1 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,689 - Burn them all. - Kenny, what are you doing here? 2 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:32,059 I need a tape recorder with a microphone. I need to record something. 3 00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,132 I have a cracked version of Logic Pro 8... 4 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:37,463 - I don't fucking care. Just set it up. - Okay. 5 00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:40,333 I'm so glad you came over. 6 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:43,203 Okay, so I can have the EQ optimized for what you wanna do. 7 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,469 I just need to know, are you gonna be singing? 8 00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:47,772 I'm not gonna be fucking singing, all right? 9 00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,313 I'm laying down my new audio book. 10 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:54,283 No writing, just spoken words. The old-fashioned way. 11 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,888 There anything special you want me to name the file? 12 00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,549 Name the file "Press record now before I smash your fucking face in." 13 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,627 Okay. And we're rolling. 14 00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:10,563 When my ass was 34 years old, I quit professional baseball. 15 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:14,831 I haven't played professionally for several years now... 16 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:16,942 ...but in my heart... 17 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,510 ...I quit for real this time. 18 00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:21,374 Tonight. 19 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,813 It's time I accept the fact that the glory days of my life... 20 00:01:25,985 --> 00:01:27,350 ...are now behind me. 21 00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:31,356 Just like Neil Armstrong... 22 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:36,257 ...I went to space and now I'm back and nobody gives a shit. 23 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:43,133 Therefore, I will now settle into this new life. 24 00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:48,704 I will find new ways in which to use this arm. 25 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:52,576 I will take my current responsibilities seriously... 26 00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:56,511 ...and try to do them the best that I possibly can. 27 00:01:56,683 --> 00:02:00,483 And realizing that the love of my life has chosen another... 28 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,818 ...I will move forward... 29 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,019 ...without her. 30 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:10,285 I do all these things not because I want to... 31 00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:12,756 ...but because I have to. 32 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,025 From this moment forward... 33 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:20,400 ...Kenny Powers is just like everyone else. 34 00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:22,605 Normal. 35 00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:25,176 Not special. 36 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,543 No hopes. 37 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,545 No dreams. 38 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:34,949 Pretending to be happy when he's really super sad. 39 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,751 Just an average guy with exceptional hair... 40 00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:43,259 ...nothing more and nothing less. 41 00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:47,397 From this moment forward... 42 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,762 ...the people's champion... 43 00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:52,636 ...the Shelby Sensation... 44 00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,773 ...the Reverse Apache Master... 45 00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:56,909 ...the man with the golden dick... 46 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,945 ...Dr. Cock 'n' Balls... 47 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,281 ...that Kenny Powers... 48 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,245 ...is now dead. 49 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,915 And he will never pick up a baseball... 50 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:17,190 ...ever fucking again. 51 00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,770 Chapter two: 52 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,506 "The Next Chapter." 53 00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,771 Well, she's hot but she's a bitch. 54 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,280 Yeah, but it looks like you got... Gave her muscles. 55 00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:38,974 No, no, she ain't got no muscles. 56 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,245 You should make this tit bigger than that one. 57 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,854 No, that's... That's... That's... 58 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:46,788 - Excuse me. Dusty Powers? - Yes, ma'am. 59 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,555 Why is this indigo tile darker than the indigo tile that I ordered? 60 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,494 Darker? I ordered the product number you gave me. 61 00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:59,533 So this tile right here looks just like what we ordered? 