1 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,467 [fire crackling] 2 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,178 [bells ringing] 3 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,225 [traditional Indian music playing] 4 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,521 [Christiane] Delhi is both the political brain 5 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,899 and the protesting fist of India. 6 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,656 The capital city may be more progressive 7 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,324 than many parts of the country, 8 00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:33,825 but it's still a place 9 00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:35,619 where intimacy can be governed 10 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:39,790 by family, tradition, and religion. 11 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,876 I want to explore 12 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,503 how women can find love 13 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,879 and sexual happiness 14 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:49,800 if they don’t always have the power to say yes or no. 15 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,389 [theme music playing] 16 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,383 [Christiane] Delhi is a city 17 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:35,012 of over 18 million people that's constantly growing. 18 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,565 [Christiane] People come here to get an education, 19 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,443 to find work 20 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,614 and maybe even love. 21 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,993 I’m told that habits are becoming more westernized 22 00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,244 in Urban India. 23 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,246 Women are marrying later 24 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,999 and young people have more of a say 25 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,626 in choosing a partner. 26 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,629 Oh, I see a boy and a girl, 27 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,088 coming right at them. 28 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,608 [Christiane] So I’m hitting the streets 29 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,718 to learn more about Delhi’s sexual status quo. 30 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,970 I’m sorry to stop you on the street like this, 31 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,847 but I want to ask you about your coupledom. 32 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,051 - We’re not a couple. - [exclaiming] Aw, what are you? 33 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,477 [Christiane] Hi, guys, can I talk to you? 34 00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:25,896 - Salam. - Salam, how are you? 35 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,773 - How are you? - Very good, thank you. Fine. 36 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,858 - We always see you... - On the television? 37 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,777 [Christiane] Are you guys married? 38 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,379 - Yeah we’re married. - For a love match 39 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,863 or was your marriage arranged? 40 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,966 -A love match. -And what did your parents say about that? 41 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,426 Nothing, because the religion was same. 42 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,844 - So it was fine. - Yeah, it was fine 43 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,453 - And you? - I was arranged marriage. 44 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:42,913 And how did that work out for you? 45 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,206 Good, very good. 46 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,767 And what do you think of the young people 47 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,668 who want to just get married on their own? 48 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,062 They should go for the arranged marriage. 49 00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:50,087 Why? 50 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,381 Because love marriages does not give long time. 51 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:53,840 [laughs] 52 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,217 Is he related to you? 53 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:58,595 - Yeah, he’s my father. - He’s your dad! [laughs] 54 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,056 What is it like to date in India? 55 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,307 Because, I mean, you know, 56 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:05,018 society is quite conservative. 57 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,269 Is it acceptable? 58 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,663 -Yeah. -Can you go around holding hands? 59 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,399 Hugging? [laughs] He’s laughing. 60 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,859 Here in India, you can not roam freely. 61 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,983 I am just holding her hand, nothing else I am doing. 62 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,631 The aunties watch like, "What are you doing, yeah"? 63 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,299 - All the aunties are watching? - Like four eyes. 64 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,509 [Christiane laughs] Four eyes! 65 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,450 Can you kiss? 66 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,827 No, we cannot kiss in public. 67 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,078 Yeah, yeah. 68 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,038 So, do you cuddle? Do you... 69 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,707 Not in public but we do. 70 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,293 Normal intimacy is a good thing, 71 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,087 but too much is against the parents. 72 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,964 Okay, what is normal intimacy? 73 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,484 -Kissing and hugging and holding hands. -Kissing and hugging is okay. 74 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,385 - And too much is what? - Sex. 75 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,720 Sex. 76 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:40,971 I know this is private 77 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,472 but are you going to 78 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,350 have been intimate before your wedding night? 79 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,935 - [both] No. - No? 80 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,913 -[man] We don’t wish to. -It has been four and a half years 81 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,178 that we are in a relationship, but to that extent, never. 82 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,024 Do you guys have sex before marriage? 83 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,401 [girl] No. [boy] I have. 84 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,694 - You have? - I've done it. 85 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,572 And you? You did? See, boys. 86 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,407 It's okay. 87 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,533 It’s their choice, 88 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,785 I’m not comfortable, so I’m not going to do it. 89 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:13,879 [little girl] Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. 90 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,171 [Christiane] Do we come here with preconceived notions 91 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,472 about what it is to be Indian? 92 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,325 [Sandhya] That’s what they say about India. 93 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,185 Everything you think about India is true 94 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,479 and everything that’s opposite of it is also true. 95 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,523 A lot of Westerners perceive India to be 96 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,443 as this traditional, bound society 97 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,236 which is kind of frozen in time. 98 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,363 We’re a modern nation, we’re a young nation now, 99 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,365 and a lot of it is changing. 100 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,410 [Christiane] Intimacy, 101 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,704 is that something people focus on here? 102 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,998 Um, no. 103 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,351 I didn’t think you were going to say that 104 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,711 -I thought that was a dumb question! -[laughs] 105 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,463 [Christiane] Sandhya Mulchandani 106 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,090 is a Delhi-based journalist turned author. 107 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,717 She writes about love, 108 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,054 erotic literature, and Indian masculinity. 109 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,474 [Sandhya] When you get married, you marry the entire family as you know. 110 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:08,934 So, my generation 111 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,268 or the ones previous to it, 112 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,520 intimacy was something 113 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:12,997 the husband would've looked at you saying, 114 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,231 "What are we talking about 115 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,315 because I provide 116 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,650 and I look after you, 117 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:17,984 so what is intimacy?" 118 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,828 Have you answered that question for yourself? 119 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:22,447 [laughs] Yes. 120 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,115 [both laugh] 121 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,828 Intimacy is a fairly modern concept today, 122 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,246 for younger people 123 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,456 and it is something that they’re building. 