1 00:00:02,365 --> 00:00:03,601 [SIREN WAILS] 2 00:00:03,634 --> 00:00:05,435 Great idea coming out to the van 3 00:00:05,468 --> 00:00:06,904 for movie night, babe. 4 00:00:06,937 --> 00:00:10,741 Now I can laugh as loud as I want at "Police Academy 3." 5 00:00:10,774 --> 00:00:13,010 Police? In school? 6 00:00:13,043 --> 00:00:15,613 [LAUGHING] I mean, what the... 7 00:00:15,646 --> 00:00:19,517 - Plus, we get some actual privacy. - Pipe down. 8 00:00:19,524 --> 00:00:22,653 Proctor's about to accidentally enter the Blue Oyster bar. 9 00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:25,788 _ 10 00:00:25,789 --> 00:00:28,759 This is a Channel 3 NewsBlast Ten Million. 11 00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,127 Another body has been found 12 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,796 wearing an RB Burger bag over its head, 13 00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:35,365 the seventh victim of the RB Burger Killer. 14 00:00:35,398 --> 00:00:38,401 When will the grossly incompetent Langley PD, 15 00:00:38,435 --> 00:00:40,437 long believed to be the inspiration 16 00:00:40,470 --> 00:00:41,872 for the "Police Academy" movies, 17 00:00:41,905 --> 00:00:43,306 which I'm interrupting now, 18 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,976 bring the RB Burger Killer to justice? 19 00:00:46,009 --> 00:00:47,611 Now back to "Police Academy." 20 00:00:47,645 --> 00:00:50,547 [GUNSHOTS, FARTING] 21 00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:52,750 Jeff, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. 22 00:00:52,783 --> 00:00:54,284 [LAUGHING] Oh, yeah? 23 00:00:54,317 --> 00:00:57,788 I've been working some heavy part-time hours over at Sub Hub, 24 00:00:57,821 --> 00:00:59,389 so I have some money, 25 00:00:59,422 --> 00:01:03,060 and these crazy murders have really got me thinking. 26 00:01:03,093 --> 00:01:05,796 I shouldn't wait to do nice things for the people I love. 27 00:01:05,829 --> 00:01:07,164 Is it happening? 28 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,233 Are you gonna stop talking during "Police Academy"? 29 00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:12,636 You know how we could never afford wedding rings? 30 00:01:12,670 --> 00:01:14,071 Well, I bought you one. 31 00:01:14,104 --> 00:01:16,106 It's imitation Diamondesque, 32 00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:18,608 but the ring part is real metal. 33 00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:23,781 It looks like a princess's hand. 34 00:01:23,814 --> 00:01:26,316 I feel bad, though. 35 00:01:26,349 --> 00:01:28,251 I don't have the money to buy one for you. 36 00:01:28,285 --> 00:01:29,452 Don't worry about that. 37 00:01:29,486 --> 00:01:32,089 I don't expect anything from you in return. 38 00:01:32,122 --> 00:01:34,858 You don't expect anything from me? 39 00:01:34,892 --> 00:01:37,460 Oh, I didn't mean it like that. 40 00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:38,796 What a relief! 41 00:01:38,829 --> 00:01:41,264 We at RB Burger are stunned and saddened 42 00:01:41,298 --> 00:01:44,101 by this recent rash of senseless killings. 43 00:01:44,134 --> 00:01:45,936 We wish to offer our thoughts and prayers 44 00:01:45,969 --> 00:01:47,971 to the victims and their families. 45 00:01:48,005 --> 00:01:51,274 Plus, for one week, get a free small fry 46 00:01:51,308 --> 00:01:56,046 with every mouthwatering RB Western Cheeseburger. 47 00:01:56,079 --> 00:02:00,117 Mmm, unforgettable smokiness! 48 00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:03,987 Just as those who have been killed will never be forgotten. 49 00:02:06,423 --> 00:02:09,346 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 50 00:02:09,381 --> 00:02:12,562 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 51 00:02:12,595 --> 00:02:15,665 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 52 00:02:15,699 --> 00:02:20,370 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 53 00:02:22,072 --> 00:02:24,341 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 54 00:02:24,374 --> 00:02:27,677 ♪ Now that Dad is gone, I sing my go-to-school song ♪ 55 00:02:27,711 --> 00:02:30,914 ♪ I sing my school song every day ♪ 56 00:02:30,948 --> 00:02:33,016 ♪ La la la-la-la ♪ 57 00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:35,485 I'm out, too. Big day at work. 58 00:02:35,518 --> 00:02:36,820 Got to fluff the shredded lettuce 59 00:02:36,854 --> 00:02:38,922 and run the turkey through the dishwasher. 