62 00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:03,801 - Yeah, it... - Are you retarded? Are you stupid? 63 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:08,471 Are you...? Are you an idiot? What the fuck are you staring at me for? 64 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:13,710 Listen, Dusty, I flip houses for a living. 65 00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:18,619 They are going to do a reality show on me once the market, you know... 66 00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:21,385 - But anyway, I use a very specific... - Sorry about that. 67 00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,927 - What? - I said, I'm sorry about that, the show. 68 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,758 Are you smart-mouthing me? 69 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,766 No. That... He... I'm sorry too. A reality show would be really cool for you. 70 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,996 How am I gonna take care of this? Know how much this is gonna cost? 71 00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,469 Yes, ma'am. 72 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:38,702 I'll accept full responsibility and cover any cost on the tile. 73 00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:41,904 How am I supposed to flip this thing if I have the wrong tile? 74 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,641 You gave me a product number, and that's what I ordered. 75 00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:47,115 - That's Aubergine... - Sorry, I have to take this. 76 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,120 Sure. Aubergine 316. 77 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,621 Kenny Powers, can I help you? 78 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,488 - What's up, dawg? - Goddamn it, this isn't a good time now. 79 00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:56,686 Oh, really? 80 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,354 I thought it was always a good time to get rich. 81 00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:02,797 - What are you talking about? - Got a call from Ashley Schaeffer today... 82 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,994 ...and he was talking big money, Kenny. 83 00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:09,369 I'm talking $500, half of that in cash... 84 00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,443 ...half of it in coupons to local businesses, baby. 85 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,375 Cancel it. I'm not interested. 86 00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:16,708 Okay, well, he thought you would say that... 87 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,408 ...and wanted me to tell you he has security footage... 88 00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:23,316 ...of you throwing that cinder block through that BMW window. 89 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,481 Okay, on second thought, tell him I will take that meeting... 90 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,423 ...but make sure he knows I'm not coming there for business. 91 00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:33,361 I'm coming there as Kenny Powers the man, not the legend, the one he's pissed at. 92 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,433 Okay. Good strategy, Kenny. 93 00:05:35,601 --> 00:05:38,161 I appreciate you picking up when I called too. 94 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,333 Kenny? 95 00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:49,544 Wow, pretty impressive. 96 00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:52,913 Too bad all these people showed up to see a man who no longer exists. 97 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:56,112 - Don't be afraid to look at the cars. - Oh, shit. 98 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,950 - There you go. - Who's Reg Mackworthy? 99 00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:00,183 My arch fucking nemesis. Come on, let's bolt. 100 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:05,297 There he is, the man with the golden arm. Kenny Powers, how the hell are you? 101 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,263 Schaeffer, you asshole. What is all this shit? You set me up. 102 00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:11,597 Hey. Kenny Powers. How's it going, man? 103 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:14,831 - Pretty good until I saw your black ass. - Oh, now. 104 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,271 It's been a long time since I've seen you around. 105 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:20,571 Matter of fact, last time I saw you, I ended your career. 106 00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,339 - Oh, yeah. - No, you didn't. 107 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:25,882 I ended my career myself a week ago, on my own. 108 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,782 Oh, so you double-retired? 109 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:32,657 Can you feel the tension? I can. 110 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:37,853 I can feel it down in my plums. They're getting a nice bluish hue. 111 00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:40,294 Getting ready to take them to the farmers' market. 112 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,866 If I recall correctly, the last time you guys met... 113 00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:44,502 ...one of you hit a grand slam. 114 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:48,231 The other one walked out of baseball forever. 115 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,172 And now here you are, reunited. 