder you didn't want to go to the hospital. 586 00:32:07,377 --> 00:32:08,901 - Hey, Dad. - Hi, Dr. Patel. 587 00:32:08,979 --> 00:32:10,947 - What's up? - Saikat. What's going on? 588 00:32:11,014 --> 00:32:14,279 I hope you are here to apologize for what you did in your interview today. 589 00:32:14,351 --> 00:32:15,943 What the hell's wrong with you, Kumar? 590 00:32:16,019 --> 00:32:18,351 God! You're 22 years old. When are you gonna grow up 591 00:32:18,421 --> 00:32:21,413 and stop this post-college rebel bullshit? 592 00:32:21,491 --> 00:32:24,324 - Like your life is so hard. - Eat my balls, Saikat. 593 00:32:24,394 --> 00:32:27,158 I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. 594 00:32:27,230 --> 00:32:29,960 You have one more interview tomorrow morning, 595 00:32:30,033 --> 00:32:34,697 and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you were anything short of spectacular, 596 00:32:34,771 --> 00:32:36,568 I'll completely cut you off. 597 00:32:36,639 --> 00:32:38,698 - Dad, come on. - Daddy is not coming on anything. 598 00:32:40,877 --> 00:32:43,505 You will be there, and you will behave. 599 00:32:43,580 --> 00:32:46,981 I have put too much time and energy into you 600 00:32:47,050 --> 00:32:49,814 to let you go and fuck it all up! 601 00:32:57,394 --> 00:33:00,090 You're absolutely right. I'm sorry, guys. 602 00:33:00,163 --> 00:33:01,494 Wow, I'm sorry. 603 00:33:03,299 --> 00:33:05,665 Sorry. It won't happen again, okay? 604 00:33:07,270 --> 00:33:08,760 Good. 605 00:33:08,838 --> 00:33:10,533 I will speak with you tomorrow. 606 00:33:10,607 --> 00:33:12,973 - Bye, Harold. - Bye. 607 00:33:13,043 --> 00:33:14,305 See ya. 608 00:33:14,377 --> 00:33:15,674 Wow, man. 609 00:33:15,745 --> 00:33:17,906 I guess you're going to med school after all, eh? 610 00:33:17,981 --> 00:33:21,041 Fuck that, dude. Like I care what my dad thinks. 611 00:33:21,117 --> 00:33:22,379 I can't wait to see the look on his face 612 00:33:22,452 --> 00:33:23,885 when he finds out I didn't go to my interview tomorrow. 613 00:33:23,953 --> 00:33:26,353 If he wants to cut me off, fine. I don't need his money. 614 00:33:26,423 --> 00:33:29,187 I don't understand. You just hugged him. 615 00:33:29,259 --> 00:33:32,660 Yeah, I just needed to get my hands on this. 616 00:33:32,729 --> 00:33:33,889 Access card. 617 00:33:33,963 --> 00:33:37,023 Two words for you, bro... medical marijuana. 618 00:33:38,101 --> 00:33:39,125 No. 619 00:33:40,370 --> 00:33:42,634 Oh, this is stolen. 620 00:33:44,074 --> 00:33:46,065 If we get caught, you are taking the blame. 621 00:33:46,142 --> 00:33:47,541 This is not my idea. 622 00:33:47,610 --> 00:33:49,805 We're not gonna get caught, okay? We're gonna go get baked 623 00:33:49,879 --> 00:33:52,439 and then go eat just like we planned. Now, just calm down. 624 00:33:52,515 --> 00:33:54,779 - We gotta find the pharmacy. - Dr. Patel! 625 00:33:54,851 --> 00:33:56,716 Thank God I found you. We have an emergency. 626 00:33:56,786 --> 00:33:59,380 Nurses, I need these two doctors scrubbed, gloved, 627 00:33:59,456 --> 00:34:01,515 and ready for the O.R. Stat! 628 00:34:01,691 --> 00:34:04,159 - What the hell is going on? - He probably thinks I'm my brother. 629 00:34:04,227 --> 00:34:06,559 Just don't worry about it. Leave the talking to me. 630 00:34:06,629 --> 00:34:08,927 It's a godforsaken bloodbath. 631 00:34:08,998 --> 00:34:11,626 The patient was brought in by EMS five minutes ago. 632 00:34:11,701 --> 00:34:13,999 As you can see, we have three horrific gunshot wounds. 633 00:34:14,070 --> 00:34:15,059 It's a good thing I found you two. 634 00:34:15,138 --> 00:34:16,799 All the other surgeons are working on other patients. 635 00:34:16,873 --> 00:34:18,465 No, there's been a mistake. 636 00:34:18,541 --> 00:34:21,533 What Dr. Lee is trying to say is that we need to sedate the patient... 637 00:34:21,611 --> 00:34:24,136 ...or he could go into cardiac arrest. - All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist. 638 00:34:24,214 --> 00:34:26,546 Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. 639 00:34:26,616 --> 00:34:28,743 That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery. 640 00:34:34,791 --> 00:34:36,418 Marijuana? 641 00:34:37,293 --> 00:34:38,282 But why? 642 00:34:38,361 --> 00:34:39,851 We don't have time for questions. 643 00:34:39,929 --> 00:34:42,659 We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! 644 00:34:42,732 --> 00:34:44,165 Like a big bag of it. 645 00:34:44,234 --> 00:34:48,000 But, Doctor, we don't have marijuana in this hospital. 646 00:34:48,071 --> 00:34:49,834 Shit. 647 00:34:49,906 --> 00:34:52,932 Oh, shit! This guy's gonna die! 648 00:34:53,009 --> 00:34:55,477 Doctor, you've got to do something or we're gonna lose him! 649 00:34:55,545 --> 00:34:57,012 I'm gonna do this the old-fashioned way. 650 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,310 Start the nitrous. Give me two large-bore I.V. S 651 00:34:59,382 --> 00:35:01,247 and start a Ringers lactate push. 652 00:35:01,317 --> 00:35:02,341 Dr. Roldy, hold this. 653 00:35:08,424 --> 00:35:09,652 More gauze, please. 654 00:35:09,726 --> 00:35:13,093 - Doctor, the patient is desatting. - Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting! 655 00:35:13,163 --> 00:35:15,961 The patient has a collapsed lung. I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat. 656 00:35:22,872 --> 00:35:25,272 - That was genius. - Thank you. 657 00:35:25,341 --> 00:35:27,138 - Great job! - You guys did it. 658 00:35:27,210 --> 00:35:28,268 No, it's you. 659 00:35:29,779 --> 00:35:32,077 - Sexy. - What'd you say? 660 00:35:32,148 --> 00:35:33,308 Nothing. 661 00:35:33,383 --> 00:35:34,475 Sweet-pea. 662 00:35:36,452 --> 00:35:38,545 The patient appears to be stabilized. 663 00:35:38,621 --> 00:35:41,317 - Good work, doctors, all around. - Great. One of you clean this up, please. 664 00:35:41,391 --> 00:35:43,655 - Put the chest tube in. - Meow. You're moist. 665 00:35:43,726 --> 00:35:46,024 - I'm not sweating anymore. - You're glistening. 666 00:35:46,095 --> 00:35:48,893 Soft and chocolate lips... 667 00:35:48,965 --> 00:35:52,731 - Could I get a little dab here? - Hush now, hush now. 668 00:35:52,802 --> 00:35:55,236 Excuse me, sir. Do you happen to know 669 00:35:55,305 --> 00:35:57,364 how to get to the White Castle in Cherry Hill from here? 670 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:02,241 Yeah. Take the 33 west and take the Turnpike south, 671 00:36:02,312 --> 00:36:03,609 and there you are. 672 00:36:03,947 --> 00:36:05,847 I'm telling you, man, that was amazing! 673 00:36:05,915 --> 00:36:07,610 Even your dad would have been impressed, man. 674 00:36:07,684 --> 00:36:09,311 Yeah, it wasn't that bad. 675 00:36:09,385 --> 00:36:13,754 This is perfect. We're back on the road, we got directions, it stopped raining. 676 00:36:13,823 --> 00:36:15,017 And guess what, man. 677 00:36:15,091 --> 00:36:18,822 - I'm officially done with my work. - Oh, yeah? Nice! 678 00:36:18,895 --> 00:36:21,557 I'm telling you, dude, things are finally starting to go our way. 679 00:36:23,433 --> 00:36:25,196 Hey, dude, check it out... Sixteen Candles. 680 00:36:25,268 --> 00:36:26,826 Isn't that your favorite movie? 681 00:36:26,903 --> 00:36:28,029 Wow, man, that's awesome! 682 00:36:29,939 --> 00:36:32,430 Yo, look who decided to go see it. 683 00:36:32,508 --> 00:36:33,702 Holy shit. 684 00:36:33,776 --> 00:36:36,210 See! You said you two had nothing in common, 685 00:36:36,279 --> 00:36:38,372 but you both have the same lame taste in movies! 686 00:36:38,448 --> 00:36:39,847 Shut up. 687 00:36:39,916 --> 00:36:41,713 Hey, we should ask her if she wants to come to White Castle. 688 00:36:41,784 --> 00:36:44,412 No. No, no. Forget about it. Just drive. 689 00:36:44,487 --> 00:36:46,250 Dude, come on. It's 1:00 in the morning. 690 00:36:46,322 --> 00:36:47,983 We're an hour away from home, 691 00:36:48,057 --> 00:36:51,117 and who do we see but your dream girl standing across the street? 692 00:36:51,194 --> 00:36:54,061 Just pretend you're a nerdy Asian version of Tom Hanks 693 00:36:54,130 --> 00:36:56,826 and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan with bigger tits. 694 00:36:57,867 --> 00:36:59,801 The cars are going. Can we go? How about that? 695 00:36:59,869 --> 00:37:02,099 - What are you doing? - Excuse me, Maria! 