1 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,394 Do all detectives keep white wine in their desks? 2 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,479 No, most detectives in literature have whiskey, 3 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,657 but I tend to black out and throw up on the brown stuff. 4 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,950 I used to be weak that way. 5 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,948 Every time I would drink Scotch, I would lose my panties. 6 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,654 It was always annoying the next morning. 7 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:15,455 So you said on the phone that you had some information about my father. 8 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,536 About both our missing fathers. 9 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:20,088 I also began life at the Hudson Sperm Bank. 10 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,883 Well, it's wonderful to meet a fellow donation. 11 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,710 - You know the place burned down, right? - I know. 12 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,966 And the owner Donald Stark has gone off the grid. 13 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,388 You know the owners name? 14 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:34,429 Well, without Stark there are no records, so we've hit the same dead end. 15 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,855 That's not true. 16 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,183 - I found Fishman. - Fishman? 17 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:43,312 Fishman, who witnessed the devastating fire. 18 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,693 Fishman, his face blackened by smoke. 19 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,358 Fishman, his hair singed. 20 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,612 The same man was at each fire? 21 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,697 Oh, my God. Fishman must be a... 22 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,866 A professional firebug. 23 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,034 He is. 24 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,664 Stark hired him to burn the bank. Fishman is our link to the records. 25 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,542 - And you need me to find him. - I already have. 26 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,134 Aw, come on! 27 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,258 He's in Rikers. He's doing eight to ten. I'm seeing him tomorrow morning. 28 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,926 You've practically solved the case. 29 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,724 - Why do you want to hire me? - I don't. 30 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,052 I felt sorry for you when I saw you on the Cavett Show. 31 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,059 You looked so lost and disturbed. 32 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,271 Is it because I went crotch closed instead of crotch open? 33 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,438 Yes. 34 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,653 I knew I should have gone crotch open. 35 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,777 My friend George told me I should go crotch closed. 36 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:29,782 His fault. 37 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,450 Hey, Leah, don't know why you're not calling me back. 38 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:38,250 I'm not sure if it's because I cheated on you or because you lost my phone number. 39 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:41,795 But listen, if it's the cheating, call me back, okay? 40 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,167 This is Ray. 41 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,795 Hey, Emily. Dad again, your father. 42 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,252 Call me back sometime, sweetie. 43 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,300 No luck. 44 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,508 Me neither. 45 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,342 I wish Leah would go ahead and forgive me already. 46 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,642 I don't know what's taking so long. 47 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,100 You're just gonna have to suffer for a while, Ray. 48 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,433 That's all there is to it. It's your penance. 49 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:06,441 Well, the weird thing is I kind of don't want the pain to be over. 50 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:10,069 That's because when the pain ends, the love ends. 51 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,823 Come to bed, Ray. Come on. 52 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,366 So is that neck sling helping at all? 53 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:23,829 Well, I feel taller, but my back still hurts. 54 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,666 Well, I've got something for you then. 55 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,216 Oh, like a present? 56 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,127 Well... 57 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,463 Oh, it's a book. 58 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,844 Great. 59 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,972 "Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection." 60 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,145 Dr. John E. Sarno. 61 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,518 I hear that it works wonders. 62 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,770 And here's another gift for you. 63 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,445 - What's this? - Well, this is for your nose, Ray. 64 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,943 Your snoring is starting to unravel me. 65 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:55,243 The revue is tomorrow night and I need my rest. 66 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,372 Yeah, I think this thing's working. 67 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:07,414 Sometimes you just irritate the hell out of me. 68 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,171 Hey, George, will you get me a glass of juice, please? 69 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:14,095 Half guava, half apple with a splash of orange 70 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,718 and a little hint of grapefruit 71 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,425 and a segment of lime. Quickly. 72 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,935 We want Donald Stark. Where is he? 73 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:28,565 I've already told you I had nothing to do with that sperm shop. 74 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:30,316 I was out looking for my cat. 75 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:33,444 I smelled smoke. It piqued my interest. 76 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,275 Liar! 77 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,278 You seem like a dog person. 78 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,452 - No. - Really? 79 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,623 Were you out looking for your cat on this night? How about this night? 80 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,916 Did you find your pussy on this night? 81 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,289 - Okay. - What about that night? 82 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,496 Yeah, seems like a lot of nights. 