1 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,455 Mistress, spank my bottom. Spank it really hard! 2 00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:26,119 Please, spank my bottom! 3 00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,453 - That is unpleasant. - Spank it really hard. 4 00:00:29,256 --> 00:00:30,964 Lick my nipples. 5 00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,877 No, thank you, pregnant lady. 6 00:00:33,845 --> 00:00:35,091 Strip, soldier! 7 00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:37,755 You're gonna find out why they call me the drill sergeant. 8 00:01:29,044 --> 00:01:32,628 That's... That's nice, baby. 9 00:01:36,011 --> 00:01:37,506 No, Frizzy! No! 10 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:45,020 No, no, no, Frizzy! No! 11 00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:46,389 Frizzy. 12 00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:50,149 No, no, no, wait! Cody! No. 13 00:02:11,934 --> 00:02:12,966 No, no, no, Frizzy! No! 14 00:02:13,061 --> 00:02:15,552 Don't worry about it, man. Everyone's got a sex tape. 15 00:02:15,647 --> 00:02:16,727 Please. 16 00:02:16,816 --> 00:02:18,809 Yeah, except they're having sex with people. 17 00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:20,983 - Frizzy. - Right. 18 00:02:21,071 --> 00:02:24,821 It's not technically incest if your family member's a different species. 19 00:02:25,076 --> 00:02:26,702 So, are you getting close with Dana yet? 20 00:02:26,787 --> 00:02:29,326 The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge. 21 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,954 No sex? She was your sure thing. 22 00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:35,705 - Faith-camp propaganda, man. - She's waiting until marriage. 23 00:02:35,924 --> 00:02:37,964 I thought she had sex with six guys. 24 00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:44,090 What? 25 00:02:45,270 --> 00:02:46,551 Get to class. 26 00:02:47,231 --> 00:02:48,809 No cell phones in the hall, Alyson. 27 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:51,273 You can pick this up from my office today after school. 28 00:02:51,361 --> 00:02:54,945 No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy! 29 00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:57,111 Well, I've seen worse. 30 00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:00,285 No, no, no, Frizzy! No! 31 00:03:02,251 --> 00:03:04,410 Miss Johnson. Lunch today? 32 00:03:05,338 --> 00:03:08,590 I'll have to check my calendar, perv...Pete. 33 00:03:12,306 --> 00:03:15,641 No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy! 34 00:03:15,811 --> 00:03:17,471 Look. Look. Look at that. 35 00:03:18,147 --> 00:03:21,517 No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy! 36 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:27,273 - Hey, just ignore them. - Oh, God. You saw it, too? 37 00:03:28,703 --> 00:03:31,159 - Just so you know, it's not at all... - Hey, don't worry about it. 38 00:03:31,456 --> 00:03:34,079 Frizzy's a good-looking dog. 39 00:03:35,045 --> 00:03:38,497 So, do you wanna do it? Are we on? 40 00:03:40,135 --> 00:03:43,172 Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period? 41 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,797 Yeah. l...I'll... 42 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,802 - I'll meet you over there. - Okay. 43 00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:53,316 - Doggy style! - Hey, Stifler. 44 00:03:53,402 --> 00:03:54,862 Is that your girlfriend? 45 00:03:54,946 --> 00:03:57,319 No, we're just...We're just...We're friends. 46 00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:00,108 Just friends? How sweet. 47 00:04:00,829 --> 00:04:04,413 Well, she seems awful ripe. If you don't pick the fruit, I will. 48 00:04:05,752 --> 00:04:07,710 Hey, beautiful. 49 00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:13,006 Wow! 50 00:04:14,305 --> 00:04:17,224 Good morning, East Great Falls Blazers. 51 00:04:17,309 --> 00:04:20,228 Don't forget about the big game against Central this week 52 00:04:20,313 --> 00:04:24,395 and the Aloha Dance this Friday from 7:00 to midnight. 53 00:04:24,485 --> 00:04:28,698 Hawaiian shirts and leis are recommended for entrance. 54 00:04:29,951 --> 00:04:33,155 - Charles, knock that off. - Sorry. 55 00:04:55,443 --> 00:04:57,602 Let's focus on the quiz, please. 56 00:05:08,627 --> 00:05:10,122 Douche bag. 57 00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:40,374 I'm serious about this pledge, you know. 58 00:05:40,503 --> 00:05:41,583 I know. 59 00:05:41,671 --> 00:05:44,709 - So just dancing tonight. - Yeah. Just dancing. 60 00:05:45,092 --> 00:05:46,671 The horizontal hula. 61 00:05:46,761 --> 00:05:48,505 Nathan. 62 00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:56,971 Poor Nathan. 63 00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:59,689 His willy must be hard enough to cut glass by now. 64 00:05:59,779 --> 00:06:02,152 Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me. 65 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:06,489 Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl enough to give up sex. 66 00:06:06,788 --> 00:06:08,865 And, B, well, what about you? 67 00:06:09,166 --> 00:06:11,954 You must be feeling pretty randy by now, Dana. 68 00:06:12,754 --> 00:06:15,328 Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit, 69 00:06:15,424 --> 00:06:17,881 but I really feel like I'm connecting with the higher power here. 70 00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:20,544 Yes, I know, and that is totally fab, 71 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,010 but I know I couldn't do it. I'm way too into giving blow jobs. 72 00:06:24,562 --> 00:06:26,056 Ask Richard. 73 00:06:26,731 --> 00:06:28,974 Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay? 74 00:06:29,068 --> 00:06:32,070 Sex is a really big deal, and if you feel like you're not ready, 75 00:06:32,155 --> 00:06:34,314 then I think you should wait. 76 00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,073 But... 77 00:06:37,162 --> 00:06:40,532 No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea what you're talking about. 78 00:06:43,879 --> 00:06:45,504 Text me later. 79 00:06:52,599 --> 00:06:54,509 - Hey, Rob. - Yeah? 80 00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:57,226 - Can I ask you something? - Sure. What's up? 81 00:06:57,313 --> 00:06:59,307 Well, it's kind of personal. 82 00:07:01,277 --> 00:07:02,523 Okay. 83 00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:07,196 I've been thinking. You know I'm a virgin, right? 84 00:07:08,245 --> 00:07:09,574 It's just...I don't know. 85 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,989 Everyone's already done it like a million times already, 86 00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:15,542 and I know I don't have a boyfriend or whatever, but... 87 00:07:16,422 --> 00:07:18,629 But sometimes I feel like I should just get it over with. 88 00:07:18,717 --> 00:07:22,930 You know? I mean, just get past this whole thing, this virgin. 89 00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:25,592 What does that even mean, anyway? 90 00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:29,234 So I've never had a penis in my vagina, but so what? 91 00:07:29,577 --> 00:07:32,945 Why do I have to label everything? Like, "She's too innocent. 92 00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:36,038 "She can't handle it" I'm not that innocent. 93 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,411 I've seen Showgirls and Blue Lagoon. 94 00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:45,454 Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it. But what do you think? 95 00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:51,335 Yeah. I think you should definitely go ahead and get it over with. 96 00:07:51,466 --> 00:07:53,209 Thanks. 97 00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:57,802 Let's get back to work. 98 00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:21,185 Stifcam coming at you live from the Aloha Dance 99 00:08:21,318 --> 00:08:23,394 here at the East Great Falls... 100 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,480 This chick just grabbed my ass. 101 00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,108 She wants to play the Stifmeister's flute skin. 102 00:08:28,198 --> 00:08:31,032 Let go find some of that sweet-looking pinoche, Gibbsy. 103 00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:58,082 Hey, check it out. There's Heidi. 