696 00:37:02,171 --> 00:37:04,969 - What are you doing? - Maria! Excuse me for a second! 697 00:37:05,041 --> 00:37:06,565 Come here! 698 00:37:06,976 --> 00:37:08,637 No! What the hell are you doing? 699 00:37:08,711 --> 00:37:10,702 Get your hand off the gas! Shit! 700 00:37:10,780 --> 00:37:12,714 - I'm stuck! - Stop turning the wheel! 701 00:37:12,782 --> 00:37:14,875 - I am stuck! - What do you mean you're stuck? 702 00:37:14,951 --> 00:37:16,009 Get unstuck! 703 00:37:27,797 --> 00:37:29,822 - You asshole! - Wha... wha...? 704 00:37:29,899 --> 00:37:32,493 We could have seriously injured ourselves, man! 705 00:37:32,568 --> 00:37:34,035 Yo, don't blame me, genius. 706 00:37:34,103 --> 00:37:36,594 I'm not the one who decided to run us off the frickin' road, all right? 707 00:37:36,673 --> 00:37:38,436 Let's just get back on the highway, okay? 708 00:37:38,508 --> 00:37:39,839 Fine with me. 709 00:37:47,383 --> 00:37:48,941 It's not funny. 710 00:37:58,494 --> 00:38:01,429 - Where's my spare tire? - I don't know. 711 00:38:02,732 --> 00:38:04,700 Where the hell is my spare tire? 712 00:38:04,767 --> 00:38:06,462 Oh, yeah! 713 00:38:06,536 --> 00:38:10,063 Dude, remember that time we got really stoned 714 00:38:10,139 --> 00:38:13,836 and started throwing shit off that bridge to see if it would float? 715 00:38:15,278 --> 00:38:17,610 What bridge? I don't remem... What are you talking about? 716 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,978 Oh, shit, that's right. That was with Goldstein. 717 00:38:21,818 --> 00:38:23,809 We borrowed your car that night. My bad. 718 00:38:23,886 --> 00:38:27,219 Your bad? What the hell are we gonna do now? 719 00:38:30,893 --> 00:38:32,861 - Hey! - Hey! Excuse me! 720 00:38:32,929 --> 00:38:35,363 - Hello! Over here! - Excuse me! 721 00:38:45,641 --> 00:38:47,871 You boys need some help? 722 00:38:54,784 --> 00:38:57,184 Thanks for helping us out. 723 00:39:00,456 --> 00:39:01,889 No problem at all. 724 00:39:01,958 --> 00:39:06,054 I seen you two stranded out there alone in the dark, 725 00:39:06,129 --> 00:39:09,360 and I said to myself... 726 00:39:09,432 --> 00:39:11,093 "What would Jesus do?" 727 00:39:11,167 --> 00:39:12,828 Goin' down to Georgia 728 00:39:12,902 --> 00:39:16,394 Gonna get myself baptized, gonna get myself baptized 729 00:39:16,472 --> 00:39:19,270 In the bosom of the Lord 730 00:39:23,579 --> 00:39:26,571 Have you boys accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? 731 00:39:26,649 --> 00:39:28,776 - Yes. - Yeah, he's great. Cool guy. 732 00:39:28,851 --> 00:39:31,445 Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! 733 00:39:31,521 --> 00:39:35,252 Name's Randy, but everybody calls me Freakshow. 734 00:39:35,324 --> 00:39:36,916 My name's Kumar. 735 00:39:36,993 --> 00:39:38,927 How are you, Kunie? 736 00:39:40,630 --> 00:39:42,655 - This is Harold. - Hi, Jerald. How are you? 737 00:39:43,733 --> 00:39:46,099 So where exactly are we going? 738 00:39:46,169 --> 00:39:49,263 Don't you worry about that none. We ain't too far from my place. 739 00:39:49,338 --> 00:39:53,035 Once we get there, I'll have your ride fixed up in a jiffy. 740 00:40:00,483 --> 00:40:02,781 Check out those boils on his neck. 741 00:40:02,852 --> 00:40:04,911 You gotta look. One of them's actually pulsating. 742 00:40:05,721 --> 00:40:09,782 Shut up. He's right next to me. He can hear you. 743 00:40:09,859 --> 00:40:11,588 Now there's some sort of puss. 744 00:40:11,661 --> 00:40:12,958 - It's disgusting! - Shut up. 745 00:40:13,029 --> 00:40:15,793 Just one little boil. Just look at it. 746 00:40:24,140 --> 00:40:26,802 See, isn't that the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? 747 00:40:26,876 --> 00:40:29,037 Do you think just because you're whispering, 748 00:40:29,111 --> 00:40:32,103 he can't hear what you're saying? 749 00:40:32,181 --> 00:40:35,082 He's two feet away from us. He can hear this entire conversation. 750 00:40:35,151 --> 00:40:37,346 He can hear me talking right now. 751 00:40:37,420 --> 00:40:39,081 Don't worry about it. He can't hear anything... 752 00:40:39,155 --> 00:40:41,180 not with all that crust in his ear. 753 00:40:49,966 --> 00:40:52,025 I heard everything you said. 754 00:41:00,676 --> 00:41:03,236 It's gonna take me a while to fix up your car there, 755 00:41:03,312 --> 00:41:07,510 so if you boys like, you can go on inside, 756 00:41:07,583 --> 00:41:09,881 get yourselves something to drink, wash up, 757 00:41:09,952 --> 00:41:12,477 fuck my wife, watch TV... anything you want. 758 00:41:12,555 --> 00:41:16,082 Mi casa es su casa. 759 00:41:16,158 --> 00:41:19,594 Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do. 760 00:41:20,696 --> 00:41:21,685 Thank you. 761 00:41:23,266 --> 00:41:25,461 We're gonna die. He's going to kill us. 762 00:41:25,535 --> 00:41:26,900 We're gonna die. 763 00:41:26,969 --> 00:41:30,132 Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say we get to fuck his wife? 764 00:41:30,206 --> 00:41:31,969 He couldn't have said that. 765 00:41:34,277 --> 00:41:36,211 Who cares? You've seen Freakshow. 766 00:41:36,279 --> 00:41:38,179 What do you think his wife is gonna look like? 767 00:41:51,761 --> 00:41:53,524 Oh, hi, boys. 768 00:41:53,596 --> 00:41:56,121 I'm Freakshow's wife Liane. 769 00:41:56,832 --> 00:41:58,823 Can I get you some pink lemonade? 770 00:41:58,901 --> 00:42:01,995 Why don't you just go have a seat in the living room? 771 00:42:02,071 --> 00:42:03,595 I'll be back in a jiffy. 772 00:42:03,673 --> 00:42:05,038 Thanks. 773 00:42:08,578 --> 00:42:11,547 - Hot. Hot! - Uh-huh. 774 00:42:19,989 --> 00:42:21,684 Jesus Christ. 775 00:42:26,829 --> 00:42:30,356 Okay, it's official. We've entered the Twilight Zone. 776 00:42:30,433 --> 00:42:33,459 - Dude, Liane is fucking hot. - She's not ugly. 777 00:42:35,438 --> 00:42:36,871 Here you go, boys. 778 00:42:36,939 --> 00:42:38,133 - Thank you. - Thanks a lot. 779 00:42:38,207 --> 00:42:41,233 Liane, how are things between you and Freakshow presently? 780 00:42:41,310 --> 00:42:44,609 Oh! They've never been better. We love each other so much. 781 00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:49,583 I was just wondering, how does a guy like Freakshow... 782 00:42:53,656 --> 00:42:56,921 ...end up with a girl like you? 783 00:42:56,993 --> 00:43:01,089 Well, we met at choir practice about four years ago. 784 00:43:01,163 --> 00:43:03,131 Freakshow was really shy back then, you know, 785 00:43:03,199 --> 00:43:05,258 'cause of all his hideous boils on his face and neck. 786 00:43:05,334 --> 00:43:06,596 Sure, sure. 787 00:43:06,669 --> 00:43:09,229 But he had the most amazing voice, 788 00:43:09,305 --> 00:43:11,102 like a baby canary. 789 00:43:12,208 --> 00:43:14,267 The devil is everywhere 790 00:43:14,343 --> 00:43:17,210 Hey, Randy, what, the devil, huh 791 00:43:17,279 --> 00:43:19,076 The devil is everywhere 792 00:43:19,148 --> 00:43:21,013 Hey, Randy, what 793 00:43:21,083 --> 00:43:24,280 After Easter service one day, I told him how much I loved his solo 794 00:43:24,353 --> 00:43:26,287 and he finally mustered up the courage to ask me out. 795 00:43:26,355 --> 00:43:28,448 We've been in love ever since. 796 00:43:28,524 --> 00:43:31,322 So, are you boys gonna fuck me now or what? 797 00:43:33,763 --> 00:43:35,958 Rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first. Ready? 798 00:43:36,032 --> 00:43:37,863 - Rock, paper... - Wait a second. 799 00:43:37,933 --> 00:43:39,662 What about Freakshow? 800 00:43:39,735 --> 00:43:43,330 What? You assume we don't know how to have a good time? 801 00:43:43,406 --> 00:43:44,998 I just... 802 00:43:54,050 --> 00:43:55,847 Never mind. Rock, paper, scissors. 803 00:43:55,918 --> 00:43:59,945 Sorry, but if you boys want me, you have to do me at the same time. 804 00:44:00,022 --> 00:44:03,014 - Huh? - Come on, give me the double stuff. 805 00:44:03,092 --> 00:44:04,992 I'm not sure we quite understand, Liane. 806 00:44:05,061 --> 00:44:08,462 I want you both inside me simultaneously. 807 00:44:08,531 --> 00:44:10,522 - One hole or two? - Whatever you want. 808 00:44:10,599 --> 00:44:13,159 Sorry. No, thank you. No, thank you. 809 00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:15,203 Dude, if it's two holes, it might not be that bad. 810 00:44:15,271 --> 00:44:17,000 - Shotgun anus. - Forget it! 811 00:44:17,073 --> 00:44:18,973 I don't want our balls rubbing against each other. 