1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:04,879 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:07,952 ls violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:11,322 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,289 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,588 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:21,458 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:22,999 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,566 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:29,906 He's a family guy 10 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,977 Well, Chris, looks like another day 11 00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:40,073 of nobody joining us for lunch. 12 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:43,814 Yeah, we never should have let that blind girl touch our faces. 13 00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:47,788 Attention, students, this is Principal Shepherd 14 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,519 with the lunchtime announcements. 15 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,789 And, as a special treat, I thought I'd deliver them 16 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,059 in the rapping style you kids are so enthused about. 17 00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,700 Later today, you're gonna have a big thrill 18 00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,431 'Cause shortly after lunch there'll be a fire drill 19 00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:03,007 And when you go out to wait for the bus, mmm 20 00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,440 Go in orderly fashion or your hair will get mussed 21 00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,602 You suck! 22 00:01:06,699 --> 00:01:08,007 No, you suck. 23 00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,139 I can't hear you. I just presumed 24 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,840 somebody must have yelled, "You suck!" 25 00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,246 Anyway, last announcement. 26 00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:16,582 Don't forget, it's time to vote for Homecoming King and Queen. 27 00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:18,815 Nominations are due by 3:00 p.m. today. 28 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:19,890 Peace out. 29 00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,858 No, you're a douchebag! 30 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:26,753 Wow. Can you imagine if one of us was Homecoming King? 31 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,890 Then people would wanna sit with us at lunch. 32 00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:31,798 Yeah, you should run. I'll nominate you. 33 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,096 You know what? I'll do it. 34 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,003 Maybe I'll surprise everyone. 35 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,098 Like when you find out a buttoned-up librarian 36 00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,178 is actually super-sexy. 37 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:41,671 Excuse me, ma'am? 38 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:48,013 Hot blooded 39 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,186 Yes? 40 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:52,789 There's a dead homeless man blocking the card catalog. 41 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:59,664 Well, last night's episode of Suits was bonkers, right? 42 00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,493 Joe, none of us know what that show is. 43 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,067 It was pretty crazy. 44 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:04,533 There was this one part where Suits 45 00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:06,659 was getting yelled at by his lady boss. 46 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:07,999 And then, she kissed him. 47 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:11,337 Well, there goes Jerome loading the urinal up with ice. 48 00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,310 Gonna go play me my melting game. 49 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,936 Man, I'm starting to get drunk. 50 00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:17,013 Is it even noon yet? 51 00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,104 No, it's only 10:40. 52 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,548 10:40? Oh, crap, we gotta get out of here. 53 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:21,641 That's when Taco Bell 54 00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,652 throws all the breakfast food in the dumpster. 55 00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:25,245 Can't let that raccoon get all of it. 56 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,616 Ooh, man, you're right. 57 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:27,748 You know, this is great, guys. 58 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,520 Drinking and eating garbage. 59 00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,687 I'm glad we all took a mental health day. 60 00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:34,522 Hey, where'd everybody go? 61 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,930 I don't know where they went but someone's gotta pay this check. 62 00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:40,971 Damn it. They left without me and now I'm stuck with the bill? 63 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,939 Man, who do those guys think I am? Mark Zuckerbrothers? 64 00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:45,805 Seems like they do that a lot. 65 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,970 Tell you what, this one's on me. 66 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,045 Thanks, Jerome. 67 00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,775 Since there's no one here, do you mind turning the TV up? 68 00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:54,511 That little Lamisil guy always makes me laugh. 69 00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:56,786 Yeah. 70 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,556 What do you think he is, like, a Martian? 71 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,026 Like, a little shoe-Martian? 72 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,291 I don't know. I just hope he ain't down there in my shoes. 73 00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,891 No, he's loud. If he were down there, we'd know it. 74 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:13,129 I ain't got no toenails nohow. 75 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,036 Hey, everybody, guess what? 76 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,511 I'm running for Homecoming King. 77 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,876 - You're what? - Yeah. 78 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,176 Neil nominated me. 79 00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,318 Why are you home from school and Meg's not? 80 00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:29,009 Has she taken a lover? 81 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,313 Well, the voting is tomorrow. So I've gotta write my speech. 82 00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:35,256 Luckily, Chris Griffin rhymes with Homecoming King. 83 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,328 So, I've got my opening line. 84 00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:41,532 Oh, my God. Did you see how excited he is? 85 00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:42,656 Yeah, isn't that great? 86 00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,359 No, it's not great. 87 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,698 Chris is not Homecoming King material. 