1 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,836 'My name is Charlie Wood.. 2 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,989 'I think I made a big mistake.' 3 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,679 Higher.. 4 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,509 I can't, sweetheart. Any higher, you're gonna hit the moon. 5 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,471 And get a bump? 6 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,673 That's right, smart girl, and get a bump! 7 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:16,794 Oh, hey! Emily, look who it is. 8 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,388 - Hi, Isabella. - Hi, Emilita. 9 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,239 - There we go.. Hi, how are you? - Hey, great. 10 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:26,148 Ok, I've got her lunch, an extra Thermos of apple juice, 11 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,670 her Elmo doll, Mr Frizzles, 12 grapes in a bag.. 12 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,439 I got it, Mr Wood. 13 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,199 - Thanks. I'll see you at 5:00. - OK. 14 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,676 All right, sweetheart. Come here. High five.. 15 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,677 First the Wyoming Widow, now the Oregon Undertaker. 16 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,394 They just pulled a dead girl out of the reservoir. 17 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,317 God! Suicide? 18 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:15,355 If she chopped off her own arms and legs before strangling herself, maybe. 19 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,155 - Pen, I'm eating. - They figure it's the Oregon Undertaker. 20 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,430 That's the fourth girl in six months. 21 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,835 Each one mutilated and disembowelled.. 22 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,316 - Pen! Pen! - Oh, sorry baby. 23 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:32,712 Listen, Charlie. You don't have to do this, you know. 24 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,400 Course I do. We can't go on living on one income. 25 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,273 How many times have you given Emily SpaghettiOs? 26 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,391 She likes SpaghettiOs. 27 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,398 Hey, baby. Trust me. Once they buy your book.. 28 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:48,354 Not a single publisher has called, Pen. Not a single one. 29 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:52,792 'The term "black hole" is of very recent origin. 30 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:57,072 'It was coined in 1969 by the American scientist John..' 31 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:17,555 We handle nearly 200,000 calls a day - 32 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,753 the hotlines to some of the biggest corporations in the country. 33 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:26,317 - Sentel Online. Melanie speaking.. . .Melanie speaking. How can I help? 34 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,795 Again, my name is Melanie. Have a great day. 35 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,957 Do you only hire women named Melanie? 36 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:36,710 It's a trick of the trade. Callers like to think they get the same service rep. 37 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,957 This here is the Melanie and John section, 38 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,197 and you are over here with the Jennifers and Stephens. 39 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,550 This is you. 40 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,190 What do you mean this is me? I was told I had a supervisor position. 41 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:56,110 You gotta spend six months in the trenches 42 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,471 before you can interview for a supervisor. 43 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,909 But I have a PhD. 44 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:05,589 - Surely.. - Look. You want the job or not? 45 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,635 - Yeah. - Great! 46 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,796 Gus here will help get you started. 47 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,673 - OK, Stephen. - It's Charlie. 48 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,791 Sure it is! 49 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,230 In the File menu do you see where it says Open? 50 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,114 Okey-dokey. Can you open the Open menu? 51 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:32,549 Okey-dokey. Again, my name is Stephen. Thank you for calling Sentel. 52 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,148 'I actually liked Gus at first sight.' 53 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:38,636 - Welcome to hell, dickhead! - 'Maybe not at first.' 54 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,830 - I'm sorry? - Hell! 55 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,394 People hooked up to machines like slaves. 56 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,910 And the smell.. It's pure underarm. 57 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:51,511 OK, so what do we do here? 58 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,552 Sentel Online, Stephen speaking. How may I help you? 59 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,552 Okey-dokey, ma'am. Have you checked to see if your PC is on? 60 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,993 No, I'm not a retard. That's simply the protocol.. 61 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,838 Sorry. 62 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:13,310 Okey-dokey. I'm gonna check that with my supervisor real quick 63 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,078 and I'm gonna put you on hold. 64 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,872 You feel feisty, you whiney little turkey-necked bitch? 65 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,312 Why don't you hop up on my dick and see if that fires your monitor? 66 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,877 Hello, ma'am. Thanks for waiting. 67 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,310 I'm gonna transfer you over to our technical service department. 68 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,238 Okey-dokey? Please hold.. 69 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,193 In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed dwarf is king! 70 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,038 That's my wife, Stephanie. Ex-wife! Keep forgetting! 71 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,835 And that there is my little daughter, Thais. 72 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,589 - That's a pretty name. - Yeah, it's Greek. It means 'Beloved'. 73 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,393 Thais has this problem with her eye pressure 74 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,876 and the doctor said if she doesn't get a cornea transplant in a year 75 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,594 then she's gonna go blind. 76 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,951 Every year, 65,000 diabetics 77 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,833 develop Proliferative Retinopathy, 78 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,190 one of the leading precursors to blindness. 79 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,951 She's not diabetic. 80 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,310 Ahem! So, are you gonna be able to afford the surgery before she.. 81 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:29,037 Yeah, I hope so. If everything, you know, goes as expected. 82 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,151 - What do you mean? - Huh? 83 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,276 I have a plan. 84 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,038 Oh, hells bells! 85 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,552 'You see, Stephen, I'm 65 years old now 86 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:51,468 'and my husband is asking me to do it donkey-style..' 87 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:57,835 OK, ma'am. I'm going to transfer you to our technical department. Please hold.. 88 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,876 - Good god.. - Are you expecting a call? 89 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,868 Sentel Online, this is Charlie, er.. Stephen. How can I help you? 90 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,276 'Yeah, my IP Address is stuck on 169.' 91 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:16,474 OK, Sir. Have you checked to make sure your computer is on? 92 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,319 - 'Didn't you hear what I said? ' - Yes. 93 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,989 Oh, IP Address. IP Address.. 94 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,511 Here we go. Your IP Address should start with 81. 95 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,108 So.. does it? 96 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:34,950 'I told you it was stuck on 169! Do the cleaners answer the phones? 97 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,275 - Sir.. - 'No, don't sir me, asshole! 98 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,278 'Just help me out with my fucking problem! ' 99 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,836 Please hold on while I check with our technical department. 100 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,909 Yes, sir. Your wife is one of 3.8 percent of American women 101 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:54,398 who engage in online chats with a stranger, accompanied by masturbation. 102 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,630 'My wife died three months ago. 103 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:03,548 'But I'd like to discuss that with your supervisor, Stephen.' 104 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,358 Hey! Charlie, wait. Wait! 105 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,631 - It's my fault. - Don't worry about it. I'll be all right. 106 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,718 - Look, you know I said I had a plan? - Yep. 107 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,991 Well, why don't you come in on it with me? 108 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,998 You know, be like a partner or something? 109 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,111 I sure as hell feel like I owe you one. 110 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,191 - It's not illegal, is it? - What? No.. 111 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,834 - Dickinson! - Yeah. Right. 