1 00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:06,406 [church organ playing] 2 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,742 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,743 Look at Aunt Eva. 4 00:00:10,743 --> 00:00:12,345 That hat is awful. 5 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,013 Mm. 6 00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:16,015 And the crying, Jesus. 7 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:17,984 Are you buying it? 8 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,819 I'm on the fence. 9 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:21,087 She did take acting lessons. 10 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,322 Yeah, from who? 11 00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,963 Move it along, Jack. You didn't even like him. 12 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,031 Dad owed him money. 13 00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:34,400 - How much? - $14. 14 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,238 He sent me some cryptic invoice in the mail. 15 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,772 Did you pay it? 16 00:00:39,772 --> 00:00:41,674 No. 17 00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,443 He'll get his money's worth at the buffet later. 18 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,279 Is he going for the cuff links? 19 00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:50,049 I had 'em glued on. 20 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,051 Mom's turn. 21 00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:53,720 [sighs] 22 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,989 This will be interesting. 23 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,925 ♪ ♪ 24 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,030 And didn't even try. 25 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,999 I actually respect that. 26 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,034 When's the last time you spoke? 27 00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:09,969 We e-mailed in June. 28 00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:12,672 - Unbelievable. - Thank you. 29 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,274 Please never do that to me. 30 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,742 Fine. 31 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,777 Oh, honey, he was so blessed 32 00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:20,146 to have kids like you. 33 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:24,317 You know he's smiling down on you from heaven. 34 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:27,387 That is so kind. 35 00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:30,223 If he's smiling, it's 'cause he's looking down her shirt. 36 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:34,694 Why are all old people obsessed with heaven? 37 00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,362 If all they have left to look forward to. 38 00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:39,299 Come on, let's get this over with. 39 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,302 [organ music continues] 40 00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:46,172 ♪ ♪ 41 00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,408 Are those all his girlfriends? 42 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:49,842 Just the latest bunch. 43 00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,778 Mm. Surprisingly well-behaved. 44 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,913 They think they're in the will? 45 00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:57,913 ♪ ♪ 46 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,253 He looks bloated. 47 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:02,755 Not enough embalming fluid. 48 00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,223 How did they fuck that up? 49 00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:08,223 I mean, this is how people will remember him. 50 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,830 He'll be forgotten in a week. 51 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,170 Do you hear that? 52 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:20,173 [organ swells] 53 00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:24,173 ♪ ♪ 54 00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:29,782 Sonny boy. 55 00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,751 How's about a beer for you old man? 56 00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:33,286 [sharp inhale] 57 00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,857 (female) Did you have a bad dream? 