88 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,636 He doesn't have a chance of winning. 89 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,036 We gotta be at that school tomorrow 90 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,109 to help pick up the pieces when he loses. 91 00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:53,869 Oh! My Hot Pocket! 92 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,309 Ow! It's hot! 93 00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,711 Oh, that must be Jerome. 94 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,150 What the hell is Jerome doing here? 95 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,553 We didn't order any drinks. 96 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,216 No, he and I got plans. 97 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,258 We're gonna go down to Carver High School 98 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:12,830 and look at that mural of black achievement. 99 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,959 They got a manila folder taped over Dr. Cosby's face. 100 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,592 What? Cleveland, you didn't tell us 101 00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:19,863 you had plans with Jerome. 102 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:21,700 Some things are my business. 103 00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:24,172 You don't tell me when you play with yourself. 104 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,744 Well, if you checked my Twitter feed, I wouldn't have to. 105 00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:37,780 And if you elect me, 106 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:40,551 I will be as good a Homecoming King as a touchdown. 107 00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:45,294 And our final nominee for Homecoming King 108 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:46,489 is Chris Griffin. 109 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,429 Thank you. I'm Chris Griffin. 110 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,903 Webster's Dictionary defines smegma 111 00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:59,340 as a sebaceous, cheese-like substance around the head of the penis. 112 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,912 But what is a king? 113 00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:04,377 Oh, God, this is already hard to watch. 114 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,212 Like that Bourne movie where they couldn't get Matt Damon. 115 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,117 We're facing a bio-chemical attack of untold proportions. 116 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,086 Unfortunately, Jason Bourne is not available. 117 00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,156 Who have we got? 118 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:16,022 We have the sixth-billed guy from The Avengers. 119 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,526 The arrow guy who frowns a lot. 120 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:18,994 Uh, okay. 121 00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,120 Does he look like Bourne? 122 00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:21,220 Yeah, yeah. 123 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,301 He sort of looks like a young Popeye. 124 00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:25,391 Well, sounds like he's the right guy for this. 125 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:27,596 Yeah. Yeah. 126 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,400 All right, students, the votes have been tabulated, 127 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,636 so, if you could all look up from your phones for a minute, 128 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:34,768 I'll tell you who won. 129 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,982 Children, a man is talking. 130 00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:40,817 All right, I better head down there. 131 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,181 I brought a bag of marshmallows 132 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,881 and a belt for Chris to bite on during his meltdown. 133 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:49,092 And this year's James Woods High Homecoming King is 134 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,160 Chris Griffin. 135 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:51,828 Yay! 136 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:56,292 Holy crap! 137 00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,391 I don't believe it. Chris won. 138 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,171 All right, now it's time for these four poor kids 139 00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,536 to thank you for subsidizing their lunches. 140 00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:05,199 Thank you. 141 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,743 Mean it. 142 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:08,369 Thank you. 143 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,948 All right. Time for my car nap. 144 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,025 Hey, there he is, the new king. 145 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,617 I already called and quit my job. 146 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:26,524 Peter, he doesn't get money for being Homecoming King. 147 00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:28,792 - Does he get land? - No, of course not. 148 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:29,992 Does he get this joke? 149 00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,966 Shagadelic, baby! 150 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,401 Ah, Austin Powers. 151 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,037 Oh, very good. Very good, my liege. 152 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,409 Well, Chris, since you're royalty now, 153 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:39,704 I made your favorites. 154 00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,039 Dinner for breakfast? 155 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,876 That's right. Pork chops and French onion soup. 156 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,108 Oh, boy! 157 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,912 Well, as King, I shall eat this breakfast 158 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,681 on a tray in front of Wheel of Fortune. 159 00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:53,257 I'll get the TV tray, Your Majesty. 160 00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:56,384 How does nobody see what's going on with this Chris thing? 161 00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:57,552 What are you talking about? 162 00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:58,856 Well, it's obvious. 163 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:00,726 The only reason they elected him King 164 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:03,164 is because they're gonna prank him at Homecoming. 165 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,599 Shut up, Hat. That's my brother. 166 00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:05,930 They're not gonna mess with him. 167 00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:08,904 He's the man. He's got real Griffin beef in those trousers. 168 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:10,605 Meg, how can you be so sure? 169 00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:12,399 Because this kind of stuff happens 170 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:13,943 all the time to unpopular kids. 171 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,809 They're just trying to embarrass him and make him look stupid. 