112 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,669 Look, meet me at the Monkey Wrench, nine o'clock. OK? Yeah. 113 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,629 Choo-choo Charlie! 114 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:29,072 Hey, Max. Two bottles of your finest mass-produced lager, if you please. 115 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,509 - So? - Come here. 116 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:39,717 So, I stumbled across the database at work. 117 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,037 The online history of each and every member of Sentel Online. 118 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,197 Look, this is their record of everyone in the state 119 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,916 that went online in the last 3 months and logged on to an illegal porn site. 120 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,713 Now I figure there's gotta be somebody in here 121 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:57,037 willing to fork over some coin to keep things hush-hush. 122 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,469 - They all look the same - And yet they're not. 123 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,632 - R-E-V Neville Smalls. What's R-E-V? - Reverend. 124 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,309 Exactly! It's brilliant, don't you think? 125 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:23,309 - I don't think I'm criminal material.. - Wait, wait! 126 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,590 We're talking about a man of the cloth 127 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,154 who likes to watch teenagers take off their clothes 128 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,078 and have god-knows-who do god-knows-what to them! 129 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,792 Who's the real criminal here? 130 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:40,473 I tried to do things by the book, the 9 to 5. You know where it got me? 131 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,797 My daughter is about to go blind, Charlie. Blind! 132 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,789 - How much? - 50 for me, 50 for you. Even hundred. 133 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,309 A hundred? 134 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,395 Thousand? 135 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:01,149 - Dollars? - Not much to preserve one's reputation. 136 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,875 - What if somebody gets hurt? - It's a non-violent enterprise. 137 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:09,755 No harm done whatsoever. Pretty much all I need is for you to be my alibi. 138 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,678 - That's all? - That's all. 139 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:14,994 OK.. 140 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,834 Pick the blue one and you go back to your old life. 141 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:29,555 But pick the red one and you finally get to be a free man. 142 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:39,552 But, I must warn you, once you eat the red one.. there's no turning back. 143 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,590 Yes! I gotta tell you, I was a little nervous about going solo. 144 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,759 OK. Rule number one - preparation is king. 145 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,190 More than anything else, we wanna rule out the element of.. 146 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,276 - Surprise! - Jeez! 147 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,391 Josie, how long were you sitting there? 148 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:06,069 Long enough to ask how you'd feel about bringing in a third. 149 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,750 'Here's the touching story of how Gus met Josie.' 150 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,437 Er.. miss. 151 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,634 - Yes, sir? - I'm gonna get the cheque. 152 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,718 - Why? - Does the chef have curly hair? 153 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,276 - No. - I'm gonna get the cheque. 154 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:36,193 - You work at the call centre, huh? - Yeah, how can you tell? 155 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,470 - Well, half the town does. - Right. 156 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,036 - You have that look the rest of them do. - What look is that? 157 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:47,188 That how much longer till I drop dead so I don't have to go to my stupid job! 158 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,551 - That look. - Yeah, that would be the one. 159 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,950 - You from here? - Nope. Oklahoma. 160 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:59,313 - Oh, Oklahoma. What's that like? - Nowhere near as sexy as you. 161 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,678 - Ahem! - I'll get that. 162 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,149 So, care to hear about our desert special? 163 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:17,513 Wow! Jeez! You sure are a very forthright and smart girl, ain't ya? 164 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,918 That's what they said last year when they crowned me Miss Teen Oklahoma. 165 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,508 - What? - What? 166 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:28,599 - Miss Teen Oklahoma? Last year? - Yeah. 167 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:32,872 - How old are you? - 18.. more or less. 168 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,833 Is it more or is it less? 169 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,155 Well.. less, I guess! 170 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,831 Shit! 171 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,236 - What the hell's matter with you? - You're a child! 172 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:49,069 Do I look like a child? Huh? 173 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,510 OK.. Ah! Is there anything else you forgot to mention? 174 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,152 - Who are you? - Charlie Wood, Gus's former co-worker. 175 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,874 Josie McBroom. Gus and I were an item. 176 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,592 - Ha! - What? 177 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,076 - I'm sorry to interrupt, but what.. - I want in. 178 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,393 All right, read my lips, OK - no f.. g way! 179 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,795 - You guys can't do the job without me? - Why? 180 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,878 Because, dumb-dumb, I'm the only one who can make the call. 181 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,151 If the preacher records you on his answer machine 182 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:32,319 they'll try and match it up with the voice records from the call centre. 183 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,238 You guy's would be screwed, stuffed and mounted. 184 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,590 - Is that true? - Kinda. 185 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,790 How'd you work that out? 186 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,639 I told you, I was Miss Teen Oklahoma. 187 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,717 - How much do you want? - 20,000. 188 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,549 20,000? For making a phone call? 189 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,513 For making 'the' phone call. 190 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:04,558 'The average person makes about 1,140 phone calls each year, 191 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,672 'none of which go anything like this.' 192 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,633 May I speak to the Reverend Smalls, please? 193 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,998 Hi, Reverend. Are you familiar with a website that goes by the name of 194 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:24,910 teen orgies dot com, or young and hung dot com? 195 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:30,189 Someone who knows what the mouse plays when the wife's away. 196 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:36,278 Listen, sicko. I have a list of all your favourite sites, your credit card number, 197 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,439 dates and times of all your connections, so you better cut the crap! 198 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,871 - What do I want? - 100,000 dollars. 199 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,635 100,000 dollars. 200 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,716 - 200,000. - What? 201 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:59,310 You heard me, I want 200,000 dollars, cash. 202 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,109 Take it or leave it. But if I don't have my money by tomorrow evening, 203 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,800 the next church newsletter is gonna be a doozy! 204 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,431 And I'll be sending somebody. 205 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:19,513 Well, I think that somebody deserves to made a full partner, don't you? 206 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,916 Wait! I took a chance and it worked. 207 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,395 Now we each get 70,000 dollars. 208 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:29,798 It's actually 66,666, followed by an infinite number of sixes. 209 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,512 Thanks, Rain Man! 210 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:36,509 From now on, anybody pulls any out-of-the-blue stunts, she's out! 211 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,234 If we're partners, let's start acting like it. 212 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:43,638 This is the plan: I go get the money at 9:00 pm tomorrow. 213 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,399 'At the same time, Charlie enters the Monkey Wrench 214 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,273 'and pretends we ran out of gas on the road to Mill Creek.' 215 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,119 He also says that I'm on my way to the gas station, 216 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,196 the one that opens 24/7, don't forget. 217 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,756 10:00 pm, after I stash the money in a locker at the railway station, 218 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,077 I come back and tell everyone about my walk in the dark. 219 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,510 If it comes up, Charlie was at the bar, I was at the gas station. 