124 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,376 [Christiane] I find it very counterintuitive 125 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,794 that there are young women 126 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,505 talking openly about sex, about what they want. 127 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,507 [Sandhya] Women who wore Saris all their life 128 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,008 suddenly are wearing trousers. 129 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,594 Women who are ambitious, who seek their own partners, 130 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,971 who seek their own career paths 131 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,140 are able to sing, dance, smoke, and be themselves. 132 00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:51,184 It's a huge change in India 133 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,727 and it's aspirational. 134 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,815 [Christiane] I see these notices up, 135 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,442 one that says "Eve Teasing is an offense." 136 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,652 What is that? 137 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,945 Young men who used to think 138 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,780 that was a fun thing to tease women 139 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,408 and a lot of it came from Hindi cinema, 140 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,286 where the hero always teased the girl. 141 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,954 The girl that caught his eye 142 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,581 to kind of turn her attention to him, 143 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,833 but the problem is when it becomes harassment 144 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,126 because then women are scared. 145 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,669 You don’t want to take the men on. 146 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,214 [Christiane] One group of women 147 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,467 who found a way to out-pace some of this unwanted attention 148 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,886 are the Delhi Bikerni. 149 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,306 This all-female biker club 150 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,599 takes on the traffic 151 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,559 and goes on regular rides together. 152 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:44,154 Today they’ve invited me to come along with them. 153 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:48,825 We’re heading to one of their roadside hang outs in Gurgaon 154 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,827 on the outskirts of the city. 155 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,496 [Christiane] Alright! 156 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,457 Wow, thank you, ladies. 157 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,876 That was fun! That was a first. 158 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,545 Whoo! It’s like a death trap here 159 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,631 and the cows on the road, whoa! 160 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,093 [Christiane] It’s kind of unusual, isn’t it? 161 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:10,722 In India, to have a female biker gang. 162 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,683 Typically, women are brought up from childhood 163 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,894 with the thought that you don’t do this, 164 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:16,977 you don’t do that, 165 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:20,065 you’re given a lot of things you don’t do 166 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,025 and we’ve broken through all of that. 167 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,862 There are different kind of reactions I get when I ride. 168 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,214 There are people who come up to me 169 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,406 and give a thumbs up, 170 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,617 very happy to see that a female is riding, 171 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,577 but then there is a different lot as well 172 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,120 who tries to be aggressive with me 173 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,890 and tries to come close to me when I’m riding 174 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,998 so that is also there. 175 00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,625 Essentially, I started riding a bike 176 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:42,921 when somebody was teasing me on a bus station 177 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:44,881 and I said "Okay, enough is enough 178 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,049 I’m not taking this anymore 179 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,759 and I’m not going by public transport." 180 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,386 And just to be clear, 181 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,639 Eve teasing is not some benign little teasing. 182 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,057 It’s harassment, 183 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,642 the real word is harassment. 184 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,018 Do they touch you? 185 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,396 -Yeah. -They’ll touch you, they’ll rub against you, 186 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,439 - grab at you. - Really? 187 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:02,732 It’s that blatant? 188 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,900 It’s that blatant. 189 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,151 And to any age woman? 190 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,445 Any age woman, it’s not age specific. 191 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,572 It can happen even with minors, actually. 192 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,449 I went through it as a minor as well 193 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:12,742 so I know that. 194 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,119 Did you experience that? 195 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,954 That’s the reason why I took up riding 196 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,707 because not only does biking give me freedom to ride 197 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,291 but it also saves me from 198 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,728 all that hassle that I go through on the public transport. 199 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:23,920 I have grown up in Delhi, 200 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,672 all my education has been in Delhi 201 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,716 and I also feel that Delhi’s not a safe place. 202 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:28,925 I don’t feel safe here. 203 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,094 I’m very sorry to say it but that’s the truth. 204 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,722 [crowd chanting] 205 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,282 [Christiane] Delhi has become the subject 206 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,185 of intense media coverage. 207 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,440 Radicals have been known to attack young couples 208 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,233 for showing affection in public 209 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:49,029 and groups of women who are out socializing and drinking. 210 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,739 [crowd yelling] 211 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:54,993 A brutal gang rape and murder in Delhi in 2012 212 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,245 turned the spotlight onto the issue 213 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,872 of sexual violence here, 214 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,667 a subject which many feel has been ignored for too long. 215 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,377 [crowd chanting] 216 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,212 Delhi has since been described as 217 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:09,507 the fourth most dangerous city in the world for women. 218 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,636 So, that is the reason you decided to get a bike? 219 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,847 That is the reason where I started on a bike. 220 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,099 The thing is with a bike it’s addictive. 221 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:20,351 It was an extension of my body. 222 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,312 - It was freedom. - [Shabnam] It was freedom 223 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,688 and like she said 224 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,483 the recognition you see in other people’s eyes 225 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,359 that makes such a difference. 226 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,612 [Shabnam] That’s why I’m always there 227 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,739 for young girls trying to learn how to ride. 228 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,866 It gives you a sense of self. 229 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,368 You’re no longer ready to take shit. 230 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,746 I mean you know, amen to that sister. 231 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,664 If a guy has problems with your riding, 232 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:42,748 he’s not for you. 233 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:43,791 My way or the highway, 234 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,168 on my bike. [laughs] 235 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,961 Literally! [laughs] 236 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,225 [Christiane] What do you feel 237 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,519 when you know that people all over the world 238 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,312 look at this country and they ask, 239 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,564 "Why is there this violence against women?" 240 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,566 We don’t quite have a culture 241 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,693 where boys met girls naturally 242 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:11,986 and had friendships, 243 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,572 it’s always seen as a sexual relationship. 