58 00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,459 [exhale] 59 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,894 Only that I woke up and you were gone. 60 00:02:41,894 --> 00:02:46,065 [snickers] You did not. 61 00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:50,065 You're right, my real dream was much worse. 62 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:55,337 [exhales] I had fun tonight. 63 00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:58,311 Me too. 64 00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:01,147 Let's go out again. 65 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,015 Nothing's open this late. 66 00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:05,017 Go back to sleep, babe. 67 00:03:05,017 --> 00:03:06,219 [kisses] 68 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,061 [water churning] 69 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,981 [soft instrumental music] 70 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:38,981 ♪ ♪ 71 00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:52,191 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 72 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,442 [exhales] 73 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,868 Walk of shame. 74 00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:30,903 I offered her a t-shirt. 75 00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:32,672 You could have offered her a ride. 76 00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,373 Please. I got her an Uber. 77 00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:36,008 What a gentleman. 78 00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,744 Speaking of gentlemen. 79 00:04:38,744 --> 00:04:40,413 Should I make another omelet? 80 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,149 He slipped out discretely. 81 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,685 Nicely done. 82 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,053 Come on, Laura. 83 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,888 How you feeling? 84 00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:51,357 Fine, you don't have to ask me that every morning. 85 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,359 I'm excited about tonight. 86 00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,328 I know you are. 87 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:03,669 [sighs] 88 00:05:07,673 --> 00:05:10,309 It's hard for me to describe. 89 00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:12,144 It's something kind of fucked-up. 90 00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:15,014 Good. That's my specialty. 91 00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:18,150 It's just... I've been dreaming 92 00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:21,387 about fucking my dad. 93 00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:24,390 Er, my dad fucking me, technically. 94 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:27,093 Mm, that's quite an image 95 00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:29,195 to wake up from. 96 00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:32,064 How has communication been with your father? 97 00:05:32,064 --> 00:05:34,834 Whoa, I don't want to fuck my dad! 98 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,336 Okay. 99 00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:39,906 I mean... 100 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,874 Do I wanna fuck my dad? 101 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:45,945 I don't know, Tom. Do you? 102 00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:47,213 No. 103 00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:51,150 Well, I think you have your answer. 104 00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,786 Am I gay then? Is that what it means? 105 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,857 Are you attracted to men? 106 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,859 No. 107 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,129 Well, then you're probably not gay. 108 00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,132 Okay. 109 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:07,366 Then what the fuck? 110 00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:10,336 Exactly, what the fuck. 111 00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,271 Just the same question we've been asking our dreams 112 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:16,075 since... ancient Egyptians, really. 113 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,977 Uh, you know, Freud believes that... 114 00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,446 Look, I know your job is to be abstract, 115 00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,181 but I need something more concrete. 