220 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,949 The guy at the station will say he never saw you. 221 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:11,039 - Sure. You why? Cos he's blind. - Oh, pretty brill! 222 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,276 The following day we meet at noon, 223 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,834 we divvy up the money and go our respective ways. 224 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,428 OK, now. Any questions? 225 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,313 Why don't we just divvy up the money immediately? 226 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,318 Rule number two - always let the dust settle after a job. 227 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,479 "Rule number two?" What, you've been reading 'Blackmailing for Dummies'? 228 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,471 Any questions? Great. 229 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,991 Rule number three: no matter what happens.. always stick to the plan. 230 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:49,309 'The next day might have been the longest one I'd ever known. 231 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,037 'For the first time since I could remember 232 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,311 'I'd be able to bring security and happiness to my family.' 233 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:11,357 'I couldn't tell you if what I felt was fear or excitement.' 234 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:17,234 So, Mr Supervisor, talk to me. Do you have a secretary? 235 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,476 - Yep. - Is she pretty? 236 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:24,390 Pretty? Er.. no, she's more nondescript. 237 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,511 What's her name? 238 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,676 - Sharon. - Sharon? 239 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,270 - Sharon what? - Er.. Stone. 240 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,516 - Sharon Stone? - I know! 241 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,756 - So, how was your day? - Oh, phenomenal 242 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,440 And to top it off, the FBI is sending in The Eye. 243 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,551 - The what? - The who? 244 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,639 Bionic, supersonic Special Agent Chester Hymes, FBI a.k.a. The Eye. 245 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,275 Which is just what I need with the Undertaker case out of control, 246 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,472 no leads, no fingerprints, nothing. 247 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,673 Honestly, why some folks suddenly have to turn into criminals is beyond me. 248 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,479 - What if I did? - What if you did what? 249 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,270 If I became a criminal. 250 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:12,632 Like if I, er.. stole some money, or something. 251 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,910 I'd arrest you. 252 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:26,351 But let's say.. let's say I had to. 253 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:32,191 Like we had no other choice and I had to steal something, er.. 254 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,914 because I had to. What then? 255 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,792 I'd arrest you. 256 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,952 - Why? - A good cop always gets her man! 257 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,071 No.. I'm serious, Pen. 258 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,872 Why.. 259 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,719 Why should Emily have to put up with second-hand toys, 260 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,070 second-hand clothes, a second-hand life? 261 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:58,310 Charlie, you have your book, you have me and Emily. And that makes us rich. 262 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,110 Hi. 263 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,152 Oh, what a crazy night! 264 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,840 - My car ran out of gas.. - You gonna order? 265 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,951 Sure. Beer, please. 266 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,913 One of your finest, mass-produced.. 267 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,072 My friend, Gus.. You know Gus. 268 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,033 Gus Dickinson, works down at the call centre. 269 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,151 Reverend Smalls? 270 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,755 And that's where he is now - walking down that road to the station. 271 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,792 Reverend Sma.. 272 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,717 Smalls.. 273 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:21,595 The old blind guy who runs the station keeps it open 24/7. 274 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,395 Old blind guy is celebrating his 80th birthday tonight, young fella. 275 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,397 Who the hell are you? 276 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,269 Er.. I'm the guy that's here to collect the money. 277 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,877 - Give me your gun. - I don't have one. 278 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,630 You've come to get money from me and you ain't packing? 279 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,830 Give my regards to the big bearded guy. 280 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,316 You don't mean Santa Claus, do you? 281 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,471 Gus? 282 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,311 Gus? 283 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,551 Gus? 284 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,431 Gus? 285 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,511 Oh my..! 286 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:17,591 'If it's you, José, fuck off! Everybody else, leave a message.' 287 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:21,508 Josie? Josie? Pick up. 288 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:27,876 Josie, are you there? We have a real problem here. Pick up. 289 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,671 Gus? 290 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,871 Gus? 291 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,753 Gus? Gus, are you there? 292 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,111 Gus? 293 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,751 Gus? 294 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,357 - Oh! - Oh my God! 295 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,119 - What happened? - What are you doing here? 296 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,800 The station was closed. 297 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,956 Our alibi! So I came here. 298 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,514 - Whoa! Calm down - What the hell happened? 299 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,279 The bastard pulled a gun on me. He was gonna shoot me 300 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,039 and I grabbed the gun and it went off. No biggy. 301 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,914 - No biggy? - I conked him on the head with a vase. 302 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,076 He's gonna wake up any minute now. 303 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,514 Oh, Gus.. 304 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,550 I think I made a big mistake. 305 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,235 - Did you call the cops? - I put him in the septic tank. 306 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,316 - Who? - The corpse. 307 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,432 - What corpse? - The reverend's corpse. 308 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,589 The reverend wasn't a corpse when I left him. 309 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,757 - There was blood. I saw blood.. - It was my blood. 310 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,270 He shot me through the leg. Look, it went clean through the muscle. 311 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,277 Oh my god. 312 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,951 Why didn't you answer when I called you? 313 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,833 I was in the bathroom cleaning the wound. 314 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:30,189 I checked his pulse. I mean, well.. 315 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,118 - Maybe I missed it. 17 percent.. - You missed it? 316 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,629 What? Can't we get him out of the tank? 317 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,196 - How long's he been down there? - 10 minutes, tops. 318 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,390 What? 319 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,354 I thought I said, no matter what, stick to the fucking plan. 320 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,675 There wasn't anything in the fucking plan 321 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,270 about the blind guy's birthday and the reverend in a pool of blood! 322 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,277 All right, let's calm down. 323 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,197 - Don't you need a doctor? - Yeah! 324 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,390 There's a slightly more pressing matter! 325 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,312 - What are you doing? - He's crying. 326 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:34,150 Jesus, Gus. He's crying for what we've done, for our sin. 327 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,909 - Jesus. Hail Mary, full of grace.. - Bathtub. 328 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,438 Goddammit! Is that part of your plan? 329 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,915 After you kill someone you take a nice hot bath? 330 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:54,034 I didn't kill anybody, first of all. Second, I don't pray to leaky ceilings! 331 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,630 Well you know what, I'm having a tough time here. 332 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:02,276 I just drowned a man of the cloth in crap! 333 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,675 - Maybe I should turn myself in.. - No! 334 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,791 Nobody is turning anybody in 335 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,515 Now did you know the priest was alive when you killed him? 336 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,154 - No. - There you go then. 337 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:22,117 How could we have thought a reverend would have 200,000 dollars in cash? 338 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,152 The average savings of an American couple between 35 and 50 339 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,510 is 15,256 dollars. 