244 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,282 [Christiane] And yet this in a culture 245 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,911 that has literally more than 1,000 years 246 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,664 of the Kama Sutra, erotica. 247 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,208 Almost liberal sexuality. 248 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:29,504 Liberal sexuality which accepted a society of variation 249 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,131 and lived with it comfortably. 250 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:34,425 Now when you’re actually trying to impose laws 251 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,053 whether it is by judiciary or by politics 252 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,389 or by any other standards 253 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,266 you’re actually hedging in these people 254 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,184 and forcing them into 255 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:46,020 subverted behaviors, which is not natural. 256 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,439 [Shandhya] But there’s a lot of media coverage 257 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,233 and there’s a lot more awareness 258 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,985 that these things should not be done. 259 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,320 These are ordinary men 260 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,614 stepping back and saying, "I’m not that man." 261 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,241 [Christiane] That’s a good change. 262 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:01,619 [Shandhya] Yeah, because you cannot change a society overnight. 263 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,171 [intense music playing] 264 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,798 [Christiane] Premarital sex 265 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,593 is considered immoral by most people in India. 266 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,971 Unmarried couples attempting to check into a hotel 267 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,015 will often be refused a room. 268 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,100 And living together before marriage 269 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,102 isn’t always an option either. 270 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,813 Seeking out the right relationship 271 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,690 is difficult at the best of times. 272 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,817 So how does that work in a country 273 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,611 where inter-caste matches, 274 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,739 love marriages, and sex outside of marriage, 275 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,283 are still taboo for so many people? 276 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,327 So, what about the boys? 277 00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:43,703 I mean look, I ask you 278 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,039 in the context of arranged marriages 279 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:50,251 everyone’s complaining about what it’s like to love, sex, date. 280 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,271 It’s a lot more fun than you’d give it credit for. 281 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:53,713 - For you? - Yeah, for me. 282 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,517 I mean this is obviously one of those things 283 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,692 where we live in a little bubble. 284 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,861 [Rukun] Liberals, fairly privileged. [Naomi] Yeah, exactly. 285 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,762 Exposure to outside of India. 286 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,221 We’re anglicized as all hell, 287 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,283 so we tend to have gotten a lot of those kind of values. 288 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,767 We did grow up with parents 289 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,268 whose primary concern was 290 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,811 to study, study and study. 291 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,521 As opposed to marry, marry, and marry. 292 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,482 Absolutely. I think we’re very lucky. 293 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,442 What is your sex life like? 294 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,486 - [laughs] - Active? 295 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,987 Yes, very, very much so. 296 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,031 -I don’t like dating one person at a time. -Really? 297 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,200 Yeah. So I think Tinder has been 298 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,701 a lot of help in that regard. 299 00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:24,827 There’s Tinder here? 300 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,663 Oh, yeah. Tinder is huge here. 301 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,474 -I don’t know how I’d meet people without it. -Tinder is huge. 302 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,792 Tinder came in with like full force. 303 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,502 Everybody knew about what Tinder was. 304 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,253 So, slowly it started with the upper crust 305 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,214 and then it just went down to everyone. 306 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,049 But the interesting thing to note is, 307 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,926 Tinder struggled so much 308 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,845 because the country doesn’t know the concept of dating. 309 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,389 So that’s interesting. 310 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:46,641 -So dating just doesn’t happen here. -[Naomi] Yeah. 311 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,309 Not so much because the idea 312 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,478 that everybody’s always fed is like 313 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,855 we’re priming you up for marriage. 314 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,440 So, a lot of apps now 315 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,609 have to actually put conversations out there, 316 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,945 "This is like what it means to ask someone out." 317 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,488 How has this affected the boys? 318 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:01,447 They hate it. 319 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,282 It’s one of the only spaces in India 320 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,010 where the girl actually has more power than men. 321 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,245 - Really? - Because there are so many men. 322 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,038 I may be swiping on every guy 323 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,766 and chances are I will match with all of them. 324 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,351 - [Naomi] Yeah. Pretty much. - But the men 325 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,002 will not have the same option. 326 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,169 Because? 327 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,505 I think the difference comes from the fact that in India, 328 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:18,588 good girls don’t date. 329 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,924 You can date quietly 330 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,694 but you can’t have a public profile out there 331 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,094 that says, "I’m available, 332 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,430 I’m possibly sexually active." 333 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,223 They’re all covertly dating. 334 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,892 You’re doing it but you’re just not letting anyone else know 335 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,520 lest people think you’re not virtuous. 336 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:33,747 - Not a virgin. - [Naomi] Yeah. 337 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:34,605 [Rukun] Absolutely. 338 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,417 Is that still a big deal, to be a virgin when married? 339 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,003 [Naomi] It’s still very much a thing where if a guy has fucked around it’s alright 340 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,153 but if a girl has, 341 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,946 he’s going to have to be okay with this, 342 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,073 rather than being not an issue at all. 343 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,784 A lot of Indian women end up discovering their sexuality 344 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,120 online like through erotica, 345 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,538 through writing, through porn. 346 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,665 So porn here is liberating for some women? 347 00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,601 - For me it has been. Always. - [Naomi] Yeah, exactly. 348 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,544 Sex-ed in the country is dismal. 349 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,714 The most popular way of learning about sex 350 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:00,840 is mainstream porn 351 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,804 where, you know, the woman has to be subjugated. 352 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,844 It starts with like the woman giving head. 353 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,472 In the middle, the guy’s gonna go down on her for five minutes, 354 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,057 then finally start having sex. 355 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,726 Eventually ends up with a guy coming on the woman’s face. 356 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,019 And that’s mainstream? 357 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,854 That is mainstream, even in the US. 358 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,608 I think men think that this is how sex is supposed to be had. 359 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,902 Men do very little to accommodate women’s needs. 360 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,346 [Naomi] Oh, yeah, they’re terrible. 