83 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:51,295 Great. Caught me in a little lie, did ya? 84 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,967 But I'm a pro, honey. 85 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,216 You think I got where I am by being a snitch? 86 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,883 - Rikers? Ha! - Okay, don't rub it in, girlie. 87 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,436 I will rub ii in. I need to find my father. 88 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,229 Please, help me. 89 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,684 Yeah, help us. 90 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:15,525 You know, I grew up in an orphanage. 91 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,323 It's where I first started lighting fires, 92 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:20,912 for the attention. 93 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,537 Who knew it would blossom into a career, right? 94 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,750 Well, then you know what it's like to want to find your family. 95 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,675 Yeah, I do. 96 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:39,340 - Okay, the man you want is Harry Bergeron. - Harry Bergeron. 97 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:42,141 Used to be Stark, used to be a number of other names, too, 98 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:45,266 but he burns a business about once every year. 99 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,764 Where can we find him? 100 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,020 He runs a cap store out in Coney Island, 101 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,227 Susquehanna Hats on Bagel Street. 102 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,030 - Mr. Fishman, I could kiss you. - Really? 103 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,359 Then what's stopping you, honey? I got three more years in this shit-box. 104 00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,863 Come on, give it to me. 105 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,616 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fishman! 106 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:04,952 That's enough, buddy! 107 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,835 Oh, man! I was so close to that. 108 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,787 I almost had it in there. 109 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,124 Are you all right? 110 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,958 Thank you. 111 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,292 Hey, George? 112 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,876 George, I'm healed! Praise Sarno! 113 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,086 George, George. 114 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,793 George, wake up. There's been a miracle. 115 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,423 What's... What's going... 116 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,255 It's... It's barely 10:00. 117 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,886 Was there a financial crisis? 118 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,593 My back pain is completely gone. Your book healed my back. 119 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,349 You read the whole thing? 120 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,476 No, I read the whole back cover 121 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,432 and then I slept on it, and the combination worked. 122 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,358 Well, that's wonderful. 123 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,020 I mean, the book must have seeped into you. 124 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,107 Sarno said I invented my back spasms so I wouldn't feel anything else. 125 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,775 You got that from the back cover? 126 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,860 Yeah. Isn't that amazing? 127 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:24,945 I'm in charge. 128 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:26,822 I'm in charge! 129 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,374 Ray Hueston is in charge of his body. 130 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,706 Ray Hueston is in charge... 131 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:33,870 Are you okay? 132 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,957 I'm good. I'm still in charge. 133 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,294 I'll take the lead with Bergeron 134 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,721 since you were in charge of the Fishman interrogation, okay? 135 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,173 Okay. Are you sure you're up for it? 136 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,341 I am a detective' you know? 137 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:49,268 - Ooh, I love Ferris wheels. - Me, too. 138 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,514 - We need to stay on task. - Right. 139 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,229 There's our meat. 140 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,729 Are you Harry Bergeron? 141 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:00,773 Depends who's asking. 142 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,566 - We are. - Who's we? 143 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,276 - Depends who's asking. - I am. 144 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,240 - Who's I? - Depends who's asking. 145 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,658 - I'm ask... - Ah. 146 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,081 Okay, we know you're Harrison Bergeron, 147 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,121 but are you also Donald Stark, 148 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,170 who once owned the Hudson Sperm Bank in Fair Lawn, New Jersey? 149 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,501 Inside. 150 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,258 Wipe your feet. 151 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,547 Are you the cops? 152 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,758 You look like graduate students. 153 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:31,345 No, but I am getting my PhD in Library Science from Columbia. 154 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:35,183 And I wasn't accepted to grad school, but I am an unlicensed private detective. 155 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,356 So you're a shamus. How'd you find me? 156 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:41,279 As arsonist named Fishman led us here. We saw him at Rikers. 157 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,355 Oh, yeah? 158 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,362 I always liked Fishman. 159 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,694 It's convenient when you're a smoker to have him around. 160 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,278 He's always quick with a match. 161 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,453 Nice Jewish boy. 162 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,621 But let's get to the point. 163 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,585 What do you want with me? 164 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,334 Are you with the insurance companies? 165 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:01,166 No, we're not interested in your smoky trail of arson. 166 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,126 We just want to know about the sperm bank because... 