104 00:08:59,092 --> 00:09:01,665 All right, all right. She looks highly doable. 105 00:09:02,261 --> 00:09:04,253 All right, so what's the game plan here? 106 00:09:04,346 --> 00:09:06,254 I don't know. Ask her to dance, I guess. 107 00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:09,797 You need a plan, all right? It's all about establishing your intentions. 108 00:09:09,891 --> 00:09:12,974 See, right now, she thinks of you as just a friend. 109 00:09:13,268 --> 00:09:14,809 You need to break that paradigm. 110 00:09:14,894 --> 00:09:18,511 Remember, friends don't let friends just be friends. 111 00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:21,439 - Right. - I'm serious. You cannot puss out here. 112 00:09:21,523 --> 00:09:24,191 All right, take it easy. I'm gonna go talk to her. 113 00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:28,271 Wait. Aren't you forgetting something? 114 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,147 Oh. Oh. Oh. 115 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,987 Here, don't forget these. 116 00:09:34,781 --> 00:09:36,987 You only need those when you're alone. 117 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:39,277 Right. Right. Okay. 118 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,294 - Okay! - What? What's wrong? 119 00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:55,657 I can't. 120 00:09:55,753 --> 00:09:58,836 - But it's only second base. - I know. But if we go there, 121 00:09:58,922 --> 00:10:00,997 then we're gonna wanna go further. 122 00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:03,874 But Adam and Eve did it. 123 00:10:05,134 --> 00:10:07,541 I'm sorry. Hey, hey. 124 00:10:07,761 --> 00:10:10,381 I love you. Do you know that? 125 00:10:13,431 --> 00:10:14,806 Come here. 126 00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:20,512 Is God okay with a blow job? 127 00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:24,976 I thought you understood how I felt about this. 128 00:10:25,063 --> 00:10:27,849 I told you, it's important for me to save myself until marriage. 129 00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:29,517 You've had sex with 7 guys. 130 00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:36,315 And it was 6, not 7! 131 00:10:36,529 --> 00:10:39,101 Well, one was a black guy, so he counts as two. 132 00:10:40,198 --> 00:10:41,229 Dana. 133 00:10:42,366 --> 00:10:44,239 - Dana, come on. - Fuck off. 134 00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:47,700 Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana! 135 00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:59,159 Hey, girls. This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book. 136 00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:01,623 I need you to kiss one time, okay? 137 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,493 I don't know. 138 00:11:03,588 --> 00:11:06,790 Come on. It's gonna be seen by millions of people. 139 00:11:08,216 --> 00:11:09,330 Okay. 140 00:11:13,761 --> 00:11:15,089 Okay, we're gonna go again, 141 00:11:15,178 --> 00:11:17,964 but this time, sneak in some tongue for daddy. 142 00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:19,383 Okay. 143 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:28,474 That's what I'm talking about, baby! 144 00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,222 Stifmeister strikes again! 145 00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:36,228 Dude. 146 00:11:37,317 --> 00:11:39,475 You're gonna love this. Check this out. 147 00:11:41,903 --> 00:11:43,397 Yeah. So? 148 00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,108 Watch and learn. 149 00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:51,408 "You're hot. 150 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:57,329 "Give me your number and let's get together" 151 00:12:00,082 --> 00:12:02,453 I throw this at a hot girl, 152 00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:05,956 and she's so impressed that I'm literally throwing around a Benjamin 153 00:12:06,085 --> 00:12:08,373 that she wants to hook up with me. 154 00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:10,999 Yeah. Good luck with that. 155 00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:13,954 - I'm gonna go find Dana. - All right, man. 156 00:12:37,897 --> 00:12:40,601 Oh, no. 157 00:12:40,941 --> 00:12:42,434 Oh, God. 158 00:12:46,111 --> 00:12:48,779 Excuse me. Excuse me. Watch out. Coming through. 159 00:12:51,114 --> 00:12:55,193 So, I was thinking about what we were talking about, you know, before. 160 00:12:55,450 --> 00:13:00,608 - Yeah. Yeah, I remember. - Right. So I was thinking, why wait? 161 00:13:00,870 --> 00:13:03,621 Right? I mean, you might as well, you know, get it over with. 162 00:13:03,705 --> 00:13:05,946 What? Like, here? At the dance? 163 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,949 Well, there's always the library. 164 00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:10,793 - Yeah, the library. - I'm kidding. 165 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,794 - Yeah. I know. - But seriously, after the dance, 166 00:13:13,878 --> 00:13:14,957 I don't know if you... 167 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:20,465 - What are you doing? - Looking for my money. 168 00:13:20,924 --> 00:13:23,130 - C-note thing? - Yeah. 169 00:13:23,551 --> 00:13:25,508 - Lose your money? - Shut up. 170 00:13:25,803 --> 00:13:26,917 Ooh. 171 00:13:30,931 --> 00:13:34,595 And we're back. What's up, dude? Where's Heidi? 172 00:13:36,309 --> 00:13:37,637 I don't know. 173 00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:41,602 - She was here a second ago. - Maybe she went to the bathroom. 174 00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:44,724 - Yeah, maybe. - Dana's pissed at me. 175 00:13:45,148 --> 00:13:47,389 Dude, you gotta play along with this whole pledge thing. 176 00:13:47,483 --> 00:13:49,024 Well, that's easy for you to say. 177 00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:50,816 You haven't exactly broken the seal yet, either. 178 00:13:50,902 --> 00:13:53,356 Dude, I've been getting to third base on a regular basis. 179 00:13:53,445 --> 00:13:55,651 I can't go back to jacking off now. 180 00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:59,325 Dude, just use your left hand. It feels completely different. 181 00:14:00,543 --> 00:14:03,269 - I'm gonna go find Heidi. - I'm gonna go find Dana. 182 00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:33,245 No! Dude, you're gonna make me hurl. 183 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:41,393 Heidi? 184 00:14:49,879 --> 00:14:50,645 No, no, no, no! 185 00:14:53,406 --> 00:14:53,878 Wait. 186 00:14:55,971 --> 00:14:56,721 Dude, yo. 187 00:15:13,595 --> 00:15:14,971 What are you doing? 188 00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:18,091 Rob? You said... 189 00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:19,675 Rob! 190 00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,599 Dude, nice cock block. 191 00:15:28,446 --> 00:15:29,822 I'm on fire. 192 00:15:30,616 --> 00:15:32,110 - I'm on fire. - Oh, my God. 193 00:15:32,202 --> 00:15:35,986 There's a fire. There's a fire, and it's on me. 194 00:15:41,213 --> 00:15:42,493 Oh, my God. 195 00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:48,133 Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off your pants! Take off...Take your pants off! 196 00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:49,758 Oh, God! 197 00:15:49,889 --> 00:15:51,550 Come on! 198 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:57,058 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 199 00:15:57,148 --> 00:15:59,639 Hurry, Rob, come on. 200 00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:01,854 Get it out! Get it out! 201 00:16:06,951 --> 00:16:08,031 Oh, God. 202 00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:13,867 What the hell is going on in here? 203 00:16:19,759 --> 00:16:23,294 2 months seems like an awfully long time for Saturday detention. 204 00:16:23,556 --> 00:16:25,465 We're supposed to clean up the library. 205 00:16:26,309 --> 00:16:28,183 Do you guys know where the vacuum is? 206 00:16:28,269 --> 00:16:29,433 Nope. 207 00:16:31,607 --> 00:16:33,896 What were you doing in the library anyway? 208 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,937 I wasn't doing anything. Heidi was already in there. 