172 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,744 You don't really think they're going to pull a prank on Chris, do you? 173 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:20,840 I don't know. 174 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,146 But if they are, we gotta get down 175 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,515 to that school and talk them out of it. 176 00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,316 Good idea. And luckily, I'm great 177 00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:27,015 at connecting with that generation. 178 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,889 Like when I went on that campout with One Direction. 179 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:32,462 So they checked into their hotel suite, 180 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,089 but the mini-bar had no sparkling water, 181 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,223 only still! 182 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:37,494 Ah, stop. 183 00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:38,694 It's too scary. 184 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:39,792 Oh, but that's not all. 185 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,530 They looked in the wardrobe 186 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,231 and discovered that the stylist 187 00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:45,206 had only brought non-skinny jeans! 188 00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,776 Do you mean, like, 189 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,743 a Levi's 513 skinny-straight? 190 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,873 No. Just regular pants that fit normal! 191 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,144 That's not real, right? Those aren't real. 192 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,220 Of course not, Louis, it's just a story. 193 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,414 Well, I guess that means these aren't real! 194 00:07:58,511 --> 00:07:59,489 Ah! 195 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,953 Yeah, they're gonna die in the woods. 196 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,425 Simon, are they tagged? They're tagged, right? 197 00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,387 - Oh, they're tagged. - Good. 198 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,964 Simon, did I ever tell you the one 199 00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,895 about the loose-fitting T-shirt? 200 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,127 No, no, no, no, no! 201 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,530 All right, if we want Cleveland 202 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:18,131 to stop spending all his time with Jerome, 203 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,108 we gotta remind him how much fun we are. 204 00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,439 So, let's just have fun. 205 00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,275 - How do we do that? - I don't know. 206 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:24,677 Little bit of this? 207 00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:28,010 Okay, that seems like fun. What about one of these? 208 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,144 Yeah, sure, there's no wrong moves. 209 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,779 What if I brush my shoulders off? 210 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,685 Original ideas are preferred, but sure. 211 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,052 Three fun guys, room for four! 212 00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:38,695 I don't know if it's working, Peter. 213 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:39,819 I don't know if it's fun. 214 00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,865 It's more than fun, it's foon. 215 00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,661 That's a fun way to say "fun." 216 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,498 Hey, how foon would it be if we waved sticks around? 217 00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,037 I really don't know what we're doing. 218 00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,971 It's foon, from the word before. I don't see what's... Ah! 219 00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:54,605 All right, first, let's take your blood pressure. 220 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,180 'Cause that's, like, our favorite thing to do around here. 221 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,811 Okay, we all know how much Cleveland loves TecmoBawl, 222 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:04,888 so let's start playing. 223 00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,285 I'm the Raiders. I'm Bo Jackson. 224 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,551 And, hopefully, he'll show up. 225 00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:09,593 That's no fair. Bo Jackson's too fast. 226 00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:12,322 Guys, do we want Cleveland back or don't... Here we go. 227 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,365 Bye-bye. 228 00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:16,831 See, Peter? He's too fast. 229 00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,925 You gotta tackle me. It's You gotta press 230 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:20,936 I'm pressing he's too fast. 231 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:25,100 Going over here. Going over here now. Never get tired. 232 00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:28,672 Change your guy, Quagmire, change your guy. 233 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,907 I'm trying. Peter's cheating. You're cheating, Peter. 234 00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:32,505 I'm not cheating. I'm following the rules. 235 00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:33,675 I'm just really good. 236 00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:34,751 You're not really good, 237 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:35,910 you just got Bo Jackson. 238 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:39,156 Bo Jackson also played professional baseball. 239 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,724 Shut up, Joe, everybody knows that. 240 00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,327 Kansas City. Royals. 241 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,418 Can't stop. Won't stop. 242 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:48,397 Bo... Might... Go... 243 00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,489 All... The... 244 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,001 Nope, going back the other way. 245 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,071 What? Are you going backwards? Just score! 246 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,503 Nah, I'm gonna run out the quarter. 247 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,404 I'm not playing now. My controller's down. 248 00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:59,635 Seems like your controller's been down the whole time. 249 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:04,644 Who's Veris? You gotta switch out Veris. Get it to Ronnie Lott. 250 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,717 Pretty much anyone but Veris. 251 00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:10,183 Oh, no, I'm all the way back here now. 252 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,653 I'm in my own end zone. What am I doing? 253 00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,453 Too bad I'm not Bo Jackson. Wait, I am! 254 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:16,526 Ridiculous. 