60 00:02:38,956 --> 00:02:41,358 I've also got a job, 61 00:02:41,391 --> 00:02:43,661 fixing phone lines for Langley Bell. 62 00:02:43,751 --> 00:02:46,696 Yep. I'm a pole climber now, 63 00:02:46,730 --> 00:02:49,099 staring down heights and bad weather, 64 00:02:49,132 --> 00:02:51,902 risking my life to keep the lines running. 65 00:02:51,935 --> 00:02:55,005 Another unsung blue-collar hero. 66 00:02:55,038 --> 00:02:58,041 Everyone can feel free to leave without talking, too. 67 00:02:58,075 --> 00:03:00,911 Did I miss Hayley leaving for work? 68 00:03:00,944 --> 00:03:03,947 Well, I scared Stan in his car and made him crash. 69 00:03:03,981 --> 00:03:05,682 Should we all go back to bed? 70 00:03:05,715 --> 00:03:09,319 Oh, my God. That sounds amazing. 71 00:03:10,754 --> 00:03:12,722 - [SIZZLING] - [YAWNS] 72 00:03:12,756 --> 00:03:14,457 Did I miss "The Price Is Right"? 73 00:03:14,491 --> 00:03:17,394 Yeah, there was a weirdly expensive dish soap. 74 00:03:17,427 --> 00:03:18,528 $30. 75 00:03:18,561 --> 00:03:20,197 Even Drew thought it was unfair. 76 00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:22,299 What are you gonna do today, Mrs. S? 77 00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,902 I'm not really taking questions today, Jeff. 78 00:03:24,935 --> 00:03:26,203 I wanted to go to Target 79 00:03:26,236 --> 00:03:28,205 to buy the world's shittiest mountain bike, 80 00:03:28,238 --> 00:03:31,809 but our front door feels like it's a million miles away. 81 00:03:31,842 --> 00:03:33,944 Wow, Jeff. What is that? 82 00:03:33,977 --> 00:03:36,479 Oh, yeah! It's my new wedding ring. 83 00:03:36,513 --> 00:03:38,415 My old one was nothing. 84 00:03:38,448 --> 00:03:39,749 Hayley got it for me. 85 00:03:39,783 --> 00:03:40,951 [CLINK] 86 00:03:40,984 --> 00:03:43,954 Uh, that's a metal sound. 87 00:03:43,987 --> 00:03:45,388 What are you gonna get her? 88 00:03:45,422 --> 00:03:46,423 That's the best part. 89 00:03:46,456 --> 00:03:48,992 She said she doesn't expect anything from me. 90 00:03:49,026 --> 00:03:51,728 Free ring, basically. 91 00:03:51,761 --> 00:03:54,464 Uh, Jeff, that's kind of a dig. 92 00:03:54,497 --> 00:03:55,765 Kind of a huge dig. 93 00:03:55,799 --> 00:03:57,434 No, no, no, she just means that, like, 94 00:03:57,467 --> 00:04:00,103 I can't do the kind of things that she can do. 95 00:04:00,137 --> 00:04:02,873 That I'm not capable of it. 96 00:04:06,043 --> 00:04:08,178 You know what? That actually really stinks! 97 00:04:08,211 --> 00:04:09,847 It's 'cause she has a job. 98 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,281 Stan's the same way. 99 00:04:11,314 --> 00:04:13,083 He doesn't think I can pay for things 100 00:04:13,116 --> 00:04:14,751 just because I don't have any money. 101 00:04:14,784 --> 00:04:16,086 Same with my Steve. 102 00:04:16,119 --> 00:04:18,088 He doesn't have a job, but he goes to school, 103 00:04:18,121 --> 00:04:20,323 and he just loves to throw that in my face. 104 00:04:20,357 --> 00:04:22,325 Steve's my partner in this situation. 105 00:04:22,359 --> 00:04:25,795 I never realized how badly those three treat us! 106 00:04:25,829 --> 00:04:27,297 I let it slide a lot, 107 00:04:27,330 --> 00:04:29,466 'cause I'm letting a lot more go these days, 108 00:04:29,499 --> 00:04:33,670 but it really gets me mad when I think about it. 109 00:04:33,703 --> 00:04:35,305 I need a drink. 110 00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:39,877 Do they think we can't get jobs?! 111 00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:42,645 We can get jobs anytime we want! 112 00:04:42,679 --> 00:04:44,814 We could, but I don't want to. 113 00:04:44,848 --> 00:04:47,117 I have a personality type that makes it hard 114 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,352 to work for or with others. 115 00:04:49,386 --> 00:04:53,023 I was tested, came up positive for that personality type. 116 00:04:53,056 --> 00:04:55,993 Me? I can't work in an office. 117 00:04:56,026 --> 00:04:59,196 What if I want to eat ribs at 10:30 a.m.? 118 00:04:59,229 --> 00:05:00,964 Where would I even get them? 119 00:05:00,998 --> 00:05:03,000 It's just not practical for me. 120 00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:04,467 And I can't get a job 121 00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:08,305 because legally I'm supposed to be in Afghanistan. 122 00:05:08,338 --> 00:05:11,508 But what if we started our own business? 123 00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:14,644 We'd be bosses. 