361 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,804 -You said they’re terrible. -Men just don’t like to give head. 362 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:28,451 The penis is still the center of attention. 363 00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,660 In this particular culture, 364 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,014 they’ve always seen women as a kind of function of their needs 365 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,081 and their roles. 366 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:36,125 Certain men in India have a bad reputation. 367 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,460 I’m not entirely certain 368 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,253 that it’s a necessarily Indian thing, 369 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,047 as it is a patriarchy thing. 370 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,049 This kind of stuff happens on American campuses 371 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,884 but you wouldn’t go so far as to say 372 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:48,346 white frat boys kinda got a bit of a rapey problem happening 373 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,514 over there, you know? 374 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,183 While rape by itself is endemic, 375 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,310 gang rape is, I wouldn’t say as endemic. 376 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,770 There’s a lot of media focus on it. 377 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,063 And yet women like me 378 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,374 are constantly looking at their watch 379 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,982 and being like "Well, this is like dark, 380 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,317 now I need to go home." 381 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,962 -'Cause it’s just too dangerous to walk home in the dark? -[Rukun] Absolutely. 382 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,488 And no amount of privilege 383 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:06,571 can really help you 384 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,325 because it’s essentially in the fiber of how 385 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,370 schools teach men how to be men. 386 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:16,916 Parents inculcate little boys with how to be little boys. 387 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,001 [Naomi] When you’re a child, in most of India 388 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,270 you’re not allowed to talk to a boy 389 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,135 until your parents deem you fit to get married. 390 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:23,923 So don’t talk to boys, 391 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,109 don’t talk to boys, don’t talk to boys, 392 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,443 now fuck this one and have babies. 393 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,219 - [laughs] - [Naomi] It’s ridiculous. 394 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,346 [laughing] And this is why a lot of Indian men 395 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,181 don’t know what to do with relationships. 396 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:46,404 We were married about 62 years back. 397 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:47,947 Still, I love him very much, 398 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,992 we fight but not much. 399 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,785 The moment he came in my life 400 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,829 happiness was like, "Okay come on, 401 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,207 let’s be happy together." [laughs] 402 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,626 [Kuldeep] I was getting old 403 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,880 and my mother said, "Why don’t you look for a girl?" 404 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,732 [Niharika] So I didn’t know how to use Tinder. 405 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,258 The moment I pressed the heart 406 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,634 the pictures kept changing 407 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:12,054 so I kept on clicking on that heart again and again. 408 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,307 He said, "Hello, beautiful smile." 409 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,643 I was like, "Oh, let me talk to this guy." 410 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,687 No, no, no. Let me say something. 411 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:21,898 My sister wrote to me, 412 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,649 she suggested many boys. 413 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,152 But, in the last line 414 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,821 she wrote this thing that 415 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,573 there’s a boy from DNK. 416 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,492 Something clicked in me, 417 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,076 I thought that this is the boy. 418 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,871 He came on his bullet. 419 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:40,041 I was like, "Oh my god he has a bullet, yay!" [laughs] 420 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,467 [Abhishek] A bullet is a bike which everyone likes in India, especially. 421 00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,464 -She always wanted to have one of those. -I want one. 422 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,590 [laughs] 423 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,509 After that we were meeting every day. 424 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,969 Not even a single day was missed. 425 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,930 [Harshi] They sent me his picture. 426 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,348 He looked a very... 427 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,308 What should I... [speaks native language] 428 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,269 [both] Mischievous. 429 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,146 I fell for that. 430 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:06,567 -This is how our marriage was fixed up. -[Kuldeep] Fixed up. 431 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:07,568 [laughs] 432 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,612 I sent her picture to my family. 433 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,114 And they were like, "Is she going to be your wife?" 434 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,492 And then he sent me a screenshot and I was like, 435 00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,952 "What is this going on? 436 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,703 I’m still not in love with this guy, 437 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,205 he never asked me, nothing. 438 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,290 And he’s planning to get married to me?" 439 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,293 [Harshi] He said I’m sending you a diamond ring. 440 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,963 It was a very small post office. 441 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,257 They said we have received a parcel, 442 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,384 but there must be two witnesses. 443 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,344 And we didn’t have any witness, 444 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:34,428 so what to do? 445 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,138 Suddenly it struck me 446 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,390 that I have his letter, 447 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,393 in which he had written "love." 448 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,478 [Harshi] This is the ring. 449 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,689 [Kuldeep] It cost me ten dollars. 450 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,525 But, in that time we had not met. 451 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,503 In India, the arranged marriages, like, 452 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:52,113 they check your family, what’s your background. 453 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,531 I was telling my Mom, 454 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,116 he’s not of our caste. 455 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,826 The first reaction, 456 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,245 "Which caste then?" 457 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:00,746 I said, "Does it matter?" 458 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:01,872 She said, "Yes, it does." 459 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:05,251 The moment she said that I just say, "It’s okay. 460 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,128 I don’t want you to come to the marriage 461 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,546 and I’ll have a happy life 462 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,673 and then you will regret that’s fine." 463 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,133 And I started crying 464 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,261 because that day I realized I really loved him. 465 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:18,097 Then my mom realized "Okay, everybody’s happy, 466 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,099 only I’m the one who’s struggling with this." 467 00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,977 So she was like, "Okay! Get married!" [laughs] 468 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,937 I said "I won’t meet you 469 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,939 until we get married." 470 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,816 He came one day before 471 00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:31,027 and I only saw his arm. 472 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:34,238 [laughs] I said 473 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,949 "Seems to be a nice person." 474 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,503 [Christiane] This is the Kinky Collective, 475 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,507 a group dedicated to a BDSM lifestyle. 476 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:56,469 They’ve asked us to maintain their anonymity 477 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,179 because they don’t feel safe 478 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,222 coming out of the shadows just yet. 479 00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,478 [KC] Busting myths to do with BDSM 480 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,689 is one of the main reasons why the Kinky Collective exists. 