1
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,904
ONE DAY IN THE VALLEY
2
00:01:26,764 --> 00:01:29,287
Why, Ari, why?
3
00:01:29,354 --> 00:01:32,554
- I'm in bed, E. Talk dirty to me.
- It's 5:00 in the morning.
4
00:01:32,621 --> 00:01:34,365
- What are you wearing?
- Fuck you.
5
00:01:34,419 --> 00:01:36,522
I love it when you say
"fuck." Say it again.
6
00:01:36,603 --> 00:01:38,153
Come on, E.
It's game day, buddy.
7
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,021
Wake up.
This is our tradition.
8
00:01:40,088 --> 00:01:42,420
Only this time
we're playing for keeps.
9
00:01:42,487 --> 00:01:44,923
No Pixar squirrel
is going to stop us.
10
00:01:44,987 --> 00:01:46,650
It's number one
or bust, kid.
11
00:01:46,722 --> 00:01:49,588
- You sound confident.
- Not a worry in the world.
12
00:01:49,658 --> 00:01:50,924
So what are we
hoping for?
13
00:01:50,988 --> 00:01:53,328
$95 mil is what
they're projecting.
14
00:01:53,385 --> 00:01:56,722
- And what's good?
- $95 mil, Eric. That would be good.
15
00:01:56,786 --> 00:01:59,322
Expectations: you beat 'em
by a dollar-- life is great;
16
00:01:59,388 --> 00:02:01,351
Under by a dollar--
put a gun in your mouth
17
00:02:01,428 --> 00:02:03,392
and make sure
I'm standing behind you.
18
00:02:03,508 --> 00:02:05,151
Okay, keep in touch, Ari.
19
00:02:09,927 --> 00:02:12,153
Game day, baby.
No go, no go.
20
00:02:12,226 --> 00:02:14,150
You'll talk dirty to E...
21
00:02:14,227 --> 00:02:15,463
Come on.
22
00:02:15,737 --> 00:02:17,851
- It's been three weeks.
- I know, I know.
23
00:02:17,928 --> 00:02:20,051
Just after we open, baby.
Then we're all good.
24
00:02:24,157 --> 00:02:27,221
And if we don't open?
25
00:02:27,287 --> 00:02:29,352
"If we don't open?"
What-- no, no, no.
26
00:02:29,427 --> 00:02:31,452
"If we don't open?"
What do you mean by that?
27
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:34,180
Would you say that to a fighter
on the morning of a bout?
28
00:02:34,258 --> 00:02:35,680
"Maybe you'll get
knocked out.
29
00:02:35,747 --> 00:02:38,081
"See you after the fight
if you're not in a coma"?
30
00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:40,151
Don't jinx this, baby.
Not today.
31
00:02:43,285 --> 00:02:45,283
Three soft-boiled eggs,
32
00:02:45,355 --> 00:02:48,322
boiled chicken,
wheat toast with jam.
33
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:51,182
It's not a signature
Johnny Drama breakfast
34
00:02:51,257 --> 00:02:53,483
but there's nothing there
to upset your stomach.
35
00:02:53,558 --> 00:02:55,521
Thanks, Johnny,
but I'm not stressed.
36
00:02:55,587 --> 00:02:57,523
You're hiding it,
bro.
37
00:02:57,588 --> 00:02:59,951
This is a big one. You may
not know you're stressed
38
00:03:00,028 --> 00:03:02,122
but trust me,
you are stressed.
39
00:03:02,186 --> 00:03:04,580
Moviefone says there's
at 2:30 in Northridge.
40
00:03:04,656 --> 00:03:06,580
The Valley?
What, are you crazy?
41
00:03:06,656 --> 00:03:08,722
It's gonna reach
100° in the city today.
42
00:03:08,787 --> 00:03:11,783
Vince wants to go to
an out-of-the-way place.
43
00:03:11,855 --> 00:03:14,353
Vince, you know my policy--
except for work,
44
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:16,852
I only go to the Valley
November through March.
45
00:03:16,927 --> 00:03:18,623
And even then--
only the sushi row.
46
00:03:18,688 --> 00:03:20,871
Come on, Johnny,
go for me.
47
00:03:21,587 --> 00:03:23,370
I'd better hydrate.
48
00:03:23,457 --> 00:03:25,620
So what do you think
we're gonna open at, vin?
49
00:03:25,686 --> 00:03:27,772
- Oh, God.
- Come on. I don't play this game.
50
00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:30,382
Come on, let's just fuck
around a little. Pick a number.
51
00:03:30,457 --> 00:03:33,052
- Stop freaking him out, Turtle.
- I'm not freaking out.
52
00:03:33,127 --> 00:03:35,552
I know we're gonna open.
It's a foregone conclusion.
53
00:03:35,627 --> 00:03:37,751
- I'm not worried about it.
- So pick a number.
54
00:03:37,827 --> 00:03:38,851
Okay.
55
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:42,420
$50 million. Huh?
56
00:03:42,485 --> 00:03:44,983
- Would that be good?
- That would be terrible, Vince.
57
00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:47,780
- Really?
- This movie opens at $50 million,
58
00:03:47,857 --> 00:03:49,820
we're all working
at Del Taco come Monday.
59
00:03:49,886 --> 00:03:52,491
- So what do we need?