812 00:44:19,041 --> 00:44:20,906 - What, are you kidding? - No way! Forget it. 813 00:44:20,976 --> 00:44:22,705 How about blow jobs? Can we have blow jobs? 814 00:44:28,050 --> 00:44:29,677 Well, okay. 815 00:44:32,621 --> 00:44:33,747 Come here. 816 00:44:33,823 --> 00:44:36,519 Okay. I'm going up there. 817 00:44:36,592 --> 00:44:37,889 I wanna come, too. 818 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:41,521 - Think you could help me with this? - You need help? 819 00:44:42,832 --> 00:44:45,733 Okay, yeah. It's a little sticky there. 820 00:44:45,801 --> 00:44:47,894 - You can do it. - Okay. 821 00:44:47,970 --> 00:44:49,767 I can do it. I can do it. 822 00:45:03,919 --> 00:45:05,853 Do you wanna play with them? 823 00:45:05,921 --> 00:45:06,910 Play with them. 824 00:45:08,491 --> 00:45:11,051 - Yeah, let's do that. - Okay. 825 00:45:11,127 --> 00:45:12,992 Let's do that. 826 00:45:15,030 --> 00:45:18,056 Well, boys, I fixed your tire. 827 00:45:21,203 --> 00:45:22,568 Hi, honey. 828 00:45:22,638 --> 00:45:26,074 What in the hell are you doing with my wife? 829 00:45:27,042 --> 00:45:30,136 You said outside that we could have sex with her. 830 00:45:30,212 --> 00:45:31,474 Shit! Shit! 831 00:45:31,547 --> 00:45:34,448 - I most certainly did not. - Yeah, you did. 832 00:45:34,517 --> 00:45:35,916 - I did not! - You did. 833 00:45:35,985 --> 00:45:38,010 - Oh, no, I didn't! - You did, you did. 834 00:45:39,722 --> 00:45:42,156 - You sure? - You said it. 835 00:45:46,662 --> 00:45:47,651 My mistake! 836 00:45:47,730 --> 00:45:49,254 Freakshow. 837 00:45:49,331 --> 00:45:52,425 Well, since we're all here... 838 00:45:53,269 --> 00:45:55,260 ...how about a foursome? 839 00:45:55,337 --> 00:45:57,271 Who wants the first reach-around? 840 00:46:05,815 --> 00:46:08,283 Okay, let's agree to never talk about what just happened. 841 00:46:08,350 --> 00:46:09,442 Agreed. 842 00:46:09,518 --> 00:46:12,453 That's a very good idea. 843 00:46:12,521 --> 00:46:14,284 Dude, I have no idea where we are. 844 00:46:14,356 --> 00:46:15,653 What? 845 00:46:17,226 --> 00:46:18,659 - Is that a hitchhiker? - What the hell? 846 00:46:18,727 --> 00:46:21,127 - Should we pick him up? - And get chopped to bits? Are you crazy? 847 00:46:21,197 --> 00:46:23,529 You know what? We're lost. He may know how to get back on the highway. 848 00:46:23,599 --> 00:46:26,090 Get back on the road. This is my car. 849 00:46:26,168 --> 00:46:27,829 We are not picking up a hitchhiker, man. 850 00:46:27,903 --> 00:46:30,633 Hey, guys, thanks for picking me up. 851 00:46:34,543 --> 00:46:37,205 Excuse me, are you Neil Patrick Harris? 852 00:46:37,279 --> 00:46:38,268 Yep. 853 00:46:38,347 --> 00:46:40,372 - Oh, my God, what are you doing here? - Holy shit. 854 00:46:40,449 --> 00:46:42,383 Dude, Doogie Howser M. D. Was, like, my favorite show growing up. 855 00:46:42,451 --> 00:46:43,440 You were my idol. 856 00:46:43,519 --> 00:46:45,749 That's great. Could we get going? I'm bored as shit back here. 857 00:46:46,422 --> 00:46:49,050 - Go, go. - Let's go. This is a frickin' boring spot. 858 00:46:56,498 --> 00:46:59,194 So I gotta ask you, Neil, 859 00:46:59,268 --> 00:47:01,463 did you ever get it on with Wanda off the set? 860 00:47:01,537 --> 00:47:04,131 Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on that show. 861 00:47:04,206 --> 00:47:05,901 Even the chick who played the hot nurse? 862 00:47:06,976 --> 00:47:10,878 No. I didn't go all the way with her. 863 00:47:14,250 --> 00:47:15,410 Neil, you wouldn't happen to know 864 00:47:15,484 --> 00:47:16,815 how to get on the highway from here, would you? 865 00:47:16,886 --> 00:47:19,013 Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. 866 00:47:19,088 --> 00:47:20,350 I was at this party earlier tonight 867 00:47:20,422 --> 00:47:23,152 and some guy hooked me up with this incredible X. 868 00:47:23,225 --> 00:47:25,819 The next thing I know, I'm being thrown out of a moving car. 869 00:47:25,895 --> 00:47:29,262 - I've been tripping balls ever since. - That's crazy, dude. 870 00:47:29,331 --> 00:47:30,764 We've been having a pretty crazy night, too. 871 00:47:30,833 --> 00:47:32,596 We've just been driving around looking for White Castle, 872 00:47:32,668 --> 00:47:34,033 but we keep getting sidetracked. 873 00:47:34,103 --> 00:47:35,161 Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. 874 00:47:35,237 --> 00:47:37,205 Forget White Castle. Let's go get some pussy. 875 00:47:37,273 --> 00:47:39,571 - Huh? - It's a fuckin' sausage-fest in here. 876 00:47:39,642 --> 00:47:42,042 Let's get us some poontang. Then we'll go to White Castle. 877 00:47:42,111 --> 00:47:43,169 No, Neil, you don't understand. 878 00:47:43,245 --> 00:47:45,179 We've been craving these burgers all night. 879 00:47:45,247 --> 00:47:47,579 Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too... fur burgers. 880 00:47:47,650 --> 00:47:50,710 Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. 881 00:47:50,786 --> 00:47:53,220 The Doogie line always works on strippers. 882 00:47:53,289 --> 00:47:56,053 Lap dance. 883 00:47:56,825 --> 00:47:59,726 There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if we can get directions. 884 00:47:59,795 --> 00:48:01,763 We don't need... 885 00:48:03,766 --> 00:48:07,395 Hurry up, dudes, hurry up. I'm losing wood. 886 00:48:11,206 --> 00:48:14,039 Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. 887 00:48:14,109 --> 00:48:16,077 - Chill. - We'll be right back, Neil. 888 00:48:16,145 --> 00:48:17,442 We'll be back. 889 00:48:23,552 --> 00:48:26,680 What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny? 890 00:48:26,755 --> 00:48:29,883 I don't know, but we can't let him interfere with our quest. 891 00:48:31,393 --> 00:48:34,624 - Oh, God. - Shit, these punks again. 892 00:48:34,697 --> 00:48:36,324 Late-night Math League meeting, homos? 893 00:48:36,398 --> 00:48:38,093 Extreme! 894 00:48:41,303 --> 00:48:42,565 Let's go. 895 00:48:52,381 --> 00:48:55,373 No, no. Pies, pies... no. 896 00:49:01,623 --> 00:49:02,988 Dude, what is that? Is that a pterodactyl? 897 00:49:03,058 --> 00:49:04,457 I do not know what that is. 898 00:49:04,526 --> 00:49:06,460 That was extreme, dude! 899 00:49:06,528 --> 00:49:09,691 Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to the highway from here? 900 00:49:09,765 --> 00:49:10,891 Dude, I got this. 901 00:49:22,711 --> 00:49:25,202 Dude, who knew learning Hindi would actually pay off? 902 00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,339 Guy says the highway is, like, a couple traffic lights from here. 903 00:49:27,416 --> 00:49:29,350 We should be in Cherry Hill in ten minutes. 904 00:49:29,418 --> 00:49:31,545 - Ready? One, two, three! - No. No. 905 00:49:31,620 --> 00:49:33,713 - No. - Extreme kayaking! 906 00:49:33,789 --> 00:49:35,256 No! 907 00:49:37,860 --> 00:49:39,157 Extreme! 908 00:49:43,677 --> 00:49:45,838 - Check it out! - Extreme cheddar! 909 00:49:44,299 --> 00:49:46,665 - No! - Man, that was so fuckin' extreme! 910 00:49:51,685 --> 00:49:54,176 - Hey. - Extreme cashier! 911 00:49:55,589 --> 00:49:56,681 Somebody should do something. 912 00:49:58,392 --> 00:49:59,791 Yeah, you're right. 913 00:49:59,860 --> 00:50:02,488 Hey, asshole! Why don't you leave that guy alone 914 00:50:02,563 --> 00:50:04,827 and go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something? 915 00:50:08,202 --> 00:50:10,067 I didn't mean you should do something about it. 916 00:50:21,882 --> 00:50:23,713 What? You're gonna take that? 917 00:50:23,784 --> 00:50:26,651 What's up with that? Huh? 918 00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:28,449 You're gonna take that? 919 00:50:29,890 --> 00:50:30,914 - Yeah! - Yeah! 920 00:50:30,991 --> 00:50:32,424 - Shit! - That's right, bitch! 921 00:50:32,493 --> 00:50:34,927 You just try fuckin' with me one more time! 922 00:50:34,995 --> 00:50:37,555 Just try it! Thank you, come again. 923 00:50:40,534 --> 00:50:41,592 - Yeah! - Yeah! 924 00:50:43,137 --> 00:50:45,128 Kumar, you okay? 925 00:50:45,206 --> 00:50:47,231 Yeah, dude, I just hate those assholes. 