124 00:05:14,677 --> 00:05:15,979 Like Boss Baby. 125 00:05:16,013 --> 00:05:18,681 We'd be in charge. 126 00:05:18,715 --> 00:05:20,317 Like Boss Baby! 127 00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:22,752 Are we doing this? Are we starting a business? 128 00:05:22,785 --> 00:05:26,223 One, two... we're gonna say "Boss Baby"... three! 129 00:05:30,693 --> 00:05:32,662 ♪ Good morning, U.S... ♪ 130 00:05:32,695 --> 00:05:34,331 No! The quiet version. 131 00:05:34,364 --> 00:05:36,499 My head is killing me. 132 00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:39,937 [QUIETLY] ♪ I've got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 133 00:05:39,970 --> 00:05:40,938 [VOMITING] 134 00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:43,673 You drank a lot yesterday with Mom and Roger. 135 00:05:43,706 --> 00:05:44,707 What were you doing? 136 00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:46,043 I forget. 137 00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:49,546 But I do remember one thing, babe. 138 00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:51,181 You. 139 00:05:51,214 --> 00:05:53,350 [VEHICLE APPROACHES, HORN HONKS] 140 00:05:53,383 --> 00:05:55,318 - [AIR BRAKES HISS] - What the hell? 141 00:05:57,154 --> 00:05:59,522 I got a brand-new deluxe tour bus here 142 00:05:59,556 --> 00:06:01,858 for Jeff, Francine, and Roger 143 00:06:01,891 --> 00:06:04,327 Making Their Own Money That'll Show 'Em Incorporated? 144 00:06:04,362 --> 00:06:05,895 You ordered a bus? 145 00:06:05,929 --> 00:06:07,030 Did you... 146 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:11,234 Oh, did you think you were maybe buying a miniature tour bus? 147 00:06:11,268 --> 00:06:12,602 Nooo? 148 00:06:12,635 --> 00:06:16,106 Then why is there a Hot Wheels track set up in the living room? 149 00:06:16,107 --> 00:06:18,046 _ 150 00:06:18,441 --> 00:06:22,412 And, of course, there's the matter of the bill. 151 00:06:22,445 --> 00:06:23,947 [LAUGHING] 152 00:06:26,249 --> 00:06:29,386 Stupid scooter, stupid grass. 153 00:06:29,419 --> 00:06:32,022 [GRUNTS] Aye-yi-yi. 154 00:06:33,090 --> 00:06:35,258 Classic drunk idiots. I love it. 155 00:06:35,292 --> 00:06:37,560 These adorable knuckleheads. 156 00:06:37,594 --> 00:06:38,895 [LAUGHTER] 157 00:06:38,928 --> 00:06:40,563 It's not funny. 158 00:06:40,597 --> 00:06:42,932 We are starting a business. 159 00:06:42,966 --> 00:06:44,901 Really? What is it? 160 00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:48,471 Um, it's a business... 161 00:06:48,505 --> 00:06:50,740 - That's... - Called... 162 00:06:50,773 --> 00:06:53,510 - Uhhh... - Uhhh... 163 00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:55,578 Uhhhhh... 164 00:06:55,612 --> 00:06:56,613 [BICYCLE BELL RINGS] 165 00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:03,953 - _ - Called the RB Burger Killer... 166 00:07:03,987 --> 00:07:05,922 Tour bus... 167 00:07:05,955 --> 00:07:07,590 Uh... 168 00:07:07,624 --> 00:07:09,759 - We... - Are... 169 00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:10,994 Going to... 170 00:07:11,028 --> 00:07:12,795 To give tours... 171 00:07:12,829 --> 00:07:14,097 - Of... - Pass. 172 00:07:14,131 --> 00:07:16,766 Tours of the RB Burger murders. 173 00:07:16,799 --> 00:07:18,668 Yes! A murder... 174 00:07:18,701 --> 00:07:19,769 Tour... 175 00:07:19,802 --> 00:07:21,438 - Business. - Volcano factory. 176 00:07:21,471 --> 00:07:24,474 You all worked together to make a pretty good sentence, 177 00:07:24,507 --> 00:07:26,376 but it takes more than that to run a business. 178 00:07:26,409 --> 00:07:28,378 Oh, we're doing a business. 179 00:07:28,411 --> 00:07:30,113 We can't do a business. 180 00:07:30,147 --> 00:07:31,681 We have to return this thing. 181 00:07:31,714 --> 00:07:33,483 But that's what they're gonna expect, 182 00:07:33,516 --> 00:07:37,187 another screw-up from the adorable knuckleheads. 183 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:39,856 I say we actually do the murder tour. 184 00:07:39,889 --> 00:07:41,324 Hmm. 185 00:07:41,358 --> 00:07:43,626 Murder tours are a thing. 186 00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:46,963 Yeah. When I was in L.A. for "Wheel of Fortune" tryouts... 187 00:07:46,996 --> 00:07:48,131 didn't get it, it's totally fixed, 188 00:07:48,165 --> 00:07:49,332 it's all about how well you do... 189 00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:51,368 I did the Charles Manson Murder Tour. 190 00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:52,469 It was darling! 