167 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:06,213 Well, we come from it. 168 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:07,881 Oh. 169 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,636 Well' it's been a long time since I was in the sperm business. 170 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,142 After that, it was laundromats, then liquor stores. 171 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,724 I always try to provide what's essential. 172 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,684 But did you keep any of the records? 173 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,691 All I know about my dad is that, 174 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,109 well, he was Greek and he had a beautiful singing voice. 175 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,116 Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. 176 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,741 When the building burned down, everything was lost. 177 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,287 Oh, no. 178 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,583 If you hadn't engaged in fraud, this girl might have been able 179 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,660 to find her father with the beautiful singing voice. 180 00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,001 I hope you realize what you've robbed her of. 181 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,378 I understand, kid. 182 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:46,507 When I was your age, I was the same way, all chip and no shoulders. 183 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,256 I've got shoulders, two of 'em. 184 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,341 You remember anything' you call me. 185 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,013 Let's get out of here. 186 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,143 Look, I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. 187 00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:02,020 Would you... Would you like some wonder hats'? 188 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,103 Huh? 189 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,187 Half-price. 190 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,490 - I like the pink one... - No. 191 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,535 We don't want any hats. And I didn't wipe my feet. 192 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,121 I can't give these things away. 193 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,792 Hey, sweetie. Dad again. 194 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,748 Just wondering whether you got 195 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,802 all seven invitations to my performance tonight. 196 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,799 Bring Bernard. Call me back. 197 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,381 Or don't. Just show up. 8:00 p.m. 198 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,761 I love... Ugh! 199 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,306 - Cut off again? - Yes. 200 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,971 Even her voice-mail seems to know ifs me. 201 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,681 This will cheer you up. 202 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,357 Take a look at this. 203 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,067 This is before Sarno and this is after Sarno. 204 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,402 - Oh, God, this is wonderful. - Yeah. 205 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,074 - A little bulge there and everything - Yep. 206 00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:54,029 Now who's the misshapen dwarf on Super Ray's shoulder? 207 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,490 That's not a dwarf. That's my son. That's Super Spencer. 208 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,450 Oh, yeah. No, of course. No, I see that. 209 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:02,500 I'll tell you something, though. That Sarno seems to have had a powerful effect on you. 210 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,799 Yeah, now that I know that my back spasms were caused by repressed emotions, 211 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,000 I find I can really draw again. 212 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,177 So what feeling were you not feeling? 213 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,511 Oh, shit, I forgot that part of it. 214 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,389 Hey, look, don't question it, you know. 215 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,516 You've had a breakthrough. That's enough for one day. 216 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,690 I tell you' I haven't had a breakthrough in years. 217 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:26,019 Oh, Ray, I am so very proud of you. 218 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,775 George, what are you doing? 219 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,902 I'm a real artist. Don't do that. I'm not a child. 220 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,030 But I tuck you in every night. 221 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,827 I bring you food from the restaurant. 222 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,826 I thought you liked being infantilized. 223 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,873 Yeah, at my bedtime. 224 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,785 And at my mealtime. 225 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,792 Okay, all right. Mr. Grumpy. 226 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:48,879 Stop. 227 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,345 Sorry I got angry back there at Bergeron's. 228 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:57,471 It's just that I was so angry, which is why I got so angry. 229 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,893 I'm angry, too. 230 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,517 Now we'll never know what diseases we're prone to. 231 00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,223 Yeah. I mean, that pisses me off. 232 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,933 I would have liked to have known those diseases. 233 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,438 Me, too. 234 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,020 On my mother's side I have balding, but that's not an illness. 235 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,696 I just really wanted to find my dad. 236 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:14,822 I feel like there's a book missing from the shelf of my life. 237 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,320 He'! 238 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,577 I know what will make us feel better about those diseases. 239 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:29,003 You know, my parents' first date was to Coney Island. 240 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,084 That's romantic. 241 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,216 - It's a shame your dad was sterile. - Yeah. 242 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:38,300 I always thought I came from Brooklyn, but I guess that's not true. 243 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:42,684 I'm half Brooklyn, half mystery. 244 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:47,942 And you're half sexy in your own way. 245 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,520 You do have really big eyes. 246 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,570 You know, a therapist recently told me that. 247 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,411 That was an opening for you to kiss me. 248 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:01,456 I didn't really want to hear about therapy, but... 249 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:12,171 I am the knight of the mournful countenance. 