209 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,948 - I was just looking for her. - I heard she was blowing some dude. 210 00:16:40,034 --> 00:16:44,032 Cody! Well, I don't know how you're gonna go on the school ski trip 211 00:16:44,121 --> 00:16:45,532 if you're still on detention. 212 00:16:45,624 --> 00:16:48,412 Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it. I didn't do anything. 213 00:16:48,502 --> 00:16:50,044 I heard you were the fluffer. 214 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,789 - Cody. - Look. His lips are chapped. 215 00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:55,379 Well, we'll see. 216 00:16:56,387 --> 00:16:58,879 All right. I have to go get ready. 217 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,469 Maybe it's in the garage. 218 00:17:07,024 --> 00:17:10,062 Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you. 219 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,441 Do we have to? 220 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,982 Honey, I know that you're growing older, 221 00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:18,742 and I don't know what your father has told you about things, 222 00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:21,867 but I think it's important to discuss everything, you know? 223 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:23,751 Like about sex. 224 00:17:25,672 --> 00:17:28,247 - Are you having sex? - Mom, I don't wanna talk about this. 225 00:17:28,342 --> 00:17:33,052 No, well, it's just that I found this sock in the laundry, and, well... 226 00:17:33,515 --> 00:17:35,923 Oh, God, Mom. Put that away. 227 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:43,641 And, also, somebody sent me a link to this video. 228 00:17:44,153 --> 00:17:46,110 No, no, no, Frizzy! No. 229 00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:47,857 - Mom, just turn it off! - I don't know how! 230 00:17:47,949 --> 00:17:49,575 Your brother made it my start-up screen. 231 00:17:49,659 --> 00:17:51,653 - Okay, I can...I can fix that. - You can? Great. 232 00:17:51,746 --> 00:17:52,777 - Yeah. - Thanks. 233 00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,664 - No, no, no, Frizzy! No! - Thank you for that. 234 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:56,374 - Okay. - And we're done. Right? Yeah. 235 00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:58,785 Well, honey, please. There's no reason to be ashamed. 236 00:17:58,879 --> 00:18:00,540 Masturbation is perfectly natural. 237 00:18:00,632 --> 00:18:04,582 I mean, boys your age are maybe into experimentation 238 00:18:04,678 --> 00:18:07,929 and trying new things with animals. 239 00:18:08,475 --> 00:18:12,093 I mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for... Since she was a puppy... 240 00:18:12,229 --> 00:18:14,222 Hey, I'm late. 241 00:18:24,994 --> 00:18:27,486 - You're tardy. - Sorry. 242 00:18:28,582 --> 00:18:30,824 You can start by cleaning off all the damaged books 243 00:18:30,918 --> 00:18:34,453 and separating the ruined ones. I'll be checking on you. 244 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,969 Heidi. Look, about last night... 245 00:18:40,638 --> 00:18:42,014 I don't wanna talk about it. 246 00:18:43,266 --> 00:18:45,758 - Well, I just wanted to tell you... - Rob. 247 00:18:48,022 --> 00:18:49,896 I'm gonna go empty this bucket. 248 00:19:40,419 --> 00:19:42,625 Do you have any idea what I found here? 249 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,205 - This is the bible. - I thought that was an urban legend. 250 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,672 No. This is real. This goes back decades. 251 00:19:47,761 --> 00:19:49,670 Okay. So what? 252 00:19:49,763 --> 00:19:52,338 This is exactly what we need to finally get laid. 253 00:19:53,101 --> 00:19:55,592 How is this thing gonna help us get laid? It's ruined. 254 00:19:55,771 --> 00:19:57,930 You can't even read most of it. 255 00:19:58,024 --> 00:20:00,942 This book has helped one lucky guy each year at Great Falls. 256 00:20:01,153 --> 00:20:04,273 And this year, that lucky guy is us. 257 00:20:04,866 --> 00:20:08,449 Even with the damage, it still has a ton of useful stuff. Check this out. 258 00:20:09,496 --> 00:20:12,996 "February 1st, 1977. The G-spot" 259 00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:18,250 - I can dig it. - What else you got? 260 00:20:18,674 --> 00:20:22,293 "1991. How to shave your pubes to make your dick look bigger" 261 00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,381 Dad showed me that one. 262 00:20:24,472 --> 00:20:28,601 "2003. I just had the most amazing sexual experience" 263 00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:32,768 Something I can't read. "She used a breath mint" 264 00:20:33,317 --> 00:20:35,855 A breath mint? For what? 265 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,817 You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and the minty-ness makes your asshole twitch. 266 00:20:41,691 --> 00:20:43,269 Everyone knows that. 267 00:20:44,194 --> 00:20:46,401 Dude, I don't know. This sounds pretty weak. 268 00:20:46,489 --> 00:20:49,063 Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff on the internet anyway. 269 00:20:49,159 --> 00:20:51,947 No, this is different. This has personal experiences. 270 00:20:52,038 --> 00:20:54,447 Plus, it's custom-tailored to Great Falls girls. 271 00:20:54,541 --> 00:20:56,333 Since when does punani have a zip code? 272 00:20:56,419 --> 00:20:59,504 What have we got to lose? Nathan, you've been working on Dana for, what? 273 00:20:59,590 --> 00:21:03,459 Like 6 months? Only to find out that she loves the Lord more than sex? 274 00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:08,599 And, Lube, how have all your schemes to get laid been working out so far? 275 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:09,800 Minus $100. 276 00:21:09,895 --> 00:21:14,606 Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting all my time on some fantasy that someday 277 00:21:14,693 --> 00:21:17,861 Heidi's gonna fall madly in love with me. Face it, guys, we need help. 278 00:21:17,989 --> 00:21:20,481 And this is it, staring us right in the face. 279 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,365 - I'm in. - All right. 280 00:21:24,123 --> 00:21:25,321 I'm in. 281 00:21:25,499 --> 00:21:26,531 - Yeah. - Yes. 282 00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,041 - Yeah! - Yeah! 283 00:21:29,213 --> 00:21:30,921 Hey, easy. Guys, it's old. 284 00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:33,465 "May 1st, 1990. 285 00:21:35,179 --> 00:21:38,881 "The simplest way into a girl's pants is still basic flattery" 286 00:21:40,436 --> 00:21:42,892 That's it? Just flatter her? 287 00:21:43,190 --> 00:21:44,934 - That's it. - Well, think about it. 288 00:21:45,026 --> 00:21:46,900 How many times do you actually do it? 289 00:21:47,237 --> 00:21:50,155 Walk up to a girl and say, "Wow, you have beautiful eyes" 290 00:21:50,241 --> 00:21:55,035 Like, never. It's telling us the only proven way to get women is to be an asshole, 291 00:21:55,122 --> 00:21:58,374 'cause the guys that actually spew that kind of crap get laid. 292 00:21:58,460 --> 00:22:00,952 Check it out. 12 o'clock. 293 00:22:34,675 --> 00:22:38,544 - All right. Let's put this bible to a test. - Yes. 294 00:22:38,889 --> 00:22:41,559 - You go talk to her. - I'm not trying it out on Ashley. 295 00:22:41,643 --> 00:22:44,680 Why don't you go talk to her, 'cause you're the one who likes her? 296 00:22:46,024 --> 00:22:48,266 - I'm eating. - Okay. I'll do it. 297 00:23:20,027 --> 00:23:22,067 Hey, Ashley. 298 00:23:22,155 --> 00:23:24,195 Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend? 299 00:23:24,283 --> 00:23:27,618 No...This is...It's for my mom. 300 00:23:29,582 --> 00:23:30,911 She's dating again. 301 00:23:44,685 --> 00:23:48,470 Well, you know, l... Actually, I wanted to say, 302 00:23:49,233 --> 00:23:53,528 you know, you have the most gorgeous teeth. 303 00:23:58,454 --> 00:24:01,788 Hey. Come with me. 304 00:24:06,214 --> 00:24:09,216 Jealous? He's making a move on your lady friend. 305 00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:11,966 Unlike you, I don't mind sharing my women. 306 00:24:12,806 --> 00:24:14,965 And what are you wankers up to today? 307 00:24:15,059 --> 00:24:16,969 - Cheerio. - Hello, love. 308 00:24:17,062 --> 00:24:18,093 Word to your mumsie. 