340 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,870 Charlie, Charlie.. 341 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,560 Shut up! 342 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,719 Wait! 343 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,593 No! Rule number four - never return to the crime scene. 344 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,790 It's Josie's card, I left it by the phone. 345 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:48,395 Rule number five - if your partner is an idiot, forget rule number four. 346 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,191 It's gone. 347 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:08,392 Got it. 348 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,715 Ow! What the fuck? 349 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:14,712 Ow! 350 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,150 Shouldn't we be going? 351 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,999 Aren't you just a little curious? 352 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,477 'Have a look right there. This beauty, huh? 353 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,672 'How are you? ' 354 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,997 'Look. This is for you, all right? ' 355 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,396 - She's an actress, right? - 'Shut up, all right? 356 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,398 'You like this, baby? You like this? Right here? 357 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,715 'You like to feel that? Feel that. Yeah. 358 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:55,038 'Yeah. You know what this? I am gonna carve your face up.. 359 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,151 'Argh! ' 360 00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:59,077 'Shut up! ' 361 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,239 If I didn't know better, you know what I'd say this looks like? 362 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,519 A snuff film? 363 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,312 Holy moly! 364 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:19,228 - Who says Holy moly? - Is it important right now? 365 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:23,592 This is why he was so keen to cop a deal. He's part of a snuff film ring. 366 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,871 - We've gotta call the police. - What are we gonna tell them? 367 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,549 - Look, if they find the body.. - They're not gonna find the body. 368 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,035 The septic tank was genius. Look at it this way - 369 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,390 we may have saved lives tonight. 370 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,830 - You think he's the Oregon Undertaker? - Who knows. 371 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,030 He sure as hell got what he deserved. 372 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:45,478 Charlie.. Wait! 373 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,636 You mind if I come in? 374 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,396 What? 375 00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,630 We found the reverend's body. 376 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,069 - It was an accident.. - This was no accident. 377 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:06,476 Someone shot him three times in the head 378 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,319 and left him in his car by the side of the road. 379 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:15,517 That's a hard pill to swallow. Murder always is. 380 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,715 I'm sorry. Are you certain that it's the Reverend Smalls? 381 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,274 - Oh yeah. We've got a positive ID. - Then who's.. 382 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,469 Who's what? 383 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,956 Who is.. safe 384 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,116 in this godforsaken world.. 385 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,595 - You family? - Yeah.. No! 386 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:38,429 Just a friend. A family friend. 387 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,676 - And your name is? - Stephen. 388 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,797 Stephen Hawking. 389 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,309 Mind if I.. 390 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:07,119 - You're watching a DVD, huh? - Yeah.. No! 391 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,312 I mean.. did you know that DVD sales 392 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:15,309 have risen by 226 percent over the last six months? 393 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,034 Well.. no. 394 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,669 But I sure am 100 % glad to know that. Thanks for the factoid. 395 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,348 So, er.. can I get you a drink? 396 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,755 A glass of H20, if you please, Mr Hawking. 397 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,871 There's some blood on the floor. 398 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,631 - Mr Hawking? - Yeah. I, er.. 399 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,194 I broke a vase and, er.. 400 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:01,869 and accidentally cut my arm on one of the shards. 401 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,957 - Look.. - Oh, doggy! 402 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,071 That hurts just looking at it. 403 00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,470 - What are you doing? - Getting a sample. Standard procedure. 404 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,149 'Deputy Garmen, Detective Wood wants you at the station.' 405 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,077 Copy that. 406 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,431 Detective Wood, always breathing down my neck. 407 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,154 Ain't had a good poke, if you ask me. 408 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,108 I'm not asking, but whatever. 409 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:37,912 Well, I'd better get a move on. 410 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,676 Mmm.. What a beautiful night. 411 00:34:46,720 --> 00:34:49,678 You could almost touch those stars, huh? 412 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,950 Yep. 413 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,072 Although, even if you were travelling the speed of light 414 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,192 it would take you 1,460 days to reach the closest one. 415 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,117 Is that right? 416 00:35:00,240 --> 00:35:03,118 Well you are just a walking factoid factory, partner! 417 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:06,232 You have yourself a good night. 418 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,157 You, too, officer. 419 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:15,479 Oh.. would you mind if I took a gander at that DVD you were watching? 420 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,270 Curiosity killed the cat, Officer. 421 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,517 In my line of work, the cat gets a raise and a promotion. 422 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,753 My nine-year-old loves this one. 423 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,394 Especially this part with this singing cow. 424 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,196 I've got to admit, Stephen.. 425 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,311 I thought you were hiding something. 426 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,478 It kinda looks like something got dragged here. 427 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,071 You wanna come with me? 428 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,954 I need you to lift this up for me, Stephen. 429 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,878 - Officer, you don't want to smell.. - Open it. 430 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,154 So much for the raise and the promotion, Officer! 431 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,714 There we go. 432 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,674 I knew Columbo here would come back for the DVD. What do we do with him? 433 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,951 - Who is in the septic tank? - How do I know. 434 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,116 Check the papers, see who's missing. 435 00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:49,993 And then what, Gus? We killed somebody! 436 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:54,113 - Oh, you killed somebody! - Well, you kidnapped a cop! 437 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:59,155 - Oh, yes, I did! What do you propose? - I'm turning myself in. 438 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,396 They'll say murdered the real reverend. 439 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,796 - I had nothing to do with that! - So? What do they care? 440 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,071 Makes it all nice and neat for them. No messy loose ends. 441 00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:12,079 I'd bet good money they'll be all.. "Gosh! We finally caught the Undertaker!" 442 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,589 You'll be spitting fire and crying sparks. 443 00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:17,188 Enough, OK? Let's not make this worse than it is. 444 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,709 Charlie, how could this be any worse? 445 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,829 You're not going anywhere. 446 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:25,757 You're gonna shoot me? 447 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,077 I've got a family too, Charlie. I am not going to jail. 448 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,714 I am going to shoot you, Charlie! 449 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,599 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 450 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,354 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am! 451 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,191 Shit! 452 00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:58,671 Ah! I knew you would.. 