116 00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:24,817 Can you please just tell me what my dream means? 117 00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:30,122 [sighs] All right, Tom, 118 00:06:30,122 --> 00:06:32,792 many people struggle with the concept of wanting 119 00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:36,128 to make their parents proud, it's genetic from birth. 120 00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:38,230 We need their affection and their approval 121 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,766 in order to survive. 122 00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:44,070 So, your unconscious has found a very colorful way 123 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,906 of painting one of the oldest ones in the book. 124 00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:53,179 You want to please your father. 125 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,085 [chuckles] 126 00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:04,190 If anyone calls, uh, just say I'm in a session. 127 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:07,393 Will do. 128 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:09,128 You ever online date? 129 00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:10,896 Sure. 130 00:07:10,896 --> 00:07:14,767 Um, do you do any prep, or just go in blind, or... 131 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,103 I do my research. I don't have a death wish. 132 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,772 So, you mean on Facebook? 133 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:23,976 Yes, on Facebook and Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin, Vine, LuLu, 134 00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:25,711 Match, OkCupid... 135 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,013 Oh, God. 136 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,281 You didn't look him up? 137 00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:32,051 What if he's awful like a serial killer. 138 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,053 [whispers] Or Armenian. 139 00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,255 Oh, I wanna study you. 140 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:37,456 People always say that. 141 00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:40,159 Okay. 142 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,994 How do I look? 143 00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:44,030 - Honestly. - Uh, yeah. 144 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,731 If doesn't fuck you, I will, 145 00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:47,299 and you don't even have to buy me dinner. 146 00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:49,402 Thanks, Leia. 147 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,237 I won't go down on you, though. I did that once to a girlfriend 148 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,972 in college and got bronchitis, so it would have to be 149 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,972 like a strap-on situation or like scissors. 150 00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,880 Okay. 151 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,082 Two very good options. 152 00:08:06,761 --> 00:08:09,564 Can you at least tell me what we matched on? 153 00:08:09,564 --> 00:08:12,366 I constructed your profile to maximize compatibility. 154 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:15,269 So, pictures, interests, personal info. 155 00:08:15,269 --> 00:08:17,572 To the men of snooger.com, you are the ideal 156 00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:19,507 36-year-old woman. 157 00:08:19,507 --> 00:08:21,509 I am 39. 158 00:08:21,509 --> 00:08:22,844 You'll figure that out. 159 00:08:22,844 --> 00:08:25,813 [distant rock music] 160 00:08:25,813 --> 00:08:30,318 ♪ ♪ 161 00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:32,220 - What? - Your mom is still here. 162 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,155 So. 163 00:08:34,155 --> 00:08:36,357 Your uncle was watching us in the hot tub. 164 00:08:36,357 --> 00:08:38,126 I seriously doubt that. 165 00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,393 I saw him looking through the window. 166 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,562 - It was creepy. - Who cares? 167 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:44,765 It's just weird, you all living in this house together. 168 00:08:44,765 --> 00:08:47,602 It's not weird. He and my mom are best friends, 169 00:08:47,602 --> 00:08:49,704 and he's really depressed. 170 00:08:49,704 --> 00:08:51,139 Seems all right. 171 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:52,807 Exactly, he tries to hide it, 172 00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:55,610 but I've seen his medicine cabinet. 