- The studio's projecting 95.
60
00:03:52,626 --> 00:03:53,821
95? Nice.
61
00:03:53,888 --> 00:03:56,421
Fuck 95. I got a little
projection of my own.
62
00:03:57,908 --> 00:04:02,810
$114,844,117.
63
00:04:03,647 --> 00:04:06,262
- How is that?
- $1 more than "Spider-Man" made.
64
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:09,382
We do any less than that I'll
personally consider the movie a flop.
65
00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:12,701
You're an idiot, Turtle. "Spider-Man"
is the biggest movie opening ever.
66
00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:16,242
Plus Spider-Man had a much bigger
fan base than Aquaman to begin with.
67
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,581
Can't happen.
68
00:04:17,655 --> 00:04:20,943
We got James Cameron. And
those eyes. It can happen.
69
00:04:21,006 --> 00:04:23,022
You think we got a shot
to topple Spidey, E?
70
00:04:23,086 --> 00:04:24,932
Let's just topple 95,
huh, guys?
71
00:04:24,985 --> 00:04:27,951
I'll tell you what:
if we do beat "Spider-Man"
72
00:04:28,027 --> 00:04:30,481
y'all are getting
something sick. Know that.
73
00:04:30,558 --> 00:04:33,120
- How sick?
- What do you mean by "sick"?
74
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:38,320
It's not even 10:00 A.M. and
it's burning up out there.
75
00:04:38,386 --> 00:04:40,193
I know. My widget says it's 96° already.
76
00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:42,851
What the fuck's a widget?
Why are you sitting like that?
77
00:04:42,926 --> 00:04:45,021
Seriously, what, are
you wearing a butt plug?
78
00:04:45,096 --> 00:04:47,180
No. I brought you
this for luck
79
00:04:47,255 --> 00:04:48,850
on the opening today.
80
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,983
What is this, a little
Tae Bo instructor?
81
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,980
That is an authentic
82
00:04:53,057 --> 00:04:54,983
12th century Yong Shi warrior, Ari.
83
00:04:55,057 --> 00:04:56,932
He's the Mongolian
symbol of strength.
84
00:04:57,017 --> 00:04:58,842
If you carry him,
you cannot be stopped.
85
00:04:58,877 --> 00:05:01,751
This is Hollywood, Lloyd. The
only thing Mongolian is barbeque,
86
00:05:01,845 --> 00:05:04,312
- but thanks. I'll take what I can get.
- Oh, and...
87
00:05:04,417 --> 00:05:06,681
I got you in
with Dr. Marcus at 4:30.
88
00:05:06,798 --> 00:05:08,000
Dr. Marcus?
89
00:05:08,087 --> 00:05:09,683
Um, yeah.
Your wife called
90
00:05:09,758 --> 00:05:11,773
and said she needed
an emergency session.
91
00:05:11,907 --> 00:05:15,003
Fuck, Lloyd, why didn't you just
tell her that I didn't have time?
92
00:05:15,117 --> 00:05:17,433
- Because you do have time.
- Why didn't you lie?
93
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,153
Cause I'm scared
of your wife, Ari.
94
00:05:19,227 --> 00:05:21,583
Yeah, me too. Maybe if I
rub this little guy's balls
95
00:05:21,657 --> 00:05:23,652
she'll disappear.
96
00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:32,221
We're going to the Valley,
Drama, not the Sahara.
97
00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:34,850
Hey, don't kid yourself, E.
North of Ventura Boulevard
98
00:05:34,925 --> 00:05:36,853
is hell's waiting room.
Be prepared.
99
00:05:36,925 --> 00:05:38,950
If you keep drinking
we're gonna have to stop
100
00:05:39,026 --> 00:05:40,722
every 20' for you
to take a leak.
101
00:05:40,786 --> 00:05:42,752
That's what
the empties are for.
102
00:05:42,828 --> 00:05:45,681
Don't even think about pulling
your dick out in my car, Drama.
103
00:05:45,757 --> 00:05:48,820
- Hey, Ari.
- "Aquaman" is making waves, pal.
104
00:05:48,887 --> 00:05:50,720
The first east coast
numbers are in.
105
00:05:50,787 --> 00:05:53,622
They're projecting
$100 mil.
106
00:05:53,685 --> 00:05:55,183
Oh, that is great news.
107
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,422
The movie gods
are smiling on us today.
108
00:05:57,488 --> 00:05:59,771
Well, it's still early.
We could do better, right?
109
00:05:59,855 --> 00:06:02,523
I thought I was greedy. Listen,
the over-and-under is 95.
110
00:06:02,586 --> 00:06:04,050
We hit 100--
I got wood.
111
00:06:04,127 --> 00:06:06,883
I'm just saying. I mean,
"Spider-Man" did what, 114?
112
00:06:06,955 --> 00:06:09,461
- Is there any way we can beat that?
- "Spider-Man"?
113
00:06:09,576 --> 00:06:11,751
Who-- who's said
anything about "Spider-Man"?
114
00:06:11,827 --> 00:06:13,423
Eric...
115
00:06:13,485 --> 00:06:15,750
tell me that Vinnie
doesn't think
116
00:06:15,825 --> 00:06:18,721
that we're gonna beat the
biggest opening in movie history.