481 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,820 [Jaya] We have so limited knowledge about kink 482 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,157 that we think kink is something violent. 483 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,245 [KC] In fact, because it is consensual, 484 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,831 it can define what cruelty is not. 485 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,711 [Jaya] The important word here is play. 486 00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,713 I’m not really suffocating someone, 487 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:35,091 not really trying to kill someone. 488 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:42,515 [KC] It’s about intensity, connection, caring. 489 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,353 [Jaya] It is not about surrendering to someone, 490 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,188 but it is about surrendering. 491 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,565 [KC] Being a dominant or a submissive, 492 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:52,817 it’s about my pleasure. 493 00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,361 The other person can be absolutely anybody, 494 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,738 even a perfect stranger. 495 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,659 [Monty] People don’t judge whether I have money or not, 496 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,786 my caste, my religion, 497 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:04,954 they don’t give a damn. 498 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,915 Only they think about that you are human 499 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:08,999 you are into kink, 500 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,376 you are welcome. 501 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,212 [KC] I just let go. 502 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,673 I’m not responsible for anything. 503 00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,596 It’s just the two of you, 504 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,057 nothing else in the world matters. 505 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,727 [Jaya] You give up control to the divine. 506 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:29,937 At that moment, 507 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,480 my dominant is the divine. 508 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:35,860 [projector clicking] 509 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,573 [KC] This is a woman dominant 510 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,867 and those are two transgender people. 511 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,201 [Christiane] I’ve always assumed 512 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:46,787 BDSM is about pain and violence. 513 00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:48,497 So, the collective invites me 514 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,416 to see some of their photos 515 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,627 to dispel my misconceptions about kink. 516 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,757 [all laughing] 517 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:01,761 Should we be surprised that this is happening in India? 518 00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,637 I mean, it does have a reputation 519 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,181 of everything but kink. 520 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:07,099 Mind you, it is the home of the Kama Sutra. 521 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,810 [Jaya] Oh, yes, that’s exactly what I was about to say that 522 00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,937 if it’s not in India where it shall be? 523 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,399 Because of the years of British rule 524 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,234 we have actually forgotten our culture. 525 00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:18,819 Even in mythological texts 526 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,321 we find references 527 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,947 to an erotic activity, 528 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,784 bite marks, grabbing of the hair. 529 00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,845 -Even in the ancient religious texts? -[Jaya] Oh, yes. 530 00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:27,995 Everything is happening. 531 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:31,791 And yet you are all anonymous for us today. 532 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:34,794 [Jaya] Yes, yes we want to be out there in the open 533 00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,797 but society is not yet ready to accept. 534 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:40,633 This is me. 535 00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:41,758 That’s you? 536 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,236 Oh, I wouldn’t have said it, 537 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:44,094 you’ve surprised me. 538 00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:45,638 [Jaya] Kink is about surprises. 539 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:46,764 [laughs] 540 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,183 [Jaya] This talks about the gender fluidity. 541 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,810 In our existing society 542 00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:53,687 it’s very difficult to be yourself. 543 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,070 - [Monty] This is my hand. - This is your hand? 544 00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:58,108 [Monty] Yeah, that’s how I find my submission, 545 00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:00,528 my wife was actually practicing knots. 546 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:02,196 So, your wife is into it? 547 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,781 [Monty] Yeah, she’s right here. 548 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,407 Great, alright. 549 00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,171 So, you found the perfect partner for this. 550 00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:09,411 Explain the safe word. 551 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:11,765 [Monty’s wife] Something is happening that you’re not okay with, 552 00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,082 you use your safe word 553 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:16,001 and you can get out and the scene immediately stops. 554 00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:19,296 Next one. Ah. 555 00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:21,924 [all laughing] 556 00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,344 What is it before I get caught doing this? 557 00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:27,721 - [Jaya] A male chastity belt. - Oh. 558 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,348 [laughing] 559 00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:31,767 [Jaya] Talks about the female dominant 560 00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:35,563 where the dominant not only inflicts an amount of pain 561 00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:37,398 which is mutually consented to 562 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,775 but also talks about power. 563 00:22:40,484 --> 00:22:42,695 [Monty] In India there is a phrase called "Joru gagalam" 564 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,005 which means slave to the woman. 565 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:45,906 - And that’s what you wanted? - [Monty] Yeah. 566 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:49,034 I am raised up in a very orthodox family 567 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:50,327 in a very small town 568 00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:52,454 and coming from a patriarchal family 569 00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:53,622 it was very difficult 570 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:56,333 because, you know, I have to be macho man. 571 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:58,836 [Jaya] This is a photograph 572 00:22:58,919 --> 00:23:00,754 of a submissive that I was playing with, 573 00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:03,549 having this desire to kiss the feet of a woman. 574 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:04,833 Is that what a foot fetish is? 575 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:07,344 [Jaya] Yeah, it can be even worshiping, 576 00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:08,554 even a pedicure 577 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:10,598 can also be an act of submission. 578 00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:12,975 It’s going to make me think very, very, very hard 579 00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,686 - next time I go to get mine. - [laughs] 580 00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,896 [Monty] This is where I break a spoon 581 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:19,064 on somebody’s ass. 582 00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:21,900 - So, you hit somebody’s butt... - [Monty] Yeah many times and... 583 00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,152 Until the spoon breaks. 584 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,612 [Monty] Yeah. It was consensual, 585 00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:26,405 she enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. 586 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,532 And, actually, I don’t remember 587 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:29,950 whether it’s she or he. 588 00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:31,034 It was you? 589 00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:32,119 It was your wife, 590 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,389 and you don’t remember whether it was a he or a she? 591 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,874 There’s something that I’m not computing here. 592 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:41,045 Would she be able to break a spoon on your behind? 593 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:44,506 - [Monty] Every day. - Every day! [laughs] 594 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:46,884 I need to talk to her. 595 00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:49,053 [Monty’s wife] This is me and my husband. 596 00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:50,822 -[Christiane] And you’re Monty’s wife? -[Monty’s wife] Yeah. 597 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:51,764 [Monty’s wife] I’m a switch 598 00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:53,682 so I’ve gone through different phases 599 00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:55,851 wherein you feel submissive, you feel dominant. 