926 00:50:47,308 --> 00:50:49,242 You know what? Fuck it, I'm hungry. Let's just get outta here. 927 00:51:03,724 --> 00:51:06,693 Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car? 928 00:51:10,197 --> 00:51:13,098 Yes. I think he did. 929 00:51:28,983 --> 00:51:31,713 You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker! Why?! 930 00:51:31,785 --> 00:51:32,774 Calm down. 931 00:51:32,853 --> 00:51:34,286 Why did you leave the keys in the car? 932 00:51:34,355 --> 00:51:35,913 Why? Because it would get stolen. 933 00:51:35,990 --> 00:51:38,891 I figured that Neil Patrick Harris was a trustworthy guy. 934 00:51:38,959 --> 00:51:40,722 Come on. How was I supposed to know he'd fuck us over? 935 00:51:40,794 --> 00:51:43,627 This whole freaking night, this whole night, is your fault! 936 00:51:45,466 --> 00:51:48,299 - Where are you going? - I'm going inside to call the police. 937 00:51:48,369 --> 00:51:50,428 I don't want to talk to you anymore. 938 00:51:53,174 --> 00:51:55,335 - Yeah! - Yeah! 939 00:51:55,409 --> 00:51:57,206 There's a pay phone across the street 940 00:51:57,278 --> 00:51:59,371 if you don't wanna deal with those assholes. 941 00:52:13,060 --> 00:52:16,791 After we talk to the cops, we're still going to White Castle, right? 942 00:52:16,864 --> 00:52:19,264 I'm not speaking to you. 943 00:52:19,333 --> 00:52:22,393 When are they fucking going to develop button technology 944 00:52:22,469 --> 00:52:23,959 that will understand urgency?! 945 00:52:24,038 --> 00:52:27,371 - Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across. - It'll change in a second. 946 00:52:27,441 --> 00:52:29,102 There's not a car in sight. Just go ahead. 947 00:52:29,176 --> 00:52:32,373 Fine. You want me to cross? I will cross. 948 00:52:32,446 --> 00:52:34,846 If it makes you happy, I will cross. 949 00:52:35,883 --> 00:52:36,975 I'll do it. 950 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:43,485 Shit! 951 00:52:43,555 --> 00:52:46,183 - What... - Sorry. 952 00:52:49,394 --> 00:52:51,954 Is there a problem, Officer Palumbo? 953 00:52:52,030 --> 00:52:54,225 Is there a problem? You ever heard of jaywalking? 954 00:52:54,299 --> 00:52:56,062 Yes, I have. I'm really sorry. Won't happen again. 955 00:52:56,134 --> 00:52:58,159 That's great. I'm writing you up a ticket. 956 00:52:58,237 --> 00:52:59,636 A ticket? Are you serious? 957 00:52:59,705 --> 00:53:01,673 Who the fuck are you, shitwad? 958 00:53:01,740 --> 00:53:04,334 Let me apologize for my friend here. I'm very sorry. 959 00:53:04,409 --> 00:53:06,309 I'm really glad you're here. We've had a rough night. 960 00:53:06,378 --> 00:53:08,141 You know the show Doogie Howser M. D.? 961 00:53:08,213 --> 00:53:11,512 Great show. God, I love that show. "Doogie." 962 00:53:11,583 --> 00:53:14,051 Neil Patrick Harris stole my car tonight. 963 00:53:14,119 --> 00:53:16,280 Hey, NPH wouldn't do that, all right? 964 00:53:16,355 --> 00:53:17,686 Give me some I.D. 965 00:53:17,756 --> 00:53:20,088 Excuse me, how can you give him a ticket for jaywalking? 966 00:53:20,158 --> 00:53:23,650 It's 2:30 in the morning. There's not a car around here. 967 00:53:23,729 --> 00:53:24,855 Kumar, shut up. 968 00:53:24,930 --> 00:53:26,192 That's not the kind of tone you want to use 969 00:53:26,265 --> 00:53:27,755 on a cop who can bust your ass. 970 00:53:27,833 --> 00:53:30,427 - Bust my ass? - Yeah, Koo-mar. 971 00:53:30,502 --> 00:53:33,027 Bust your ass. 972 00:53:33,105 --> 00:53:35,767 What kind of name is that anyhow? Koo-mar. 973 00:53:35,841 --> 00:53:38,435 What is that, like, five O's or two U's? 974 00:53:38,510 --> 00:53:40,137 No, it's actually one U. 975 00:53:40,212 --> 00:53:41,702 Yeah, bullshit. 976 00:53:41,780 --> 00:53:45,216 Whatever happened to good old American names like Dave or Jim? 977 00:53:45,284 --> 00:53:46,911 - Harold. - Harold. 978 00:53:46,985 --> 00:53:48,646 - Are you kidd... - Now that's a great name. 979 00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:50,278 - Let me take care of this. - You should be proud of that name, son. 980 00:53:50,355 --> 00:53:52,050 As you were, ladies. 981 00:53:53,125 --> 00:53:56,253 - $220?! Are you crazy?! - Kumar, if you don't stop... 982 00:53:56,328 --> 00:53:58,660 No, I understand exactly what's going on here. 983 00:53:58,730 --> 00:54:01,528 Excuse me, officer, let me take a couple of guesses. 984 00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,568 - I'm really sorry... - Get your hands down! 985 00:54:03,635 --> 00:54:05,865 - Okay, alright. - No sudden moves. Back it up! 986 00:54:05,938 --> 00:54:08,236 You were probably the big asshole in your high school, right? 987 00:54:08,307 --> 00:54:09,467 Absolutely right. 988 00:54:09,541 --> 00:54:11,099 Used to pick on guys like us every day, right? 989 00:54:11,176 --> 00:54:12,234 With pleasure. 990 00:54:12,311 --> 00:54:14,541 Then graduation day came, and we went to college, 991 00:54:14,613 --> 00:54:16,274 and you went nowhere, and you thought, 992 00:54:16,348 --> 00:54:18,077 "Hey, how can I still give them shit? 993 00:54:18,150 --> 00:54:19,777 I know, I'll become a cop." 994 00:54:19,851 --> 00:54:22,752 Well, congratu-fuckin'-lations. Your dream has come true. 995 00:54:22,821 --> 00:54:24,948 Now, why don't you just take this quiet little Asian guy 996 00:54:25,023 --> 00:54:27,150 with the Anglicized name that treats you so well 997 00:54:27,225 --> 00:54:28,624 and give him a couple of other tickets? 998 00:54:28,694 --> 00:54:30,457 - Better yet, just take him to jail. - Better idea. 999 00:54:30,529 --> 00:54:32,497 Why don't you just arrest him? Does that work out for you okay, Harold? 1000 00:54:32,564 --> 00:54:33,792 - "Great American name, Harold." - Let's go, Harold. 1001 00:54:33,865 --> 00:54:35,799 Thanks to your buddy, we're going downtow... 1002 00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:42,570 Oh, shit. 1003 00:54:43,642 --> 00:54:48,272 Well, thank you so much for being understanding about Bradley. 1004 00:54:48,347 --> 00:54:50,941 I promise you he won't ever do it again. 1005 00:54:51,016 --> 00:54:52,677 I'm sure he won't. 1006 00:54:53,418 --> 00:54:55,147 Right, Brad? 1007 00:54:55,220 --> 00:54:57,120 Yes, sir, Officer Palumbo, sir. 1008 00:54:57,189 --> 00:55:01,250 - Mommy, can we go home? - Get in the car, Bradley Thomas. 1009 00:55:01,326 --> 00:55:02,350 Bye, Brad. 1010 00:55:02,427 --> 00:55:04,452 Are you gonna do something about my car? 1011 00:55:05,130 --> 00:55:06,495 First our top story. 1012 00:55:06,565 --> 00:55:09,591 The search for the escaped cheetah continues tonight. 1013 00:55:09,668 --> 00:55:12,660 It was last spotted in Randolph County. South of... 1014 00:55:13,805 --> 00:55:17,036 - So what are you in here for? - For being black. 1015 00:55:17,743 --> 00:55:18,732 Seriously. 1016 00:55:19,378 --> 00:55:21,903 I am serious. You wanna know what happened? 1017 00:55:23,248 --> 00:55:25,739 I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble, 1018 00:55:25,817 --> 00:55:27,216 and a cop stops me. 1019 00:55:27,285 --> 00:55:30,652 Evidently a black guy robbed a store in Newark. 1020 00:55:30,722 --> 00:55:34,317 I told him, "I haven't even been to Newark in months." 1021 00:55:34,393 --> 00:55:36,088 So, he starts beating me with his gun... 1022 00:55:36,161 --> 00:55:38,459 ...telling me to stop resisting arrest. - Holy shit! What'd you do? 1023 00:55:38,530 --> 00:55:40,794 I kept saying, "I understand I'm under arrest. 1024 00:55:40,866 --> 00:55:42,959 Now please stop beating me." 1025 00:55:43,035 --> 00:55:45,401 I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this. 1026 00:55:45,470 --> 00:55:49,497 Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, 1027 00:55:49,574 --> 00:55:51,201 and I have two gay fathers. 1028 00:55:52,110 --> 00:55:54,943 People have been messing with me my whole life. 1029 00:55:55,013 --> 00:55:58,779 I learned a long time ago that there's no sense getting all riled up 1030 00:55:58,850 --> 00:56:01,250 every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. 1031 00:56:01,987 --> 00:56:06,185 In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. 1032 00:56:07,659 --> 00:56:10,059 Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy. 1033 00:56:11,263 --> 00:56:12,355 Hey, hey, listen up, guys! 1034 00:56:12,431 --> 00:56:13,898 Multiple gunshots fired in Millbrook Park. 1035 00:56:13,965 --> 00:56:16,160 Finally, some action. I'm goin'! 1036 00:56:16,234 --> 00:56:18,293 - No, I'm goin'! - Lock and load! 1037 00:56:26,445 --> 00:56:27,434 That was strange. 