309 00:24:18,188 --> 00:24:20,395 Just waiting for some ladies to join us, in fact. 310 00:24:20,483 --> 00:24:23,105 You nancy boys couldn't get laid at a Jonas Brothers concert 311 00:24:23,195 --> 00:24:26,814 with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio. 312 00:24:29,370 --> 00:24:30,912 Was that a slam? 313 00:24:31,247 --> 00:24:32,825 You bet your bollocks. 314 00:24:33,041 --> 00:24:34,417 - Hold this. - Yeah. 315 00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:50,265 How does this look? 316 00:24:52,609 --> 00:24:54,068 Great, I'll take it. 317 00:24:55,321 --> 00:24:56,353 Stand up. 318 00:25:00,286 --> 00:25:03,703 Wait, what...What's...Wait, hold...Hold on. 319 00:25:04,458 --> 00:25:05,490 Oh. 320 00:25:18,477 --> 00:25:19,806 Should I call you? 321 00:25:21,147 --> 00:25:23,983 Just walk out of the store and meet me at the food court. 322 00:25:26,321 --> 00:25:27,484 Act natural. 323 00:25:55,401 --> 00:25:56,481 Can I help you? 324 00:25:56,569 --> 00:26:00,900 No. No. I'm...I'm just browsing. 325 00:26:03,454 --> 00:26:04,829 Okay, then. 326 00:26:05,248 --> 00:26:07,704 - Have a nice day. - You, too. 327 00:26:14,051 --> 00:26:17,718 I'm sorry! I wasn't stealing. It was a...It was a prank. 328 00:26:17,806 --> 00:26:20,808 I am so sorry. I think we left the tags on your garments. 329 00:26:20,894 --> 00:26:24,727 Please come back to the register. We'll figure this out. I'm so embarrassed. 330 00:26:35,496 --> 00:26:37,324 Oh, my God. 331 00:26:39,085 --> 00:26:41,292 Sorry, l...I got excited. 332 00:26:48,138 --> 00:26:49,799 That'll be 149.90. 333 00:26:51,017 --> 00:26:53,390 - How much? - 149.90. 334 00:26:54,397 --> 00:26:55,939 But they're so small. 335 00:27:02,866 --> 00:27:06,782 - Madeleine? - It's my mom. I'm...I have a note. 336 00:27:21,433 --> 00:27:23,473 - Thank you. - Have a nice day. 337 00:27:24,186 --> 00:27:25,562 Come again. 338 00:27:34,241 --> 00:27:35,985 What took you so long? Did you get it? 339 00:27:36,077 --> 00:27:40,076 Sure did. I even stole you a bag so you don't have to touch it till you get home. 340 00:27:40,166 --> 00:27:41,661 Great. Thanks. 341 00:27:42,294 --> 00:27:44,371 Hey. What's up, Ashley? 342 00:27:44,505 --> 00:27:46,415 What are you pillow biters doing here? 343 00:27:46,508 --> 00:27:47,587 Stifler. 344 00:27:47,843 --> 00:27:50,382 Don't eat that. You're gonna get fat. 345 00:27:50,471 --> 00:27:53,639 I'm super horny. Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage? 346 00:27:53,851 --> 00:27:54,966 Okay. 347 00:28:10,206 --> 00:28:13,908 Dana. Excuse me. I'm so sorry. 348 00:28:14,045 --> 00:28:16,750 Didn't mean to disrupt the... This morning's mass. 349 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,414 What are you doing here? 350 00:28:19,719 --> 00:28:21,712 I wanted to say I'm sorry. 351 00:28:22,097 --> 00:28:25,134 Did you really think that this is the best time to discuss this? 352 00:28:26,228 --> 00:28:27,936 Well, you weren't answering any of my texts. 353 00:28:30,066 --> 00:28:32,059 - I'll be right back, okay? - Okay. 354 00:28:32,152 --> 00:28:34,276 What is faith? 355 00:28:34,447 --> 00:28:36,820 When you flip the light switch in your kitchen, 356 00:28:36,908 --> 00:28:39,317 you know that the light will turn on. 357 00:28:39,412 --> 00:28:44,870 Some might call that faith, but I tell you, that is not the real faith. 358 00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:49,086 Okay, so what is so important that you needed to come and interrupt church? 359 00:28:49,175 --> 00:28:50,883 I don't really get why you're so mad at me right now. 360 00:28:50,969 --> 00:28:55,098 Because you don't respect me. This is all just a big joke to you. 361 00:28:55,266 --> 00:28:58,767 You know what? You're right, because this is just another phase for you. 362 00:28:58,854 --> 00:29:00,397 Just like your little stint on yearbook. 363 00:29:00,482 --> 00:29:02,938 You stuck with that for, what, 2 weeks before you got bored with it? 364 00:29:03,027 --> 00:29:05,483 Why is it so hard for you to believe that I wanna 365 00:29:05,572 --> 00:29:06,947 wait until marriage? 366 00:29:07,032 --> 00:29:08,230 Because you slept with Doug Wheeler 367 00:29:08,325 --> 00:29:10,449 and Scott Thompson on the same night. 368 00:29:10,537 --> 00:29:12,613 That doesn't count I was drunk. 369 00:29:12,706 --> 00:29:13,821 Is that Dana? 370 00:29:13,916 --> 00:29:15,791 As soon as you get bored with this whole pledge thing, 371 00:29:16,837 --> 00:29:18,629 you're just gonna jump right back in the saddle again. 372 00:29:18,798 --> 00:29:20,921 And when you get to college, don't even tell me 373 00:29:21,009 --> 00:29:23,845 that you won't be experimenting with the standard lesbian hookups, 374 00:29:23,930 --> 00:29:26,219 having 3-ways, trying anal. 375 00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:28,466 - Yeah. - Yeah. 376 00:29:28,561 --> 00:29:29,592 That's what I'm talking... 377 00:29:29,687 --> 00:29:30,933 Fine Just relax. 378 00:29:31,106 --> 00:29:32,137 - Do something! - Faith is. 379 00:29:32,232 --> 00:29:33,644 - She's your daughter. - Go! 380 00:29:33,734 --> 00:29:35,359 Faith is the rock-solid. 381 00:29:35,445 --> 00:29:38,363 You don't think I'm committed to this? My parents waited until marriage. 382 00:29:38,449 --> 00:29:41,617 My dad went to high school with your mom. 383 00:29:41,703 --> 00:29:43,198 He said she blew the whole football team 384 00:29:43,289 --> 00:29:44,664 and had to have her stomach pumped. 385 00:29:46,084 --> 00:29:47,579 Don't be gross, okay? 386 00:29:47,878 --> 00:29:49,373 Plus, your dad was a Beta. 387 00:29:49,464 --> 00:29:51,172 Those guys are notorious poon slayers. 388 00:29:52,009 --> 00:29:54,168 Fuck it! This is bullshit! 389 00:29:56,515 --> 00:29:58,425 You know you want this. 390 00:29:59,227 --> 00:30:00,555 Did we miss communion? 391 00:30:02,815 --> 00:30:03,728 Been a rough go for the 392 00:30:03,816 --> 00:30:05,061 East Great Falls Blazers in this game. 393 00:30:05,151 --> 00:30:06,527 Go, Blazers! 394 00:30:06,611 --> 00:30:09,946 Which is surprising, since this is the last home game of the season. 395 00:30:10,033 --> 00:30:12,026 You'd think they'd really pump up the power there. 396 00:30:12,119 --> 00:30:13,863 Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy! 397 00:30:13,955 --> 00:30:18,168 Even though it's close to a tie, we were hoping for better defence from the. 398 00:30:18,252 --> 00:30:21,040 Oh, my gosh, wait. So, what did your dad say? 399 00:30:21,131 --> 00:30:23,457 He said if he ever sees Nathan within 100 feet of me, 400 00:30:23,551 --> 00:30:25,627 he's gonna castrate him with a rusty Garden Weasel. 401 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,422 Oh, no. So what? Is it over between you guys or what? 402 00:30:29,517 --> 00:30:30,716 I don't know. 403 00:30:30,810 --> 00:30:34,394 Well, if you ever want to try a menage, you're welcome to join Richard and me. 404 00:30:35,859 --> 00:30:37,104 - No. - No. 405 00:30:37,444 --> 00:30:39,734 Please don't say "young boy" around Coach Daly. 406 00:30:39,822 --> 00:30:41,282 Yeah, out here he's. 407 00:30:41,366 --> 00:30:42,742 - What about you, missy? - What? 408 00:30:42,826 --> 00:30:44,286 How's your sex life? 409 00:30:44,370 --> 00:30:46,992 You guys, I'm gonna go through with it. I am. I am. 410 00:30:47,082 --> 00:30:50,286 You're so boring. I would've thought you'd be fielding offers 411 00:30:50,378 --> 00:30:52,418 after your striptease in the library. 412 00:30:53,382 --> 00:30:55,956 Yeah, I'm... I'm still just waiting for the right time. 413 00:30:58,973 --> 00:31:04,729 Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Let's go, fight, win. 414 00:31:04,939 --> 00:31:10,066 Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Blazers! 415 00:31:10,155 --> 00:31:13,275 Fight, win. Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. 416 00:31:41,655 --> 00:31:44,526 I think that is quite enough pictures of the cheerleaders. 417 00:31:44,617 --> 00:31:47,026 How about we get some of the game? 418 00:32:06,146 --> 00:32:07,641 As you were. 419 00:32:12,613 --> 00:32:13,942 Douche bag. 420 00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:16,026 Blue and white... 421 00:32:16,118 --> 00:32:17,493 Shearson's bringing the ball up court. 422 00:32:17,578 --> 00:32:19,986 He passes it off to Scott Stifler. 423 00:32:27,591 --> 00:32:30,379 Central takes a charge from Shearson. 424 00:32:30,470 --> 00:32:33,555 Time out, Blazers. What are we gonna do now, Bill? 425 00:32:33,933 --> 00:32:34,965 10 seconds in the game. 426 00:32:35,060 --> 00:32:36,685 I think these guys really need to get their act. 427 00:32:36,770 --> 00:32:40,472 Get your head in the game, doggy style. You can finish your wet dream later. 