453 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,271 I wouldn't do that. 454 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,197 Who the hell are you? 455 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:16,075 Considering that I live here, young man, the question is, "Who the hell are you?" 456 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:21,114 It's not what you think, Mrs Smalls. We're not burglars. 457 00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:24,118 Look.. we have some terrible news. 458 00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:27,710 Your husband, the reverend.. 459 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,831 has passed on. 460 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,679 Considering I put three bullets in his head 461 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,439 I should certainly hope so! 462 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,552 Mrs Smalls, you have the right to remain silent. 463 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,750 - Anything you say.. - Oh, please! 464 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,871 So you killed him? 465 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:46,197 I spent years turning a blind eye to that pervert's, er.. 466 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,709 shall we say filmmaking aspirations. 467 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,354 Max and I felt we deserved a share of his benefits. 468 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:55,717 - Who's Max? - A real man. 469 00:38:56,720 --> 00:39:01,077 We're going from here to somewhere where we'll never worry ever again. 470 00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,148 - Er.. Ahem! - What? 471 00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,953 I think he may already be there. 472 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:13,637 - What? He wouldn't leave without me. - He didn't really have a choice. 473 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,955 - It was an accident. - OK! 474 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,799 - Shut up.. - Why don't you both shut up! 475 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,793 All right, where's the money? 476 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:29,038 - Sorry, what money? - Two million dollars doesn't just vanish! 477 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,071 - Two.. - Yeah, where is it? 478 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,437 Oh dear! 479 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,357 I guess I'll just have to count to three. One.. 480 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,471 - No, Mrs Smalls! - Tell her where it is. 481 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:43,033 - We don't know! - Two.. 482 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,879 Tell her! 483 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:02,353 We'll, I'll be! I haven't heard Pink Floyd in years. 484 00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,279 Well, pa, time to fire up the old septic tank! 485 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:21,952 By the way, what happened exactly? 486 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:26,390 Sure. Charlie drowned the reverend, who he thought was dead 487 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:28,670 even though he wasn't, in the septic tank. 488 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,791 Turns out he wasn't the real reverend. 489 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:33,115 The real reverend was murdered by his wife, 490 00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:36,312 the woman whose head you split with an axe - stellar timing! 491 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:41,309 She planned to run away with her lover, Max, now deceased, thanks to Charlie, 492 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:45,319 and the two million dollars the reverend raised from his side venture 493 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,876 in shooting and selling snuff films. Okey-dokey? 494 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,549 - Groovy! - Groovy? 495 00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:55,433 Three people died tonight, Josie. 496 00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,109 In this business, unfortunately, death is an occupational hazard. 497 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:04,075 And by the way, way to go using my name in front of the cop.. Charlie! 498 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,760 Hey, look. I can help. 499 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:11,509 I'll testify that I heard Mrs Smalls confess to killing her husband. 500 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:15,599 As for Mrs Smalls, she was threatening the life of a police officer. 501 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,908 - What about the guy in the tank? - You killed him by accident. 502 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,237 You wouldn't do much time. Five years, tops. 503 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,351 Oh my God! 504 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:36,111 Well that doesn't suck! 505 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,035 I have to hand it to you. That was a brilliant plan after all. 506 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:44,118 Can you believe it? We're rich. 507 00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:46,993 You guys can keep my share. I'm gonna turn myself in. 508 00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,190 If I go to jail, I go to jail. 509 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,550 Don't be ridiculous! You earned this. 510 00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:53,636 They'll just hunt us down like animals. 511 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,593 With this kind of money you can disappear. 512 00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:59,473 I have a wife and daughter, I don't want to disappear. 513 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,556 Fine. Gus and I will leave the state 514 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,990 and we'll just drop you and the deputy in the middle of nowhere. 515 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,554 - How's that sound? - Let's get rid of the deputy. 516 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,238 - What? - Good thinking! 517 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,989 Since he's the only one who can testify that we're innocent of the murder. 518 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:14,951 OK, Miss Teen Oklahoma.. 519 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,275 Help! 520 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,592 Help! 521 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,036 - Hold his head. - What are you doing? 522 00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,515 Just helping him relax a little. 523 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,594 My friend here decided to surrender. 524 00:43:04,720 --> 00:43:07,154 We'll drop you both somewhere and say goodbye. 525 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:11,193 - You're making a big mistake. - Let's get out of here. 526 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,831 Wait, wait! 527 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,189 - I gotta go pee. - Oh.. 528 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,551 - Please? - OK. 529 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,876 Wait.. 530 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,753 - The handcuffs. - In your dreams! 531 00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,678 There are certain requirements.. 532 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:43,870 There. Enjoy! 533 00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:05,155 I'm sorry.. 534 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:07,475 I can't go if you're, er.. watching. 535 00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:09,830 Could you just close.. 536 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,877 Stage fright! It happens to the best of us. 537 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,591 One minute warning. 538 00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,635 You dropped this. 539 00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,591 - No, I can explain.. Argh! - Get up, partner! 540 00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:56,235 - What the hell's the matter with you? - It's a flight to Vegas. 541 00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:59,591 8:00 am. We were supposed to meet at noon to split the money. 542 00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:03,508 - That asshole broke my nose! - You better have an explanation. 543 00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:08,919 All right, I lied about Thais needing a cornea transplant. She's fine. 544 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:13,949 - I owe my wife 300,000 bucks. - I'm sorry? 545 00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:17,834 I owe my ex-wife 300,000 dollars and because of her snake of a lawyer 546 00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,713 there is a restraining order against me until I pay up. 547 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,479 I have not seen or talked to my daughter in two years. 548 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,511 - Why not say? - Would you have helped? 549 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,915 - Of course not. - Well, there you go, then! 550 00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,200 - Oh my God! - There goes our alibi. 551 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,278 Uh-uh! Freakin' fantastic! 552 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:46,915 Don't you see? None of us has to run away or turn ourselves in. 553 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,600 What do you propose? We roam the country 554 00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:51,711 like Bonnie and Clyde.. and Clyde? 555 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:56,595 No. First, we take the cop's car and crash it into a tree up the road. 556 00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:59,280 We put him and the reverend's wife in her car 557 00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:01,675 and push it over the cliff at Grouse Point. 558 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:06,078 - They'd find the car in a couple of days. - And what would the forensic figure? 559 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:10,034 That the deputy was driving under the influence of alcohol, crashed, 560 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,628 flagged down another car driven by Mrs Smalls, 561 00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,433 took control of the wheel and drove them off a cliff. 562 00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:19,189 And the wounds, they'd be more than covered up by the crash. 