1038 00:56:30,782 --> 00:56:32,943 What the hell was that? 1039 00:56:33,018 --> 00:56:35,213 Rold. Is that you? 1040 00:56:35,287 --> 00:56:37,414 - Kumar? - Are the cops still here? 1041 00:56:37,489 --> 00:56:38,820 What the hell are you doing? 1042 00:56:38,890 --> 00:56:41,415 I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park. 1043 00:56:41,493 --> 00:56:43,586 - Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for? - I'm fucking starving. 1044 00:56:43,662 --> 00:56:46,358 I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers. 1045 00:56:46,431 --> 00:56:48,797 Forget it. I'm not getting into any more trouble. 1046 00:56:48,867 --> 00:56:50,528 I'm already in here because of you. 1047 00:56:50,602 --> 00:56:51,591 Hey, fuck you! 1048 00:56:51,670 --> 00:56:53,968 What did you want me to do, stand there and take the hit? 1049 00:56:54,039 --> 00:56:55,563 You know I've never taken a swing at you, ever. 1050 00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:56,902 Well, I never got your car stolen. 1051 00:56:56,975 --> 00:56:58,272 - Fine. I'm leaving. - Fine. 1052 00:57:02,047 --> 00:57:05,915 - Harold, how do I get out of here? - How the hell should I know? 1053 00:57:05,984 --> 00:57:08,077 Shit! Oh, God, this isn't good. 1054 00:57:15,026 --> 00:57:16,721 My ass! 1055 00:57:20,265 --> 00:57:22,631 Sure you don't want to get out of here? 1056 00:57:22,701 --> 00:57:24,635 And become a fugitive? Are you nuts? 1057 00:57:24,703 --> 00:57:27,035 - The guy has all my information. - So what? 1058 00:57:27,105 --> 00:57:29,005 We'll just take what he wrote down about you and leave. 1059 00:57:29,074 --> 00:57:30,507 Unless you want to stay here all night 1060 00:57:30,575 --> 00:57:32,566 and not be able to turn in your work tomorrow. 1061 00:57:37,048 --> 00:57:38,242 Fine, hurry up. 1062 00:57:38,316 --> 00:57:41,217 Yes! All right, we gotta find keys. 1063 00:57:41,286 --> 00:57:43,584 Oh, yes! 1064 00:57:43,655 --> 00:57:45,816 Sweet! I was hoping it would be one of these big ring of keys. 1065 00:57:45,891 --> 00:57:48,325 - Kumar, hurry the fuck up. - All right, yeah. 1066 00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:56,130 - Yes! - Dude! 1067 00:57:58,370 --> 00:58:00,998 - Hey, what's that smell? - What smell? 1068 00:58:01,973 --> 00:58:03,304 Kumar. 1069 00:58:17,122 --> 00:58:21,183 If we still have time. We might still get by 1070 00:58:21,259 --> 00:58:24,956 Every time I think about it I wanna cry 1071 00:58:25,030 --> 00:58:28,727 With bombs and the devil. And the kids keep comin' 1072 00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:33,533 No way to breathe easy. No time to be young 1073 00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:39,672 But I tell myself that I'm doin' all right 1074 00:58:39,744 --> 00:58:42,804 There's nothin' left to do at night 1075 00:58:42,881 --> 00:58:45,816 But go crazy on you 1076 00:58:47,152 --> 00:58:50,087 Crazy on you 1077 00:58:50,155 --> 00:58:54,353 Let me go crazy. Crazy on you 1078 00:58:55,827 --> 00:58:58,853 Crazy on you 1079 00:58:58,930 --> 00:59:02,866 Bitch! Learn how to fuckin' make coffee, you fuckin' whore! 1080 00:59:02,934 --> 00:59:05,198 Let me go crazy. Crazy on you 1081 00:59:05,270 --> 00:59:06,828 I love you. 1082 00:59:07,372 --> 00:59:09,067 No, no, no. 1083 00:59:09,875 --> 00:59:11,809 No, baby, come on. 1084 00:59:13,044 --> 00:59:16,036 Hey, Kumar. Kumar! Where are you... 1085 00:59:16,114 --> 00:59:18,241 Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! 1086 00:59:18,316 --> 00:59:19,613 Come here! 1087 00:59:23,388 --> 00:59:24,412 Kumar! The cops... 1088 00:59:24,489 --> 00:59:26,423 You thought you'd get away with it, huh? 1089 00:59:26,491 --> 00:59:29,221 I was in bed. I didn't fire any gun. I swear. 1090 00:59:30,462 --> 00:59:32,760 Hey, Jackson's trying to escape! 1091 00:59:32,831 --> 00:59:34,890 What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here. 1092 00:59:34,966 --> 00:59:36,092 He's trying to break free! Get him! 1093 00:59:36,167 --> 00:59:38,601 - Aw, shit. - Don't move! 1094 00:59:40,505 --> 00:59:42,769 Stop resisting! We need backup now! 1095 00:59:42,841 --> 00:59:44,706 - He's got a gun. - That's not a gun, that's a book. 1096 00:59:44,776 --> 00:59:46,710 - Secure the book! - Book is secure. 1097 00:59:46,778 --> 00:59:50,509 You bring this filth in here? What is this shit? 1098 00:59:50,582 --> 00:59:53,107 Wait, wait. We gotta do something about this. 1099 00:59:53,184 --> 00:59:55,584 We're gonna teach you how to read now, brother. 1100 00:59:56,221 --> 00:59:58,621 If I were you, I'd leave as soon as possible. 1101 00:59:58,690 --> 01:00:00,248 - Whose hand is that? - Thanks, man. 1102 01:00:10,702 --> 01:00:13,569 Jesus Christ. Thanks for getting me out, man. 1103 01:00:13,638 --> 01:00:17,734 No problem. The burgers wouldn't taste as good if you weren't there. 1104 01:00:17,809 --> 01:00:19,174 Hey, look at this. 1105 01:00:19,244 --> 01:00:23,010 It's like we went from being completely poor to being millionaires. 1106 01:00:24,816 --> 01:00:27,114 - What was that? - Probably just a coyote. 1107 01:00:27,185 --> 01:00:29,085 Aren't people supposed to be scared of coyotes? 1108 01:00:29,154 --> 01:00:30,644 That's just 'cause they sound scary, man. 1109 01:00:30,722 --> 01:00:33,850 In one-on-one combat, either of us could take down a coyote, no problem. 1110 01:00:33,925 --> 01:00:35,085 What? 1111 01:00:38,463 --> 01:00:40,192 Now, cheetahs are another story. 1112 01:00:42,901 --> 01:00:44,869 - We're gonna die. - No, now hold on. 1113 01:00:44,936 --> 01:00:46,403 Cheetahs are used to eating gazelles and shit. 1114 01:00:46,471 --> 01:00:47,665 They're not known for eating humans. 1115 01:00:49,274 --> 01:00:51,640 That is a corpse. We're gonna die. 1116 01:00:51,710 --> 01:00:53,041 Shit! That's not a good sign. 1117 01:00:53,111 --> 01:00:56,205 Maybe if we just stay really, really still, he'll just go away. 1118 01:00:56,281 --> 01:00:57,441 Okay. 1119 01:00:58,383 --> 01:01:00,214 Just stay really still. Don't move, okay? 1120 01:01:00,285 --> 01:01:02,378 Just stay right there. Very good. Good job. 1121 01:01:02,454 --> 01:01:04,149 This isn't working. 1122 01:01:08,193 --> 01:01:11,219 He's mauling me! He's mauling me! 1123 01:01:15,233 --> 01:01:18,066 Dude, I told you not to bring the beef jerky. 1124 01:01:28,546 --> 01:01:30,138 He likes me. 1125 01:01:32,751 --> 01:01:34,981 Hey, Rold, I have an idea. 1126 01:01:36,855 --> 01:01:40,291 - You gotta be kidding me, man. - Uh-uh. 1127 01:01:45,330 --> 01:01:47,423 This is either a really smart move 1128 01:01:47,499 --> 01:01:50,195 or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried. 1129 01:01:50,268 --> 01:01:52,498 Well, we're about to find out. 1130 01:01:53,605 --> 01:01:54,594 Mush! 1131 01:01:56,341 --> 01:01:57,968 I told you this was... 1132 01:02:07,285 --> 01:02:08,274 Oy vey! 1133 01:02:10,789 --> 01:02:15,089 Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working? 1134 01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:17,651 - Both! - This is awesome! 1135 01:02:17,729 --> 01:02:19,822 We're gonna be at White Castle in no time! 1136 01:02:20,532 --> 01:02:21,931 That was close, huh, Roldy? 1137 01:02:26,971 --> 01:02:30,372 Harold. I need you, Harold. 1138 01:02:38,616 --> 01:02:40,811 I need you, Harold. 1139 01:02:41,352 --> 01:02:42,944 Come here. 1140 01:02:43,021 --> 01:02:45,387 - Come here, Harold. - Maria. 1141 01:02:45,457 --> 01:02:47,925 - Come, Harold. - I'm coming, baby! 1142 01:02:48,827 --> 01:02:51,352 I want you to hold me. Papi. I need you. 1143 01:02:51,429 --> 01:02:54,262 Baby, I'm a-comin'! 1144 01:02:54,766 --> 01:02:55,755 Not so fast. 1145 01:02:55,834 --> 01:02:57,495 Watch out, watch out 1146 01:02:59,204 --> 01:03:00,569 Come on! 1147 01:03:03,341 --> 01:03:08,643 Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know? 1148 01:03:08,713 --> 01:03:09,702 Maria 1149 01:03:09,781 --> 01:03:11,271 Harold. 1150 01:03:11,349 --> 01:03:12,680 Maria. 