428 00:32:40,567 --> 00:32:42,359 - I'm sorry. - This is it for this game. 429 00:32:42,444 --> 00:32:44,438 Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec? 430 00:32:44,531 --> 00:32:47,201 - Are you nuts? I'm in the middle of a game. - Last home game of the season. 431 00:32:48,452 --> 00:32:49,615 Really gotta get their act together. 432 00:32:51,206 --> 00:32:55,371 Tie game, 89 all, 3:9 seconds left. Let's see what's gonna happen here. 433 00:32:55,462 --> 00:32:56,791 - Central's got the ball. - Go, Blazers! 434 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,633 They have the advantage. 435 00:33:00,427 --> 00:33:01,708 Looks like Double screen! 436 00:33:01,804 --> 00:33:05,008 Shearson gets the ball. He passes it to Scott Stifler It's good! It's in! 437 00:33:06,226 --> 00:33:09,892 The game's over. 91-89 for East Great Falls Blazers. 438 00:33:09,981 --> 00:33:13,766 This is incredible, folks! This means we're going on to the playoffs! 439 00:33:13,861 --> 00:33:15,985 Unbelievable! It's exciting. 440 00:33:16,657 --> 00:33:20,276 What a chain of events that has occurred here today! 441 00:33:26,253 --> 00:33:28,460 Honey, I need to talk to you. 442 00:33:29,257 --> 00:33:30,633 Yeah, sure. 443 00:33:31,802 --> 00:33:33,594 Is...Is that a Bible? 444 00:33:33,763 --> 00:33:35,222 What? No. No, it's... 445 00:33:35,307 --> 00:33:38,344 Well, honey, it's okay to read the Bible. I mean, gosh, you act like 446 00:33:38,436 --> 00:33:39,467 I caught you reading pornography. 447 00:33:41,732 --> 00:33:43,227 What did you wanna talk about? 448 00:33:43,317 --> 00:33:46,105 Well, I just got my credit card statement and... 449 00:33:46,196 --> 00:33:49,649 And here on your card there's a charge here for a lingerie store. 450 00:33:50,494 --> 00:33:53,164 Yeah, I'm... I'm gonna pay you back for that, Mom. 451 00:33:55,041 --> 00:33:56,666 Is there a girl you're seeing? 452 00:33:56,752 --> 00:33:59,956 No. Mom, it's complicated. 453 00:34:01,174 --> 00:34:03,845 - Did you buy something for yourself? - No! 454 00:34:03,928 --> 00:34:05,672 Because it's a very normal area of exploration. 455 00:34:05,764 --> 00:34:09,181 My book says that most fetishes are not homosexual in nature, 456 00:34:09,269 --> 00:34:11,096 and, well, you know, boys, they tend to... 457 00:34:11,188 --> 00:34:14,807 Yes, Mom, that's it. You figured it out. I love wearing women's underwear. 458 00:34:14,901 --> 00:34:17,523 Thongs, G-strings, a little teddy now and then. 459 00:34:17,613 --> 00:34:20,152 It's so soft and silky smooth. The frillier the better. 460 00:34:20,242 --> 00:34:21,273 Sexy. 461 00:34:21,368 --> 00:34:23,575 Oh, God! Come on. 462 00:34:23,663 --> 00:34:24,694 Gotcha. 463 00:34:29,379 --> 00:34:31,337 So it was for a girl. 464 00:34:32,717 --> 00:34:34,045 Yeah, Mom. 465 00:34:34,636 --> 00:34:35,799 Great. 466 00:34:50,365 --> 00:34:53,367 So, you know that thing you told me before the dance? 467 00:34:53,453 --> 00:34:54,532 Yeah. 468 00:34:54,621 --> 00:34:57,077 Right, well, I was thinking about that conversation. 469 00:34:57,166 --> 00:34:58,910 So, what about it? 470 00:34:59,127 --> 00:35:03,173 I was just thinking, you know, maybe you should wait. 471 00:35:04,133 --> 00:35:07,919 I know. You know, I've thought about it, too, 472 00:35:08,014 --> 00:35:10,588 but I still feel like I'm making this whole thing 473 00:35:10,684 --> 00:35:14,849 into, like, this huge deal. I mean, it's consuming my every thought. 474 00:35:18,444 --> 00:35:20,272 I don't know, Rob. 475 00:35:20,363 --> 00:35:23,781 I still feel like it's best if I just get it over with. 476 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,866 Yeah. I can see that. 477 00:35:30,585 --> 00:35:32,745 You figured it out. I love wearing women's underwear. 478 00:35:32,838 --> 00:35:35,164 Thongs, G-strings, a little teddy now and then. 479 00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:38,011 It's so soft and silky smooth. The frillier the better. 480 00:35:38,095 --> 00:35:40,303 What is up with this crap, butt nugget? 481 00:35:40,390 --> 00:35:44,306 That was taken completely out of context. All right? I was being facetious. 482 00:35:45,731 --> 00:35:47,309 That means he wasn't being serious. 483 00:35:48,735 --> 00:35:51,440 I know what facetious means, dick face. 484 00:35:51,864 --> 00:35:54,190 Are you trying to repel all the pussy in school? 485 00:35:54,284 --> 00:35:55,826 - No... - Tick tock, doggy boy. 486 00:35:55,911 --> 00:35:57,322 You cock is on the clock. 487 00:35:58,373 --> 00:36:01,659 Excuse me. Take notes. 488 00:36:05,132 --> 00:36:07,968 - Hey, lmogen. - Stifler. 489 00:36:08,720 --> 00:36:10,927 The word for the day is "legs:" 490 00:36:11,849 --> 00:36:12,880 So? 491 00:36:12,975 --> 00:36:16,511 So, why don't we go back to my place and spread the word? 492 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,014 Well, how about you save your breath? 493 00:36:20,277 --> 00:36:22,566 You're gonna need it to inflate your date later. 494 00:36:27,036 --> 00:36:29,706 Gentlemen, it is time we got laid. 495 00:36:29,831 --> 00:36:32,240 Really? And what is it we've been trying to do all this time? 496 00:36:32,334 --> 00:36:37,378 No, no. We need to get laid. Right here. September 9th, 1995. 497 00:36:38,509 --> 00:36:40,882 Can you give us the executive summary? 498 00:36:40,971 --> 00:36:44,922 No, not that. This. 499 00:36:46,937 --> 00:36:49,892 We are going on a road trip. 500 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,627 How long do you intend on staying in Canada? 501 00:37:11,595 --> 00:37:13,470 Just a couple of hours. 502 00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:16,094 What's the nature of your visit? 503 00:37:16,185 --> 00:37:19,769 We've driven many miles in search of vertical smiles. 504 00:37:22,151 --> 00:37:24,061 We use kilometres here. 505 00:37:25,697 --> 00:37:31,572 Then we've driven many clicks to wet our dicks? 506 00:37:32,289 --> 00:37:33,488 Yes! Yeah! 507 00:37:33,583 --> 00:37:35,327 - That works, right? - Bye-bye. 508 00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:39,458 Fucking Americans. 509 00:37:42,804 --> 00:37:45,260 You know, the exchange rate on the dollar is really gonna help us out. 510 00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:46,380 Yeah. 511 00:37:46,475 --> 00:37:48,136 Okay, up ahead, turn right. 512 00:37:48,227 --> 00:37:49,508 - You sure? - Yes. Turn right. 513 00:38:07,879 --> 00:38:10,335 Okay, boys. Let's do this. 514 00:38:10,424 --> 00:38:11,966 Are you sure this is a good idea? 515 00:38:12,051 --> 00:38:14,009 Come on, you pussy. Let's get laid. 516 00:38:17,350 --> 00:38:19,390 The bible says to ask for Monique. 517 00:38:29,699 --> 00:38:32,108 Hi. Are you Monique? 518 00:38:32,203 --> 00:38:36,368 No, moi, no, no, no. Mais, Monique, she is inside. 519 00:38:36,834 --> 00:38:38,293 Come. Come, boys. 520 00:38:45,387 --> 00:38:49,220 Boys, entrez chez nous. 521 00:38:49,309 --> 00:38:54,138 C'est magnifique, no? I will get Monique. 522 00:38:54,399 --> 00:38:58,647 She will be so happy to see you. 523 00:38:58,738 --> 00:39:01,657 In the meantime, make yourselves at home. 524 00:39:05,163 --> 00:39:08,082 Jesus, tits. We came to the right place. 525 00:39:08,710 --> 00:39:10,288 Is that a moose? 526 00:39:10,754 --> 00:39:11,953 Condom? 527 00:39:12,590 --> 00:39:14,916 Why, thank you. 528 00:39:16,054 --> 00:39:17,267 Gentlemen. 529 00:39:20,634 --> 00:39:21,496 Thank you. 530 00:39:22,341 --> 00:39:23,201 Very much. 531 00:39:24,197 --> 00:39:24,837 Thank you. 532 00:39:28,102 --> 00:39:29,330 Can't wait to see Monique. 533 00:39:45,199 --> 00:39:47,210 We're here to see Monique. 534 00:39:50,602 --> 00:39:53,250 I am Monique. 535 00:39:54,187 --> 00:39:58,380 Oh! ... Well, that's...That's okay. 536 00:39:59,334 --> 00:40:04,024 Come, come. I make you a nice drink. 537 00:40:26,119 --> 00:40:29,148 Yeah, could you just give us just one minute? 538 00:40:32,620 --> 00:40:34,805 This could be very educational for all of us. 539 00:40:36,116 --> 00:40:36,770 Really? 540 00:40:44,903 --> 00:40:47,491 - He's up. - No, no. Why am I first? 541 00:40:47,561 --> 00:40:48,685 It was your idea. 542 00:40:49,367 --> 00:40:52,113 Don't...Don't insult Monique. She has an entire chapter in the bible. 543 00:40:53,402 --> 00:40:55,524 You two crazy kids have fun. 544 00:41:18,470 --> 00:41:20,004 And welcome. 