116 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:54,507 - It's like a goddamn Greek tragedy. - What you talking about, Ash? 117 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,639 Some sort of pitching competition, some shit straight out of The Natural: 118 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:02,413 Whammer and Hobbs, right here, right now. 119 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,180 - Ashley Schaeffer BMW. - Hell, yeah. 120 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:08,794 Ashley Schaeffer BMW. Ashley Schaeffer BMW. 121 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,393 No, there's not gonna be any goddamn face-off, all right? 122 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,693 I've quit baseball. I've retired, put that behind me. 123 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:19,235 I'm just a regular American, just like the rest of y'all. 124 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,702 So no pitching. 125 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:24,138 Throw the ball, I knock it out of the dealership. 126 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:27,279 - Everybody's happy. - Give them a show, Powers. 127 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,347 Yeah! Burn his ass, Kenny. 128 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:32,177 Kenny Powers' days of burning ass are done. 129 00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,319 And that's not a homosexual reference. 130 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:35,818 I made a promise to myself... 131 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:38,616 ...and I'm not gonna break it for the sake of capitalism. 132 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,783 - So sorry. - Come on. 133 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,428 Kenny. Hey, hold on, man. 134 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:49,425 I know where you at, man. You had it all, and now it's gone. 135 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:53,733 It's torn a hole in your soul bigger than my Escalade. 136 00:07:53,906 --> 00:08:00,072 So you turn to the drugs, the alcohol, the pornography... 137 00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,840 ...freebasing with O.J... 138 00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:05,142 ...human trafficking... 139 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,446 ...dogfights-slash-orgies... 140 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:09,679 ...darkness. 141 00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:15,025 Let me tell you something as a man who's come through the dark and into the light. 142 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:19,528 I can assure you that the will of the Lord is not limited to just me. 143 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,929 If you need me, I'm here for you. 144 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,661 Not just as a friend... 145 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,236 ...as a brother in Christ. 146 00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:32,744 That's his enemy. His enemy. 147 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:35,642 And that's the compassion he shows for him. 148 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:38,375 The man you're trying to save is dead. 149 00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:40,644 You're wasting your time. 150 00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:45,689 You're a good man, Kenny Powers. God loves you. 151 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,326 - He's gotta open his heart. - No, thanks. 152 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:52,194 That was amazing. You gotta make a tape series out of that. 153 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,765 If you need financing for that, you tell me. 154 00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:02,336 Stevie, this new direction my life is taking me is really... 155 00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:03,600 It's got me thinking. 156 00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:06,137 - About what? - About me and you. 157 00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,336 Really? I like that. 158 00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,606 Like, in a good way, you're thinking about us? 159 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:10,942 I wouldn't say that. 160 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,150 I think I'm gonna have to let you go. 161 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:20,191 Kenny, don't do this, okay? This isn't happening. 162 00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:23,157 The important thing is for you to know this isn't your fault. 163 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,160 This is not about you, it's about me. 164 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:29,529 It's all an extension of me finally realizing I'm not the man I thought I was... 165 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,636 ...and just kind of moving on from there. 166 00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:34,705 Okay. Fine. 167 00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:40,371 I am not your assistant anymore. I will just be your friend. 168 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:43,310 I wish it was that easy, but if we were to hang out again... 169 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:46,576 ...I would just constantly be tempted to get you to do shit for me. 170 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,276 I'd have to fight that real hard. 171 00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:51,048 Right now that's a battle I don't think I can win. 172 00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,817 I hope we get in a car wreck right now, I do. 173 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:57,485 I hope we get in a fucking car wreck. 