250 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,297 Giddy-up, Rocinante! 251 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,469 Whoa, easy, boy. 252 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,091 Ah, my beautiful Don Quixote. 253 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,723 Josephine, thank God you came early. 254 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,189 I need a warm-up. 255 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,730 Not a problem. I'm not wearing any panties. 256 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:31,982 What? Really? 257 00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:35,986 No, no, I meant, you know, maybe scales or something. 258 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,786 I mean, I'm happy that we made love every lesson, but... 259 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,534 I'm a little nervous now about actually singing. 260 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,200 - It is too late for that now. - What? 261 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,207 This is the only lesson you'll need. 262 00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,750 Now don't you feel ready to sing? 263 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,177 Well, not exactly. 264 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,511 Whoa! 265 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,013 Whoa. 266 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,597 - Sorry, I'm a screamer. - That was amazing. 267 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,308 I felt the room and the bed move. 268 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,273 I know I was pretty good just now, 269 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:17,615 better than usual actually, but the room and bed did move. 270 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,699 The clock outside my window has a nervous twitch once an hour. 271 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,412 Oh. 272 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,953 Oh, right. 273 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:31,329 Would you ever consider solving cases on a more professional level? 274 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,958 - I've always been a lone operator, but... - I'll... 275 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,548 I'll give it some thought. 276 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,049 I could use a sidekick. 277 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,468 Okay. 278 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:46,144 And would you like to come to my friend's recital with me tonight? 279 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,980 It could be our first official date. 280 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,397 Oh, I can't. 281 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,771 I have a night class in parchment restoration. 282 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,363 But do you think the clock could twitch one more time before we leave? 283 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,323 No, it only does that once an hour. 284 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,614 How did you solve any cases before you met me? 285 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,118 - Oh. 286 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:23,757 "Emily, are you coming tonight," question mark. 287 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,889 Oh, hey, guys. You're so sweet to come. 288 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,183 - Don Quixote texting again? - Yeah, yeah. 289 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,683 Just waiting, like Beckett, 290 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,188 for a message from Emily that's never gonna come. 291 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,566 You know, George, you do look a lot like Samuel Beckett. 292 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,489 I know. I've heard that before. 293 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,785 It's depressing to look like the most depressed writer ever. 294 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,158 - Can I have one of these? - Oh, yeah, please. 295 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,330 You know, Josephine brought those to me. 296 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:51,751 They're pot cookies for after the show. 297 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,788 - You want one? - No, I'm on a natural high. 298 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,457 I just had transcendent sex with a girl named Rose. 299 00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,168 She's smart, pretty and a great detective. 300 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,803 - Wow. - You only get stoned when you're unhappy? 301 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,881 - That's not healthy. - You're right. 302 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,934 Oh, my God. That is so good. These chocolate chips are very melty. 303 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:14,983 Oh, I want melty chocolate. 304 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,564 That's our cue. Let's go. 305 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,112 Oh, oh. 306 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,439 Fellas, 307 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:26,653 if Emily does show up, put her stage left so she can see my better cheekbone. 308 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,864 I want her to be impressed by her father tonight. 309 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,331 George, you're not Streisand. 310 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,751 Well, tonight I am. 311 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,712 You guys are the best. 312 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,126 Whoa. 313 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:45,796 Ooh, look. 314 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,427 There's George's really hot singing teacher. 315 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,056 - She hugged me once. - Oh, she is hot. 316 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,722 - Hello, Josephine. - Hello. 317 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,603 This is George's only other friend, Jonathan. 318 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,484 - Hello. - Hello. Nice to meet you. 319 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,442 Oh, you're the one who broke his daughter's nose. 320 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,360 It wasn't me, it was a plushy. 321 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,613 Oh, excuse me. 322 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,617 - Hello? - It's Bergeron, Harry. 323 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,497 What do you want, hat man? 324 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:16,578 I have some information after all from the sperm bank days. 325 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,710 - Okay, spill it. - Not over the phone. 326 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,713 Meet me at the Brooklyn Aquarium in one hour. 327 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,089 Why not at Susquehanna? 328 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:27,263 The store isn't safe right now. Just meet me at the aquarium. 329 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:31,134 They have evening hours tonight, half price. It's a good deal. 330 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:42,688 These pot cookies you made are really starting to kick in. 331 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,568 Like, I have the tactile munchies. 