1151 01:03:12,750 --> 01:03:15,514 Maria 1152 01:03:21,459 --> 01:03:23,256 Maria. Maria 1153 01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,297 Watch out, watch out 1154 01:03:32,871 --> 01:03:34,805 Watch out, watch out 1155 01:03:38,042 --> 01:03:41,011 What the hell are you doing? God! 1156 01:03:41,079 --> 01:03:42,944 You've been out cold for the past half-hour. 1157 01:03:43,014 --> 01:03:45,209 I figured maybe if I did some gay shit you'd wake up. 1158 01:03:45,283 --> 01:03:47,547 If we did some gay shit? Where are we? 1159 01:03:47,619 --> 01:03:50,520 Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah? 1160 01:03:50,588 --> 01:03:52,818 It ran away. Listen, forget about the cheetah, okay? 1161 01:03:52,891 --> 01:03:55,121 I have some bad news and some worse news. 1162 01:03:55,193 --> 01:03:57,024 Give me the worse news first. 1163 01:03:57,095 --> 01:03:58,528 I looked at some of the road signs up there, 1164 01:03:58,596 --> 01:04:00,826 and it looks like the cheetah took us in the wrong direction. 1165 01:04:00,899 --> 01:04:03,026 - Shit! - Yeah. 1166 01:04:03,201 --> 01:04:04,725 - Shit! - Yeah. 1167 01:04:05,803 --> 01:04:07,395 All right, what's the bad news? 1168 01:04:07,472 --> 01:04:09,372 Your laptop's completely destroyed. 1169 01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:10,839 What? 1170 01:04:10,909 --> 01:04:14,242 Why didn't... Why didn't you tell me... 1171 01:04:14,312 --> 01:04:17,042 How is that not the worse news? 1172 01:04:17,115 --> 01:04:19,083 The laptop situation really only affects you, 1173 01:04:19,150 --> 01:04:23,086 whereas the White Castle situation affects both of us equally. 1174 01:04:25,823 --> 01:04:27,848 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1175 01:04:27,926 --> 01:04:30,724 All my work was saved on this computer. 1176 01:04:30,795 --> 01:04:32,763 Now I gotta go back to the office and redo it. 1177 01:04:32,830 --> 01:04:33,854 Exactly. First we'll go to White Castle... 1178 01:04:33,932 --> 01:04:35,957 Forget about White Castle. There is no time. 1179 01:04:37,001 --> 01:04:38,161 Car. 1180 01:04:44,409 --> 01:04:46,309 Hello. Over here! 1181 01:04:49,047 --> 01:04:50,537 Shit. 1182 01:05:07,070 --> 01:05:08,537 Whoa. 1183 01:05:10,173 --> 01:05:11,265 Yeah. Um... 1184 01:05:12,475 --> 01:05:14,773 All right, we'll get a pay phone, 1185 01:05:14,845 --> 01:05:17,143 get a cab back to your office, all right? 1186 01:05:18,381 --> 01:05:20,008 Come on. You all right? 1187 01:05:29,826 --> 01:05:31,851 - Hey, check this out! - Yeah, nice! 1188 01:05:34,564 --> 01:05:35,997 Hey, Apu! 1189 01:05:36,066 --> 01:05:38,534 Jesus. These guys are frickin' everywhere. 1190 01:05:38,602 --> 01:05:41,469 Who's looking after the Kwik-E-Mart while you're gone? 1191 01:05:41,538 --> 01:05:43,836 You two going to share a curry Slurpee? 1192 01:05:43,907 --> 01:05:45,397 Fucking assholes. 1193 01:05:46,076 --> 01:05:48,340 Dude, check it out. It's Rosenberg and Goldstein. 1194 01:05:53,383 --> 01:05:54,611 I want that. 1195 01:05:54,684 --> 01:05:56,549 What, a Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog? 1196 01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:59,384 No. I want that feeling. 1197 01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:01,822 The feeling that comes over a man 1198 01:06:01,892 --> 01:06:03,985 when he gets exactly what he desires. 1199 01:06:04,060 --> 01:06:05,994 I need that feeling. 1200 01:06:06,062 --> 01:06:07,620 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 1201 01:06:07,697 --> 01:06:09,961 - We gotta go to White Castle. - Yes, yes! 1202 01:06:10,033 --> 01:06:11,660 I knew you had it in you, dude. 1203 01:06:19,418 --> 01:06:21,249 What are you gonna do about it, Mr. Miyagi? 1204 01:06:24,524 --> 01:06:25,957 That's extreme, man! 1205 01:06:26,792 --> 01:06:28,885 There's no sense getting all riled up 1206 01:06:28,961 --> 01:06:31,725 every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. 1207 01:06:31,797 --> 01:06:35,597 The universe tends to unfold as it should. 1208 01:06:37,169 --> 01:06:38,158 Nothing. 1209 01:06:40,072 --> 01:06:42,267 - Fucking extreme! - I'm so sick of their bullshit. 1210 01:06:43,876 --> 01:06:47,437 Don't worry. The universe tends to unfold as it should. 1211 01:06:47,513 --> 01:06:50,209 What is that, some fortune cookie? 1212 01:06:51,784 --> 01:06:55,481 Hey, I got a plan. Follow my lead, okay? 1213 01:06:55,555 --> 01:06:57,284 - Your lead? - Yeah. 1214 01:06:57,356 --> 01:06:58,789 Okay. 1215 01:06:58,858 --> 01:07:01,986 Whoa, what are you doing? Oh, shit! 1216 01:07:06,399 --> 01:07:07,388 Those pricks! 1217 01:07:07,466 --> 01:07:09,661 - This is your plan? - It's working, isn't it? 1218 01:07:11,871 --> 01:07:14,032 Come on, come on! Get 'em, guys! 1219 01:07:14,106 --> 01:07:15,937 - Jerk-offs! - My truck! 1220 01:07:18,611 --> 01:07:20,670 Thank you, come again. 1221 01:07:25,952 --> 01:07:28,921 Dude, that was so not extreme. 1222 01:07:30,230 --> 01:07:33,631 "Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5"? What is this shit? 1223 01:07:34,902 --> 01:07:38,133 And I need you now tonight 1224 01:07:38,205 --> 01:07:40,799 Those guys are fuckin' posers. 1225 01:07:41,742 --> 01:07:45,940 And if you'll only hold me tight 1226 01:07:46,013 --> 01:07:51,076 Baby. Baby. The stars are shining foryou 1227 01:07:51,151 --> 01:07:55,645 And just like me. I'm sure that they adore you 1228 01:07:55,723 --> 01:07:56,951 Baby. Baby 1229 01:07:57,024 --> 01:07:59,993 Go walking through the forest 1230 01:08:00,060 --> 01:08:02,620 Things'll go your way 1231 01:08:02,696 --> 01:08:04,926 Hold on for one more day 1232 01:08:04,999 --> 01:08:07,126 I know that there is pain 1233 01:08:07,201 --> 01:08:09,362 But you hold on for one more day 1234 01:08:09,436 --> 01:08:13,839 And you break free from the chains 1235 01:08:14,708 --> 01:08:16,676 Yeah. I know that there is pain 1236 01:08:16,744 --> 01:08:19,304 But you hold on for one more day 1237 01:08:19,380 --> 01:08:22,508 And you break free right from the chains 1238 01:08:24,351 --> 01:08:27,514 Someday somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around 1239 01:08:27,588 --> 01:08:29,681 - And say good-bye - Say good-bye 1240 01:08:29,757 --> 01:08:31,122 Until then, baby 1241 01:08:31,191 --> 01:08:33,591 Are you gonna let 'em hold you down and make you cry? 1242 01:08:33,661 --> 01:08:36,687 Don't you know things can change 1243 01:08:36,764 --> 01:08:38,197 Things'll go your way 1244 01:08:38,265 --> 01:08:42,759 If you hold on for one more day 1245 01:08:42,836 --> 01:08:45,805 Hold on 1246 01:08:49,877 --> 01:08:51,037 Bingo. 1247 01:08:51,378 --> 01:08:54,541 Yeah, dude! Cherry Hill, man. We're almost there. 1248 01:08:54,615 --> 01:08:55,980 I told you, man! 1249 01:08:56,050 --> 01:08:58,382 I found 'em, and I'm gonna need backup. 1250 01:08:58,452 --> 01:09:00,647 - Oh, shit. - Shit. 1251 01:09:00,721 --> 01:09:03,383 Fudge, dude. Are you kidding me? 1252 01:09:04,058 --> 01:09:07,255 - What the hell are you doing? - I'm not going back to jail, man. 1253 01:09:07,327 --> 01:09:10,194 We've come too far. Now buckle up. Buckle up! 1254 01:09:11,932 --> 01:09:14,127 We got a chase on our hands. 1255 01:09:15,602 --> 01:09:17,866 - Ready? - Yeah. For what? 1256 01:09:17,938 --> 01:09:19,200 Oh, shit! 1257 01:09:21,809 --> 01:09:24,505 - Where the fuck you takin' us? - Just hold on. 1258 01:09:29,817 --> 01:09:31,114 What the... 1259 01:09:35,089 --> 01:09:37,887 It's a good thing I have an empty stomach or else I'd puke right now. 1260 01:09:42,596 --> 01:09:43,927 We're gonna make it. 1261 01:09:44,865 --> 01:09:46,799 Everything's gonna be all ri... 1262 01:09:48,902 --> 01:09:50,767 Oh, my God! 1263 01:09:52,239 --> 01:09:53,604 Oh, shit. Holy shit. 1264 01:09:53,674 --> 01:09:56,199 - Put her in reverse. Hurry! - Shit! 1265 01:09:56,276 --> 01:09:58,141 Let's go out the back. I'll go first. 1266 01:09:58,212 --> 01:10:01,045 - Don't shake the car! - Well, hurry up! 1267 01:10:08,655 --> 01:10:10,179 Hey, Roldy, check it out. 1268 01:10:22,770 --> 01:10:24,931 Shit, shit! We're trapped, man! 1269 01:10:28,575 --> 01:10:31,271 Whoa. Not necessarily. 1270 01:10:32,246 --> 01:10:33,838 No. 1271 01:10:33,914 --> 01:10:36,280 No, not a chance. I'd rather turn myself in than die. 1272 01:10:36,350 --> 01:10:37,715 No, dude, I know exactly how to do that. 1273 01:10:37,785 --> 01:10:39,810 I used to do it with my dad all the time when I was a kid. 1274 01:10:39,887 --> 01:10:42,754 Forget it! I'm not risking my life over a bunch of hamburgers, man. 1275 01:10:42,823 --> 01:10:45,087 So you think this is just about the burgers, huh? 1276 01:10:45,993 --> 01:10:49,485 Let me tell you, it's about far more than that. 1277 01:10:51,331 --> 01:10:53,299 Our parents came to this country, 1278 01:10:53,367 --> 01:10:57,394 escaping persecution, poverty, and hunger. 