563 00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:21,834 So the reverend gets murdered on the same night 564 00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,952 that his wife gets driven off a cliff by a drunken cop? 565 00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,196 That doesn't sound very accidental. 566 00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,629 You know, he has a point.. for once. 567 00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:34,550 OK, er.. Then we plant Mrs Smalls' gun in the car with them. 568 00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,433 They figure it was the weapon that killed the reverend. 569 00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,279 They think.. maybe she had an affair with the deputy, 570 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:45,190 maybe they decide to off the reverend and then maybe they had an accident. 571 00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,749 - That's a hell of a lot of maybes! - Let's hear your bright idea, boss. 572 00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,758 Ooh! Old broad sure liked her food! 573 00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:03,599 Fancy body bags! 574 00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,716 - You're eating a lollypop? - I didn't have dinner. I need the sugar. 575 00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,590 - Ow! - Are you OK? 576 00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:16,439 Yeah. Let's just get this done. 577 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,236 Can you go any slower? 578 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,557 We don't wanna attract attention, now do we? 579 00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:29,274 No, we don't wanna go back in time, now do we? 580 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:34,671 It's only by going faster than light that one could theoretically go back in time. 581 00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:37,712 Yeah! Do me a favour - shut the fuck up! 582 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:43,992 You have some serious stress-related issues. You're not Canadian, are you? 583 00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,156 Wh.. What? 584 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:50,831 The 2003 statistical report on the health of Canadians states that 62 percent.. 585 00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:56,159 What's wrong with you? You pull these random facts and stats out of your ass, 586 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,714 and nobody really gives a shit! 587 00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:01,308 - Guys! - Jesus Christ, man! 588 00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,590 Charlie, here's a nifty stat for you - 589 00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:07,156 for a guy that knows everything, to get a job in a call centre 590 00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:11,034 you have to be, bar none, the biggest loser I have ever met in my life. 591 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,151 And I'm from Las Vegas! 592 00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,795 You ever hear of a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine? 593 00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:31,512 What? 594 00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,428 It's the chemical your brain uses for memory.. dummy. 595 00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,556 - Is it? - Yeah, that's exactly right. 596 00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:43,151 See, the reason I lost my teaching job is I have this disorder, 597 00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:46,511 typified by a gradual, acute neuro-degeneration 598 00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:48,631 of the cerebral cortex. 599 00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:53,675 Or if that's too "pulled out of my ass" for you, I'm slowly losing my memory. 600 00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:56,832 Are you making this up? 601 00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:00,839 The doctors think that, in a year or two, my mind will be a total blank. 602 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,428 So the only thing I can do to slow things down 603 00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:06,677 is to keep working my memory as much as possible. 604 00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,990 Do you remember what's in the blue bag? 605 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,793 What blue bag? 606 00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:17,590 Jeez, guy, I'm really sorry. You know.. 607 00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:29,032 Hey, Gus, what's the Greek word for bullshit? 608 00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,151 - You sonofabitch! - Stop it! 609 00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,236 Damn it! What the.. 610 00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:46,397 - Are you fucking crazy? - He lied to us again! 611 00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:48,988 He doesn't have a daughter.. 612 00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:51,873 Is everyone OK in there? 613 00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:56,556 We're fine. 614 00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,956 Everything's fine. So, thanks for coming over. 615 00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,674 - I think we should call the police. - What? 616 00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:05,758 No, let's not bother them. They've got a lot on their plate. 617 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:07,871 You're fine, your car's fine. 618 00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:11,595 Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's standard procedure, isn't it? 619 00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:16,589 I'll be honest with you, I don't give a rat's ass for standard procedure. 620 00:51:16,720 --> 00:51:20,508 Here, why don't you pack your fat ass back in your car 621 00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:23,598 and buy yourself as big a sandwich as your heart desires. 622 00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:26,598 Is that standard enough procedure for you? 623 00:51:26,720 --> 00:51:28,870 - Your trunk is open. - What? 624 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,875 You all going on a trip somewhere? 625 00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:36,993 Sure looks you're packed for a long one. Is that your entire wardrobe in there? 626 00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,350 No, it's a couple of dead bodies. 627 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,673 - That was a good one! - I'm glad you liked it.. 628 00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,234 Oh, jeez! 629 00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:52,909 Oh, it's time for old stingy! 630 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:54,871 What? 631 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,070 Oh, it's insulin. 632 00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,191 Whatever! 633 00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:08,915 Freak show! 634 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,757 - Ow! - You sonofabitch! 635 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:16,236 Granted, I lied, but I have a responsibility towards myself. 636 00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:19,511 - When I got out of prison, I swore.. - What? What? 637 00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:22,438 You were in prison? For what? 638 00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:26,394 I kind of convinced some people to invest in some businesses 639 00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:29,353 that weren't actually, technically in existence. 640 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:32,233 - Anything else you forgot, sociopath? - Oh, come on! 641 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:35,272 - Aren't you overreacting a bit? - Overreacting? 642 00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,834 I happen to be a very good conman. 643 00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:40,997 That's my talent. What do you want me to do, waste it? 644 00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:44,157 You don't go around using it on your partners, jerk! 645 00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:48,629 I bet Gus isn't even your real name. What is it? 646 00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:52,196 - No, really, I'd love to know. - My mother, God rest her soul.. 647 00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:55,118 named me after Augustus.. 648 00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,511 What the.. 649 00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:40,916 - Maybe she's jumped out the trunk. - She didn't jump out of any trunk. 650 00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:43,395 - She's fucking dead. - Did you check her pulse? 651 00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,592 - Er.. no. - Why didn't you check her pulse? 652 00:53:46,720 --> 00:53:50,315 Because I assume that when you have an axe lodged in your skull 653 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,431 your pulse tends to bottom out on you! 654 00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:56,439 - Maybe you shouldn't assume so much. - All right, just settle down, kids! 655 00:53:56,560 --> 00:54:00,075 All that matters now is that we find her before someone else does. 656 00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:04,034 - Try to keep it on the road this time! - Hey, fuck you! Fuck you both! 657 00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:10,076 When people ain't punching me in the eye, my driving is just perfect. 658 00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:11,838 Argh! 659 00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:36,438 Want me to check her pulse? 660 00:54:41,720 --> 00:54:43,790 Shit! 661 00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,914 - Charlie? - Hi, honey! 662 00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,271 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? 663 00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:58,109 Wh.. We had an anonymous call reporting a body in the road. 664 00:54:58,240 --> 00:54:59,958 We just ran over it. 665 00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,355 Hi, I'm Josie McBroom. 666 00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:05,472 I thought you were having a drink with your supervisor. 667 00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:09,912 Technically, I'm Junior Supervisor but they did place Charlie under me. 668 00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:14,310 - Oh.. - And you must be.. 669 00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:16,192 - Penelope Wood. - Penelope. 670 00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:18,675 - Detective Penelope Wood. - Of course! 