545 00:41:24,002 --> 00:41:27,194 So...So, how does this work? Am I supposed to pay you? 546 00:41:27,935 --> 00:41:29,340 No, no, no. Not yet. 547 00:41:36,691 --> 00:41:38,327 Oh, I see. 548 00:42:34,015 --> 00:42:36,503 You've got one active imagination, boy. 549 00:42:40,759 --> 00:42:41,877 How long was I out for? 550 00:42:42,859 --> 00:42:44,222 Only about 8 seconds that time. 551 00:43:03,108 --> 00:43:06,451 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No, no, no. 552 00:43:06,820 --> 00:43:09,096 Yes. Yes. 553 00:43:15,275 --> 00:43:19,321 Monique! Oh! That's really nice. 554 00:43:32,556 --> 00:43:33,883 That's it. 555 00:43:40,430 --> 00:43:43,925 I'm so sorry. I usually last a lot longer. 556 00:43:45,971 --> 00:43:47,001 Hey. 557 00:43:47,595 --> 00:43:51,091 Hey, was I supposed to tap you on the shoulder or something? 558 00:43:53,303 --> 00:43:54,925 Oh, no. No. 559 00:43:56,427 --> 00:44:00,207 Help! Help! Help, help, help! 560 00:44:01,051 --> 00:44:03,421 Go, go, go! Go! I'm coming! 561 00:44:05,301 --> 00:44:06,462 - Jesus. Dude. - Oh, God! 562 00:44:06,550 --> 00:44:07,829 What, do you need an audience? 563 00:44:07,925 --> 00:44:09,667 No, no. Wait, guys. I think she's dead! 564 00:44:10,258 --> 00:44:11,336 Excuse me? 565 00:44:11,425 --> 00:44:13,214 Oh, my God. This is not good. 566 00:44:13,299 --> 00:44:15,918 I can't get her off. I think she had a heart attack. 567 00:44:16,007 --> 00:44:18,081 Help! She's got lockjaw. Get her off of me! 568 00:44:18,173 --> 00:44:20,413 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - It's lockjaw. 569 00:44:20,506 --> 00:44:23,504 Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw! 570 00:44:23,589 --> 00:44:25,247 - Okay. - Get her off! 571 00:44:29,255 --> 00:44:30,534 I'm sorry! 572 00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:36,711 Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear! 573 00:44:38,628 --> 00:44:40,286 Shit. What am I doing? 574 00:44:40,378 --> 00:44:42,036 Clear, clear! 575 00:44:45,377 --> 00:44:49,915 Okay. Come down here. Grab her legs. One, two, three. 576 00:44:52,043 --> 00:44:55,040 Forget it. It's totally screwed up. Oh, God. 577 00:44:58,375 --> 00:45:00,164 What you do to maman? 578 00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:12,659 Maman! You killed maman! You killed maman! 579 00:45:29,412 --> 00:45:34,862 Fucking Americans! Come back here. I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you cowards! 580 00:45:37,369 --> 00:45:38,742 I killed her. 581 00:45:38,827 --> 00:45:40,616 I killed her with my sperm! 582 00:45:40,701 --> 00:45:43,782 Hey, man, when it's your time to go, it's your time to go. She led a full life. 583 00:45:43,868 --> 00:45:44,898 How do you know that? 584 00:45:44,992 --> 00:45:47,232 Man, what do you want me to say? You're the one that murdered her! 585 00:45:47,325 --> 00:45:50,904 I can't believe that was the woman the bible said we should have sex with. 586 00:45:50,991 --> 00:45:54,522 Right here: "September 9th, 1995:" 587 00:45:55,366 --> 00:45:56,739 Let me see that. 588 00:45:57,740 --> 00:46:03,736 No. No, that's a seven! That's 1975. It's from the '70s. 589 00:46:04,197 --> 00:46:06,401 - I thought it was a nine. - Shut up! Shut up! 590 00:46:06,489 --> 00:46:11,062 - I didn't do anything! - Shut up! Just shut up! I wanna go home. 591 00:46:11,155 --> 00:46:12,351 I don't wanna be here. 592 00:46:13,613 --> 00:46:15,733 Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel. 593 00:46:18,820 --> 00:46:20,609 Well, that went well. 594 00:46:21,091 --> 00:46:23,420 Guys, I think it's time we try my interpretation. 595 00:46:23,513 --> 00:46:26,636 Look, Nathan, you've been trying to convince Dana to sleep with you, 596 00:46:26,728 --> 00:46:28,889 instead of just listening to her. Right, you know? 597 00:46:28,983 --> 00:46:32,022 Trying to see things from her point of view? Showing just... 598 00:46:32,115 --> 00:46:34,109 Just a little respect. 599 00:46:34,202 --> 00:46:37,123 And you, you're still trying to trick women into sleeping with you, 600 00:46:37,292 --> 00:46:39,251 instead of just being honest. 601 00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:43,093 And you're still too much of a pussy to tell Heidi you're into her. 602 00:46:52,366 --> 00:46:54,491 You going to Stifler's house tonight? 603 00:46:54,579 --> 00:46:56,954 Yeah. I'll probably go with Dana. 604 00:46:57,084 --> 00:47:00,623 So any luck losing that thing you were trying to get rid of? 605 00:47:00,717 --> 00:47:03,127 - Rob. - I'm just asking. 606 00:47:03,222 --> 00:47:05,347 Maybe you should mind your own business. 607 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:10,986 What's with you today? 608 00:47:20,885 --> 00:47:24,803 I wanna tell you something that I've been wanting to say for a long time. 609 00:47:24,893 --> 00:47:25,974 Okay. 610 00:47:31,198 --> 00:47:32,860 I really like you. 611 00:47:33,495 --> 00:47:35,536 I really like you, too. 612 00:47:36,250 --> 00:47:41,381 No, not like that. I really like you. 613 00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:44,673 Oh. 614 00:47:46,939 --> 00:47:48,221 - Rob... - I think you're great. 615 00:47:48,609 --> 00:47:53,361 You have a great personality. I laugh at all your jokes. You're pretty. 616 00:47:53,453 --> 00:47:58,168 Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great. 617 00:47:59,884 --> 00:48:03,054 I don't know. I'm just... I'm happy when I'm around you. 618 00:48:03,141 --> 00:48:04,969 Now, I don't know if you feel the same way, but if you do... 619 00:48:05,061 --> 00:48:07,056 Let's not waste any more time. Right? Let's just 620 00:48:08,152 --> 00:48:10,526 see where our feelings take us. 621 00:48:14,373 --> 00:48:16,035 I feel the same way. 622 00:48:17,212 --> 00:48:19,290 - You do? - Yes. 623 00:48:19,383 --> 00:48:22,589 This is great. Why didn't you say something? 624 00:48:22,682 --> 00:48:24,177 Why didn't you? 625 00:48:27,651 --> 00:48:33,327 It's about that time, so I gotta go. But I'll see you tonight? 626 00:48:34,164 --> 00:48:35,245 Yes. 627 00:48:55,042 --> 00:48:56,123 - Dad? - Mmm-hmm? 628 00:48:56,879 --> 00:48:58,340 There she is. 629 00:49:06,191 --> 00:49:08,981 They saw me! Get down! Get down! 630 00:49:12,663 --> 00:49:14,704 - Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. - Drive. Drive. 631 00:49:14,792 --> 00:49:16,586 It's cool. It's cool. 632 00:49:17,715 --> 00:49:20,755 Nathan, look, I've been thinking. 633 00:49:21,932 --> 00:49:23,642 Maybe I've been too hard on you. 634 00:49:24,479 --> 00:49:25,761 You have? 635 00:49:26,024 --> 00:49:29,860 You obviously love my daughter, and you two should be together. 636 00:49:30,869 --> 00:49:33,409 - We should? - Absolutely. 637 00:49:33,958 --> 00:49:37,746 Honey, it is not right to give a man blue balls. 638 00:49:37,841 --> 00:49:42,758 If you want boys to like you, you gotta put out. Here, start with Nathan's friend. 639 00:49:54,793 --> 00:49:56,171 This is so not cool. 640 00:49:56,255 --> 00:49:58,831 I mean, fantasizing about your best friend's girlfriend? 641 00:50:00,180 --> 00:50:02,092 Oh, my God! 642 00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:05,480 - Dad! Stop! Stop. - Fucknut! 643 00:50:31,433 --> 00:50:32,758 All right, girls. 644 00:50:33,463 --> 00:50:35,417 - Party looks good. - Yeah. 645 00:50:35,452 --> 00:50:36,007 Uh-huh. 646 00:50:37,274 --> 00:50:38,618 All right, listen to me. Stay focused. 647 00:50:40,001 --> 00:50:43,082 Be honest, show respect and just say whatever's on your mind. 648 00:50:43,409 --> 00:50:44,383 Stop, jerk. 649 00:50:44,670 --> 00:50:45,537 I can't even get near Dana. 650 00:50:45,572 --> 00:50:46,986 She'll be here. She's coming with Heidi. 651 00:50:47,154 --> 00:50:49,426 Just try and think of things from her point of view. 652 00:50:49,671 --> 00:50:52,237 Yeah, and I might as well just crack the Da Vinci Code while I'm at it. 653 00:50:52,683 --> 00:50:54,050 Just get her some frankincense and myrrh. 654 00:50:54,633 --> 00:50:55,629 That's a great idea. 655 00:50:55,994 --> 00:50:57,752 I'll just pick up some roofies for you while I'm out. 656 00:50:58,466 --> 00:51:00,695 You need a prescription for that, from what I hear. 657 00:51:01,546 --> 00:51:03,404 Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too. 658 00:51:03,615 --> 00:51:07,084 All right. Let's try to go in there and just be real. 659 00:51:08,251 --> 00:51:09,237 All right, Oprah. 660 00:51:35,716 --> 00:51:37,946 Hey. Isn't that that chick from Central? 661 00:51:40,218 --> 00:51:40,866 Yeah. 662 00:51:41,579 --> 00:51:42,681 Hey, Stifler. 663 00:51:43,452 --> 00:51:44,391 Oh, hey, there... 664 00:51:45,566 --> 00:51:46,347 Katie. 665 00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:50,061 Katie, right. I knew that. Just having some fun with you. 666 00:51:50,844 --> 00:51:54,406 Can I talk to you for a second, like, in private? 