173 00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,545 Look, do you want to have sex or not? 174 00:09:00,848 --> 00:09:02,617 [knocking] Come in. 175 00:09:02,617 --> 00:09:04,519 Wait. 176 00:09:04,519 --> 00:09:07,488 Uh, we're um, uh, we're heading out. 177 00:09:07,488 --> 00:09:08,689 Okay. 178 00:09:08,689 --> 00:09:10,358 So, call if you need anything. 179 00:09:10,358 --> 00:09:11,859 - Okay. - And don't mess with the DVR. 180 00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:13,327 I'm recording an episode of Man vs. Food. 181 00:09:13,327 --> 00:09:15,596 Okay. 182 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:16,831 Emile. 183 00:09:16,831 --> 00:09:18,232 Alex. 184 00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:25,673 Why were you watching them? 185 00:09:25,673 --> 00:09:27,341 They woke me up. 186 00:09:27,341 --> 00:09:29,477 I just wanted to make sure you knew. 187 00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:31,512 I've had her on the pill since she was 12. 188 00:09:31,512 --> 00:09:33,114 I buy her condoms. 189 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,715 Magnums, I hope. 190 00:09:34,715 --> 00:09:36,584 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 191 00:09:36,584 --> 00:09:39,120 Huh, it's never the ones you expect. 192 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,289 It's like a soda can. 193 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,690 What are you jealous? 194 00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:45,293 Of course, you want me to drive? 195 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,128 Uh, no, I don't mind. 196 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,663 If I drive, you can drink more. 197 00:09:48,663 --> 00:09:51,599 Alcohol's a proven libido strengthener. 198 00:09:51,599 --> 00:09:54,602 [soft instrumental music] 199 00:09:54,602 --> 00:09:58,602 ♪ ♪ 200 00:10:10,851 --> 00:10:13,154 - You all right? - Yes. 201 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:16,090 [lounge music] 202 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,328 [sighs] Is that him? 203 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,269 Valerie? 204 00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:30,438 - Ian. - Wow. 205 00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:32,673 - Hi. - You're really hot. 206 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,308 Thank you. 207 00:10:34,308 --> 00:10:35,610 I thought be based on your pictures, 208 00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:36,877 but you never know. 209 00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:38,546 Oh, well. 210 00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:40,314 Some women have this weird obsession 211 00:10:40,314 --> 00:10:42,583 with trying to fix every little thing 212 00:10:42,583 --> 00:10:44,252 and it just looks bad. 213 00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:48,089 Yes, I totally agree with that. 214 00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:50,224 And then here you are. 215 00:10:50,224 --> 00:10:52,093 Aging naturally and embracing it. 216 00:10:52,093 --> 00:10:54,762 So refreshing. 217 00:10:54,762 --> 00:10:56,464 Thank you. 218 00:10:56,464 --> 00:10:58,199 Hey, do you like scotch? 219 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:02,136 Um, not... not really. You? 220 00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:03,671 My dad used to put a shot in my milk bottle every night 221 00:11:03,671 --> 00:11:05,139 before bed. 222 00:11:05,139 --> 00:11:07,508 Oh, sounds like child abuse. 223 00:11:07,508 --> 00:11:09,377 [laughs] 224 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,345 Is our a table ready? 225 00:11:11,345 --> 00:11:12,847 We have a risotto with asparagus and morels 226 00:11:12,847 --> 00:11:14,282 toped with shaved white truffles 227 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,150 and lastly a Wild Alaskan Cod 228 00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:18,119 cooked in lemon butter and cooked over rice pilaf. 229 00:11:18,119 --> 00:11:20,454 I believe we have two left if you're interested. 230 00:11:20,454 --> 00:11:22,290 - Ooh, I want that. - Very good. 231 00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,591 Oh, but I'll have the bacon burger, 232 00:11:23,591 --> 00:11:24,592 well done, no bun. 233 00:11:24,592 --> 00:11:26,427 And for you, sir? 234 00:11:26,427 --> 00:11:30,364 I'll try the cod. 235 00:11:30,364 --> 00:11:32,733 - What was that about? - What? 236 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,502 Why didn't you get the cod? 237 00:11:34,502 --> 00:11:37,104 Oh, I'm Paleo. It's why I'm drinking water. 