174 00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:00,795 A motherfucking car wreck, and we both die... 175 00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,197 ...and then we can live in heaven. 176 00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:06,497 I'm not gonna get into a car wreck, because I'm an excellent driver. 177 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:09,368 You're excellent at everything. I fucking hate it. 178 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,773 I think maybe we should just sit here quietly now, not say anything... 179 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:16,073 ...and let you just contemplate on the news I just dropped on you... 180 00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:19,911 ...and let me kind of just contemplate on my own pains and sorrows right now... 181 00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:22,884 ...perhaps while I listen to this music. 182 00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:49,972 - Enjoy your books. - I will. I appreciate it. 183 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,578 - Hey, Kenny. - Hey, how's it going, April? 184 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,415 - You got glasses. - Yeah. 185 00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:57,988 They make you look different. 186 00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:01,615 Yeah, well, they're not real. I just figured I might as well look the part. 187 00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:02,920 The part of what? 188 00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:06,724 Just a normal, regular teacher with no hopes or dreams... 189 00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:10,266 ...absolutely nothing, just waiting to die. 190 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:14,634 - Just like you guys. - Hey, listen. 191 00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:18,937 We haven't had a chance to talk about what happened at the whole cookout. 192 00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:20,135 No reason to. 193 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,748 A lot's changed since then, so we don't really need to rehash all that. 194 00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:25,941 I just want you to know I'm not mad at you. 195 00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:30,145 April, stopping that night when I did, that was the right thing to do. 196 00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:32,381 - I realize that now. - You didn't really stop. 197 00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:34,287 I did. I made a moral choice, April. 198 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,087 - But you didn't really stop. - I did. 199 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:40,358 - I stopped us before things got out of hand. - A lot of men do what you did, so... 200 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,434 - Make moral decisions? - Fuck you, bitch! 201 00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,799 Girls! Girls! 202 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:49,634 Enough. Right now. Enough. 203 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:52,676 Hey. Hey. Chill, chill, chill. 204 00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:55,439 You do not hit a fucking lady, do you hear me? 205 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:58,481 - Now apologize to Miss Buchanon. - Sorry. 206 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,779 You wanna fight, do it on your own time, in a parking lot somewhere. 207 00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:03,945 Not in a school, surrounded by books. 208 00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:07,225 You okay? 209 00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:09,493 Where'd they get you? 210 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:10,686 By the mouth. 211 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,728 - Right here. - Right there? 212 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,561 Oh, my God, April, what happened here? Are you all right? 213 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,760 - No. - Oh, no. 214 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:21,304 - Yeah, those bitches hit her in the face. - Those are students, so... 215 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,408 She's in your hands now. 216 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:27,310 - So treat her right. - Okay, I will, Kenny. Thanks. 217 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,449 She's a princess. She deserves to be treated like one. 218 00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:34,017 Oh, of course. I understand that. Yes. Yep. 219 00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:38,555 You gotta respect her mind just as much as her body. 220 00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:41,659 Oh, yeah. Well, I can do that. 221 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:44,091 I appreciate this talk. That's great. 222 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,730 - You'd better remember it. - Yeah. 223 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:47,923 Because I won't repeat it. 224 00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,191 What.? 225 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,200 What's happening right now? 226 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,876 I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... 227 00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:07,747 ...about how, basically, I'm in the autumn of my life and it's high time to get serious. 228 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,820 This may sound crazy... 229 00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:13,117 ...but maybe it's time me and you take this thing to the next level. 