667 00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:56,490 Yeah, sure, you know what? 668 00:51:56,628 --> 00:51:58,917 Let me just grab another beer and I'll be right back with you. 669 00:51:59,655 --> 00:52:00,722 Don't you flake on me. 670 00:52:03,595 --> 00:52:05,702 Dude, you been working out? Didn't think so. 671 00:52:06,661 --> 00:52:09,596 You two, stay amazing. My God. 672 00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:14,592 Hey, what's up, beautiful? 673 00:52:15,304 --> 00:52:17,483 You know, I got so drunk last weekend 674 00:52:17,550 --> 00:52:20,018 that I nailed my cock to a table, then set it on fire. 675 00:52:21,126 --> 00:52:22,621 Wanna check it out? 676 00:52:22,711 --> 00:52:24,586 The table or your cock? 677 00:52:24,881 --> 00:52:26,790 God, I love that accent. 678 00:52:26,883 --> 00:52:28,710 Could you do me a favour and just say, 679 00:52:28,802 --> 00:52:32,635 "Spank me, Stifler. Spank me wee little bum" 680 00:52:33,934 --> 00:52:36,556 How did you know I like to be spanked? 681 00:52:37,438 --> 00:52:39,680 Awesome! 682 00:52:40,817 --> 00:52:44,650 So where's this boyfriend Richard you keep talking about non-stop all the time? 683 00:52:44,739 --> 00:52:47,277 He doesn't attend high-school parties. 684 00:52:47,367 --> 00:52:51,911 Sounds like you might be in the market for some home-grown American beef. 685 00:52:51,998 --> 00:52:53,623 Sorry, I'm vegan. 686 00:52:54,710 --> 00:52:55,908 Cheers. 687 00:52:59,090 --> 00:53:00,964 What if I use a cucumber? 688 00:53:03,994 --> 00:53:06,730 All right, boys. Tonight's the night. Wish me luck. 689 00:53:07,093 --> 00:53:08,156 Good luck, buddy. 690 00:53:08,191 --> 00:53:10,358 Good luck, dude. Tonight, you become a man. 691 00:53:10,639 --> 00:53:12,544 That's it. Tonight, I'm getting laid! 692 00:53:12,579 --> 00:53:14,208 - Yeah, buddy! Yes! - Yeah, buddy. 693 00:53:14,633 --> 00:53:16,611 - Yes! - Right here. 694 00:53:16,978 --> 00:53:18,439 Just give it to her nice and slow at first. 695 00:53:18,979 --> 00:53:19,812 Then speed her up. 696 00:53:21,026 --> 00:53:21,930 D.. Dana! 697 00:53:22,965 --> 00:53:23,541 Dana! 698 00:53:25,082 --> 00:53:26,072 Yeah! 699 00:53:29,265 --> 00:53:31,096 Yeah! Woooh! 700 00:53:31,311 --> 00:53:33,040 - What? - Sorry. 701 00:53:36,521 --> 00:53:39,048 - I can't find Heidi anywhere. - Maybe she didn't come. 702 00:53:39,371 --> 00:53:40,709 No, no. Her car is outside. 703 00:53:42,631 --> 00:53:43,288 How you making out? 704 00:53:43,851 --> 00:53:44,444 Check it out. 705 00:53:46,956 --> 00:53:50,240 Don't you think maybe Ashley's just a little bit out of your league? 706 00:53:50,990 --> 00:53:53,491 I don't know. I'm just saying, you know, you've been at it for years. 707 00:53:55,113 --> 00:53:56,572 Maybe it's just not in the cards for you. 708 00:53:57,412 --> 00:53:58,557 I'm a man of refinement. 709 00:53:59,006 --> 00:54:01,738 Why settle for a 6 when you can get a perfect 10? 710 00:54:05,432 --> 00:54:08,344 Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck. 711 00:54:10,328 --> 00:54:11,637 I'm gonna do it. 712 00:54:12,787 --> 00:54:13,997 Hey, what's up, Ashley? 713 00:54:14,850 --> 00:54:15,926 Hey, Lube. 714 00:54:16,285 --> 00:54:17,259 You want a beer? 715 00:54:18,165 --> 00:54:19,359 Got a beer. 716 00:54:19,504 --> 00:54:20,513 Right. 717 00:54:22,186 --> 00:54:23,301 So... 718 00:54:26,275 --> 00:54:29,977 You obviously know that I'm, like, totally into you. Right? 719 00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:31,817 Yeah. I've seen the shrine. 720 00:54:34,245 --> 00:54:35,870 All right. 721 00:54:36,831 --> 00:54:40,534 Okay, so I'm just gonna be honest with you. I'm just gonna lay it out on the line. 722 00:54:40,628 --> 00:54:43,120 No tricks, no hidden agenda at all. 723 00:54:44,551 --> 00:54:47,672 I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover. 724 00:54:52,478 --> 00:54:56,180 I can guarantee that I will satisfy you in every way possible, 725 00:54:56,275 --> 00:54:58,483 and I shall not stop until I'm certain 726 00:54:58,570 --> 00:55:01,857 that you are completely happy with my endeavours. 727 00:55:06,164 --> 00:55:07,279 Okay. 728 00:55:15,552 --> 00:55:20,797 Look, that was a really interesting speech, 729 00:55:20,893 --> 00:55:25,023 and I don't really wanna embarrass you in front of everyone, but... 730 00:55:25,817 --> 00:55:27,727 But it's not gonna happen. 731 00:55:27,819 --> 00:55:31,320 I mean, I think that you're, like, really super cool, 732 00:55:31,408 --> 00:55:33,200 and you're really funny in class and everything, 733 00:55:33,285 --> 00:55:36,038 but I don't wanna have sex with you. 734 00:55:36,915 --> 00:55:37,995 Okay? 735 00:55:38,459 --> 00:55:40,334 Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay. 736 00:55:41,714 --> 00:55:44,170 - So are we cool? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 737 00:55:44,509 --> 00:55:45,708 All right. 738 00:55:45,803 --> 00:55:47,381 Well, I'm gonna go get another beer. Do you want one? 739 00:55:47,472 --> 00:55:50,142 No, no. I'm...I'm good. I'm good. 740 00:55:54,982 --> 00:55:56,774 - Hey. - Hey. 741 00:55:57,027 --> 00:56:00,029 What you said just now? 742 00:56:00,323 --> 00:56:01,438 Yeah? 743 00:56:01,575 --> 00:56:03,118 Was that true? 744 00:56:03,703 --> 00:56:09,209 Guaranteed satisfaction and you won't stop until a girl is completely satisfied? 745 00:56:10,379 --> 00:56:11,458 Yeah. 746 00:56:13,133 --> 00:56:15,803 All right. Well, what the hell. 747 00:56:16,512 --> 00:56:19,717 Meet me upstairs in the first bedroom to the left. 748 00:56:32,910 --> 00:56:35,782 The truth is, yes, I was trying to pressure you, 749 00:56:35,873 --> 00:56:38,626 because I really, really wanna have sex. 750 00:56:38,752 --> 00:56:42,798 But I really wanna have sex with you. 751 00:56:43,759 --> 00:56:47,628 And, also, I mean, with us, hooking up has always been about me. 752 00:56:49,767 --> 00:56:54,098 I wanna forget myself for once and try to make you feel good for a change. 753 00:56:54,190 --> 00:56:59,103 Like, maybe try and make you feel the way that you make me feel. 754 00:57:08,024 --> 00:57:09,056 Oh! 755 00:57:21,549 --> 00:57:22,581 Oh. 756 00:57:23,719 --> 00:57:26,343 You shouldn't...You shouldn't... It's my phone. 757 00:57:26,433 --> 00:57:27,892 Don't read my phone. 758 00:57:27,978 --> 00:57:32,442 What's this supposed to mean? "Give her a dose of manthrax"? 759 00:57:32,653 --> 00:57:33,685 Well, I don't...What does that... 760 00:57:33,779 --> 00:57:35,608 I don't know what that... Do you know what that means? 761 00:57:35,700 --> 00:57:37,610 "I'm getting laid"? 762 00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:41,116 You're advertising this before it even happens? 763 00:57:41,211 --> 00:57:42,290 - No. - Wow. 764 00:57:42,380 --> 00:57:44,753 You must be some special kind of asshole. 765 00:57:44,842 --> 00:57:47,131 No. No, no, no! No. I didn't...It was... 766 00:57:48,348 --> 00:57:49,808 Later, loser. 767 00:57:54,777 --> 00:57:58,907 Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes. 768 00:57:59,243 --> 00:58:01,997 Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes. 769 00:58:02,082 --> 00:58:04,621 Oh, God, the man in the boat is out. 770 00:58:04,712 --> 00:58:07,039 Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl. 771 00:58:07,132 --> 00:58:10,755 Back to the bunny. That's it. Okay. Now, more to the left. 772 00:58:11,182 --> 00:58:12,843 More to the left! 773 00:58:13,102 --> 00:58:14,812 - My left or your left? - My left, my left, my left! 774 00:58:14,897 --> 00:58:15,929 All right. 775 00:58:17,693 --> 00:58:19,688 Hey, have you seen Heidi? 776 00:58:20,448 --> 00:58:21,647 Thanks. 777 00:58:23,246 --> 00:58:24,526 Hey, Rob. 778 00:58:26,334 --> 00:58:27,533 Heidi? 779 00:58:28,589 --> 00:58:32,006 Hey, doggy style. I told you, you snooze, you lose. 780 00:58:32,095 --> 00:58:35,550 So unless you want mop-up duty, close the door, pervert. 781 00:58:46,246 --> 00:58:47,411 Hey, where are you going? 782 00:58:47,498 --> 00:58:49,707 This was a horrible idea. 783 00:58:57,016 --> 00:58:58,891 Rob? Excuse me. 784 00:59:00,146 --> 00:59:03,898 Excuse me. Rob. Rob. 785 00:59:04,821 --> 00:59:06,566 - Go away. - I didn't. l... 786 00:59:06,659 --> 00:59:09,235 I don't wanna see your face right now. 787 00:59:10,124 --> 00:59:11,238 Rob. 788 00:59:24,358 --> 00:59:26,352 Whoa, whoa. 789 00:59:26,528 --> 00:59:27,609 What are you doing? 790 00:59:27,697 --> 00:59:31,781 What happened to forgetting about yourself and making me feel good? 791 00:59:32,581 --> 00:59:34,290 But I thought I just... 792 00:59:34,377 --> 00:59:35,871 What? You thought that what, Nathan? 