238 00:11:37,104 --> 00:11:38,773 - Ah. - I only consume foods 239 00:11:38,773 --> 00:11:41,242 that were available during the Paleolithic Era. 240 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,210 They didn't have cod during the Paleolithic Era? 241 00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:44,445 Not with lemon butter. 242 00:11:44,445 --> 00:11:47,348 Oh. 243 00:11:47,348 --> 00:11:48,616 It's healthier. 244 00:11:48,616 --> 00:11:50,217 A hamburger with bacon? 245 00:11:50,217 --> 00:11:51,786 Yeah. It's the bun that's bad for you. 246 00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:54,388 Pretty sure that's not true, but okay. 247 00:11:54,388 --> 00:11:57,458 Cave men, they didn't eat any processed grains or sugar 248 00:11:57,458 --> 00:12:00,161 and they lived much longer, healthier lives than us. 249 00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:02,129 [laughs] Again, I'm pretty sure 250 00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:04,465 that's not true, but I'm happy 251 00:12:04,465 --> 00:12:06,300 to move forward without an argument. 252 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,135 It's scientific. Like, they've done studies. 253 00:12:08,135 --> 00:12:10,137 A guys told me about it at Cross-Fit. 254 00:12:14,575 --> 00:12:17,211 We lasted 16 years, raised a daughter together 255 00:12:17,211 --> 00:12:21,211 and then, a month ago, he left me for a younger woman. 256 00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,318 That sucks. 257 00:12:24,318 --> 00:12:26,120 I mean, we have some problems, but I thought we'd deal with it 258 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,790 when off to college, but I guess he couldn't wait. 259 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,659 Yeah, I was married, too. 260 00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:33,728 Wish someone would have warned me. 261 00:12:33,728 --> 00:12:36,297 Oh, what happened? 262 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,600 - It didn't work out. - I'm sorry. 263 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,369 It's hard, isn't it? 264 00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:45,369 Yeah, but I try to focus on what's working. 265 00:12:46,774 --> 00:12:49,510 43 as a guy, that's the sweet spot 266 00:12:49,510 --> 00:12:51,712 for dating. 267 00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:54,248 It's a positive way of looking at it. 268 00:12:54,248 --> 00:12:56,851 And everybody's in line... 20s, 30s, 40s. 269 00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,586 It's almost too easy. 270 00:12:58,586 --> 00:13:00,588 So many options you have. 271 00:13:00,588 --> 00:13:04,125 So many options. 272 00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:05,693 Oh, yeah, it's amazing. 273 00:13:05,693 --> 00:13:07,528 Online dating. 274 00:13:07,528 --> 00:13:08,829 You answer a couple questions, the computer does its thing. 275 00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,664 And now here we are. 276 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,233 So, you're a trainer? 277 00:13:12,233 --> 00:13:14,435 Master Fitness Instructor. 278 00:13:14,435 --> 00:13:16,837 - Sorry. - That's okay. 279 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,539 Just kind of my pet peeve, you know? 280 00:13:18,539 --> 00:13:22,539 It's like when someone calls a doctor "mister." 281 00:13:23,377 --> 00:13:25,079 So, what kind of classes does one take to get a degree 282 00:13:25,079 --> 00:13:26,680 in fitness instruction. 283 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,680 I don't know. I was a communications major. 284 00:13:31,318 --> 00:13:32,586 I've been thinking about working out more, 285 00:13:32,586 --> 00:13:34,288 but I don't know. 286 00:13:34,288 --> 00:13:37,425 I think going to the gym give me PTSD. 287 00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:40,194 My dad has PTSD. 288 00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:43,330 He was in the war. 289 00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:44,598 That's cool. Must have been fun 290 00:13:44,598 --> 00:13:48,502 to see the world. 291 00:13:48,502 --> 00:13:52,502 So, what do you do with you spare time. 292 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,876 Started a website that's kinda taking off, 293 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,411 so I do that. 294 00:13:57,411 --> 00:13:58,612 Mostly I just hang out. 295 00:13:58,612 --> 00:14:00,147 What's the site? 296 00:14:00,147 --> 00:14:02,349 Snooter.com. 297 00:14:02,349 --> 00:14:05,719 - The site that set us up? - Bingo. 298 00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,455 You use your own dating site. 299 00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,156 I wrote the matching algorithm. 300 00:14:09,156 --> 00:14:10,858 And does that algorithm match you with any girl 301 00:14:10,858 --> 00:14:12,560 you find attractive. 