191 00:07:52,502 --> 00:07:54,171 This is our chance to show them. 192 00:07:54,204 --> 00:07:56,839 We'll need money to pay for the bus, 193 00:07:56,873 --> 00:07:59,008 marketing, fuel, sundries. 194 00:07:59,042 --> 00:08:00,510 [GRUNTS] It's like you already need 195 00:08:00,543 --> 00:08:02,379 to have a successful murder tour 196 00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:04,814 to start a successful murder tour. 197 00:08:04,847 --> 00:08:06,249 This stupid country! 198 00:08:06,283 --> 00:08:10,019 [SIGHS] I know where we can get money. 199 00:08:11,288 --> 00:08:14,424 I'll be back for the ring, so don't sell it. 200 00:08:14,457 --> 00:08:16,159 Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. 201 00:08:16,193 --> 00:08:17,994 Because I can't dream. 202 00:08:18,027 --> 00:08:19,662 Because I can't sleep. 203 00:08:19,696 --> 00:08:22,665 Until I sell that chalice over there. 204 00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:24,701 [DEMONIC VOICES] 205 00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:29,940 Oh, okay. Thank you. 206 00:08:30,038 --> 00:08:31,574 Bye. 207 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,144 _ 208 00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:37,680 We did it, guys! We're business owners. 209 00:08:37,714 --> 00:08:40,517 Hayley will never underestimate me again. 210 00:08:40,550 --> 00:08:42,185 You got that right, buddy. 211 00:08:42,219 --> 00:08:44,221 Also, with the purchase of this VOSS water, 212 00:08:44,254 --> 00:08:45,622 we're officially out of money. 213 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,957 We need each customer to tell 10 people 214 00:08:47,990 --> 00:08:49,792 to come tomorrow, or we're bankrupt. 215 00:08:49,826 --> 00:08:50,893 Wait, what? 216 00:08:50,927 --> 00:08:53,596 Mmm, VOSS. 217 00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:55,865 Here come our customers now. 218 00:08:55,898 --> 00:08:57,400 Hello. Hi. 219 00:08:57,434 --> 00:08:59,068 - Oh, man, VOSS! - Welcome. 220 00:08:59,102 --> 00:09:01,371 Yes. Hey, Craig Robinson. 221 00:09:01,404 --> 00:09:03,873 Don't treat me any differently just because I'm me. 222 00:09:03,906 --> 00:09:05,142 Keep movin', numbnuts. 223 00:09:05,175 --> 00:09:07,210 Thank you. 224 00:09:07,244 --> 00:09:10,447 Now, I want to direct everyone's attention to your right, 225 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,950 my left, where you'll catch a final tantalizing glimpse 226 00:09:13,983 --> 00:09:15,885 of the parking lot we were just in. 227 00:09:15,918 --> 00:09:17,387 We cannot see anything. 228 00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:18,755 The windows are black. 229 00:09:18,788 --> 00:09:21,591 Sun must have gone down fast, is my first reaction. 230 00:09:21,624 --> 00:09:24,727 The windows are tinted, like on a limo. 231 00:09:24,761 --> 00:09:28,398 - Did it myself. - You put the tint on backwards! 232 00:09:28,431 --> 00:09:30,233 No one can see anything! 233 00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:32,169 But Roger saves the day. 234 00:09:32,202 --> 00:09:33,836 I've got pennies for everyone. 235 00:09:33,870 --> 00:09:38,408 Just use them to scratch out your own personal eyeholes. 236 00:09:38,441 --> 00:09:40,310 That's right, the tint material comes off 237 00:09:40,343 --> 00:09:41,911 just like a lotto scratcher. 238 00:09:41,944 --> 00:09:44,947 Pretty fun to see all the little shavings, huh? 239 00:09:44,981 --> 00:09:46,649 Are we finally ready to start? 240 00:09:46,683 --> 00:09:50,387 Just as soon as all the pennies are passed back to me. 241 00:09:53,223 --> 00:09:58,495 ♪ I am a lineman here in Langley ♪ 242 00:09:58,528 --> 00:10:03,266 ♪ And I'm a fish whose name is Klaus ♪ 243 00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,135 ♪ Drinking coffee from a thermos ♪ 244 00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:11,874 ♪ That I filled up at my house ♪ 245 00:10:11,908 --> 00:10:13,043 [SLURPS] 246 00:10:13,078 --> 00:10:15,345 Ahh! 247 00:10:19,148 --> 00:10:23,019 Now, to see where the third RB Burger victim was found, 248 00:10:23,052 --> 00:10:24,621 look to your left, my right, 249 00:10:24,654 --> 00:10:27,690 or if I turn around also to my left, still to your left. 250 00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:28,958 The third victim? 251 00:10:28,991 --> 00:10:30,360 Was that the Latvian backpacker 252 00:10:30,393 --> 00:10:32,295 who brought the case international attention? 253 00:10:32,329 --> 00:10:34,063 Oh, my God. Dude, I don't know. 254 00:10:34,096 --> 00:10:35,298 This isn't school. 