600 00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:58,312 What if you and Monty 601 00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:00,314 are feeling dominant at the same time? 602 00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:02,438 [Monty’s wife] We go out and play with other people. 603 00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:03,752 Do you have a happy marriage? 604 00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:05,295 [Monty’s wife] I have a very happy marriage. 605 00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:06,403 [laughs] 606 00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:09,448 [Jaya] If there’s one most important thing to me 607 00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:10,574 with regards to kink 608 00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:14,828 it is how we deal with consent. 609 00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:17,331 Look at marriage under Indian law, 610 00:24:17,414 --> 00:24:21,460 the husband even if he forces himself upon the wife, 611 00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:23,962 cannot be charged with rape. 612 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,924 Marital rape is not illegal in India. 613 00:24:27,091 --> 00:24:30,344 However, the kink scene is looked at as perversion. 614 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:32,137 The safe word 615 00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:33,889 completely stops a scene 616 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:35,683 at whatever point it might be 617 00:24:35,766 --> 00:24:38,268 and unless you have the power to withdraw consent, 618 00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:40,979 it is not absolute consent. 619 00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:17,099 [Christiane] For thousands of years, 620 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:19,935 India has recognized the Hijra community. 621 00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:25,149 They may be born biologically male, 622 00:25:25,232 --> 00:25:27,109 but they see themselves as female, 623 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,697 or as a third indefinable gender. 624 00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:57,806 [cars honking] 625 00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:03,520 [chattering indistinctly] 626 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:10,402 [Christiane] Hijras are visible on Delhi’s streets. 627 00:26:10,778 --> 00:26:12,404 [speaking indistinctly] 628 00:26:12,613 --> 00:26:13,697 Begging for money 629 00:26:13,781 --> 00:26:16,116 in return for offering blessings. 630 00:26:16,992 --> 00:26:20,454 They use superstition to extract small handouts. 631 00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:22,372 But, prejudice against them 632 00:26:22,456 --> 00:26:24,500 limits their access to education, 633 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:26,835 employment, and housing. 634 00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:30,714 [Christiane] Although India enshrined 635 00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:33,509 the right to choose a gender in 2014, 636 00:26:33,884 --> 00:26:36,512 Hijras still often live in poverty 637 00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:38,806 and suffer sexual violence. 638 00:26:46,271 --> 00:26:49,149 Watch your steps here this is a difficult entrance. 639 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:50,376 [Christiane] I mean firstly, Abhina, 640 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,444 why are we going through this broken area? 641 00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:54,672 I mean, there must be an easier way to get into the park. 642 00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:55,697 Yes, yes, absolutely 643 00:26:55,781 --> 00:26:58,181 and the reason why is that in the night when it is pitch dark, 644 00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:01,328 this park is transformed into a sex work place. 645 00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:02,955 So, this is the entrance where 646 00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:04,832 most of the clients enter into the park. 647 00:27:04,915 --> 00:27:07,793 Almost 80% of transgender are unemployed. 648 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,253 So, the majority of them 649 00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:11,797 have to do sex work to earn their resources. 650 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,423 These kinds of parks in the night 651 00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:16,176 serve them as a professional space. 652 00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:18,154 -A kind of brothel? An outdoor brothel. -Absolutely, 653 00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:19,221 an outdoor brothel. 654 00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:22,266 [Christiane] Abhina Aher is a transgender activist 655 00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:23,934 and she’s offered to walk me through 656 00:27:24,017 --> 00:27:25,853 the complexities of a community 657 00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,980 that seems to be both protected 658 00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:29,690 and discriminated against. 659 00:27:29,773 --> 00:27:31,960 [Abhina] I’ve been part of the sex work to be honest with you. 660 00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:34,236 I’m a software engineer but I was not getting jobs. 661 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:35,904 [Christiane] You're a software engineer? 662 00:27:36,029 --> 00:27:38,115 So, you went from software engineer to sex work? 663 00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:39,908 [Abhina] To sex work and then social work. 664 00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:42,554 -That’s the kind of work that I engage in. -[Christiane] Wow, wow, wow. 665 00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:44,371 Let’s go and meet some of your friends. 666 00:27:44,621 --> 00:27:46,140 -[Abhina] The hijras are dancers, -[music playing] 667 00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:47,249 they are well-wishers. 668 00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:49,251 [singing and bells jingling] 669 00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:52,337 The authentic profession of hijras is buddhi. 670 00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:55,048 Means that whenever there is a baby born, 671 00:27:55,132 --> 00:27:56,967 marriage or some sort of happy occasion, 672 00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:58,051 Hijra will go, 673 00:27:58,135 --> 00:27:59,303 they will play music, 674 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:01,138 they will dance and give blessings. 675 00:28:03,265 --> 00:28:06,393 Transgender is a big issue around the world right now. 676 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:09,479 -Obviously in the United States and everywhere. -Yes. 677 00:28:09,563 --> 00:28:11,315 What makes it so different here? 678 00:28:11,398 --> 00:28:12,566 We always had three genders. 679 00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:15,193 All hijra people are considered to be divine 680 00:28:15,277 --> 00:28:16,612 because they are in between. 681 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:18,113 Neither male, neither female. 682 00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:20,407 And when you go through the castration process 683 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:22,492 then you have no connections with the world. 684 00:28:22,576 --> 00:28:23,576 You become nirwaan. 685 00:28:23,619 --> 00:28:26,288 Nirwaan is someone that you become more closer to the god. 686 00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:27,456 So this has been 687 00:28:27,623 --> 00:28:29,958 sort of enshrined and part of society 688 00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:31,102 - for a long time? - Absolutely. 689 00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:32,607 [Abhina] Hijras were prominent people. 690 00:28:32,669 --> 00:28:33,837 The stature of hijras 691 00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:36,048 actually came down under the tribal act. 692 00:28:36,131 --> 00:28:37,483 [Christiane] The tribal act when the British came? 693 00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:39,360 When the British came, because when the British came 694 00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:41,511 they saw a temple of hijras for the first time. 695 00:28:41,595 --> 00:28:44,139 For them, homosexuality was a big no 696 00:28:44,223 --> 00:28:45,807 when it comes to the Christianity. 697 00:28:45,891 --> 00:28:48,060 For us, the sex was not something which is taboo. 698 00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:50,646 This is one of the basic needs of the body. 699 00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:51,855 India’s apparently 700 00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:53,649 the only country which has 701 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,734 sexual activity carved on the temple. 702 00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:58,195 You know, I have such a hard time 703 00:28:58,528 --> 00:29:00,072 computing what you’re saying. 704 00:29:00,155 --> 00:29:03,825 You know, sexual activity carved on a temple 705 00:29:03,909 --> 00:29:05,244 and yet today, 706 00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:06,453 it’s worse than Victorian. 707 00:29:06,536 --> 00:29:07,579 Absolutely. 708 00:29:07,663 --> 00:29:10,040 You definitely don’t live a divine earthly existence. 709 00:29:10,123 --> 00:29:11,667 No, we don’t. We have two sides. 710 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,418 On this side we are blessed, 711 00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:15,045 on this side we are cursed. 712 00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:16,630 Somebody wants to touch your feet 713 00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:18,340 to get a blessing and that’s it? 714 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:19,744 You are isolated from the society. 715 00:29:21,426 --> 00:29:23,095 You are college educated, 716 00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,513 you’re a software engineer 717 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:26,241 and you have to hide in the bushes for clients. 718 00:29:26,265 --> 00:29:27,182 Yes, absolutely, 719 00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:29,535 because when I started transitioning as a transgender person, 720 00:29:29,559 --> 00:29:32,104 I faced a huge amount of stigma in the workplace. 721 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:33,313 I had to leave that job 722 00:29:33,397 --> 00:29:35,274 and for three years I survived on sex work. 723 00:29:35,357 --> 00:29:37,401 I remember I used to stand 724 00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:38,694 on the railway tracks 725 00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:42,197 to wait for a client and that was a very, very difficult point for me. 726 00:29:42,281 --> 00:29:44,041 Every day when I used to go for the sex work, 727 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:45,450 Christiane, I did not know 728 00:29:45,534 --> 00:29:47,369 -I was going to survive on that day. -Wow. 729 00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,663 I felt that somebody was really sitting on my ego 730 00:29:49,746 --> 00:29:50,956 and pressing it so hard, 731 00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:53,333 almost felt like I should commit suicide. 