302 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,762 Pretty much. 303 00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:16,730 So, you set us up. 304 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,632 Me, the site... it's all the same really. 305 00:14:18,632 --> 00:14:21,268 Excuse me for just one second. 306 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,145 What's up? 307 00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:32,413 His favorite movie is Underworld. 308 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,714 With Kevin Costner? 309 00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:35,616 No, that's Waterworld. 310 00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:37,418 Which would be a step up from Underworld. 311 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,653 He gets great ratings. Women rave about him. 312 00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:41,655 Well, the women on you website are subhuman. 313 00:14:41,655 --> 00:14:44,458 That's mean. And mostly not true. 314 00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:45,693 How's yours going? 315 00:14:45,693 --> 00:14:48,229 She's a fitness freak. I hate her. 316 00:14:48,229 --> 00:14:49,630 We should go. 317 00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:51,165 I think I'm going to try to take her home. 318 00:14:51,165 --> 00:14:52,600 Why? 319 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,335 Well, the sex will suck and she won't call, 320 00:14:54,335 --> 00:14:56,770 and the it'll be on her for not putting in more effort. 321 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,305 - Jesus. - You should try it. 322 00:14:58,305 --> 00:15:00,407 I am not gonna sleep with that guy, okay? 323 00:15:00,407 --> 00:15:01,809 He smells like college. 324 00:15:01,809 --> 00:15:05,312 Hi! 325 00:15:05,312 --> 00:15:06,480 - Is everything all right? - Yeah. 326 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,182 We were just finishing up. 327 00:15:08,182 --> 00:15:11,418 This is Alex. This is my brother. 328 00:15:11,418 --> 00:15:12,720 Sup? 329 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,255 Why is your brother here? 330 00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:16,357 - Um. - I'm on a date. 331 00:15:16,357 --> 00:15:17,691 Do you always date at the same restaurants. 332 00:15:17,691 --> 00:15:19,460 - Starting to, kind of. - No, no, no. 333 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,563 Wow, and then you go in the back and say hurtful things 334 00:15:22,563 --> 00:15:24,865 about the people you're with. 335 00:15:24,865 --> 00:15:26,367 I think you're reading too much into it. 336 00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:28,302 - No. - Yeah, I use Old Spice. 337 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,371 It's a popular deodorant and I like the smell. 338 00:15:30,371 --> 00:15:34,174 Hey, uh, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. 339 00:15:34,174 --> 00:15:35,609 Are you his date? 340 00:15:35,609 --> 00:15:36,877 Yeah. 341 00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:38,479 Kay, that's his sister 342 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,714 and they were shit-talking us back here. 343 00:15:40,714 --> 00:15:43,150 What? 344 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,418 Yeah, he said I smell bad and he said 345 00:15:44,418 --> 00:15:46,287 you're a fitness freak. 346 00:15:46,287 --> 00:15:48,589 Caring about your body isn't something to be ashamed of. 347 00:15:48,589 --> 00:15:50,090 Okay. 348 00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:51,358 Were you two hooked up on Snooger? 349 00:15:51,358 --> 00:15:52,760 Yeah. 350 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,495 Yeah, you're probably not compatible. 351 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,463 - He rigged the algorithm. - I wrote the algorithm. 352 00:15:56,463 --> 00:15:58,399 - That's really dishonest. - Online dating is dishonest. 353 00:15:58,399 --> 00:16:00,734 You put up you best pictures and personality traits. 354 00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:02,836 You lie about how much money you make, 355 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,338 how many partners you've had... I've seen both your profiles. 356 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,140 They're filled with lies. 357 00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:07,341 Do you like scotch? 358 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,742 I would drink anything right now. 359 00:16:08,742 --> 00:16:10,544 See, even your caveman diet's a lie. 360 00:16:10,544 --> 00:16:11,679 Fuck you. 361 00:16:15,449 --> 00:16:17,445 - Fine, we can leave. - Thank you. 362 00:16:22,489 --> 00:16:26,489 [alternative music playing] 363 00:16:27,161 --> 00:16:29,863 [knocking] 364 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,432 - Hey. - Hi. 365 00:16:31,432 --> 00:16:33,267 How'd it go? 366 00:16:33,267 --> 00:16:36,570 Uh, not great. 