332 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,989 You gotta feel my beard. It feels so good. Feel it. 333 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,280 - It does feel good. - Yeah. 334 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,031 I have to go. 335 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,827 I told you to use the restroom ten minutes ago. 336 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,914 Taxi, taxi! Taxi, taxi! 337 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,754 Coney Island! On the double. 338 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:21,442 Everyone! 339 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:42,539 Yeah, let's give it up for Mark Foster-Yang, class of 2002, 340 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,295 singing from Cats, but a Bulldog at heart. 341 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:49,053 And now, please welcome our next performer, 342 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:52,173 George Christopher, class of '69. 343 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,821 Oh, Emily. 344 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:59,119 I am so sorry, but I must sally forth. 345 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,204 George? 346 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,876 I have a quest. 347 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,396 Take flight, legs! 348 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,967 Rose, I know you're in your parchment restoration class, 349 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,174 but there may be a break in the case. Call me. 350 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,988 - Emily. - Dad, did you grow a beard? 351 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,333 Ray? What's going on? 352 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:51,061 And basically, I have been repressing emotions. 353 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,440 That's why I had back spasms 354 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,615 and also a love affair with an older sexy woman. 355 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:57,316 What? 356 00:21:57,399 --> 00:22:00,699 I was choking down my love for you because I was terrified. 357 00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:05,367 But I'm not... I'm not scared anymore. 358 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:14,084 Leah, I don't have a ring because I just thought to do this. 359 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,421 Here it comes. Will you marry me? 360 00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:20,221 Oh, Ray. 361 00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:25,849 Shut up! 362 00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:28,306 Okay, how many more verses are there? 363 00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:32,064 Emily, I'm trying to right an unrightable wrong 364 00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:35,737 and asking you with all my heart to forgive me. 365 00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,612 I should never have questioned your love. 366 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,535 I support you in everything you do. 367 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,863 Will you just shut the fuck up? 368 00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:47,325 You shut the fuck up! I am I, Don Quixote! 369 00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:51,374 Okay, I'm gonna let you in before someone calls the police. 370 00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,956 - Okay. - Okay. 371 00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:58,586 George, George, wonderful singing. 372 00:22:58,669 --> 00:22:59,761 You got great pipes... 373 00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:03,432 Bernard, my favorite son-in-law, I've missed you! 374 00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:05,509 - Come on. - I'll be right there. 375 00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,473 Ray, I love you, I do. 376 00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:14,811 And I know that you love me, but we don't make each other happy. 377 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:18,777 Well' that's gonna change. I healed my back with my mind. I can heal us. 378 00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:22,238 Ray, please. 379 00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:25,367 I know there's more good than bad in our relationship, 380 00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:29,246 but what's bad has become unbearable for me. 381 00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,793 Don't say that. 382 00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:34,918 I just think that the kindest thing we can do for each other 383 00:23:34,997 --> 00:23:36,999 is let each other go. 384 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,183 I'm gonna miss you. 385 00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,692 Hey, Mr. Shamus, over here. 386 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,363 Why are you whispering? 387 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,236 All these fish make me nervous. 388 00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:06,912 I can't swim. 389 00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:10,624 I like herring in cream sauce. That's about it. 390 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:12,201 Forget the herring. Why do you want to see me? 391 00:24:12,493 --> 00:24:14,086 Are you familiar with St. Francis? 392 00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:16,664 Yes, sometimes he's an answer in The Times crossword. 393 00:24:16,747 --> 00:24:18,499 But do you know his prayer? 394 00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:20,801 "Better to forgive than be forgiven. 395 00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:23,755 "Better to understand than be understood. 396 00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:26,135 "Better to love than be loved." 397 00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:28,559 - Yes, I know it. - Good. Keep it in mind. 398 00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:34,310 There were no records at the sperm bank because I didn't keep any. 399 00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:35,391 Why? 400 00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:38,978 Because I provided all the spunk myself. It was a way to save money. 401 00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:43,903 I didn't have to pay for donors or stroke books or tissues, no overhead. 402 00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,827 - What? - I also have good genes. 403 00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:50,998 I mean, there's a lot of throat cancer and colitis in my family, but that's about it. 404 00:24:51,448 --> 00:24:53,416 So my conscience was clear. 405 00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:56,997 Until I met you, my son. 406 00:24:58,247 --> 00:24:59,464 Oh, my God. 407 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:02,589 It was so beautiful to meet you both today. 408 00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:05,262 Just to look at you, you and your sister. 409 00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:12,012 I just ate a marijuana cookie a little while ago and my hearing may be off. 410 00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:14,096 Did you just say that Rose is my sister? 411 00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:17,270 Yes, and she's gorgeous. 412 00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:19,443 She looks just like my mother.