255 00:10:35,332 --> 00:10:36,499 You're not gonna get your dick touched 256 00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:37,900 for asking a bunch of questions. 257 00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:40,637 All you keep telling us is what number victim it is. 258 00:10:40,670 --> 00:10:42,839 And we're on to number four. 259 00:10:45,708 --> 00:10:48,845 Before our look into Langley's dark side continues, 260 00:10:48,878 --> 00:10:50,847 we're gonna take a bit of a huge detour 261 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,251 to see where our very own Francine went to high school. 262 00:10:54,284 --> 00:10:55,385 Who the hell is Francine? 263 00:10:55,418 --> 00:10:57,487 We want to see murder things! 264 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,989 - They hate the tour. - Well, I hate them. 265 00:11:00,022 --> 00:11:01,858 It's hard for me to even look at their faces, 266 00:11:01,891 --> 00:11:04,394 as many of them are so terribly ugly. 267 00:11:04,427 --> 00:11:05,662 Your microphone is still on. 268 00:11:05,695 --> 00:11:07,430 See what I was saying, Francine? 269 00:11:07,464 --> 00:11:09,266 Ugly face, ugly voice. 270 00:11:09,299 --> 00:11:12,535 Ugh, we're seeing basically no good crime scenes. 271 00:11:12,569 --> 00:11:15,405 I'm gonna leave them the worst review. 272 00:11:15,438 --> 00:11:17,674 I'm Christine S. from Yelp. 273 00:11:17,707 --> 00:11:19,842 Whoa, the Christine S.? 274 00:11:19,876 --> 00:11:22,245 You put my food truck out of business. 275 00:11:22,279 --> 00:11:24,180 Why'd you do that to him, Christine S.? 276 00:11:24,213 --> 00:11:25,748 Don't worry about me, Craig Robinson. 277 00:11:25,782 --> 00:11:27,684 My grandpa owns Foot Locker. 278 00:11:27,717 --> 00:11:29,352 I just need him to die. 279 00:11:29,386 --> 00:11:31,621 Christine S. is here. 280 00:11:31,654 --> 00:11:34,924 A bad review from her could shut us down forever! 281 00:11:34,957 --> 00:11:36,859 [SIREN WAILING] 282 00:11:36,893 --> 00:11:40,297 I'm getting an idea. 283 00:11:42,231 --> 00:11:43,766 How much are your police scanners? 284 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,602 No, just take it. They're going out of business. 285 00:11:45,635 --> 00:11:47,470 We're not going out of business. 286 00:11:47,504 --> 00:11:49,706 Why does everybody think that? 287 00:11:49,739 --> 00:11:50,373 [BEEPING] 288 00:11:50,407 --> 00:11:52,208 One wrecking ball hole 289 00:11:52,241 --> 00:11:54,577 does not a going-out-of-business make. 290 00:11:56,145 --> 00:11:58,147 What second wrecking ball hole? 291 00:11:58,180 --> 00:11:59,982 - WOMAN: Ugh, this is so boring. - [INDISTINCT TALKING] 292 00:12:00,016 --> 00:12:01,250 This tour is lame. 293 00:12:01,284 --> 00:12:03,753 You're right, but what if I told you 294 00:12:03,786 --> 00:12:07,156 we could go to the freshest crime scenes there are? 295 00:12:07,189 --> 00:12:09,158 Thanks to this police scanner. 296 00:12:09,191 --> 00:12:11,428 OFFICER: Patrol 27, do you copy? 297 00:12:11,461 --> 00:12:13,730 Chimdale dispatch, do you read? Over. 298 00:12:13,763 --> 00:12:15,898 Hopefully someone is killed soon. 299 00:12:15,932 --> 00:12:18,067 OFFICER #2: Officer Keith and I are stopping for gas. 300 00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,470 - OFFICER #3: Copy that. - Patrolling Weathervane Lane Estates, 301 00:12:20,503 --> 00:12:22,672 seeing some really incredible houses here. 302 00:12:22,705 --> 00:12:24,407 The big, big copy on that. 303 00:12:24,441 --> 00:12:26,275 That's basically my dream neighborhood. 304 00:12:26,309 --> 00:12:27,444 We're losing the group. 305 00:12:27,477 --> 00:12:29,078 Don't worry, I'll vamp. 306 00:12:29,111 --> 00:12:32,081 Buhhhhhhh. 307 00:12:32,114 --> 00:12:34,283 Attention all units, deceased adult male discovered 308 00:12:34,317 --> 00:12:36,919 at the Ogden Heights Complex in East Lanceton. 309 00:12:36,953 --> 00:12:39,589 Recent stab wound. Suspect still at large. 310 00:12:39,622 --> 00:12:43,493 There is, I repeat, there is an RB Burger bag. 311 00:12:43,526 --> 00:12:45,294 Yes! 312 00:12:45,328 --> 00:12:46,996 Whoo! There is a God. 313 00:12:47,029 --> 00:12:48,498 We're on our way. 314 00:12:48,531 --> 00:12:51,033 Who said that? Police only on this channel. 315 00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:52,469 Aah! 316 00:12:54,702 --> 00:12:58,274 Now, let's keep this crime scene secure, Officer Blatt. 317 00:12:58,307 --> 00:13:00,042 Everyone thinks we're incompetent 318 00:13:00,076 --> 00:13:03,380 because we can't catch this dang RB Burger killer. 