117
00:06:19,187 --> 00:06:20,422
I'll tell you what:
118
00:06:20,487 --> 00:06:23,352
manage your client's
expectations.
119
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,981
Do your job. Thank
you for ruining my day.
120
00:06:26,935 --> 00:06:27,893
Ari?
121
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,562
We all good?
122
00:06:29,675 --> 00:06:31,911
I thought you're not
worried about that stuff.
123
00:06:31,996 --> 00:06:33,321
I'm not.
124
00:06:33,387 --> 00:06:36,383
In fact, I don't wanna know
anything till it's official.
125
00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:38,920
- Can't we know?
- Let's roll.
126
00:06:39,768 --> 00:06:40,892
103...
127
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,283
- My God.
- 104!
128
00:06:44,356 --> 00:06:45,951
- Unbelievable.
- Shit.
129
00:06:46,027 --> 00:06:48,081
- 105.
- Eat that, Drama.
130
00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:50,780
- This is inhuman.
- Yeah, I guess it's true what they say.
131
00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:52,791
The heat really does
affect the elderly.
132
00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:55,062
Yeah, seriously, Drama,
'cause I haven't seen
133
00:06:55,176 --> 00:06:57,840
somebody sweat like that
since Patrick Ewing retired.
134
00:07:00,555 --> 00:07:02,623
Great mother of God.
135
00:07:07,395 --> 00:07:08,280
Fuck.
136
00:07:08,357 --> 00:07:09,923
Dude, we got
a monster, Vince.
137
00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:11,680
It's one theater.
Don't get crazy.
138
00:07:11,756 --> 00:07:13,001
How are we
gonna get seats?
139
00:07:13,116 --> 00:07:14,651
Who are you talking to?
140
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:16,720
There's four taped
off for us in the back
141
00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:19,622
as we speak.
And all it cost us...
142
00:07:20,957 --> 00:07:22,820
was a signed copy
of the new Aquaman game.
143
00:07:22,885 --> 00:07:24,753
Nice job, Turtle.
144
00:07:24,822 --> 00:07:27,488
I'm making a run
for cooler pastures.
145
00:07:48,588 --> 00:07:50,854
What do you think?
146
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:52,688
Oh, they're loving it.
147
00:07:52,758 --> 00:07:55,650
Wait till they get a load
of the end of this scene.
148
00:07:55,777 --> 00:07:58,251
Jesus Christ,
where's this jerkoff going?
149
00:07:58,356 --> 00:08:01,520
Hey, pal-- you wanna sit
down? You're about to miss
150
00:08:01,587 --> 00:08:03,252
the best part
of the whole movie.
151
00:08:03,328 --> 00:08:04,852
I have to use
the bathroom.
152
00:08:06,555 --> 00:08:08,552
Sit down.
153
00:08:42,386 --> 00:08:43,880
I dropped my monkey!
154
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:46,280
No, come back!
155
00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,920
Here it comes!
156
00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:06,441
What the fuck?
157
00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:08,573
Shit, the projector must have gone out.
158
00:09:08,656 --> 00:09:10,680
It's not just
the projector.
159
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:13,282
We lost the central air.
160
00:09:13,355 --> 00:09:15,852
...waiting for
this movie two hours!
161
00:09:15,926 --> 00:09:19,552
Ahem, sorry, folks.
It's a blackout.
162
00:09:19,628 --> 00:09:22,242
Um, please calmly
file into the lobby
163
00:09:22,326 --> 00:09:24,152
and we'll refund
your money.
164
00:09:24,228 --> 00:09:26,050
Whoa, whoa.
Refund their money?
165
00:09:26,126 --> 00:09:28,150
They already saw half
the movie. Fuck that.
166
00:09:28,228 --> 00:09:29,370
Shut the fuck up!
167
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,752
Give them some free popcorn
or something.
168
00:09:35,477 --> 00:09:37,052
Holy crap! Aquaman!
169
00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:38,523
Dude, what are you
doing here?
170
00:09:38,588 --> 00:09:40,523
Just checking out
the movie like you guys.
171
00:09:40,585 --> 00:09:42,820
Oh, but who's guarding
the throne of Poseidonis?
172
00:09:42,905 --> 00:09:44,622
It's about to be
a madhouse in here.
173
00:09:44,687 --> 00:09:47,181
- I'm gonna go get the car, all right?
- Fire up the AC.
174
00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:50,251
The movie is great, Vince. We
caught the 10:00 A.M. showing too.
175
00:09:50,327 --> 00:09:51,800
That harpoon fight
was badass.
176
00:09:51,865 --> 00:09:54,042
Did you hear that, E?
They thought I was badass.
177
00:09:54,098 --> 00:09:56,142
- I heard.
- Hey, so Vince, let me ask you--
178
00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:58,982
was that seahorse you rode
animatronic or computer generated?
179
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,483
- E?
- Animatronic.
180
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,483
- Animatronic.
- Yes! You owe me $20.
181
00:10:02,556 --> 00:10:04,850
That is him!
182
00:10:04,926 --> 00:10:08,281
- Oh my God!
- Can I have your autograph, Vince?
183
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:28,121
Whoo!
We made it.
184
00:10:28,185 --> 00:10:32,422
Now let's get back
to civilization. Please.