230 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:17,729 Settle down. Who knows? Maybe even have a kid. 231 00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,198 I got a kid. 232 00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:22,634 - You have a kid? - I got two kids. 233 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,300 I got Kendra and I got... 234 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:29,199 I got Efrain. Fuck, my pussy itches. 235 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,610 Let's put a pin in this, shall we? 236 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:36,480 Just... We'll just... We'll come back to this, okay? 237 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:41,518 - SoCo? - No. A warm glass of wine. 238 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,614 - We don't have wine here. - Clegg here? 239 00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,320 - The fuck do you want? - You Clegg? 240 00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,562 Maybe. 241 00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:54,893 Then again, maybe not. 242 00:13:57,069 --> 00:14:00,470 I will fuck you up, motherfucker. 243 00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:03,199 That's not what I was insinuating by my body language. 244 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:08,039 I was just saying, welcome to Shh-Boom Shh-Booms. 245 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:12,412 Now, look, whichever of you two faggots is Clegg... 246 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,609 ...I got the money. 247 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:17,187 - Oh, wait, you're the bodyguard. - Yeah, yeah, that's right. 248 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:18,516 - Bodyguard. - Listen, now. 249 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,716 Can we take care of this shit out back? 250 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:25,887 - This bar smells like an old lady farted piss. - That's gross. 251 00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:28,659 Hey, just out of curiosity... 252 00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:31,200 ...whose body needs a dude like you to guard it? 253 00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:37,168 Well, lookie here. Mr. I-Done-Turned-My-Life-Around. 254 00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:41,143 I thought you were Christian now. What the hell are you doing buying cocaine? 255 00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:43,679 Fuck all that bullshit. That's just theatrics. 256 00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:46,750 People don't wanna see a washed-up party animal. 257 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:49,114 They want a story about redemption. 258 00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:51,256 I knew you were working some kind of angle. 259 00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:54,859 You're goddamn right. Near lost my money after the league kicked me out... 260 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:57,860 ...for them bullshit-ass gambling charges. 261 00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,828 My paper looking real good nowadays. 262 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,763 You know what I'm saying? 263 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,233 Hell, Ashley gave me 10 grand. 264 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,373 - Ashley Schaeffer paid you $10,000? - Yeah, nigga. 265 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:09,898 That's cool. 266 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,737 I'm not into whoring myself out for money. That's just me. 267 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,573 Well, I'm happy for you, Kenny, man. 268 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,580 Apparently you got over all this baseball shit, man. 269 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,015 Good for you. Looks like you turned over a new leaf. 270 00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:23,887 I did. You should try it sometime. 271 00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:25,887 Let me ask you one question, though. 272 00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:28,117 When did you become... 273 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,356 ...such a pussy? 274 00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,987 Like, I mean, you was always, like, a pussy, don't get me wrong. 275 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,634 But now you're just like a vagina with a mullet... 276 00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:39,566 ...just walking around this motherfucker. 277 00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:43,401 Forecast is for snow treats. Let's roll, baby. 278 00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:46,408 Yeah, let's get the fuck up out of here. 279 00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:50,844 Oh, by the way, I'm signing autographs at the dealership all week... 280 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:53,541 ...so come on down if you decide to grow a pair. 281 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:57,386 Or if you just want an autograph. I'll sign you something. 282 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:01,984 Let's go. 283 00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,559 Peace. 284 00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,197 Peace, pussy. 285 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,868 I think it's coming along pretty good. What do you think? 286 00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,906 Yeah, it looks pretty awesome. 287 00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:21,636 All right, down here at Ashley Schaeffer BMW all day... 288 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,248 ...where prices are being slashed all over the place. 