255 00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,161 Oh, yeah. 256 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,330 There you go, Quagmire. You're about to tackle me. 257 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,127 - But then... - Damn it! 258 00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:25,561 Less than a minute. 259 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:26,728 Shut up, Joe! 260 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,798 He's gonna do it. He might do this. 261 00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:32,000 I don't know. Lot of football still to be played here. 262 00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:34,009 - I'm hitting reset. - Don't you dare hit reset. 263 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,011 You hit reset, you're banned for life. 264 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,137 I hate this. 265 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:39,375 - Joe, do you wanna play? - Nah, I like being this guy. 266 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:43,887 A zig, a zag... A touchdown! Yeah! 267 00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:48,019 I won the game. And now I'm gonna jump. 268 00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:49,092 Bo Jackson! 269 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,091 All right, if we want to get Cleveland back, 270 00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:54,858 we should just put out his favorite snack. 271 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,399 An open can of tuna. 272 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,129 Often, he'll come running when he hears a can opening. 273 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:00,794 Peter, stop. 274 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:04,136 Yeah, I think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room. 275 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,800 There's a simple reason Cleveland 276 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,037 is hanging out with Jerome and not us. 277 00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,410 Jerome is black. And we're not. 278 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,481 Yeah, I mean, you can't blame him. 279 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:13,243 It's just a thing they have in common. 280 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,374 Something they can bond over. 281 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,244 Well, I guess that makes sense. 282 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,686 I suppose people do wanna be with their own kind. 283 00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:20,849 Like the audience at a Decemberists concert. 284 00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:24,453 Good evening, white guys who weigh less than their girlfriends! 285 00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:36,303 God, lot of gym teacher suicide memorials in this place. 286 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:37,703 All right, let's find the coolest kids here 287 00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:40,038 and see if they know anything about a prank on Chris. 288 00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:41,975 Those chicks in the skirts look pretty cool. 289 00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:46,548 Hey, there. Brian Rockwell. This is my friend, Stewie Goldberg. 290 00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:47,811 What? 291 00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,215 I don't know my way around the school 292 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:51,618 so I figured I'd get the deets from a couple of seniors. 293 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,815 Download me. 294 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,186 Brian... It's not Goldberg, by the way. 295 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,623 We should ask about the prank. 296 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,989 I'm earning their trust. 297 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,757 Hey, I'm new here, but you know what'd be crazy? 298 00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:02,924 If me, a guy, went in the girls' room with you two. 299 00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:05,798 I mean, that would be... That'd be so wild. 300 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,427 We should... We should totally just go in there. 301 00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:08,561 Brian, stop. 302 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,607 That'd be hilarious. I'm in. 303 00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:11,931 Stewie, go wait in the car. 304 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,942 No, we are here to get information about Chris. 305 00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,740 I said, go wait in the fucking car! 306 00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:22,317 They had security guards in the bathroom. 307 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,820 We live in such a culture of fear now. 308 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,022 Hey, guys, what are you doing here? 309 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,722 And why are you dressed like that? 310 00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,890 Well, we realized you like hanging out with Jerome 311 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:36,966 because he's black. 312 00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,559 So we wanted you to know we can be black guys, too. 313 00:12:39,658 --> 00:12:42,696 Yeah, in fact, we can even be famous movie black guys. 314 00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:44,035 I'm Bagger Vance. 315 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,438 I also am Bagger Vance. 316 00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,738 I'm Kazaam, from Kazaam. 317 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,870 You really think I'm only hanging out with Jerome 318 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:51,277 'cause he's black? 319 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,374 I hang out with Jerome because, unlike some people, 320 00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:56,714 he actually takes an interest in my life. 321 00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:58,851 And he would never stick me with the bill 322 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,185 by walking out on me at The Clam. 323 00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:04,961 Well, we could have come over and graciously apologized, 324 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,620 but we took a chance. 325 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,164 That's what I like about us. 326 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,738 Sucks we didn't find out what kind of prank they're gonna pull on Chris. 327 00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,399 I know that book is The Hunger Games 328 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:19,737 with the cover taken off. 329 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:20,970 Oh, look, something on TV. 330 00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:24,539 And finally tonight, a moving story from James Woods High 331 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,945 where the student body has made 332 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:27,813 their Homecoming a special event 333 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,682 for a very special bay. 334 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:33,946 And this year's James Woods High Homecoming King is 335 00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:35,024 Chris Griffin. 