732 00:29:53,417 --> 00:29:54,793 - Really? - I tried. 733 00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,797 I tried to commit suicide three times in my life. 734 00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:01,925 Despite all the troubles you’ve gone through, 735 00:30:02,009 --> 00:30:03,218 are you in love? 736 00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:05,637 Well, I am in a relationship. 737 00:30:05,721 --> 00:30:07,347 To be honest with you, Christiane, 738 00:30:07,431 --> 00:30:09,725 finding love is a difficult thing for a transgender person. 739 00:30:10,017 --> 00:30:12,311 What matters is the person next to you 740 00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:14,563 is willing to accept you the way you are, 741 00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:16,148 with dignity and respect 742 00:30:16,606 --> 00:30:18,483 and treat you as an equal partner. 743 00:30:18,567 --> 00:30:21,028 Everybody has those same desires and needs. 744 00:30:21,111 --> 00:30:22,612 Exactly, love is love. 745 00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:35,167 [chattering indistinctly] 746 00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:37,294 [song playing on the radio] 747 00:30:43,216 --> 00:30:46,261 [Christiane] My preconceptions about relationships in India 748 00:30:46,345 --> 00:30:48,055 involve notions of shame, 749 00:30:48,889 --> 00:30:50,515 family expectation 750 00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:52,851 and fewer choices for women. 751 00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:57,022 But this is hard to reconcile 752 00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:58,857 with their history of eroticism. 753 00:31:04,780 --> 00:31:06,239 Or even Bollywood. 754 00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:10,285 So what happens when this country 755 00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:12,829 is presented with a westernized Indian woman 756 00:31:12,913 --> 00:31:15,582 who makes no apologies for her past? 757 00:31:17,751 --> 00:31:20,003 Sunny Leone was born in Canada, 758 00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:22,089 raised in America, 759 00:31:22,172 --> 00:31:24,174 and found fame here in India. 760 00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:27,344 [Christiane] I like this. 761 00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:29,888 [Christiane] We meet at her friend’s designer showroom 762 00:31:30,097 --> 00:31:31,097 for a fitting. 763 00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:32,139 That’s beautiful. 764 00:31:32,182 --> 00:31:33,600 She was my first show-stopper. 765 00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:35,435 Really? I didn’t know that! 766 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,105 You are a major Bollywood star. 767 00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:41,191 Yeah, I don’t see myself as "major" anything, 768 00:31:41,274 --> 00:31:43,026 but it’s been a nice journey so far. 769 00:31:43,110 --> 00:31:44,403 It’s been a difficult journey. 770 00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:45,880 When people think of India they think, 771 00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:47,425 "Oh, it’s going to be so conservative." 772 00:31:47,489 --> 00:31:49,258 And I worked in the adult entertainment industry 773 00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:50,700 for a really long time. 774 00:31:50,784 --> 00:31:51,952 - As a porn star. - Yeah. 775 00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:53,620 Breaking into this world, 776 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,038 it’s virtually impossible. 777 00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:56,248 Because of that? 778 00:31:56,415 --> 00:31:59,292 [laughs] Because I stood up in front of the entire world and I said, 779 00:31:59,376 --> 00:32:00,794 "Hi, my name’s Sunny Leone 780 00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,587 and I’m a porn star from the U.S." 781 00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:04,506 I’m not ashamed of who I am, 782 00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:07,384 I don’t regret any of the decisions that I’ve made in my life. 783 00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:08,927 Accept me or don’t accept me, 784 00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:10,595 it’s not going to bother me. 785 00:32:10,679 --> 00:32:11,555 Given your past, 786 00:32:11,638 --> 00:32:13,014 what’s the reaction to you here? 787 00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:14,558 When I first got here 788 00:32:14,641 --> 00:32:15,641 it was, 789 00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:17,519 "Oh, Sunny’s doing a bold scene" 790 00:32:17,602 --> 00:32:19,688 or "Oh, my gosh she’s wearing a bikini!" 791 00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:21,815 But where it comes up multiple times is 792 00:32:21,898 --> 00:32:23,942 when either something amazing happens, 793 00:32:24,401 --> 00:32:27,154 you know like, I just adopted a baby girl from India. 794 00:32:27,362 --> 00:32:28,405 Did you? 795 00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:30,407 And every headline is 796 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:31,783 "Sunny Leone, 797 00:32:31,867 --> 00:32:33,743 porn star to Bollywood actress 798 00:32:33,827 --> 00:32:35,245 to now mother," right? 799 00:32:35,328 --> 00:32:36,514 So how do you deal with it then? 800 00:32:36,538 --> 00:32:37,974 - I just don’t. - Because you are very natural, 801 00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:39,758 you’re very yourself, you’re not embarrassed. 802 00:32:39,875 --> 00:32:41,793 I just don’t read the news. [laughs] 803 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,378 Are you trying 804 00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:45,380 to use your visibility 805 00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:48,550 to say something to young women? 806 00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:50,594 I don’t necessarily think of myself 807 00:32:50,677 --> 00:32:52,929 as someone that preaches, "You should be a certain way." 808 00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:54,347 I think it’s more about 809 00:32:54,431 --> 00:32:55,891 making your own choices in life. 810 00:32:56,099 --> 00:32:57,893 A question that pops up a lot is 811 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:01,271 how can, you know, a young woman in India 812 00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:02,439 be more confident, 813 00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,983 or how can she figure out how to get the strength 814 00:33:05,066 --> 00:33:06,985 maybe, that you have and I always say, 815 00:33:07,068 --> 00:33:08,361 it’s telling your husband, 816 00:33:08,445 --> 00:33:10,205 "No you’re going to change the diaper today", 817 00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:12,491 or "No you’re going to do the dishes today." 818 00:33:12,699 --> 00:33:15,118 The idea of an un-gender-bias home. 819 00:33:15,202 --> 00:33:17,513 -That’s actually something that I preach all the time. -You do? 820 00:33:17,537 --> 00:33:18,914 That’s the home that I grew up in. 821 00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:20,308 So that’s definitely not something 822 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:21,374 that happens here. 823 00:33:21,458 --> 00:33:24,461 No, but I do see a lot of changes happening. 824 00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:26,463 Films here, that’s the news. 825 00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:28,173 They might not watch the news, 826 00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:30,136 but they will definitely watch a Bollywood film. 827 00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:32,719 So, the idea of bringing about social change 828 00:33:32,802 --> 00:33:34,346 through Bollywood actresses 829 00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:37,182 may be a little bit more effective sometimes. 830 00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:38,391 You’re taking part in 831 00:33:38,475 --> 00:33:39,976 commercials for condoms, right? 832 00:33:40,060 --> 00:33:42,521 Condoms and also anti-smoking ads. 833 00:33:42,604 --> 00:33:43,772 And you choose those 834 00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,273 because of the social message? 835 00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:46,525 When you come from the West 836 00:33:46,608 --> 00:33:48,485 and you think of a condom, it’s not a big deal. 837 00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,546 You’re like, "Yeah, of course you have to use one!" 838 00:33:50,570 --> 00:33:52,822 Here, it’s not something you talk about. 839 00:33:52,989 --> 00:33:55,450 When Bollywood celebrities or these types of people 840 00:33:55,534 --> 00:33:56,910 start preaching these things, 841 00:33:57,118 --> 00:33:58,328 then it becomes a norm. 842 00:33:58,578 --> 00:33:59,746 Delhi is not the norm. 843 00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:01,122 This is a very metropolitan, 844 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:02,415 very forward-thinking city. 845 00:34:02,499 --> 00:34:04,167 Outside of Delhi, 846 00:34:04,251 --> 00:34:05,585 the young people out there, 847 00:34:05,669 --> 00:34:07,170 they want to see change too. 848 00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:09,965 The only way for change to happen 849 00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:11,633 is if they see that it’s okay. 850 00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:14,594 [Mayyur] Need to reduce it by five inches. 851 00:34:14,678 --> 00:34:16,930 It's long and then it’s a little loose on the waist. 852 00:34:17,097 --> 00:34:18,390 I want to try a sari. 853 00:34:18,473 --> 00:34:20,850 I may be mutton dressed up as lamb 854 00:34:20,934 --> 00:34:23,395 but nonetheless. [laughs] 855 00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:25,438 [Christiane] That’s a nice one. 856 00:34:25,522 --> 00:34:27,023 I got a major Bollywood star 857 00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:29,442 -and a major designer putting me... -In a sari. 858 00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:31,319 - ...in a sari. - Some serious draping. 859 00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:33,071 Beautiful though, the color! 860 00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,322 And now we make the pleats. 861 00:34:34,406 --> 00:34:35,406 [gasps] 862 00:34:35,657 --> 00:34:37,457 [Christiane] I don’t know how anybody’s mother 863 00:34:37,534 --> 00:34:38,994 gets dressed up in this every day. 864 00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,246 [Mayyur] Millions of women, every day in India. 865 00:34:41,329 --> 00:34:44,165 And they even do yoga and exercise. 