319 00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:05,548 No one's getting in or out. 320 00:13:05,582 --> 00:13:07,984 Mmm, now, that's what I like to hear. 321 00:13:08,017 --> 00:13:09,386 Whoops. 322 00:13:09,419 --> 00:13:12,455 Whoops. 323 00:13:12,489 --> 00:13:14,791 Just ridiculous. 324 00:13:14,824 --> 00:13:17,960 Oh, mama! Need fresh breath. 325 00:13:17,994 --> 00:13:20,129 Aah! 326 00:13:20,162 --> 00:13:21,297 [HORSE NEIGHS] 327 00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:22,665 [GRUNTS] 328 00:13:22,699 --> 00:13:24,634 Right this way. Lift the police tape. 329 00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:25,802 That's just to keep out people 330 00:13:25,835 --> 00:13:28,838 who aren't official tour members. 331 00:13:30,039 --> 00:13:31,474 Just fantastic. 332 00:13:31,508 --> 00:13:34,477 Wow. This is so vivid, so real. 333 00:13:34,511 --> 00:13:36,513 "Real" is the password here, my friends. 334 00:13:36,546 --> 00:13:37,980 And don't be afraid to touch. 335 00:13:38,014 --> 00:13:39,816 Move the body around, look in the mouth. 336 00:13:39,849 --> 00:13:42,318 It's your party, so make it yours. 337 00:13:42,351 --> 00:13:43,986 [ALL CHUCKLE] 338 00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:48,024 This body was stabbed to death, but there's no knife. 339 00:13:48,057 --> 00:13:50,326 Well, if I could educate you a little bit here. 340 00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:54,697 This killer, like most killers, used an icicle as a knife. 341 00:13:54,731 --> 00:13:57,900 Wouldn't that leave a puddle where the icicle knife melted? 342 00:13:57,934 --> 00:14:00,169 Today's killers are more sophisticated. 343 00:14:00,202 --> 00:14:02,672 They bring a little towel to mop the puddle up. 344 00:14:02,705 --> 00:14:04,774 - Oh. - Oh, that's interesting. 345 00:14:04,807 --> 00:14:06,342 [TING!] 346 00:14:06,375 --> 00:14:08,010 Oh, five stars, no doubt. 347 00:14:08,044 --> 00:14:09,779 I'm telling everyone about this tour. 348 00:14:09,812 --> 00:14:12,048 I'm calling the guy who played Roy from "The Office" 349 00:14:12,081 --> 00:14:14,784 - when I get home. - Me too! 350 00:14:16,052 --> 00:14:18,287 [RINGING] 351 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,756 Hey, gang, Klaus here. 352 00:14:19,789 --> 00:14:22,859 I'm over in Lanceton, strapped in and swapping a lasher. 353 00:14:22,892 --> 00:14:25,862 Thought I'd jack us all in for a little party-line action. 354 00:14:25,895 --> 00:14:28,097 Anyway, the tour's going great. 355 00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:29,398 I don't care. 356 00:14:30,232 --> 00:14:31,367 [BEEP] 357 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,369 Not so fast, Stan. 358 00:14:33,402 --> 00:14:35,705 I control everything from up here. 359 00:14:35,738 --> 00:14:38,808 How... How did you make me answer the phone? 360 00:14:38,841 --> 00:14:43,312 ♪♪ 361 00:14:43,345 --> 00:14:45,381 That was a hell of an idea, Jeff. 362 00:14:45,414 --> 00:14:47,383 No one in the family believed in us, 363 00:14:47,416 --> 00:14:49,452 but look at how happy these guys are. 364 00:14:49,486 --> 00:14:52,254 Look at the smiles, the energy. 365 00:14:52,288 --> 00:14:53,756 That one has a knife. 366 00:14:55,658 --> 00:14:57,627 - Wait, what? - More good news! 367 00:14:57,660 --> 00:15:01,998 We came with 12 people, but we're leaving with 13. 368 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,466 Bonus customer! 369 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,602 And the new guy has a knife! 370 00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:07,570 Could be the missing murder weapon. 371 00:15:07,604 --> 00:15:09,606 Wouldn't that be a coup for the Blood Bus? 372 00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:11,340 It's the killer, isn't it? 373 00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:15,778 ♪♪ 374 00:15:15,812 --> 00:15:17,179 Maybe. 375 00:15:17,213 --> 00:15:19,649 Let's keep our eye on him, see if he does anything weird. 376 00:15:24,453 --> 00:15:26,523 JEFF: The RB Killer is on our bus. 377 00:15:26,556 --> 00:15:29,526 Unless it's not him. 378 00:15:29,559 --> 00:15:32,361 Hey, how big is your head? 379 00:15:32,394 --> 00:15:33,930 Would it fit in this bag? 380 00:15:33,963 --> 00:15:35,765 Why don't we just see if it does? 381 00:15:35,798 --> 00:15:37,634 - This is unbelievable. - I'll say. 382 00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,435 Never would've thought that thing would fit. 383 00:15:39,468 --> 00:15:41,804 She has a massive head. 384 00:15:41,838 --> 00:15:43,506 Do you guys think I have a massive head? 385 00:15:43,540 --> 00:15:45,274 - Yes. - [BLEEP] you. 386 00:15:45,307 --> 00:15:46,776 We need to call the cops. 387 00:15:46,809 --> 00:15:48,945 But that'll ruin our reviews. 