336 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,060 Yay! 337 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,327 That's right, Chris Griffin, 338 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:43,457 a tubby spaz with a heart full of dreams 339 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,365 gets to feel normal for a night, 340 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:47,403 thanks to the kindness of his peers. 341 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,498 Oh... 342 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,568 I just see him walking around with his hands down his pants all day, 343 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,977 and he is just so fat and weird, so we feel bad. 344 00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:00,581 Yeah, last year, we did the burnt-up kid, so this was a slam-dunk. 345 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:03,079 Oh, my God. They just elected him out of pity 346 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:04,916 because they think he's mentally challenged. 347 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:08,287 Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? 348 00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,358 Right? 349 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:13,457 I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't know. 350 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,463 Let's just watch some commercials. 351 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,663 Well, that explains it. 352 00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:25,907 The only reason Chris is Homecoming King 353 00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,807 is that all the other kids feel sorry for him. 354 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:28,935 Do you think he knows? 355 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,012 I can't imagine. 356 00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,048 And we can't tell him. It would destroy him. 357 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:38,587 Look away. No one may meet the King's gaze. 358 00:14:38,677 --> 00:14:43,649 So, hey, congratulations again on that, uh, Homecoming thing. 359 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:47,356 Why congratulate me on a right and natural turn of events? 360 00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,625 Now, if you'll excuse me, 361 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,758 I shall select three things from Stewie's room 362 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:52,733 that I wish to be mine. 363 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,237 There's a book in there on how to eat healthy. 364 00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:56,897 Why don't you take that, you fat bitch? 365 00:14:57,329 --> 00:14:59,935 Well, he obviously doesn't know it's just a pity vote. 366 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:01,477 In fact, this whole Homecoming King thing 367 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,706 seems to have just gone straight to his head. 368 00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,839 I know, he's acting like an arrogant jerk. 369 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:06,939 Quiet, Rupert, 370 00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:09,610 it is an honor to serve the King in this manner. 371 00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:12,086 Brian, this can't go on. Chris is out of control. 372 00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:13,315 He's even more arrogant than 373 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:14,982 an actor-writer-director. 374 00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:17,885 Well, my script is brilliant and I'm a great director. 375 00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,964 The question is, how bad do I want this part? 376 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:25,127 Okay, I'll do it. 377 00:15:30,696 --> 00:15:31,902 Well, now we know, 378 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,704 neither of us likes crepes. 379 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,972 See, that's another thing we got in common. 380 00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:38,340 In fact, you wanna hear something crazy? 381 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:39,711 Peter and the fellas think that 382 00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:41,546 you and I only hang out together 383 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,176 because we're both black. 384 00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,686 - Uh-huh. - But I told them that's insulting. 385 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,418 Why is that insulting? People like to be with their own. 386 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,319 I mean, you don't think I hang out with you 387 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:51,724 because of your endless stories 388 00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:54,730 about working your remote control, or your fat son, 389 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,232 or how you once made a dog shake it's head "no." 390 00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,627 I manipulated the cheeseburger, what, like this. 391 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,907 You boring, man. But you black. So, we cool. 392 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,176 That's racist. I'm offended. 393 00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,745 Whatever. I'll see you around, Cleveland. 394 00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:13,213 Man, I guess this whole friendship was a bad idea. 395 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,343 Just like Goodyear's advertising strategy. 396 00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,752 All right, we have $14 million to play with. 397 00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:21,051 I say we spend it all on blimps. 398 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,057 'Cause who do we wanna reach? Drivers. 399 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,185 And where are people looking when they're driving a car? 400 00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:26,262 Straight up. 401 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,465 Squire, my chamber pot needs emptying. 402 00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:34,693 What's he talking about? 403 00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:36,136 He's been pooping on the waffle iron. 404 00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,538 Just plug it in and close it, it'll burn off. 405 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,171 Look, Chris, you know, being Homecoming King 406 00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,473 doesn't mean you can just start acting crazy. 407 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,205 I can do whatever I want. 408 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:48,581 I've been acknowledged by my peers as their superior. 409 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,813 You're just jealous 'cause you've never done anything 410 00:16:50,909 --> 00:16:52,650 that deserves being elected King. 411 00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:54,151 Okay, you wanna know the truth? 412 00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,351 They only picked you because they felt sorry for you. 413 00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:59,156 Sorry? Why would they feel sorry for me? 414 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:02,328 Well, because they all think you're a, um... You know... 415 00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:05,664 Groundskeeper-at-a-public-institution kind of guy. 416 00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:06,825 A what? 417 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,131 A dope. An idiot. A waterhead. 