866 00:34:44,249 --> 00:34:45,268 - [exclaiming] In this? - In this. 867 00:34:45,292 --> 00:34:46,793 My mom used to wear a sari, 868 00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:48,837 running around, cooking. 869 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,231 Is that what inspired you, your mom? 870 00:34:50,255 --> 00:34:51,756 Yes, definitely. 871 00:34:52,632 --> 00:34:53,758 [excitedly] Oh my god. 872 00:34:53,842 --> 00:34:54,759 [Sunny] Now, try and walk. 873 00:34:54,843 --> 00:34:59,639 [laughs] She’s walking how I walk when I wear a sari! 874 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,475 Can we put some jewelry on you? 875 00:35:03,435 --> 00:35:04,662 [Christiane] This is so opulent. 876 00:35:04,686 --> 00:35:07,188 I do actually feel like a maharani. 877 00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:09,107 Aw, now when you do this... [gasps] 878 00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:10,942 You have to look 879 00:35:11,026 --> 00:35:13,111 sultry and virginal all at the same time. 880 00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:14,821 [laughs] 881 00:35:17,324 --> 00:35:20,744 [laughs] See my face! 882 00:35:33,965 --> 00:35:35,925 [Christiane] The people I’ve met here in Delhi 883 00:35:36,009 --> 00:35:39,304 represent a certain segment of Indian society. 884 00:35:44,726 --> 00:35:47,979 Even with the issues surrounding women’s safety in Delhi, 885 00:35:48,063 --> 00:35:49,064 in many ways 886 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:50,607 it’s still years ahead 887 00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:52,108 in terms of relationships 888 00:35:52,192 --> 00:35:54,319 than more remote parts of the country. 889 00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:01,868 Caste, clan, religion 890 00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:03,161 and arranged marriage 891 00:36:03,453 --> 00:36:06,539 are still the ties that bind for those on the outskirts. 892 00:36:12,379 --> 00:36:14,673 One man who knows this all too well 893 00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,341 is Sanjoy Sachdev, 894 00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:20,345 a journalist and founder of the Love Commandos, 895 00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:22,889 which has just one mission. 896 00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:26,351 To protect the freedom to love. 897 00:36:29,562 --> 00:36:31,773 Okay, what is a love commando? 898 00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:34,275 We are attempting to save lives 899 00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:37,112 of young boys and girls who are in love. 900 00:36:37,278 --> 00:36:38,905 Because they are threatened. 901 00:36:39,114 --> 00:36:40,740 With violence, with killing 902 00:36:40,824 --> 00:36:42,659 in the name of so-called honor. 903 00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:44,160 Usually the woman? 904 00:36:44,244 --> 00:36:45,328 They kill both. 905 00:36:45,578 --> 00:36:46,913 Government of India 906 00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:49,708 has signed the International Declaration of Human Rights. 907 00:36:49,791 --> 00:36:51,209 Article 16, 908 00:36:51,376 --> 00:36:55,255 it says that we will allow marriage by choice only. 909 00:36:55,672 --> 00:36:57,090 But what is happening? 910 00:36:57,590 --> 00:36:59,426 Marriage by arrangement. 911 00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:02,637 Caste, the sub-caste, the super sub-caste... 912 00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:04,973 Brahmin is not allowed to marry a Sikh, 913 00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:07,100 Hindu is not allowed to marry a Muslim. 914 00:37:07,183 --> 00:37:08,476 [angrily] What is this nonsense? 915 00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:09,686 What we call dating, 916 00:37:09,769 --> 00:37:10,854 you don’t have here. 917 00:37:10,937 --> 00:37:12,981 The date goes to public places. 918 00:37:13,064 --> 00:37:14,774 Fundamentalists and, many times, 919 00:37:14,858 --> 00:37:17,485 police catches them, beats them mercilessly. 920 00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:19,279 Really? You’re not just exaggerating? 921 00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:21,823 Even if they are sitting together like this. 922 00:37:21,906 --> 00:37:23,426 Just for putting their arm around each other? 923 00:37:23,450 --> 00:37:24,492 Yeah, they are beaten. 924 00:37:24,993 --> 00:37:26,786 I had friends from Germany. 925 00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,621 They live together first, 926 00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:30,290 have children, marry later! 927 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:31,833 In this country, 928 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,668 people will kill them on the roads. 929 00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:37,046 So what does that mean for a couple’s human connection? 930 00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:40,091 That is what Love Commandos is fighting for. 931 00:37:40,175 --> 00:37:41,509 A couple comes to you, 932 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:43,136 they’re terrified, 933 00:37:43,219 --> 00:37:45,680 they may be on the wrong side of the culture, 934 00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:47,515 their faith, their parents. 935 00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:48,808 What do you do for them? 936 00:37:48,892 --> 00:37:50,101 All over the country, 937 00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:52,520 we have 450 plus makeshift shelters. 938 00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:56,065 These makeshift shelters are places of normal stay. 939 00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:03,114 [Sumit] Love is the most amazing feeling. 940 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,074 [in Hindi] Love is friendship. 941 00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:08,828 [Christiane] One young couple at the Love Commandos’ Delhi shelter 942 00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:09,913 agrees to talk. 943 00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,123 Though for safety, 944 00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:13,917 their identities are hidden. 945 00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:16,058 [Sumit] We have been married three months. 946 00:38:18,546 --> 00:38:21,883 I used to go to my college and her home is on the way. 947 00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:24,219 Then I just could not forget her. 948 00:38:24,511 --> 00:38:26,638 Just thinking about her, about her. 949 00:38:27,138 --> 00:38:29,265 [Priya speaking in Hindi] I liked his face too. 950 00:38:29,599 --> 00:38:33,937 We kept chatting on WhatsApp and fell in love. 951 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:36,920 [Sumit] We are from different castes. 952 00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:38,566 But the main problem is that 953 00:38:38,650 --> 00:38:40,151 we are from the neighboring villages. 954 00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:42,529 They think any girl and boy 955 00:38:42,612 --> 00:38:43,988 from neighboring villages 956 00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:45,949 are so-called brothers and sisters. 957 00:38:46,115 --> 00:38:48,243 That is why they’re not allowing us to marry. 958 00:38:48,535 --> 00:38:52,455 [Priya speaking in Hindi] I was scared that my family might find out. 959 00:38:52,705 --> 00:38:53,915 They might kill us. 960 00:38:56,292 --> 00:38:57,877 [Sumit] We did not tell anyone, 961 00:38:57,961 --> 00:39:00,213 just came here and got married. 962 00:39:01,923 --> 00:39:03,132 We miss our families. 963 00:39:03,216 --> 00:39:04,843 Every boy, every girl cannot 964 00:39:04,926 --> 00:39:06,719 forget their family so easily. 965 00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:09,556 They’ve tried to get in touch with us, 966 00:39:09,639 --> 00:39:10,682 saying come home. 967 00:39:10,765 --> 00:39:13,601 But if we go home, there is no future of us. 968 00:39:15,478 --> 00:39:17,939 How much people can you kill? 969 00:39:18,314 --> 00:39:20,692 One day, they will have to accept love marriages. 970 00:39:23,403 --> 00:39:26,739 [Sanjoy] We believe that love is this natural right. 971 00:39:27,407 --> 00:39:28,533 Please give them. 972 00:39:29,659 --> 00:39:32,036 Otherwise, country is on a volcano. 973 00:39:32,412 --> 00:39:35,206 Whenever youth has been suppressed, 974 00:39:35,373 --> 00:39:36,416 oppressed, 975 00:39:36,499 --> 00:39:38,209 depressed, and crushed, 976 00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:40,128 there has been a blast 977 00:39:40,420 --> 00:39:42,714 and they have snatched whatever they wanted. 978 00:39:42,797 --> 00:39:43,965 Has it made a difference, 979 00:39:44,048 --> 00:39:45,341 - your work? - Definitely. 980 00:39:45,425 --> 00:39:46,968 Couples who have been helped by us 981 00:39:47,051 --> 00:39:48,803 now they are helping others. 982 00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:53,141 [Harshi] I was most nervous trying to... 983 00:39:53,349 --> 00:39:55,810 I tried to get him. 984 00:39:56,394 --> 00:39:57,562 But he was just... 985 00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:01,316 I took hold of his hand and we became friends. 986 00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:03,568 After our marriage, 987 00:40:03,651 --> 00:40:06,487 I sat in the front on his bicycle 988 00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:09,115 and we roamed about in our city. 989 00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:12,368 We became lovers in one day. 990 00:40:12,493 --> 00:40:14,829 And now it’s 62 years. 991 00:40:15,538 --> 00:40:17,624 [Harshi] Marriage is give and take. 992 00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,001 He makes tea for me. 993 00:40:20,126 --> 00:40:21,419 He is very good tea-maker. 994 00:40:21,836 --> 00:40:24,297 I like tea, a lot. 995 00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:25,506 So, every morning, 996 00:40:25,590 --> 00:40:27,550 he’ll make tea for me and then wake me up. 997 00:40:28,009 --> 00:40:30,178 We will chit-chat for a while. 998 00:40:30,386 --> 00:40:32,805 Our conversations are endless. 999 00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:34,724 She has a lot of stories to tell. 1000 00:40:34,807 --> 00:40:36,100 And he’s the one who listens. 1001 00:40:36,184 --> 00:40:37,310 [both laugh] 1002 00:40:37,685 --> 00:40:39,228 [Niharika] We plan together, 1003 00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:41,272 we dream together. 1004 00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:42,857 I would suggest people, 1005 00:40:42,941 --> 00:40:45,693 they should go against their parents and get married, really. 1006 00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:48,446 Because if you feel you’re really happy with someone, 1007 00:40:48,529 --> 00:40:51,449 that person is going to keep you happy all life long. 1008 00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,534 - [Harshi] I can kiss? - Yeah! 1009 00:40:56,704 --> 00:40:57,789 It’s so easy! 1010 00:40:57,872 --> 00:41:00,333 Living together for many more years 1011 00:41:00,500 --> 00:41:02,335 is an aspiration, still. 1012 00:41:02,835 --> 00:41:05,463 But it's all in the hand of God. [chuckles]