185
00:10:38,136 --> 00:10:41,150
I begged you
to take the 101,
186
00:10:41,227 --> 00:10:43,100
but you had to take
the canyon.
187
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:45,882
- It's more scenic.
- Just get me home, please.
188
00:10:45,955 --> 00:10:48,620
All the lights are out, Drama.
What would you like me to do?
189
00:10:48,688 --> 00:10:51,152
You know, it looks like
the whole area is blacked out.
190
00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:52,931
I'm gonna call Ari.
191
00:10:53,908 --> 00:10:55,523
Hey, I was just
dialing you.
192
00:10:55,606 --> 00:10:58,053
Hey. That must mean that
we're destined to be in love.
193
00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,292
Yeah. You're having a
blackout over there too?
194
00:11:00,358 --> 00:11:02,750
I haven't had a blackout
since I took four quaaludes
195
00:11:02,807 --> 00:11:04,853
And forgot I fucked
Chantal Lautenberg. Why?
196
00:11:04,938 --> 00:11:07,522
Cause we're in Northridge.
The whole area is blacked out.
197
00:11:07,607 --> 00:11:10,163
- Is this gonna affect the numbers?
- I didn't even know
198
00:11:10,238 --> 00:11:12,222
that Northridge survived
the '94 quake, E.
199
00:11:12,278 --> 00:11:14,533
Don't worry about that.
Listen, you with Vinnie?
200
00:11:14,616 --> 00:11:15,421
Yeah.
201
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,853
Okay, be very cool.
Do not get him excited,
202
00:11:17,926 --> 00:11:20,381
but the first
west coast numbers are in,
203
00:11:20,456 --> 00:11:22,483
- and they're big.
- Go on.
204
00:11:22,555 --> 00:11:25,422
- Eight-legs big, bitch.
- Get the fuck out of here.
205
00:11:25,488 --> 00:11:27,482
The webcrawler is
in our sights, Eric,
206
00:11:27,558 --> 00:11:29,921
and I want to squash
that fucker!
207
00:11:29,988 --> 00:11:32,322
So do I, Ari.
All right, thanks.
208
00:11:37,025 --> 00:11:38,090
What?
209
00:11:41,355 --> 00:11:42,410
Nothing.
210
00:11:42,497 --> 00:11:44,130
Fuck you, "nothing."
What is it?
211
00:11:44,195 --> 00:11:46,262
Nothing until it's official,
right, Vince?
212
00:11:46,348 --> 00:11:47,480
Fuck official.
213
00:11:47,565 --> 00:11:49,742
I don't want you to know
anything I don't.
214
00:11:50,756 --> 00:11:52,583
- Is it "Spider-Man"?
- Spidey, E?
215
00:11:52,657 --> 00:11:54,680
- Say something, dick.
- E, speak now
216
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,150
or I'm throwing you
out of the car.
217
00:11:58,128 --> 00:12:00,081
"Spider-Man" is
in our sights.
218
00:12:00,156 --> 00:12:02,080
Yes! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
219
00:12:02,158 --> 00:12:03,781
- Yes!
- I knew it! Fuck you, Tobey!
220
00:12:04,928 --> 00:12:07,421
- It's not definite though, Vince.
- Yeah, no, I know.
221
00:12:07,485 --> 00:12:10,151
That's cool. Let's go buy
some toys anyway to celebrate.
222
00:12:10,228 --> 00:12:12,683
- Yes.
- I know a place.
223
00:12:12,755 --> 00:12:15,650
But not in the Valley, right?
They got toys in the city, Vince.
224
00:12:24,726 --> 00:12:26,651
How do you know
this area, Turtle?
225
00:12:26,725 --> 00:12:29,353
Best rub-and-tug in California
used to be next door.
226
00:12:29,428 --> 00:12:32,282
Yeah, they probably moved to
Santa Monica where it's cool.
227
00:12:32,355 --> 00:12:33,852
There she is.
228
00:12:33,926 --> 00:12:37,483
Ducatis. Sweet.
229
00:12:39,028 --> 00:12:40,951
This is the one
for me, Vince,
230
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:43,383
the fastest production bike on the road.
231
00:12:43,457 --> 00:12:45,021
It's yours. E?
232
00:12:45,086 --> 00:12:47,553
I appreciate it, Vince,
but I'm not a motorcycle guy,
233
00:12:47,626 --> 00:12:49,943
and I'm not gonna take
a gift just to take one.
234
00:12:50,005 --> 00:12:51,650
You neither, Johnny?
235
00:12:51,725 --> 00:12:53,653
You know I hate
rice rockets, Vince.
236
00:12:53,726 --> 00:12:54,953
Ducati's Italian,
Drama.
237
00:12:55,026 --> 00:12:57,020
Yeah, well, regardless
238
00:12:57,087 --> 00:12:59,352
it's still a foreign job.
I'm a Harley man.
239
00:12:59,426 --> 00:13:01,882
Yeah, didn't you have one
when you first came out here?
240
00:13:01,958 --> 00:13:03,901
Yeah, I had to hock it
to Michael Madsen
241
00:13:03,955 --> 00:13:07,223
after a couple of bleak pilot
seasons. God, I loved that bike.
242
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,982
Why don't we go
over there tomorrow
243
00:13:09,057 --> 00:13:12,250
- and make him an offer he can't refuse?
- You serious?