289 00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:28,284 If that's not enough, this is the last day we got Reg Mackworthy. 290 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:31,548 So bring your butts on down to Ashley Schaeffer BMW. 291 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,385 Outstanding. Reg, I heard a rumor... 292 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:36,027 ...about some pitch-off between you and Kenny Powers. 293 00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,685 The rumors are just rumors, man. 294 00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:40,195 We asked Kenny to come down, help me with a demo... 295 00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:45,133 ...but, you know, let's just say Kenny Powers is crippled by fear. 296 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,204 - It's cool. - No. No, negatory there, Javier. 297 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:55,472 El "pository", Javier. Keep it on. 298 00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:59,447 Don't turn that shit off on account of me. I don't care what they're saying. 299 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,745 - What's this about a pitch-off? - Nothing. 300 00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:04,922 You know, just something from my old life. 301 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:08,924 But I don't compete anymore. Just not gonna do it. 302 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,923 I'm just like you now, Dustin, just kind of calm and weak. 303 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:18,101 You think I like busting my back and taking shit from rich motherfuckers all day? 304 00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:20,966 - Because I don't. - Can we please just drop this? 305 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,735 - I'm trying to move on. - Move on? Move on to what, Kenny? 306 00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:30,280 - Teaching school? - Well, if it isn't Ass and Wipe. 307 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:35,944 Can one of you pig-fuckers please tell me why I'm looking at two-by-fours... 308 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,986 ...instead of paint and trim? 309 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:43,026 Must I remind you to stop messing around? This isn't Dollywood. 310 00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,163 I believe the reason you're looking at two-by-fours... 311 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:47,798 ...is because of fuck you. 312 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:52,736 - You can't talk like that. - I'll talk any way I want. 313 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:56,397 Want that job done faster? Do it your fucking self. We're leaving. 314 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:59,207 - What about my sunroom? - Fuck your fucking sunroom. 315 00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:02,973 Javier, Tom, no más tomorrow. 316 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,542 Where do you think you're going? 317 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,584 Ashley Schaeffer fucking BMW. 318 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,189 Whoa, whoa, we're going.? 319 00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:13,688 Come on, Kenny. All right? 320 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:16,487 - To BMW? - Hell, yeah, let's go. 321 00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:20,189 - Hey. Hey. - "Hey" nothing, you city bitch. 322 00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:21,992 Fucking rednecks. 323 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,193 I'm tired of having to correct you guys' mistakes. 324 00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:29,739 Did you guys not get that memo? Yeah, I said no fucking clowns. 325 00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:32,274 Fuck, everyone's here. 326 00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:35,772 Oh, shit. I can't do this. I'm about to have a fucking panic attack. 327 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,815 - I need four Xanax and two Miller Lites. - No, you can do this. 328 00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:43,478 Listen, you haven't seen my pitch. I have. My pitch fucking blows, okay? 329 00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:45,885 - I'm gonna get killed. - No, listen. 330 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,218 - Lookie here. - Hold on. 331 00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,917 Look whose mama let him come out and play today. 332 00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:52,086 Well, well, well. 333 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:55,700 The former star decides to take once more to the sky. 334 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,929 Shut the fuck up, Ashley. This isn't about you. It's about me and him. 335 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:03,472 It's always been about me, Kenny, your entire career. 336 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,872 It would be my honor to end it twice. 337 00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:08,512 - Look him in the eye. - Oh, I'm looking him in his eye. 338 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,978 - It's all in the eyes. Don't blink. - What you got? 339 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,118 - Stone-cold. - Yeah, they are. 340 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:14,513 Piercing through your ass. 341 00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:18,417 This is what I'm talking about, a fucking showdown. 342 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:22,048 Potential Ashley Schaeffer BMW buyers, is that what you want? 343 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,252 Is that what you want? 344 00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:27,592 - I don't cry, motherfucker. - Let me tell you something. 