1279 01:10:58,238 --> 01:11:00,103 Hunger, Harold. 1280 01:11:00,174 --> 01:11:03,075 They were very, very hungry. 1281 01:11:04,178 --> 01:11:06,874 They wanted to live in a land that treated them as equals, 1282 01:11:06,947 --> 01:11:09,006 a land filled with hamburger stands. 1283 01:11:09,082 --> 01:11:11,107 And not just one type of hamburger, okay? 1284 01:11:11,185 --> 01:11:14,780 Hundreds of types with different sizes, toppings, and condiments. 1285 01:11:16,757 --> 01:11:18,725 That land was America. 1286 01:11:19,359 --> 01:11:22,658 America, Harold! America! 1287 01:11:23,831 --> 01:11:27,494 Now, this is about achieving what our parents set out for. 1288 01:11:27,568 --> 01:11:30,731 This is about the pursuit of happiness. 1289 01:11:30,804 --> 01:11:34,740 This night... is about the American dream. 1290 01:11:42,149 --> 01:11:44,242 Dude, we can stay here, get arrested, 1291 01:11:44,318 --> 01:11:47,287 and end our hopes of ever going to White Castle. 1292 01:11:47,354 --> 01:11:51,188 Or we can take that hang glider and make our leap towards freedom. 1293 01:11:51,258 --> 01:11:53,590 I leave the decision up to you. 1294 01:11:56,396 --> 01:11:58,193 I hate you, Kumar. 1295 01:11:59,700 --> 01:12:01,395 Tilt forward. 1296 01:12:01,468 --> 01:12:02,457 - Roldy. - What? 1297 01:12:02,536 --> 01:12:04,299 - Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine. - All right. 1298 01:12:08,041 --> 01:12:09,668 - Good job, Rold. Keep running. - Thank you. 1299 01:12:09,743 --> 01:12:12,871 Hey, Roldy, there's something I forgot to tell you. 1300 01:12:12,946 --> 01:12:15,005 - I've never hang-glided before. - What?! 1301 01:12:15,082 --> 01:12:16,310 Jump! 1302 01:12:24,758 --> 01:12:25,747 Oh, my God! 1303 01:12:25,826 --> 01:12:27,691 - Dude, it's working! - Oh, my God! 1304 01:12:27,761 --> 01:12:29,729 Yeah! 1305 01:12:30,364 --> 01:12:31,422 Good news. 1306 01:12:31,498 --> 01:12:33,830 I just found enough dope in the car 1307 01:12:33,901 --> 01:12:37,302 to put these skateboard punks in jail for the next couple of years. 1308 01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:43,076 - Dude, we're so high right now. - We're not low. 1309 01:12:50,250 --> 01:12:54,209 All right, I'm bringing her in. Right, left, left. 1310 01:12:54,288 --> 01:12:55,721 Perfect! 1311 01:12:55,789 --> 01:12:57,984 - Shit! - Shit! 1312 01:13:09,770 --> 01:13:11,328 God! 1313 01:13:11,405 --> 01:13:12,770 I'm gonna kill you! 1314 01:13:14,274 --> 01:13:15,707 Look! 1315 01:13:26,153 --> 01:13:27,586 We made it, dude. 1316 01:13:45,572 --> 01:13:47,506 Looks like you guys had some night, huh? 1317 01:13:47,574 --> 01:13:50,839 I want 30 Slyders, 5 French fries, and 4 large Cherry Cokes. 1318 01:13:50,911 --> 01:13:54,847 I want the same, except make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck. 1319 01:13:54,915 --> 01:13:58,817 Wow. Well, that comes to $46.75. 1320 01:14:01,054 --> 01:14:04,046 - Dude, where's my money? - You don't have money? 1321 01:14:04,124 --> 01:14:05,421 - Dude, are you kidding me? - No. 1322 01:14:05,492 --> 01:14:07,517 I gave mine to that asshole at Princeton. 1323 01:14:07,594 --> 01:14:10,722 Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck! No! Dude, this isn't happening! 1324 01:14:10,797 --> 01:14:12,458 We didn't make it here, and now we're broke! 1325 01:14:12,532 --> 01:14:13,794 No, no, no, no! 1326 01:14:13,867 --> 01:14:17,098 Guys, let me pay for it. It's the least I can do. 1327 01:14:17,170 --> 01:14:18,535 The hell are you doing here? 1328 01:14:18,605 --> 01:14:20,835 You guys kept talking about White Castle last night so much, 1329 01:14:20,907 --> 01:14:22,204 it made me start to crave it, too. 1330 01:14:22,275 --> 01:14:24,641 - Dude, where's my car? - Where's his car, dude? 1331 01:14:24,711 --> 01:14:28,203 Yeah, sorry about that. I told you last night I was tripping balls. 1332 01:14:28,281 --> 01:14:29,805 I don't know what came over me. 1333 01:14:29,883 --> 01:14:32,283 Your car's in the parking lot. Here are your keys. 1334 01:14:32,352 --> 01:14:34,820 Do you realize what the hell we had to go through after you took the car? 1335 01:14:34,888 --> 01:14:37,686 Yeah. It was a dick move on my part. 1336 01:14:37,758 --> 01:14:41,319 That's why I'm paying for your meal. Prick. 1337 01:14:41,395 --> 01:14:42,794 Thanks, I guess. 1338 01:14:42,863 --> 01:14:47,926 Here's 50 bucks for the burgers and 200 for the car. 1339 01:14:49,102 --> 01:14:50,399 What happened to my car? 1340 01:14:50,470 --> 01:14:53,667 I made some love stains in the back seat. 1341 01:14:53,740 --> 01:14:55,469 You'll see. 1342 01:14:58,178 --> 01:15:00,305 Anyway, nice meeting you guys. I'll catch you later. 1343 01:15:00,847 --> 01:15:02,109 Where are you going? 1344 01:15:03,550 --> 01:15:05,279 Wherever God takes me. 1345 01:15:22,903 --> 01:15:24,768 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1346 01:15:24,838 --> 01:15:25,862 Let's do this together. 1347 01:16:03,110 --> 01:16:04,702 Damn, that hit the spot. 1348 01:16:04,778 --> 01:16:07,747 - That was the best meal of my life. - Mine, too. 1349 01:16:07,814 --> 01:16:09,372 You know what, dude? 1350 01:16:09,449 --> 01:16:11,747 I think I may actually go to my interview today. 1351 01:16:11,818 --> 01:16:12,910 Are you serious? 1352 01:16:12,986 --> 01:16:14,476 You know, my whole life I've just been scared 1353 01:16:14,554 --> 01:16:16,681 of being one of those nerdy Indian guys turned doctor, 1354 01:16:16,756 --> 01:16:18,314 but tonight got me thinking. 1355 01:16:18,391 --> 01:16:20,621 There are far worse things in this world than being tapped 1356 01:16:20,694 --> 01:16:22,855 for having a natural ability in medicine. 1357 01:16:22,929 --> 01:16:25,557 Chick magnet. Chick magnet 1358 01:16:25,632 --> 01:16:28,658 Plus, how cool was that, saving that dude's life last night? 1359 01:16:28,735 --> 01:16:32,637 It was somewhere between that, getting yelled at by my dad, 1360 01:16:32,706 --> 01:16:33,695 and seeing Neil Patrick Harris 1361 01:16:33,773 --> 01:16:35,240 that I realized that I've always wanted to be a doctor 1362 01:16:35,308 --> 01:16:37,333 but I've just been too scared to admit it to myself. 1363 01:16:37,410 --> 01:16:39,708 - Billy, you paying for this? - Yeah, I'll be there... 1364 01:16:39,779 --> 01:16:41,337 Good, 'cause if he wasn't, you would. 1365 01:16:41,414 --> 01:16:44,247 Are you listening to me, Roldy? I'm having a major epiphany here. 1366 01:16:44,317 --> 01:16:45,978 I'll be right back. 1367 01:16:46,052 --> 01:16:47,781 You're unlike any other woman I've ever met. 1368 01:16:47,854 --> 01:16:50,345 What the fuck is going on here? 1369 01:16:51,224 --> 01:16:54,193 Harold? What happened to you, man? 1370 01:16:54,261 --> 01:16:56,422 Never mind me. What the fuck are you doing here? 1371 01:16:56,496 --> 01:16:58,657 I thought you and J.D. Were busy all night with clients. 1372 01:16:58,732 --> 01:17:00,097 Isn't that why I had to do your work? 1373 01:17:00,167 --> 01:17:02,397 - Henry, what the hell's going on? - Back off, cock boy. 1374 01:17:02,469 --> 01:17:04,266 What I said to him goes double for you. 1375 01:17:04,337 --> 01:17:06,237 - Did you just call me cock boy? - Yeah, you know I did. 1376 01:17:06,306 --> 01:17:07,295 You're just stalling 1377 01:17:07,374 --> 01:17:09,308 because you're not quick enough to think of a comeback. 1378 01:17:09,376 --> 01:17:11,310 You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. 1379 01:17:11,378 --> 01:17:14,142 Well, I've got news for you. I am quick enough... 1380 01:17:17,551 --> 01:17:18,916 ...cock boy! 1381 01:17:21,321 --> 01:17:22,879 Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry. 1382 01:17:22,956 --> 01:17:25,322 Don't bother with him. We'll take it up with Berenson tomorrow. 1383 01:17:25,392 --> 01:17:27,155 What are you gonna tell Berenson? 1384 01:17:27,227 --> 01:17:29,286 That I'm your workhorse? 1385 01:17:29,362 --> 01:17:32,092 That you guys think you can party all weekend, 1386 01:17:32,165 --> 01:17:34,224 leave the work to the quiet Asian guy in the office? 1387 01:17:34,301 --> 01:17:37,532 - No, you don't understand. - No, you don't understand. 