244
00:13:13,528 --> 00:13:16,153
God, you're
a fucking prince, bro.
245
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:18,652
You know, he's also
got a watch of mine.
246
00:13:19,788 --> 00:13:21,723
Mr. Chase, have you
decided yet?
247
00:13:21,785 --> 00:13:23,423
Yes, we have.
248
00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:25,420
We'll take
four of these.
249
00:13:25,487 --> 00:13:27,483
Maybe you guys
will grow to love 'em.
250
00:13:29,235 --> 00:13:30,601
Not again.
251
00:13:30,668 --> 00:13:32,620
So when is the last time
you had sex?
252
00:13:32,697 --> 00:13:33,771
With each other or...?
253
00:13:33,857 --> 00:13:36,011
If you're not gonna take this
seriously, Ari--
254
00:13:36,046 --> 00:13:38,303
I'm taking it seriously.
It's just for the money
255
00:13:38,358 --> 00:13:40,271
we're spending here
I could get you a pro
256
00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:42,320
to service your even most
bizarre fetishes.
257
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:44,492
Okay, you see?
This is what I'm dealing with.
258
00:13:44,555 --> 00:13:46,332
- Come on.
- Don't.
259
00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:48,852
- It's Vince.
- Ari...
260
00:13:48,926 --> 00:13:50,651
...don't you feel
261
00:13:50,727 --> 00:13:52,653
that a lacking
sexual relationship
262
00:13:52,725 --> 00:13:54,953
is a big problem
in a marriage?
263
00:13:55,027 --> 00:13:56,420
Oh, I do, doc,
but we fuck
264
00:13:56,486 --> 00:13:58,522
more than any other
married couple you know.
265
00:13:58,586 --> 00:14:01,453
And I know this
because whenever we go out
266
00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:03,950
with another married couple
and the subject comes up
267
00:14:04,025 --> 00:14:06,883
they always say, "I can't
believe how often you guys fuck."
268
00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:16,023
- It's Vince, baby.
- I don't give a fuck.
269
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:17,810
Okay-- you know, uh,
270
00:14:17,868 --> 00:14:19,450
after the year
that I've had
271
00:14:19,516 --> 00:14:21,881
and on the most important
day of my life you'd think
272
00:14:21,955 --> 00:14:24,113
that she would ask me
what I wanted, you know?
273
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,951
A nice blowjob, perhaps,
274
00:14:26,025 --> 00:14:29,220
where I could just sit back for
the first time in nine months
275
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,323
and do nothing but
admire the top of her head
276
00:14:31,427 --> 00:14:33,682
and pray that this
fucking movie opens
277
00:14:33,758 --> 00:14:36,151
so I can stop
selling off assets
278
00:14:36,225 --> 00:14:38,021
like we're fucking
Michael Jackson.
279
00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:40,251
Now I have to answer
the fucking batphone
280
00:14:40,325 --> 00:14:43,780
when it rings three fucking times
and it's fucking Vince, okay? So...
281
00:14:43,856 --> 00:14:45,560
- Eric, speak.
- Ari--
282
00:14:45,625 --> 00:14:48,613
there's been another blackout in
a different part of the Valley.
283
00:14:48,665 --> 00:14:52,030
You need a fucking night-light or
something? Get back over the hill, okay?
284
00:14:52,065 --> 00:14:53,552
And don't call me
back unless--
285
00:14:53,638 --> 00:14:55,481
Fuck me.
286
00:14:55,556 --> 00:14:57,981
- What's going on, Ari?
- I'm gonna call you back.
287
00:15:00,055 --> 00:15:01,983
Can we prorate
this session, please?
288
00:15:07,086 --> 00:15:09,451
- He's gonna call us back.
- Anything to worry about?
289
00:15:09,538 --> 00:15:11,782
- Hey, Aquaman.
- Oh, great.
290
00:15:11,858 --> 00:15:14,450
We're being stalked
by devo.
291
00:15:14,527 --> 00:15:17,141
- This isn't a coincidence, is it?
- No, we followed you.
292
00:15:17,226 --> 00:15:19,020
- Replenish.
- We, uh, wanted to know
293
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,981
if you guys wanted
to come to a party.
294
00:15:21,056 --> 00:15:22,653
It's our big
graduation bash.
295
00:15:22,725 --> 00:15:25,121
High school party?
Sorry, kid,
296
00:15:25,187 --> 00:15:27,682
we don't go to the parties
where the girls ain't legal.
297
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:30,353
Although we do like 'em
barely legal.
298
00:15:30,428 --> 00:15:33,580
Come on, Vince, come with us.
It'll be like "Almost Famous."
299
00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:36,581
- Hey, I like that movie.
- Vince, I'm burning up out here.
300
00:15:36,658 --> 00:15:38,650
Another hour and my
kidneys may shut down.
301
00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:40,653
They've got a pool.
302
00:15:40,726 --> 00:15:43,120
- Really?
- Yeah, it'll be great.
303
00:15:43,186 --> 00:15:45,852
And it'll be a lot easier to
get in with you there, Vince.
304
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:48,872
So that's it? You guys need
Vince to get you into the party.
305
00:15:48,925 --> 00:15:50,431
What are you laughing at, Turtle?
306
00:15:50,495 --> 00:15:52,671
You still can't get into
teddy's without Vince.