345 00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:30,360 I had a dream about this moment... 346 00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:34,597 ...when I was making love to my wife, Darla... 347 00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:36,798 ...on top of her... 348 00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:41,810 ...powerful thrusts filling the sultry night air. 349 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,141 Heavy breath. 350 00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:48,377 My son Gabriel walked in. Little boy. 351 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,818 My wife sprung out of bed, said, "Gabriel, leave." 352 00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:54,584 I said, "No, honey. Shut your mouth. Let him watch. 353 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,887 Let him watch what is being consecrated here." 354 00:19:57,062 --> 00:20:00,190 And I want the people to watch what's gonna be consecrated here. 355 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,801 And I will bring my son down here and he will watch. 356 00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:07,803 He will watch you two battle it here... 357 00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:10,771 ...you two becoming one. 358 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,570 Okay? 359 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,612 This isn't a game anymore. 360 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,473 - This isn't a game. - You sure you wanna do this? 361 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,586 Whatever needs to be set up for a pitching contest... 362 00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:24,984 ...set that shit up. 363 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,790 The rumors are true. In one hour, Reg Mackworthy will be facing off... 364 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,954 ...against Shelby's bad boy, Kenny Powers... 365 00:20:33,131 --> 00:20:35,656 ...right here at the one and only Ashley Schaeffer BMW. 366 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,597 Slap those saddles. Get on down here. 367 00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,634 - You're listening to 103.5. - Get my ears. 368 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,836 Oh, boy, that B12 shot is really kicking in right about now. 369 00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:45,909 I just feel loose and limber. I feel like Superman. 370 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,807 - Well, you're gonna be great. - I know. 371 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,039 - I'm the only real athlete here. - Well... 372 00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,581 So glad I shaved down. That was a good move, right? 373 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,185 - Me too. I'm glad too. - Yeah, well... 374 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,019 Well, I will see you in an hour 12. 375 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:00,783 - All right. - Maybe an hour 11. 376 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,893 - Okay, good luck. - Okay, goodbye. 377 00:21:03,061 --> 00:21:04,585 I'm not gonna need it. 378 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:08,426 Competitors, take your starting positions. 379 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,465 On your mark. 380 00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,263 - Get set. - You ready? 381 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,234 - Go. - Now. 382 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:36,090 - How much you putting down? - Reg. Reg all the way. 383 00:21:36,561 --> 00:21:38,461 You get those fucking 'roids? 384 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:42,361 No, but I got something a little better. 385 00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:45,731 What is it? Don't keep me in suspense. I got a fucking duel to go to. 386 00:21:45,904 --> 00:21:49,806 Just a little piece of heaven I like to call OxyContin. 387 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:51,966 - Clegg, OxyContin? - Yeah. 388 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:55,875 Man, I'm not trying to get fucked up. I'm trying to strike this motherfucker out. 389 00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,380 Well, man, that shit's hard to get on short notice. 390 00:21:58,550 --> 00:22:00,950 - Know what? Fuck this. - Clegg, wait. 391 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,553 I didn't mean I didn't want some for later. 392 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:10,023 Think it'll keep fresh in my sock? 393 00:22:10,195 --> 00:22:12,755 - I don't know. Do you get sweaty? - Sometimes. 394 00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:13,989 Kenny. 395 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:21,464 - You came back for me. - No. 396 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,107 I never really left. 397 00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:27,844 It's illegal. We shouldn't have it just out. But thank you. 398 00:22:29,548 --> 00:22:32,278 What a great day to be here, huh? 399 00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:36,410 Come on, everyone, I can't hear you. I can't hear you. 400 00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:41,116 Shut up. Okay, shut up. Shut up, I'm in control. I'm in control. 401 00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:44,353 Let me explain what's going on. This is a contest of skill. 402 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:47,794 Sixty feet 6 inches from the rubber mound... 403 00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:51,094 ...all the way to the plate there, okay? 404 00:22:51,269 --> 00:22:53,999 One at bat. Three strikes, four balls. 