1388 01:17:37,604 --> 01:17:40,937 I'm not doing your work for you anymore. 1389 01:17:41,007 --> 01:17:43,202 And if either one of you douche bags 1390 01:17:43,276 --> 01:17:45,301 ever tries to pull this shit again, 1391 01:17:45,378 --> 01:17:46,811 I'll go to Berenson myself. 1392 01:17:46,880 --> 01:17:48,848 I'll tell him what's really going on. 1393 01:17:48,915 --> 01:17:50,576 And I'll tell the whole office 1394 01:17:50,650 --> 01:17:54,108 how you both caught gonorrhea from that prostitute in Atlantic City. 1395 01:17:55,388 --> 01:17:58,050 If you'll excuse me, boys, I gotta get going. Kumar. 1396 01:17:59,593 --> 01:18:01,823 See you boys at the office on Monday. 1397 01:18:01,895 --> 01:18:03,226 Excuse me. 1398 01:18:10,103 --> 01:18:13,072 Dude, that was awesome! Where the hell did that come from? 1399 01:18:13,139 --> 01:18:14,128 I don't know. 1400 01:18:14,207 --> 01:18:17,233 Eating those delicious burgers made me feel like a new man. 1401 01:18:17,310 --> 01:18:18,334 You know what? 1402 01:18:18,411 --> 01:18:20,208 Now I'm actually looking forward to going to work this week. 1403 01:18:20,280 --> 01:18:23,738 No shit. You know, you might be worthwhile after all. 1404 01:18:23,817 --> 01:18:25,284 I'm not worthless. 1405 01:18:25,352 --> 01:18:28,719 Hey, so those dudes really have gonorrhea? 1406 01:18:28,788 --> 01:18:30,050 Beats me. 1407 01:18:32,058 --> 01:18:33,389 Hey. 1408 01:18:34,294 --> 01:18:36,353 - Let's get going. - What's the rush, dude? 1409 01:18:36,429 --> 01:18:38,090 I don't have my interview for a couple of hours. 1410 01:18:38,164 --> 01:18:40,428 I got some unfinished business to take care of. 1411 01:18:40,500 --> 01:18:42,297 I thought those guys were gonna do the work. 1412 01:18:42,369 --> 01:18:44,803 No, unfinished business. 1413 01:18:44,871 --> 01:18:47,066 - Maria. - Still not following you. 1414 01:18:47,140 --> 01:18:48,129 Get in! 1415 01:18:54,781 --> 01:18:56,214 So you don't even have a plan. 1416 01:18:56,283 --> 01:18:59,411 Dude, I got love on my side, man. 1417 01:18:59,486 --> 01:19:00,646 Trust me. 1418 01:19:00,720 --> 01:19:04,679 When I see Maria, I'm gonna know exactly what to say. 1419 01:19:09,729 --> 01:19:11,162 - Hey. - Hey. 1420 01:19:11,231 --> 01:19:14,098 It looks like you guys have had some night. 1421 01:19:18,071 --> 01:19:21,700 Shit. You know what? I left my lighter in your car. 1422 01:19:21,775 --> 01:19:23,640 Do me a favor and run down and get it for me, please? 1423 01:19:23,710 --> 01:19:25,371 I gotta urinate. 1424 01:19:45,932 --> 01:19:48,332 You sure got a lot of baggage. 1425 01:20:00,080 --> 01:20:01,513 Maria, wait. 1426 01:20:01,581 --> 01:20:03,708 I know this is gonna seem completely out of the blue, 1427 01:20:03,783 --> 01:20:06,843 and I know you don't know me very well... or, um, at all. 1428 01:20:06,920 --> 01:20:08,785 But let me tell you the best part of my day is. 1429 01:20:08,855 --> 01:20:11,346 I come home from work and I walk through this lobby, 1430 01:20:11,424 --> 01:20:13,483 and on days that I'm lucky enough, 1431 01:20:13,560 --> 01:20:16,825 I spend ten seconds in this elevator with you. 1432 01:20:16,896 --> 01:20:18,989 I had the craziest night of my life tonight, 1433 01:20:19,065 --> 01:20:22,228 and I guess I learned that if you want something or someone, 1434 01:20:22,302 --> 01:20:23,530 you have to go for it. 1435 01:20:25,705 --> 01:20:28,105 And if Liane can marry a guy like Freakshow 1436 01:20:28,174 --> 01:20:30,904 and I can hang-glide and I can ride a cheetah, 1437 01:20:30,977 --> 01:20:32,535 then I guess... 1438 01:20:33,546 --> 01:20:34,535 Oh, fuck it. 1439 01:20:34,614 --> 01:20:38,607 Girl, I'm spendin' my dimes 1440 01:20:38,685 --> 01:20:41,017 Give me a minute. This is crazy. 1441 01:20:41,087 --> 01:20:43,146 - That was... l'm sorry. - I don't even know you. 1442 01:20:43,223 --> 01:20:45,714 I had White Castle, so I'm a little dizzy. 1443 01:20:45,792 --> 01:20:48,420 - We don't ever speak. - We don't talk, so that was inappropriate. 1444 01:20:48,495 --> 01:20:49,757 Oh, fuck it. 1445 01:20:49,829 --> 01:20:52,627 I wanna get next to you 1446 01:20:56,069 --> 01:21:00,403 I wanna get next to you 1447 01:21:03,410 --> 01:21:04,399 Okay. 1448 01:21:06,146 --> 01:21:08,114 Now you just have to work on your timing. 1449 01:21:08,181 --> 01:21:10,115 - Where are you going? - Amsterdam. 1450 01:21:10,183 --> 01:21:13,346 I'll be back in ten days. But I'll see you when I get back? 1451 01:21:13,420 --> 01:21:15,615 Yeah, let's do that. 1452 01:21:22,262 --> 01:21:23,752 Bye, Harold. 1453 01:21:26,299 --> 01:21:28,164 Bye. Bye. I'll see you later. 1454 01:21:29,502 --> 01:21:31,436 - She touch your penis? - What? 1455 01:21:31,504 --> 01:21:33,131 What happened? 1456 01:21:33,206 --> 01:21:37,643 Nothing much, really. Just a little kiss action. 1457 01:21:37,710 --> 01:21:39,337 Nice. Nice! 1458 01:21:39,412 --> 01:21:41,972 Yeah. She's going to Amsterdam. She'll be back in ten days. 1459 01:21:42,048 --> 01:21:43,879 We gotta go. 1460 01:21:43,950 --> 01:21:45,508 - Where? - Amsterdam, man. 1461 01:21:45,585 --> 01:21:46,984 - We gotta get our bags packed... - Amsterdam? 1462 01:21:47,053 --> 01:21:49,078 ...and frickin' take the next flight out. 1463 01:21:49,155 --> 01:21:51,248 Are you freaking out of your mind? What about your interview? 1464 01:21:51,324 --> 01:21:53,315 Dude, whatever. I'll tell my dad to reschedule it. 1465 01:21:53,393 --> 01:21:56,226 He won't have a problem as long as I take it seriously for a change. 1466 01:21:56,296 --> 01:21:59,163 We gotta freakin' go to Europe and find Maria. 1467 01:21:59,232 --> 01:22:01,291 Dude, she's coming back in ten days. 1468 01:22:01,367 --> 01:22:03,028 It's not like I'm never gonna see her again. 1469 01:22:03,102 --> 01:22:04,330 Listen, for a hot chick, 1470 01:22:04,404 --> 01:22:06,372 ten days in Europe can be the kiss of death, okay? 1471 01:22:06,439 --> 01:22:09,533 She's gonna have all these suave, sophisticated guys all over her. 1472 01:22:09,609 --> 01:22:11,577 When she gets back, she may not be available. 1473 01:22:11,644 --> 01:22:14,112 Forget it. I'll see her when she comes back. 1474 01:22:14,180 --> 01:22:15,374 Hey, Roldy. 1475 01:22:16,916 --> 01:22:19,976 You do realize what's legal in Amsterdam, don't you? 1476 01:22:22,555 --> 01:22:23,749 Oh, yeah. 1477 01:22:30,897 --> 01:22:33,661 In today's headlines, Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson 1478 01:22:33,733 --> 01:22:36,566 and attorney Nathaniel Banks are suing the state of New Jersey 1479 01:22:36,636 --> 01:22:39,161 for racial discrimination and police brutality. 1480 01:22:39,239 --> 01:22:41,673 My family and I are outraged 1481 01:22:41,741 --> 01:22:44,175 and will settle for nothing less than justice. 1482 01:22:44,244 --> 01:22:48,180 I still trust and love all white people, all of them. 1483 01:22:48,982 --> 01:22:51,007 And Asians. And Asians. 1484 01:22:51,084 --> 01:22:52,813 And a few Mexicans as well. 1485 01:22:52,886 --> 01:22:55,354 Several of the officers suspected of brutality 1486 01:22:55,421 --> 01:22:57,719 were taken into custody earlier this morning. 1487 01:22:57,790 --> 01:22:59,883 Run away, you mother... 1488 01:22:59,959 --> 01:23:03,793 No black mother... gonna get away with this, so... all y'all. 1489 01:23:03,863 --> 01:23:05,455 You can suck my... 1490 01:23:05,532 --> 01:23:07,124 Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, 1491 01:23:07,200 --> 01:23:09,191 have just arrested a gang of hooligans 1492 01:23:09,269 --> 01:23:12,136 who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls 1493 01:23:12,205 --> 01:23:13,365 and convenience stores. 1494 01:23:13,439 --> 01:23:15,805 Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, 1495 01:23:15,875 --> 01:23:18,708 which contained a large bag of marijuana. 1496 01:23:18,778 --> 01:23:21,076 And in other news, the Muckleburg Police Department 1497 01:23:21,147 --> 01:23:22,944 are still looking for a fugitive 1498 01:23:23,016 --> 01:23:24,916 who escaped from the police station last night 1499 01:23:24,984 --> 01:23:27,680 with a companion believed to be his accomplice. 1500 01:23:27,754 --> 01:23:29,949 Police have released sketches of the two fugitives 1501 01:23:30,023 --> 01:23:33,117 which they believe to be extremely accurate. 1502 01:23:36,996 --> 01:23:38,190 Nice!