307
00:15:52,757 --> 00:15:53,530
Do you wanna go?
308
00:15:53,627 --> 00:15:56,252
Fuck it. It's gonna take hours
to get home anyway, right?
309
00:15:56,326 --> 00:15:58,381
So you'll come?
310
00:15:58,455 --> 00:16:00,681
- Yeah, we'll come.
- All right!
311
00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:03,482
Aquaman to the rescue!
312
00:16:15,926 --> 00:16:17,423
- Hey, girl.
- Hey!
313
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,900
Did kids look this young
when we went to high school?
314
00:16:25,956 --> 00:16:28,783
- In Drama's eighth year they did, yes.
- Six years, assholes.
315
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,800
Ad just like I did for these
maggots I'm gonna do for you guys.
316
00:16:31,887 --> 00:16:34,421
Someone gives you guys a
hard time about being here--
317
00:16:34,487 --> 00:16:36,421
Johnny Drama's
got your back.
318
00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:39,150
Thanks. There are some really
tough kids at this school.
319
00:16:39,226 --> 00:16:41,651
Come on,
I'm from New York.
320
00:16:41,725 --> 00:16:43,752
Who the fuck
let nerds in my house?
321
00:16:43,826 --> 00:16:45,551
- Here we go.
- Jesus...
322
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,021
Drama's gonna get his ass
kicked by a 16-year-old.
323
00:16:48,086 --> 00:16:50,083
- Hey, Kessler.
- Who let you losers in?
324
00:16:50,155 --> 00:16:53,182
- These guys are with us.
- Yeah? Who the fuck are you?
325
00:16:53,257 --> 00:16:56,620
Uh, he's my brother. Sorry,
we were just passing by,
326
00:16:56,685 --> 00:16:58,680
we saw the party,
we figured we'd drop in.
327
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:01,083
Whoa, whoa, holy shit.
You're Vince Chase.
328
00:17:01,155 --> 00:17:02,480
You're with these two?
329
00:17:02,557 --> 00:17:05,053
Jay and Reggie?
Yeah, they're my cousins.
330
00:17:05,126 --> 00:17:07,220
But hey, it's cool.
We'll find another party.
331
00:17:07,288 --> 00:17:08,952
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, you stay.
332
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,322
Reggie and Jay, stay. This
old guy, he can stay too.
333
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:14,623
Uh, you need
a beer, Vince?
334
00:17:14,688 --> 00:17:16,482
That'd be good.
335
00:17:16,558 --> 00:17:18,082
Thanks.
336
00:17:18,156 --> 00:17:20,183
Holy shit, Vince Chase.
337
00:17:20,258 --> 00:17:21,852
Hey everyone,
338
00:17:21,925 --> 00:17:24,082
fuckin' Aquaman
is at my house!
339
00:17:26,658 --> 00:17:29,051
Give me
something good, Ari.
340
00:17:29,126 --> 00:17:32,023
There's nothing good
at all, E. Nothing good.
341
00:17:32,088 --> 00:17:34,082
- Why? What's happening?
- There are massive
342
00:17:34,156 --> 00:17:36,953
rolling blackouts
from the heat.
343
00:17:37,028 --> 00:17:39,023
They're hitting
the whole fucking coast
344
00:17:39,086 --> 00:17:41,023
from San Francisco
down to San Diego.
345
00:17:41,085 --> 00:17:44,450
Shit. Well, I guess we can
kiss "Spider-Man" goodbye.
346
00:17:44,527 --> 00:17:46,423
Forget "Spider-Man."
I just named
347
00:17:46,486 --> 00:17:49,430
two of the most populated cities
in the whole fucking country.
348
00:17:49,525 --> 00:17:52,220
- So what does that mean, Ari?
- It means that we are fucked.
349
00:17:52,285 --> 00:17:54,281
We took a massive hit
on the midday numbers
350
00:17:54,357 --> 00:17:57,281
and now they are
projecting 85.
351
00:17:57,357 --> 00:18:00,321
Jesus Christ.
What am I gonna tell Vince?
352
00:18:00,387 --> 00:18:02,781
Same thing you've been
telling him all day-- nothing!
353
00:18:02,857 --> 00:18:04,923
Keep your mouth shut
until it's official.
354
00:18:04,985 --> 00:18:06,380
Yeah, when's that gonna be?
355
00:18:06,498 --> 00:18:08,452
It's gonna be in a few hours,
all right?
356
00:18:08,526 --> 00:18:10,450
I want you to email me
your address
357
00:18:10,526 --> 00:18:13,620
and I will come and tell
him with you, all right?
358
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:16,410
Lloyd!
359
00:18:18,826 --> 00:18:21,451
What happened
to the music?
360
00:18:21,526 --> 00:18:24,521
It's a blackout, baby!
Into the pool!
361
00:18:33,325 --> 00:18:34,920
Yeah, our moms say
Reggie looked
362
00:18:35,005 --> 00:18:37,643
exactly like I did when I
was his age. You don't see it?
363
00:18:37,756 --> 00:18:40,482
- A little, I guess.
- And you're related to Jay too?
364
00:18:40,556 --> 00:18:42,482
Oh, we're practically
like brothers.
365
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,650
You girls should
take care of these two.