405 00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:58,499 - Hey, no bunts. No bunting. - Nobody gonna bunt. 406 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:02,745 - I'm gonna knock it to the fucking moon. - Yeah, you got this, baby. 407 00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:07,044 If Powers strikes him out, then 40 percent off a pre-owned BMW. 408 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,187 - How does that sound? - Forty percent. 409 00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:12,482 You're gonna have to pay 40 percent, man, 40 percent. 410 00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:14,818 If Mackworthy knocks it out of the lot... 411 00:23:14,993 --> 00:23:19,760 ...then the same everyday Ashley Schaeffer BMW famous low prices, okay? 412 00:23:19,931 --> 00:23:23,162 Either way, you're a winner. Either way, you're a winner. 413 00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:25,235 I'm losing money right now. 414 00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,099 So, what are they doing? 415 00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:29,638 - It's a pitch-off. - What's that mean? 416 00:23:29,808 --> 00:23:31,935 Kenny gets a second chance to smoke this prick. 417 00:23:32,110 --> 00:23:34,271 Let's get this thing going. Come on. 418 00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:39,178 Lord, give me the strength to knock the demons out of that ball. 419 00:23:39,351 --> 00:23:41,182 - Amen. - Amen. 420 00:23:41,353 --> 00:23:42,980 Come on, Kenny. 421 00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:47,989 All right, Kenny! 422 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,726 Come on, Kenny. Go, Kenny. 423 00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:56,664 Hey, hey, hey. 424 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,207 Hey, Powers, you know I'm the one you're supposed to throw it to, right? 425 00:24:05,744 --> 00:24:08,542 - Right here, come on. - Good luck, Kenny. 426 00:24:08,713 --> 00:24:11,113 I feel 10 feet tall right now... 427 00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,214 ...and strong as an ox. 428 00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:18,288 - Who the fuck is this guy? - Hey, who the fuck are you? 429 00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:22,657 - Who the fuck are you? - Okay, I like it. All right. 430 00:24:22,828 --> 00:24:24,386 Keep it down, man. 431 00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:27,295 Come on, Kenny. 432 00:24:38,076 --> 00:24:39,373 Hey. 433 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,237 Come on, you sack of shit. 434 00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:45,610 Throw him something he's got an honest chance of hitting. 435 00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:48,014 Unless maybe you can't anymore. That's my game. 436 00:24:48,186 --> 00:24:49,653 Dick-slapping's my game. 437 00:24:50,388 --> 00:24:53,687 It's all right, everyone. Come on. It's all right. Here we go. 438 00:24:54,526 --> 00:24:56,118 Sorry about that, Reg. 439 00:24:57,496 --> 00:25:01,398 Trash it out. Here we go, Kenny. 440 00:25:01,566 --> 00:25:04,399 - You came. - Here we go, Kenny, here we go. 441 00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:06,264 I heard it on the radio. 442 00:25:07,038 --> 00:25:11,304 - So does this mean.? - Here we go, Kenny, here we go. 443 00:25:11,476 --> 00:25:14,036 I just want you to know that I've been thinking a lot... 444 00:25:14,212 --> 00:25:17,079 ...about, you know, what happened at the cookout. 445 00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:19,774 Can we talk about it later, when everyone's not around? 446 00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:22,419 We were there, and then we were touching each other... 447 00:25:22,587 --> 00:25:25,249 ...and I saw those tits and I started feeling your ass... 448 00:25:25,423 --> 00:25:28,187 ...and I started breathing heavy and almost got a headache. 449 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,056 Then my vision started to go all colorful. 450 00:25:31,229 --> 00:25:34,926 - Then I just came in my pants. - Okay. 451 00:25:36,768 --> 00:25:38,292 But I won't do that again. 452 00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:41,803 Can we finish this or are you just gonna yackety-yak with Tits-And-Legs? 453 00:25:41,973 --> 00:25:45,568 Hey, she's more than a pair of tits with legs, Mackworthy. 454 00:25:45,744 --> 00:25:48,679 - Oh, yeah? - Well, maybe after I hit this shit to Beijing... 455 00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:50,872 - Yeah. - ...I'll see what else she got. 456 00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,882 - Yeah, that's right. - And I'll show you how a real man comes. 457 00:25:54,819 --> 00:25:56,980 You premature ejaculator. 458 00:25:57,789 --> 00:25:59,484 Throw the fucking ball, man. 459 00:25:59,658 --> 00:26:02,491 Let's go. Bang on. 460 00:26:08,466 --> 00:26:11,162 Come on, Kenny, strike his ass out. 461 00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:17,300 I want it. I need it. 462 00:26:40,298 --> 00:26:41,890 One hundred and one. 463 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:43,697 God, help him. 464 00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:46,837 - Motherfucker. - You okay, Mackworthy? 465 00:26:49,174 --> 00:26:51,335 You knocked his fucking eye out. 466 00:26:52,744 --> 00:26:55,941 You're goddamn right I did. I was aiming for his fucking eye. 467 00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:59,015 - I got my pitch back. - Yeah! 468 00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:00,583 Goddamn deal's off. 469 00:27:01,186 --> 00:27:04,087 No discount on account of tragedy. No discount. 470 00:27:04,255 --> 00:27:06,655 Get paper towels and ice from the snow-cone machine. 471 00:27:06,825 --> 00:27:09,419 - Clean that eye up. - Schaeffer! Suck a fat one! 472 00:27:12,097 --> 00:27:13,121 Fuck you.