418 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,940 You guys don't know what you're talking about. 419 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,409 Tonight, when they put that crown on my head, 420 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,071 it's gonna be the greatest night of my life. 421 00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:19,809 Even better than when I had my first kiss. 422 00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:47,541 I say, we were a little hard on Chris, but I'm glad we came. 423 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,442 - He's still my brother. - Hey, look. 424 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:52,311 There's the security guard that threw me out of the bathroom earlier. 425 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,883 And he's here with his wife. 426 00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:55,713 This is like a date for them. 427 00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,848 Good evening, fingerers, and fingerees. 428 00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,389 Sorry, I had a little rum in the car. 429 00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:02,988 Anyway, please welcome your Homecoming King, 430 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,060 Chris Griffin. 431 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,524 Good evening, subjects. 432 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:13,194 The boys' shower shall run red with the blood of my enemies. 433 00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:16,131 - We believe in you! - Good for you, Chris! 434 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,765 No one clap too loud. We don't wanna frighten him. 435 00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:20,543 Wait a minute. 436 00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:23,842 And now, your Queen, prom night car-crash victim, 437 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,415 Kathleen Fitzpatrick. 438 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:28,373 Aw... 439 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:29,885 We miss you, Kathleen! 440 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,648 You're heaven's Queen now! 441 00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:32,744 Wow, she was hot. 442 00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:36,724 The Queen is a dead girl? What does that make me? 443 00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:40,729 Brian and Stewie were right. This was a pity vote. 444 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,560 We love you, Chris! 445 00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,658 You love me? You don't even know anything about me. 446 00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:48,567 You just voted for me to make yourselves feel better. 447 00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:53,871 She was on PCP that night, you idiots! 448 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:03,719 Chris, I'm so sorry. 449 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,483 That's okay. You guys tried to warn me. 450 00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,319 Sorry I was such a jerk. 451 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,290 Ah, don't worry about it. Are you okay? 452 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,426 You know what? I am. 453 00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:16,864 I may not be King, but I learned I don't need anyone's pity. 454 00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:18,467 That's the spirit, Chris. 455 00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,798 And, hey, you're not the Homecoming King, 456 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:23,166 but you'll always be my brother. 457 00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:25,674 Thanks, Stewie. It means a lot to me to know 458 00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,937 I've always got my family looking out for me. 459 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,704 Oh, hey, Chris. This is Tyler. 460 00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,413 Don't make this weird now. 461 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,621 What a gentleman. 462 00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,193 Well, Cleveland, it's good to have you back, buddy. 463 00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:48,856 It's good to be back. 464 00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:50,331 Hanging with Jerome was fun, 465 00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:53,130 but my best friends are right herein this room. 466 00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:54,533 Hey, to celebrate, how about we play 467 00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:56,367 a little old-school Double Dribble? 468 00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:59,067 Okay. But no stupid-ass shots from the corner. 469 00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:00,370 Because that's a glitch in the software. 470 00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:01,569 Game on! 471 00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:06,978 All right, bring it up the court. And, corner three! 472 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,245 No, no, that's what I'm talking about! 473 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:10,319 Steal. 474 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:12,620 Up. Corner three! 475 00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,986 All right, here we go. I got something cooking. 476 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:17,925 Oh, you dropped something. 477 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,091 Think I'll head over in this direction. Corner three! 478 00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:22,665 It's a rout. It's a blowout. 479 00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:24,097 It's some bullcrap. 480 00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:26,603 Couple of nice passes there... Hey! 481 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,194 See? Competitive ball game. 482 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,273 What should I do? Pass, and then go up... 483 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:31,705 And, corner three! 484 00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:34,541 All right, enough of this mess. 485 00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:36,845 Shoot it. Shoot it from there. 486 00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:39,745 The refs are letting them play. I do appreciate that. 487 00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:42,751 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Now, I'm playing for real. 488 00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:43,842 Yeah, you're doing pretty good. 489 00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,479 What play should I call now? Maybe... Corner three! 490 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,684 He's hot. He is hot. Keep feeding that guy. 491 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,419 Hi, nice to meet you. Can I have that? 492 00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:53,853 Hang out over here for a second. 493 00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:56,330 - Corner three! - You gotta get out there, Cleveland. 494 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,561 I'm trying! He's taking advantage of poor technology. 495 00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:01,296 Lot of dribbling. Swipe. 496 00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:03,904 Here we... Oh, I hit the wrong button. 497 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,135 I think you all know I was going for a corner three.