671 00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:22,236 Charlie has told me a lot about you.. 672 00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:25,113 Did he say he has a little girl and that I brought her.. 673 00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:28,676 - Emily's here? ..because there's no one at home? 674 00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:30,791 Now, what happened, exactly? 675 00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:34,629 Well, we were driving into town 676 00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:37,149 and all of a sudden - bang! 677 00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,636 We ran over this body here. There was nothing I could do to avoid her. 678 00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:44,150 No one could have. I swear, she just popped out of nowhere. 679 00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:48,756 - And you are? - Who, me? I'm Gus. 680 00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:52,395 Gus Dickinson is my name. A co-worker of Charlie's. 681 00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,912 - Who are you calling? - My deputy. 682 00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,277 Aren't you gonna answer that? 683 00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:11,472 Uh-uh! It's probably just my ex-boyfriend. 684 00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,750 Freakin' stalker, you know? 685 00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:21,076 Deputy Garmen, Detective Wood here. You need to report in immediately. 686 00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:23,839 Detective Wood. 687 00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:27,477 Where? 688 00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:31,037 Shit! 689 00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:33,549 - The Eye is at the station. - The what? 690 00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:38,629 All right, I want you all to follow me down there. I'm gonna need your statements. 691 00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:42,116 Can't that wait till tomorrow? I'm sure it more productive 692 00:56:42,240 --> 00:56:44,800 if we'd had a good night's sleep, right? 693 00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,475 You might have mentioned that your wife was a detective. 694 00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:52,999 Shut up. 695 00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:56,192 Gus, you might have mentioned about not really owing alimony 696 00:56:56,320 --> 00:57:00,108 to your imaginary wife & your imaginary daughter not really going blind. 697 00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:02,390 Touché! 698 00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,796 Everyone, this is Special Agent Chester Hymes. 699 00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:10,038 Well, can you beat this? My friends with the bodies in the trunk. 700 00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:13,477 - What? - It's an inside joke! 701 00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:16,398 We ran into each other earlier. How do you do? 702 00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:21,198 - I'm ready. - Charlie, can you look after Emmy. 703 00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:23,311 You two follow us. 704 00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:28,558 - We're screwed! - Not if we keep out story straight. 705 00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:32,116 We had a few beers at Gus's place, that's the end if it. Got it? 706 00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,674 Got it. 707 00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:36,438 Gus.. 708 00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,908 - We're screwed! - Oh, come on! 709 00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,838 Do you think Agent Hippo is gonna figure out more 710 00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,474 than where to find a really great buffet? 711 00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:48,353 These abrasions on her knees and elbows 712 00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:50,755 indicate a leap from a moving vehicle. 713 00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:54,475 We can deduce that Mrs Smalls' would-be killer 714 00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:59,230 presupposed her already dead when she was transported by automobile. 715 00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:02,909 Are you all right, Mr Dickinson? 716 00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:07,511 Er.. yeah. This is the first dead body for me, so.. 717 00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:10,596 - And I drunk beers at my place. - Yeah. 718 00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:14,235 Other than the axe wound, which, judging from the angle of entry, 719 00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:17,750 came from a much shorter person, possibly a female, 720 00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:21,509 nothing here indicates any sort of fisticuffs ever took place. 721 00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:26,998 I can safely say that Mrs Smalls' murderer can be found.. 722 00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:29,031 within this very room. 723 00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:31,879 - What? - Oh! Just a figure of speech! 724 00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:36,596 What I mean to say is her body will tell me who her killer is 725 00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:39,393 after a more thorough examination. 726 00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:43,035 However, I can hazard a name right now. 727 00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:45,515 Please do. 728 00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:49,474 I'm sure it will come as no surprise that her killer 729 00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:51,989 is none other than.. 730 00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:55,754 the Oregon Undertaker. 731 00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:59,759 Well, we all could have figured that out, Agent Hymes. 732 00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:02,075 Indeed. 733 00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:37,555 Everything's gonna be OK, sweetie. 734 00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:50,790 Hey! So, er.. I guess I'll take Emily home. 735 00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:52,911 Why don't you leave her here with me? 736 00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:57,312 - Yah, but I can easily.. - Goodnight. 737 00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:03,519 Wait! You're not going anywhere, little lady! 738 01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:07,069 Not without your coat. 739 01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:18,796 - Would anyone care to say something? - Just take me home. 740 01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:22,394 No way! We've got a dead cop to ditch first. 741 01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:26,433 I don't care about the cop. I don't even care about the money anymore. 742 01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:30,235 I just wanna go home and pretend this never happened. 743 01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:33,716 Yeah, it hasn't exactly been a run-of-the-mill night on the town. 744 01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:36,308 All I wanted was to take care of my family. 745 01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:42,155 OK, Charlie, the sooner we dispose of the deputy's body, 746 01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:45,670 the sooner you can get started on your pretend happily ever after. 747 01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:48,268 Now how does that sound? 748 01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:51,949 'You've reached Stu Garmen. Speak after the beep..' 749 01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:53,672 Shit! 750 01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:04,359 Come on, sweetheart. It's time to go home. 751 01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:18,391 Oh, Charlie.. 752 01:01:46,720 --> 01:01:49,109 - You're sure he'll sink in there? - Absolutely! 753 01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:52,231 - You've done this before? - Never. 754 01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:55,830 Unrefined, unheated tar has a viscosity grade of 250,000. 755 01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:58,758 So what does that mean? He won't sink? 756 01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:03,351 He'll sink. It might take a week or so, but he'll sink. 757 01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:07,870 Well.. we better get started then. 758 01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:27,198 Hold it! 759 01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,479 You followed us. 760 01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:36,469 I figured it would be more expedient than listening to bull pucky testimony. 761 01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:39,478 I guess I was right, just like always. 762 01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:41,591 - OK.. - Listen.. 763 01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:46,714 Agent Hymes, you let us go and there's a million dollars with your name on it. 764 01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,916 You're offering a Federal agent a bribe? 765 01:02:51,040 --> 01:02:53,429 - Yeah. - Thanks, little lady. 766 01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:58,309 Gus, come over here for a second, would you? 767 01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:03,635 Tell me I'm fat! 768 01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,149 I was joking! 769 01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:09,670 I wanna hear you tell the fat guy how fat he is. 770 01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:12,314 I was kidding, all right? 771 01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:15,151 You might be a little on the heavy side 772 01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:18,033 but it's nothing that a few centuries jogging can't fix! 773 01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:22,312 - Argh! Sonofabitch! - I'm sorry, did that pinch? 774 01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:28,356 All right, the official version is that Gus here attacked me during an arrest. 775 01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:32,314 - And I was defending myself.. - Stupid walrus.. Argh! 776 01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:37,798 The official version is that Gus tripped and fell on his face during the arrest. 777 01:03:37,920 --> 01:03:43,040 Ok, there's 2 million dollars in a bag in the car. It's all yours, just take it. 778 01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:46,789 Wow! Can you beat that? One million just became two million. 