388 00:15:48,978 --> 00:15:51,648 Let's just drop everyone off safely at their cars, 389 00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:53,015 then call the cops. 390 00:15:53,049 --> 00:15:55,685 But he could just grab a hostage at any moment. 391 00:15:55,718 --> 00:15:57,119 I'll handle the killer. 392 00:15:57,153 --> 00:15:59,956 I'll wrap him up in my smooth tour-guide patter 393 00:15:59,989 --> 00:16:02,725 and keep him nice and calm. 394 00:16:02,759 --> 00:16:06,462 Jeff, I got to know, is it hard to drive a bus? 395 00:16:06,495 --> 00:16:07,864 No, it's easy. 396 00:16:07,897 --> 00:16:10,399 You just keep the bus above 50 miles per hour 397 00:16:10,432 --> 00:16:11,801 so it doesn't blow up. 398 00:16:11,834 --> 00:16:13,335 Good news and bad news. 399 00:16:13,369 --> 00:16:15,004 The good news is, I'm in love. 400 00:16:15,037 --> 00:16:17,840 I've heard that homicidal maniacs can be very charming, 401 00:16:17,874 --> 00:16:19,576 and that is for real. 402 00:16:19,609 --> 00:16:21,010 I went back there to distract him. 403 00:16:21,043 --> 00:16:24,847 He looked right into my eyes, and I just fell. 404 00:16:24,881 --> 00:16:27,483 As for the bad news, why don't you tell them, lover? 405 00:16:27,516 --> 00:16:30,519 You're all coming with me 406 00:16:30,553 --> 00:16:33,990 into the sewers to my lair. 407 00:16:34,023 --> 00:16:35,992 - You're a killer? - Yes. 408 00:16:36,025 --> 00:16:37,326 The RB Killer? 409 00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:39,495 My name is Matthew, but yes. 410 00:16:39,528 --> 00:16:41,598 [CROWD MURMURING] 411 00:16:41,631 --> 00:16:44,601 Everything that's happening is part of the tour. 412 00:16:44,634 --> 00:16:46,168 Yes. Yes! 413 00:16:46,202 --> 00:16:49,538 He's just an actor playing the murderer. 414 00:16:49,572 --> 00:16:50,673 Oh, right. 415 00:16:50,707 --> 00:16:52,675 Right, I think I recognize him. 416 00:16:52,709 --> 00:16:55,211 He was in "Terms of Endearment." 417 00:16:55,244 --> 00:16:56,713 It's Jack Nicholson. 418 00:16:56,746 --> 00:16:58,180 "About Schmidt"? 419 00:16:58,639 --> 00:17:01,751 CRAIG: Wow, these are surprisingly roomy sewers. 420 00:17:01,784 --> 00:17:03,285 ROGER: Little historical tidbit... 421 00:17:03,319 --> 00:17:04,687 They almost made them wider. 422 00:17:04,721 --> 00:17:07,089 [INDISTINCT TALKING] 423 00:17:08,324 --> 00:17:10,526 [BRAKES SQUEAK, HISS] 424 00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:12,929 Everybody off. 425 00:17:13,504 --> 00:17:15,965 I like the way this looks. 426 00:17:15,998 --> 00:17:17,033 Oh, wow. 427 00:17:17,066 --> 00:17:20,036 Every person I kill is a message, 428 00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:21,103 a prayer, 429 00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:23,706 and when that prayer is heard, 430 00:17:23,740 --> 00:17:28,210 I believe in my heart that RB Burger will bring back 431 00:17:28,244 --> 00:17:33,215 the long-discontinued Big Beef Blopper. 432 00:17:33,249 --> 00:17:34,550 The Big Beef Blopper? 433 00:17:34,583 --> 00:17:38,054 Yes, it was a limited-time offering. 434 00:17:38,087 --> 00:17:39,255 It's a burger. 435 00:17:39,288 --> 00:17:42,324 Yes. I really, really want one again, 436 00:17:42,358 --> 00:17:43,926 and it's been 10 years. 437 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,561 I even tried to make my own, 438 00:17:45,594 --> 00:17:47,897 but they use some kind of celery salt 439 00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:49,932 or taco spice or something. 440 00:17:49,966 --> 00:17:51,000 I don't know. 441 00:17:51,033 --> 00:17:54,070 The meat was, like, tangy. 442 00:17:54,103 --> 00:17:57,239 Can't you just ask them to bring the burger back on Facebook? 443 00:17:57,273 --> 00:17:59,508 Facebook is for racist grandmas. 444 00:17:59,541 --> 00:18:00,810 Wait a minute. 445 00:18:00,843 --> 00:18:03,012 This isn't Jack Nicholson's house. 446 00:18:03,045 --> 00:18:07,684 And now to sacrifice all of you one by one 447 00:18:07,717 --> 00:18:10,820 to my important cause! 448 00:18:10,853 --> 00:18:12,689 - JEFF: No! - Jeff, don't worry. 