366
00:18:44,717 --> 00:18:46,643
I'm gonna get a drink.
You want anything?
367
00:18:46,697 --> 00:18:47,992
All good, Vince.
368
00:18:48,087 --> 00:18:50,183
- Good to hear it, Reggie.
- Jay.
369
00:18:51,227 --> 00:18:54,080
Ha-ha!
Life is good, huh?
370
00:18:54,155 --> 00:18:55,722
Any word?
371
00:18:55,785 --> 00:18:58,582
- No, nothing official.
- What does that mean?
372
00:19:20,258 --> 00:19:23,280
How is this possible? An hour
ago we're the biggest opening ever
373
00:19:23,355 --> 00:19:26,181
- and now we're a disaster?
- Yeah, well, fucking blackouts.
374
00:19:26,258 --> 00:19:27,562
Fucking blackouts.
375
00:19:27,627 --> 00:19:30,611
See, this is why I don't like
to get caught up in this shit.
376
00:19:30,755 --> 00:19:33,010
You shouldn't let me
get caught up in it, E.
377
00:19:33,065 --> 00:19:35,121
- Vince, come on.
- I know, I know. I asked.
378
00:19:35,188 --> 00:19:37,523
I'm sorry, buddy.
379
00:19:37,586 --> 00:19:38,773
Yeah.
380
00:19:40,057 --> 00:19:42,780
Look at these kids.
This used to be us.
381
00:19:42,857 --> 00:19:45,652
Remember how we used to talk
about coming out to Hollywood?
382
00:19:45,725 --> 00:19:47,720
- It wasn't about money.
- No, it wasn't.
383
00:19:47,778 --> 00:19:50,850
Fuck it. We're not gonna let
this town make it about money now.
384
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:53,450
- Let's get hammered.
- With 17-year-olds?
385
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,320
- We'll make their night.
- All right.
386
00:19:56,386 --> 00:19:58,321
Blackouts?
387
00:19:58,386 --> 00:20:00,150
Fucking blackouts?
388
00:20:00,225 --> 00:20:03,821
Thank you very much!
389
00:20:03,888 --> 00:20:08,051
The town will understand, Ari.
It's not the movie's fault.
390
00:20:08,128 --> 00:20:10,180
Baby, it wasn't
the Cubs' fault
391
00:20:10,265 --> 00:20:12,652
when that douche bag
grabbed the foul ball either,
392
00:20:12,726 --> 00:20:14,923
but they still don't get
a World Series ring.
393
00:20:14,986 --> 00:20:18,170
There are no asterisks in
this life, only scoreboards,
394
00:20:18,287 --> 00:20:21,452
and ours is currently
reading "fucked."
395
00:20:21,527 --> 00:20:23,623
Well, there's nothing
you can do about it now,
396
00:20:23,687 --> 00:20:25,552
so why don't you
sit down and relax?
397
00:20:25,627 --> 00:20:28,751
Baby, I can't relax until I tell
Vinnie. I gotta go to the Valley.
398
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,453
After the call.
399
00:20:30,526 --> 00:20:32,750
And who knows
when that will be?
400
00:20:32,828 --> 00:20:34,753
Baby, isn't it
a little convenient
401
00:20:34,828 --> 00:20:36,583
that the kids are
at your mother's?
402
00:20:36,656 --> 00:20:38,583
Ari, I've been patient,
but now
403
00:20:38,656 --> 00:20:40,951
whatever happens is
totally out of your control.
404
00:20:41,027 --> 00:20:43,021
So let's go upstairs.
405
00:20:45,025 --> 00:20:46,952
Fine, but I'm not
gonna like it.
406
00:20:47,025 --> 00:20:49,020
Oh really?
407
00:20:52,088 --> 00:20:54,981
All right, I may like it
just a little bit.
408
00:20:56,625 --> 00:20:58,753
Baby, I don't want you
to hear this.
409
00:20:58,837 --> 00:21:01,251
I could cry. I have to go
to the Valley. I promise you
410
00:21:01,325 --> 00:21:02,920
when I get back,
no matter what,
411
00:21:02,985 --> 00:21:05,153
we're gonna dent that
headboard. No bullshit.
412
00:21:05,228 --> 00:21:08,223
I guarantee you you will not
walk right tomorrow.
413
00:21:08,286 --> 00:21:10,353
Tell me something good.
414
00:21:10,427 --> 00:21:12,722
Vince, Vince,
Vince, Vince!
415
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:24,182
- So you work with Vince?
- Yep.
416
00:21:24,257 --> 00:21:26,180
- Is it fun?
- Yep.
417
00:21:26,258 --> 00:21:28,183
You don't talk much, huh?
418
00:21:28,255 --> 00:21:30,580
Not to high school girls,
sweetheart. No offense.
419
00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:33,352
I'm not in high school. This
is my little brother's party.
420
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,353
I'm just chaperoning.
421
00:21:36,645 --> 00:21:39,582
Ew. That was
a real creepy turn.
422
00:21:51,025 --> 00:21:53,652
You may have
a couple pounds on me
423
00:21:53,728 --> 00:21:55,512
but nothing outweighs
experience.
424
00:21:55,585 --> 00:21:56,751
You ready?
425
00:21:58,286 --> 00:21:59,952
Are you ready?
426
00:22:21,856 --> 00:22:24,280
Hey, everybody!