779 01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:50,629 And people said this economy would never bounce back! 780 01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:52,876 Argh! 781 01:03:56,840 --> 01:03:59,877 - Shoot him in the fucking eye! - What? Shut up! 782 01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:01,433 - Wait! - Don't move! 783 01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:05,760 - I know who you are. - What? 784 01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:11,432 I thought you looked familiar.. Fellas, your accomplice is Lucy Bloom, 785 01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:16,429 AKA Lucy McJoseph, AKA Josie McBroom. 786 01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:20,519 - What are you talking about? - You're the Wyoming Widow. 787 01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:22,312 What? 788 01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:25,876 Gentlemen, the Wyoming Widow's MO is always the same. 789 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:31,279 She seduces an unsuspecting fellow, she fornicates with him 790 01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:33,789 and then she offers up a little sip of whiskey. 791 01:04:33,920 --> 01:04:38,152 The poor sucker never lives long enough to realize that he also just drank 792 01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:40,510 highly concentrated thallium. 793 01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:44,394 You've been watching too many soap operas, Agent Hymes! 794 01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:50,189 You're not believing this crap, are you? 795 01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:54,632 They say that she always keeps her trusty flask on her person, 796 01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:58,309 just in case the next bug flies into her web. 797 01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:03,594 Oh, come on! He's just making this crap up to save his ass! 798 01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:08,669 I could have sworn I felt one inside of her coat pocket back at the station. 799 01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:13,396 Empty your pockets, Josie. 800 01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,634 Charlie.. 801 01:05:25,920 --> 01:05:27,433 Holy shit! 802 01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:30,870 You planted this in my coat back at the station, didn't you? 803 01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:32,831 No, I didn't. I swear to God! 804 01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:34,757 This isn't mine. 805 01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:39,192 - He is lying. He is lying! - Take a drink. 806 01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:43,514 - Oh.. - Take a sip, Josie. 807 01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:53,953 There. 808 01:05:55,040 --> 01:05:57,918 Are you ha.. 809 01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:00,349 - Josie? - Oh, my God! 810 01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:04,075 Oh, God! Josie! Come on, spit it out! 811 01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:10,511 - You are so pathetic! - That was not funny. 812 01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:18,351 You dumb shits! I told you he was just trying to mess with us! Fuck! Fuck! 813 01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:28,511 Jesus! 814 01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:34,471 I think that belongs to Uncle Sam. 815 01:07:34,600 --> 01:07:37,592 Now hold on. We're on the same side here, Chester. 816 01:07:40,200 --> 01:07:42,077 I'm an agent too. 817 01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,790 - When the hell did you take that off me? - Back at the station. 818 01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:55,910 Listen, here's the thing, Gus - 819 01:07:56,040 --> 01:07:58,952 there's a friend of mine, an agent, one of the best. 820 01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:01,594 He's been protecting the innocent a long time now. 821 01:08:01,720 --> 01:08:04,393 And, well.. 822 01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:06,954 he's gotten fed up with working his ass off 823 01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:10,709 for ungrateful morons who call him fatty. 824 01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:13,791 A pat on the back if things go right, 825 01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:16,718 or the stars and stripes on his coffin if they don't. 826 01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:18,831 It just doesn't cut it anymore. 827 01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:22,757 I have two million here. 828 01:08:22,880 --> 01:08:25,599 Believe when I say no one will ever claim it. 829 01:08:25,720 --> 01:08:29,429 Tell your friend there's a million for him and a million for me. 830 01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:33,712 What about two million for him and nothing for you. 831 01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:36,593 Oh, come on, Chetty! We're partners here. 832 01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:40,508 You insult me, Gus. You're not even a real criminal. 833 01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:43,029 You're just a small-time crook 834 01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:45,720 who got shot twice in the chest resisting arrest. 835 01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:49,553 Listen, I have a daughter, Thais.. 836 01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:53,958 Thais. That's Greek for 'Beloved'. 837 01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:01,913 - You shot me. - That's the first true thing you've said. 838 01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:21,555 What took you so long? 839 01:10:00,680 --> 01:10:02,477 Mummy.. 840 01:10:03,480 --> 01:10:06,472 It's all right, sweetheart. Go back to sleep. 841 01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:20,357 Wait! You know I can't eat this much sugar. 842 01:10:20,480 --> 01:10:22,948 You shouldn't do this. 843 01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:26,197 - Like you shouldn't have killed Gus. - Keep eating. 844 01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:30,959 Gus was a backstabber. 845 01:10:31,080 --> 01:10:34,436 He told me he was gonna kill you and make off with the money. 846 01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:40,037 That's why I killed him. I saved your life. I'm telling you the truth! 847 01:10:40,160 --> 01:10:44,676 89.9 percent of all US Government agents can beat a lie detector. 848 01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:49,312 Please.. this isn't right, Charlie. 849 01:10:49,440 --> 01:10:52,034 You know this isn't right. 850 01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:55,835 - Your wife is an officer of the law. - Shut up! Shut the fuck up! 851 01:10:58,200 --> 01:11:00,395 Oh, God. 852 01:11:00,520 --> 01:11:03,432 I don't wanna die! 853 01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:06,313 I don't wanna die.. 854 01:11:06,440 --> 01:11:09,796 Please.. Oh.. 855 01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:25,431 - God, we really did it, huh? - What? 856 01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:27,790 We really turned into monsters. 857 01:11:29,800 --> 01:11:31,392 Oh, Charlie.. 858 01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:37,591 Oh, come on. 859 01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:40,314 I say it was worth it. 860 01:11:41,400 --> 01:11:44,437 Let's get the body in the car. It's heavy enough to sink. 861 01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:46,949 Wait.. 862 01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:49,833 There's still one passenger missing. 863 01:11:54,720 --> 01:11:59,032 You said you wanted to pretend none of this ever happened.. 864 01:12:00,440 --> 01:12:04,911 One sip of this.. and you can kiss all your worries goodbye. 865 01:12:07,640 --> 01:12:10,438 - The Wyoming Widow? - Yeah. 866 01:12:12,520 --> 01:12:15,717 But I saw you drink it. 867 01:12:15,840 --> 01:12:18,752 Never far from my trusty flasks! 868 01:12:20,080 --> 01:12:21,479 - Brilliant. - Yeah! 869 01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:25,593 After all, I was Miss Teen Wyoming. 870 01:12:26,560 --> 01:12:30,838 Now, Obviously I can't let you go and risk having you report me 871 01:12:30,960 --> 01:12:35,636 and, fuck, two million does sound a heck of a lot nicer than one million! 872 01:12:36,680 --> 01:12:39,558 - You were right, Penny. - What's that? 873 01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:43,513 Penelope always said money won't make you rich, I just.. 874 01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:46,154 I just didn't believe her. 875 01:12:47,560 --> 01:12:51,030 You do seem like a genuinely decent guy, Charlie. 876 01:12:51,160 --> 01:12:54,835 - I'm real sorry I gotta do this. - You don't have a choice, do you? 877 01:12:54,960 --> 01:12:57,520 No, I don't. But you do. 878 01:12:57,640 --> 01:13:01,758 You want me to shoot you or you want to go for the whiskey? 879 01:13:04,840 --> 01:13:06,831 What did Hymes say you used? 880 01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:10,396 Concentrated thallium. Much quicker than cyanide. 881 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:19,116 Any last words, Charlie? 882 01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,991 Don't spend it all at one place. 883 01:13:25,480 --> 01:13:27,277 What? 884 01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:41,708 What? What? 885 01:13:41,840 --> 01:13:43,876 What? 886 01:13:46,720 --> 01:13:50,429 No! Oh! 887 01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:53,279 What the fuck? 888 01:13:53,400 --> 01:13:57,996 Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Fuck! 889 01:14:24,160 --> 01:14:28,153 'Charlie, Penelope and Emily can't come to the phone. 890 01:14:28,280 --> 01:14:30,669 'Please leave us a message.' 891 01:14:30,800 --> 01:14:34,270 'This is a message for Charlie Wood. My name is Samuel Koenig, 892 01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:38,188 'I'm Senior VP of Barstow Publishing Self Help Division here in Seattle. 893 01:14:38,320 --> 01:14:41,312 'Listen, I'm calling in regards to this book you sent us, 894 01:14:41,440 --> 01:14:43,908 "'Build A Better Brain And Beat The Big Nothing." 895 01:14:44,040 --> 01:14:46,031 'It seems to me like it's a no-brainer! 896 01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:48,549 'Seriously, though, we have an offer for you. 897 01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:50,796 'We think you'll be happy with it. 898 01:14:50,920 --> 01:14:53,912 'Please call me back at your earliest convenience..' 899 01:15:54,640 --> 01:15:56,835 - Hi. - Hi. Where you headed? 900 01:15:56,960 --> 01:16:00,873 - As far away from here as possible. - That one we could do for you. 901 01:16:02,360 --> 01:16:05,158 This must be my lucky day. 902 01:16:08,360 --> 01:16:11,158 Er.. let me just double-check something. 903 01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:30,439 - All set. - All righty! 904 01:17:08,400 --> 01:17:14,400 {\an5} SubText: NoRMITA.326 905 01:17:28,240 --> 01:17:30,231 And.. action. 906 01:17:33,520 --> 01:17:35,511 Again. 907 01:17:37,680 --> 01:17:39,671 Again. 908 01:17:42,120 --> 01:17:44,111 And.. again. 909 01:17:44,240 --> 01:17:46,231 - Hi! - Ah! 910 01:17:48,280 --> 01:17:50,236 Thank you. 911 01:21:34,520 --> 01:21:36,511 I got him! I got him!