367 00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:38,806 Sorry. 368 00:16:38,806 --> 00:16:40,708 Is Emile gone? 369 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,343 Yeah. 370 00:16:44,278 --> 00:16:48,616 Uh, Alex saw you in the hot tub. 371 00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,517 Oh. 372 00:16:50,517 --> 00:16:52,186 You know, I give you a lot of freedom 373 00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:55,155 because I trust you to act like an adult. 374 00:16:55,155 --> 00:16:59,155 Please don't make me regret that. 375 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,597 So, you didn't bring him back then? 376 00:17:03,597 --> 00:17:06,467 - No. - Oh. 377 00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:10,471 Thought you wanted to borrow a condom. 378 00:17:16,210 --> 00:17:18,379 - Good night. - Night. 379 00:17:24,284 --> 00:17:28,088 We're at a funeral... Dad's funeral. 380 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,823 - Am I there? - Oh, yeah. 381 00:17:29,823 --> 00:17:32,393 Whole family's there and his harem. 382 00:17:32,393 --> 00:17:35,629 Mm, typical. 383 00:17:35,629 --> 00:17:37,231 What are we doing. 384 00:17:37,231 --> 00:17:40,401 Just shitting all over everybody. 385 00:17:40,401 --> 00:17:43,170 Criticizing Aunt Eva, cousin Jane. 386 00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:45,839 See, that seems inappropriate, even for us. 387 00:17:45,839 --> 00:17:48,242 Normally, I'd agree with you, but everyone's so awful, 388 00:17:48,242 --> 00:17:50,177 it's impossible not to. 389 00:17:53,814 --> 00:17:55,783 Even in my dreams, I don't relate to people. 390 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,555 Maybe if you stopped having short, meaningless 391 00:18:01,555 --> 00:18:05,426 relationships. 392 00:18:05,426 --> 00:18:08,195 And have one long meaningless relationship? 393 00:18:08,195 --> 00:18:10,698 - Ugh! - [laughs] 394 00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:14,698 My marriage was not meaningless. 395 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:20,507 Oh, God, tonight was a disaster. 396 00:18:20,507 --> 00:18:22,843 I can set another one for tomorrow. 397 00:18:22,843 --> 00:18:26,747 No, no. I don't know. 398 00:18:26,747 --> 00:18:28,549 Maybe I'm not ready. 399 00:18:28,549 --> 00:18:30,417 I mean, the whole night, I just kept picturing 400 00:18:30,417 --> 00:18:33,153 Drew in that restaurant watching me with that idiot 401 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,655 and laughing. 402 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,223 Yeah, well he wouldn't be laughing if you'd taken 403 00:18:36,223 --> 00:18:38,292 that idiot home and fucked him. 404 00:18:38,292 --> 00:18:40,494 You make an awful therapist. 405 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:41,729 I'm serious. 406 00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,630 You want to stop thinking about Drew? 407 00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:46,100 - Yes. - Go be with somebody. 408 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:49,369 [sighs] 409 00:18:49,369 --> 00:18:52,272 I don't know if I can. 410 00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:58,212 (female) Why are you looking so smug? 411 00:18:58,212 --> 00:19:00,681 You think Northwestern will take a 14-10? 412 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:03,650 No, the won't because you extra curriculars 413 00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:05,652 are fucking average at best. 414 00:19:05,652 --> 00:19:07,554 Come on, we're gonna be late for your tutors. 415 00:19:07,554 --> 00:19:09,490 - Good game. - I didn't even play. 416 00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:11,225 I hate team sports. I'm just doing it 417 00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:12,493 for the P.E. credit. 418 00:19:15,596 --> 00:19:17,364 Who's that? 419 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,166 Molly Hartsler. 420 00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:20,601 She's a total whack job. 421 00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,269 I can tell. 422 00:19:22,269 --> 00:19:24,138 Yeah, her husband killed himself last year. 423 00:19:24,138 --> 00:19:26,473 That makes sense. 424 00:19:26,473 --> 00:19:28,876 You tried to kill yourself, didn't you? 425 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,410 Debatable. 426 00:19:30,410 --> 00:19:32,146 My mom said you jumped off your deck. 427 00:19:32,146 --> 00:19:36,083 I did, but it was more exploratory than anything. 428 00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:38,185 Only broke my leg. 429 00:19:38,185 --> 00:19:40,587 If you were serious, you would have used a gun. 430 00:19:40,587 --> 00:19:43,190 Exactly. 