449 00:18:12,722 --> 00:18:14,791 He can stab me up for days. It won't kill me. 450 00:18:14,824 --> 00:18:17,093 I'm gonna cut your head off. 451 00:18:17,126 --> 00:18:19,095 Uh-oh, Jeff, my one weakness. 452 00:18:19,128 --> 00:18:20,830 I told you that in confidence. 453 00:18:20,863 --> 00:18:22,131 We're through. 454 00:18:24,225 --> 00:18:27,770 Help! My tour has been taken over by the RB Killer! 455 00:18:27,804 --> 00:18:28,838 [STATIC HISSING] 456 00:18:28,871 --> 00:18:30,807 It won't work underground. 457 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,042 - Trying to call the cops? - Aah! 458 00:18:33,593 --> 00:18:36,445 Why can't you support me in what I'm doing? 459 00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:40,817 Don't you want me to have what I want, eat what I want? 460 00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:44,020 Someone tell my babe, "Bye, babe." 461 00:18:44,053 --> 00:18:48,190 RB Burger Corporation, hear my plea 462 00:18:48,224 --> 00:18:52,995 and bring back the Blopper you've taken from me. 463 00:18:53,029 --> 00:18:54,764 No! 464 00:18:56,575 --> 00:18:58,735 I'm okay. The knife just stabbed me in my belly. 465 00:18:58,768 --> 00:19:00,636 Everyone, restrain him! 466 00:19:00,669 --> 00:19:02,371 He can't overpower us all! 467 00:19:02,404 --> 00:19:04,907 [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 468 00:19:06,342 --> 00:19:07,343 We're saved! 469 00:19:08,945 --> 00:19:12,248 Alright, that's a little too much restraining. 470 00:19:13,015 --> 00:19:15,284 Hey, that's my boyfriend's knife. 471 00:19:17,186 --> 00:19:19,989 Wait, wait, wait! You're killing him! 472 00:19:20,022 --> 00:19:22,224 Stop! Let this happen. 473 00:19:24,026 --> 00:19:26,562 Oh, my God. They killed him! 474 00:19:26,595 --> 00:19:27,696 Why? 475 00:19:27,730 --> 00:19:29,031 Because we're murder fans, 476 00:19:29,065 --> 00:19:30,566 and this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance 477 00:19:30,599 --> 00:19:31,667 to Dexter this guy. 478 00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:33,435 We have to tell the police. 479 00:19:33,469 --> 00:19:34,670 No, we don't. 480 00:19:34,703 --> 00:19:36,906 He was a bad man, and now he's dead, 481 00:19:36,939 --> 00:19:39,341 and there's not going to be a body. 482 00:19:39,375 --> 00:19:40,843 Anyone have a hacksaw on them? 483 00:19:40,877 --> 00:19:43,780 - Yes. - Oh, I do, too. 484 00:19:43,813 --> 00:19:46,348 [SAWING] 485 00:19:46,382 --> 00:19:48,517 I'd really like to go home now. 486 00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:51,888 Yeah, let's get out of here. This place reminds me of my ex. 487 00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:59,061 I don't know if you noticed my batting glove. 488 00:19:59,095 --> 00:20:02,264 - I did. - I lost the ring you gave me. 489 00:20:02,298 --> 00:20:03,900 Well, I didn't lose it. 490 00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:06,068 I sold it to start a business, 491 00:20:06,102 --> 00:20:07,804 but then the business failed, 492 00:20:07,837 --> 00:20:11,473 even though nobody got cut to pieces in the sewers 493 00:20:11,507 --> 00:20:15,878 and all the money was gone and the pawnshop sold the ring. 494 00:20:15,912 --> 00:20:19,816 Oh, yeah, he, uh, sold it to me, actually. 495 00:20:19,849 --> 00:20:21,217 I went in there to watch some arm wrestling 496 00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,619 they were hosting and recognized the ring. 497 00:20:23,652 --> 00:20:26,255 So you bailed me out again? Great. 498 00:20:26,288 --> 00:20:28,090 Honestly, Jeff, I'm impressed 499 00:20:28,124 --> 00:20:30,159 that you didn't just drop it down the toilet. 500 00:20:30,192 --> 00:20:31,760 And I got you something else. 501 00:20:31,794 --> 00:20:34,463 Another gift I'll never be able to match. 502 00:20:34,496 --> 00:20:36,598 How wonderful. 503 00:20:36,632 --> 00:20:38,767 Oh, man, how did you know? 504 00:20:38,801 --> 00:20:41,437 [IMITATING ENGINE REVVING] 505 00:20:42,471 --> 00:20:45,842 It's been three days without an RB Burger-related murder. 506 00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:50,779 So the Langley PD have declared the case officially solved. 507 00:20:50,813 --> 00:20:52,248 And to celebrate, 508 00:20:52,281 --> 00:20:55,451 we are bringing back a discontinued treat... 509 00:20:55,484 --> 00:20:57,586 our Big Beef Blopper. 510 00:20:57,619 --> 00:20:59,989 Mmm, mmm, mmm! 511 00:21:00,022 --> 00:21:02,458 To die for! 512 00:21:02,491 --> 00:21:04,326 Have a great night. 513 00:21:06,375 --> 00:21:08,157 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com