427
00:22:24,357 --> 00:22:27,153
Do you know how good
your lives are right now?
428
00:22:27,228 --> 00:22:28,131
Yeah!
429
00:22:33,127 --> 00:22:35,580
My boys are here
from high school
430
00:22:35,657 --> 00:22:38,220
and we wish we could be
back living like this!
431
00:22:38,288 --> 00:22:39,190
Yeah!
432
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:43,422
What the fuck
is he doing?
433
00:22:44,427 --> 00:22:46,383
He wanted his
"Almost Famous" moment.
434
00:22:46,457 --> 00:22:49,123
I told you not to tell him
anything until it was official.
435
00:22:49,185 --> 00:22:51,202
Aw, what the fuck
is the difference, Ari?
436
00:22:51,318 --> 00:22:52,792
Hey, Vinnie!
437
00:22:55,687 --> 00:22:58,880
Ari is in the Valley?
438
00:22:58,958 --> 00:23:02,052
Holy shit, we really
must be fucked, huh?
439
00:23:02,126 --> 00:23:05,080
What are they projecting now? 45, Ari?
440
00:23:05,156 --> 00:23:07,522
- 116, actually.
- What?
441
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:10,653
- 116, kid!
- How's that possible?
442
00:23:10,725 --> 00:23:13,082
You guys ever hear
of a hanging chad?
443
00:23:14,988 --> 00:23:16,850
Where the fuck am I?
Listen,
444
00:23:16,928 --> 00:23:18,782
the biggest thing
the blackouts affected
445
00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:21,220
were the actual
reporting of the numbers.
446
00:23:23,827 --> 00:23:26,453
- We beat "Spider-Man"?
- Well, it's only Friday,
447
00:23:26,527 --> 00:23:28,542
but if there isn't
a tornado in the Midwest
448
00:23:28,595 --> 00:23:30,942
I think we've got a good
goddamn shot, my friend.
449
00:23:31,028 --> 00:23:32,820
Hey, everybody,
you've got the biggest
450
00:23:32,887 --> 00:23:35,851
movie star on the planet
on your roof right now.
451
00:23:39,958 --> 00:23:42,151
It's all you, baby!
452
00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:49,452
- Number one, baby.
- Yeah! Do it!
453
00:23:57,188 --> 00:23:58,680
So whose dad is this?
454
00:23:58,756 --> 00:24:01,153
I don't know. Why don't
you throw him in the pool?
455
00:24:01,226 --> 00:24:03,151
Fuck you, "throw me
in the pool."
456
00:24:03,227 --> 00:24:05,150
Hey, Kong, go get us
some beers.
457
00:24:07,127 --> 00:24:09,123
- Put him in! Put him in!
- Go, go!
458
00:24:13,358 --> 00:24:16,221
Hey, you little fuck,
459
00:24:16,287 --> 00:24:18,283
these are $900 shoes!
460
00:24:18,706 --> 00:24:21,041
Okay, you guys are not
gonna believe this!
461
00:24:21,107 --> 00:24:22,850
Those two girls
you introduced us to?
462
00:24:22,965 --> 00:24:25,751
The most untouchable girls
in school. But guess what--
463
00:24:25,878 --> 00:24:27,223
They like you.
464
00:24:27,285 --> 00:24:29,223
They wanna hang
in my basement.
465
00:24:29,827 --> 00:24:31,513
Basement! Nice!
466
00:24:31,707 --> 00:24:34,451
The only problem is,
we can't all fit on the Vespa.
467
00:24:34,526 --> 00:24:37,480
You can't roll chicks
in a Vespa, bro.
468
00:24:37,558 --> 00:24:39,883
Well, we were hoping maybe
you could give us a lift.
469
00:24:39,958 --> 00:24:41,322
- A lift?
- Yeah, right.
470
00:24:41,386 --> 00:24:43,320
I can't do that.
471
00:24:43,385 --> 00:24:45,353
But what I can do
is this:
472
00:24:45,427 --> 00:24:47,651
Turtle, give our
new best friends
473
00:24:47,728 --> 00:24:50,151
- the keys to the Mas'.
- There you go.
474
00:24:50,227 --> 00:24:53,081
Oh, that is so cool!
You're lending us your car?
475
00:24:53,157 --> 00:24:55,623
- My car.
- How do we get it back to you?
476
00:24:55,688 --> 00:24:57,220
You don't.
You return it
477
00:24:57,286 --> 00:24:59,680
to the Beverly Hills
Maserati dealership.
478
00:24:59,758 --> 00:25:01,852
Your lease ends
at the end of August.
479
00:25:01,927 --> 00:25:04,250
- No way.
- Holy shit.
480
00:25:04,326 --> 00:25:05,851
That was actually refreshing,
481
00:25:05,925 --> 00:25:08,050
but I have to go home
to hammer the wife.
482
00:25:08,128 --> 00:25:10,051
Give us a lift.
483
00:25:10,125 --> 00:25:12,821
Anything to keep me away
from my house. Come on, bro.
484
00:25:12,936 --> 00:25:14,191
We out.
485
00:25:18,187 --> 00:25:19,871
Yeah, the Valley
ain't so bad.
486
00:25:20,615 --> 00:25:23,112
Subtitles: Lemonhead & Raceman
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