431 00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:44,858 [engine starts] 432 00:19:44,858 --> 00:19:48,495 I'm sorry about the other night with Emile. 433 00:19:48,495 --> 00:19:49,763 [laughs] 434 00:19:49,763 --> 00:19:51,365 What? 435 00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,537 Oh, and Drew wants the cars. 436 00:19:56,537 --> 00:19:58,438 Valerie doesn't care about the cars. 437 00:19:58,438 --> 00:20:00,474 Nice, easy, so, if everything else is settled, 438 00:20:00,474 --> 00:20:01,775 let's move on to the house. 439 00:20:01,775 --> 00:20:03,610 Valerie still wants to sell the house. 440 00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:05,179 Drew still wants Valerie to take the house 441 00:20:05,179 --> 00:20:07,081 and he'll take the investments and CDs. 442 00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,749 That is not gonna work for Valerie. 443 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,551 Drew would like to point out that the value of the house 444 00:20:10,551 --> 00:20:12,719 exceeds the value of the investments and CDs. 445 00:20:12,719 --> 00:20:15,088 Valerie doesn't care about the value of the house 446 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:17,124 or the value of the investments and CDs. 447 00:20:17,124 --> 00:20:19,359 - I want full custody. - Oh, come on, Val. 448 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,328 Drew, please, just let me handle it. 449 00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:22,863 What, she wants full custody, but she doesn't want the house? 450 00:20:22,863 --> 00:20:24,565 This is ridiculous. 451 00:20:24,565 --> 00:20:26,233 Where are you two going to live. 452 00:20:26,233 --> 00:20:27,868 With Alex for now. 453 00:20:27,868 --> 00:20:30,103 Living with him isn't healthy for her. 454 00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:32,439 Well, neither is walking in and seeing her dad's dick 455 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:33,874 in a 20-year-old. 456 00:20:33,874 --> 00:20:35,542 Yeah, let's not make this about that. 457 00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:38,345 [scoffs] How is this not about that? 458 00:20:38,345 --> 00:20:42,345 Ask yourself why I want the 20-year-old. 459 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,521 $2,200 a month. That's his stipend. 460 00:20:47,521 --> 00:20:49,189 $2,200? 461 00:20:49,189 --> 00:20:51,425 I earned that money. You're living rent-free, 462 00:20:51,425 --> 00:20:53,227 so that should be plenty. 463 00:20:53,227 --> 00:20:55,596 I hope to God our daughter doesn't end up like you. 464 00:20:55,596 --> 00:20:57,397 Oh, how am I, Drew? 465 00:20:57,397 --> 00:21:00,567 Cold. Cold and alone. 466 00:21:00,567 --> 00:21:04,271 Uh, maybe we should, uh, take a break. 467 00:21:04,271 --> 00:21:08,675 Ha. [clears throat] 468 00:21:08,675 --> 00:21:10,611 [whispers] That didn't go well. 469 00:21:14,848 --> 00:21:18,085 [soft instrumental music] 470 00:21:18,085 --> 00:21:22,085 ♪ ♪ 471 00:21:44,378 --> 00:21:46,346 Whoa. 472 00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:47,848 Where you going? 473 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,384 Shut up. 474 00:21:55,422 --> 00:21:56,657 [door slams] 475 00:22:19,613 --> 00:22:24,413 - I'm Valerie. - Leon, hi. 476 00:22:26,687 --> 00:22:30,687 My name is Leon. I already said that. 477 00:22:31,491 --> 00:22:34,161 Uh, can I buy you a drink, Valerie? 478 00:22:36,363 --> 00:22:38,298 Leon, let me ask you something. 479 00:22:38,298 --> 00:22:40,100 If I asked you to take me home right now, 480 00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:41,301 what would you say? 481 00:22:45,105 --> 00:22:49,105 Did, uh, Franco put you up to this? 482 00:22:50,143 --> 00:22:54,247 I don't know Franco. 483 00:22:54,247 --> 00:22:55,582 Look, are you... you wanna take me home 484 00:22:55,582 --> 00:22:57,250 or should I ask somebody else? 485 00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:00,454 Oh, uh... 486 00:23:09,329 --> 00:23:13,329 So, um, where are you from, Valerie? 487 00:23:16,670 --> 00:23:20,670 Let's not ruin this with conversation. 488 00:23:22,809 --> 00:23:25,779 [soft instrumental music] 489 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:29,779 ♪ ♪ 490 00:23:56,176 --> 00:23:58,578 Jesus! 491 00:23:58,578 --> 00:24:01,515 I'm Alex. 492 00:24:01,515 --> 00:24:03,250 Uh, Leon. 493 00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:05,285 You're, uh, Valerie's roommate? 494 00:24:05,285 --> 00:24:08,355 Her brother, yeah. 495 00:24:08,355 --> 00:24:11,091 Good to have another guy around her, Leon. 496 00:24:11,091 --> 00:24:14,361 I'll see you at breakfast. Making waffles. 497 00:24:22,363 --> 00:24:27,363 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com