793 00:59:35,963 --> 00:59:39,299 That you could just pretend that you cared about my feelings and my pledge 794 00:59:39,385 --> 00:59:42,305 and then just go and try again when my guard was down? 795 00:59:42,391 --> 00:59:44,682 No. You don't get it. l... 796 00:59:44,770 --> 00:59:47,808 No. No, you're the one that's not gonna get it. 797 00:59:58,504 --> 01:00:01,210 Dude, you need to slow down. 798 01:00:01,302 --> 01:00:03,590 Yeah, seriously. Let's just go home. 799 01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:07,183 You, sir... You, sir, were right about the bible. 800 01:00:07,979 --> 01:00:10,770 Because assholes get laid! 801 01:00:12,029 --> 01:00:13,060 Yes. 802 01:00:15,576 --> 01:00:18,533 No. No, no, dude. You were right. 803 01:00:18,874 --> 01:00:21,034 - There's something to it. - What are you talking about? 804 01:00:21,128 --> 01:00:24,750 We tried the nice guy thing and I believe we're all still virgins. 805 01:00:24,844 --> 01:00:28,215 Well, the nice guy vibe got me past the bouncer, man. 806 01:00:28,934 --> 01:00:30,049 Hey. 807 01:00:34,069 --> 01:00:40,528 Well, gentlemen, you failed, and the proof, as they say, is in the Jell-o. 808 01:00:41,541 --> 01:00:44,035 So I will see you later, nice guys. 809 01:00:47,803 --> 01:00:49,677 - Hey. - Hey. 810 01:00:49,973 --> 01:00:51,552 I know you want me. 811 01:00:51,642 --> 01:00:54,931 I'm gonna let you take me upstairs and do me right now. 812 01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:56,944 - Really? - Yeah. 813 01:00:57,655 --> 01:00:58,901 Kiss me. 814 01:01:03,247 --> 01:01:05,289 Y'all ready for some pain? 815 01:01:09,759 --> 01:01:11,718 Hey, ladies. 816 01:01:20,863 --> 01:01:22,275 Oh, my God. 817 01:01:22,866 --> 01:01:24,446 Oh, my God! 818 01:01:24,954 --> 01:01:26,782 Look at those taters! 819 01:01:35,682 --> 01:01:37,392 Do me from behind. 820 01:01:37,727 --> 01:01:38,843 What? 821 01:01:40,483 --> 01:01:42,976 I thought you liked it doggy style. 822 01:01:47,537 --> 01:01:48,818 Huh? 823 01:01:49,500 --> 01:01:52,039 What are you doing back there? Let's go. 824 01:01:53,380 --> 01:01:56,385 You're not putting your dick in that, are you? 825 01:01:58,725 --> 01:02:01,300 Are you kidding me? Gross. 826 01:02:23,227 --> 01:02:24,973 Here. This'll help. 827 01:02:25,273 --> 01:02:26,472 Thanks. 828 01:02:27,403 --> 01:02:30,821 Honey, I know that I can't stop you from doing certain things, 829 01:02:30,910 --> 01:02:34,078 but I can insist that you are safe. 830 01:02:34,541 --> 01:02:36,250 Did you drink and drive? 831 01:02:36,334 --> 01:02:38,828 No. John Costello drove me home. 832 01:02:39,465 --> 01:02:44,630 Well, I want you to know that if you find yourself in any carnal situation, 833 01:02:44,726 --> 01:02:47,266 that you...You will use protection. 834 01:02:47,690 --> 01:02:49,767 What do you mean by carnal? 835 01:02:52,448 --> 01:02:53,480 This. 836 01:02:58,585 --> 01:03:00,378 Are you kidding me? Gross. 837 01:03:00,462 --> 01:03:02,541 Is there no such thing as privacy any more? 838 01:03:02,633 --> 01:03:06,385 I will tell your father that you're just not up to seeing him today. 839 01:03:06,475 --> 01:03:08,384 You're not feeling well. 840 01:03:09,229 --> 01:03:10,474 Thanks. 841 01:03:14,197 --> 01:03:15,657 How was she? 842 01:03:17,030 --> 01:03:19,023 - How was who? - Vomit girl. 843 01:03:19,407 --> 01:03:20,487 How do you know about that? 844 01:03:20,575 --> 01:03:23,909 Who do you think is forwarding all those videos to Mom? 845 01:03:28,792 --> 01:03:30,583 I'm ready to give up. 846 01:03:30,961 --> 01:03:32,289 I thought I had the answers. 847 01:03:32,379 --> 01:03:36,079 It's too bad that 99% of the bible's completely unreadable. 848 01:03:38,009 --> 01:03:39,338 That's it. 849 01:03:40,053 --> 01:03:42,176 We need to reconstruct the bible. 850 01:03:42,263 --> 01:03:43,343 Why? 851 01:03:43,431 --> 01:03:44,842 The secrets are in there. 852 01:03:44,933 --> 01:03:47,850 I mean, there's no one single answer to getting laid. 853 01:03:47,936 --> 01:03:49,893 Right? We need the whole book to understand. 854 01:03:49,979 --> 01:03:52,056 Probably has a lot of crap in there that we need to know, too, 855 01:03:52,148 --> 01:03:55,149 like positions, techniques, angle of insertion. 856 01:03:55,235 --> 01:03:59,446 Exactly. That's what the bible was created for, to help guys like us. 857 01:03:59,614 --> 01:04:02,734 And we owe it to the others. I ruined the bible. 858 01:04:03,076 --> 01:04:05,614 I owe it to future generations to restore its wisdom. 859 01:04:05,703 --> 01:04:08,455 Dude, I'm all for it, but how? 860 01:04:14,462 --> 01:04:16,122 Where do we start? 861 01:04:18,174 --> 01:04:19,882 From the beginning. 862 01:04:20,343 --> 01:04:22,134 This must be the guy who created the bible. 863 01:04:27,308 --> 01:04:28,506 Hello? 864 01:04:28,601 --> 01:04:31,388 Hi: May I speak to Noah Levenstein, please? 865 01:04:31,479 --> 01:04:32,510 Speaking. 866 01:04:32,605 --> 01:04:34,931 Are you the one who created the bible? 867 01:04:36,276 --> 01:04:38,683 No, that would be God. 868 01:04:38,862 --> 01:04:40,688 No, no, no, Hold on. 869 01:04:40,989 --> 01:04:44,322 I'm referring to the bible. 870 01:04:45,243 --> 01:04:46,986 I'm calling from East Great Falls High School. 871 01:04:50,206 --> 01:04:54,251 It was the summer of my junior year, 1969, 872 01:04:54,335 --> 01:04:57,087 and my buddies and I, we take this trip to Amsterdam, 873 01:04:57,171 --> 01:05:01,086 where we run into a group of semi-attractive Dutch nymphos 874 01:05:01,175 --> 01:05:05,387 who were willing to trade their bodies for a handful of Jimi Hendrix LPs. 875 01:05:05,471 --> 01:05:09,968 Well, needless to say, we had ourselves one super weekend with those gals, 876 01:05:10,184 --> 01:05:12,889 sexually speaking, if you get my drift. 877 01:05:13,688 --> 01:05:16,558 But the sad news was, we had no idea what we were doing. 878 01:05:16,649 --> 01:05:18,393 We had no technique. 879 01:05:18,776 --> 01:05:21,528 And then one day, we were out sight-seeing, 880 01:05:21,612 --> 01:05:24,566 and we run into this Dutch hooker in the red-light district, 881 01:05:24,657 --> 01:05:27,065 and she tells us about this book. 882 01:05:28,244 --> 01:05:33,286 It was a sex manual, evidently written in the 19th century by some priest. 883 01:05:33,374 --> 01:05:35,746 Well, we read that thing cover to cover, 884 01:05:35,835 --> 01:05:38,291 and then when we got back to East Great Falls, 885 01:05:38,379 --> 01:05:41,131 I had the bright idea to write my own book 886 01:05:41,215 --> 01:05:45,260 and add my own observations and experiences and advice 887 01:05:45,344 --> 01:05:49,259 and leave it in the library for some other hapless virgin in the class below us. 888 01:05:49,348 --> 01:05:53,429 But I had no idea it had been passed down for 40 years. 889 01:05:53,644 --> 01:05:56,266 Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein. 890 01:05:58,774 --> 01:06:00,269 Do you have it here? 891 01:06:00,359 --> 01:06:01,439 Yeah. 892 01:06:01,527 --> 01:06:03,187 May I see it? 893 01:06:07,033 --> 01:06:08,195 Oh. 894 01:06:08,576 --> 01:06:09,774 Oh, my. 895 01:06:11,329 --> 01:06:12,408 Boys. 896 01:06:14,081 --> 01:06:16,869 This is a real piece of history here. 897 01:06:17,585 --> 01:06:19,376 What happened to it? 898 01:06:19,545 --> 01:06:21,289 Well, that's why we're here. 899 01:06:21,380 --> 01:06:22,625 The bible kinda got ruined, 900 01:06:22,715 --> 01:06:26,665 so we wanna call everyone on the list and try to reconstruct it. 901 01:06:27,803 --> 01:06:29,048 Oh. 902 01:06:30,139 --> 01:06:34,053 Well, I think you boys might need some help. 903 01:06:36,062 --> 01:06:39,976 Well, girls have the advantage, because girls talk to each other, 904 01:06:40,066 --> 01:06:42,770 and don't kid yourself, they talk about the penis. 905 01:06:42,860 --> 01:06:46,276 Penis size, penis shape, the angle of the bend. 906 01:06:46,614 --> 01:06:48,322 Whether it winks at you. They talk. 907 01:06:48,407 --> 01:06:52,322 Now, to really make love to a woman, you gotta really care about her. 908 01:06:52,411 --> 01:06:56,361 But...Hey, sex is great, but sex with someone you love? That's awesome. 909 01:06:56,457 --> 01:06:58,200 Dude, that is so profound. 910 01:06:58,292 --> 01:06:59,455 Telling you. 911 01:06:59,543 --> 01:07:01,417 Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road. 912 01:07:01,504 --> 01:07:04,042 Sure, I made love to all kinds of different food groups. 913 01:07:04,131 --> 01:07:06,338 Did you ever try making love to a peanut-butter sandwich? 914 01:07:06,425 --> 01:07:07,706 Nothing comes close. 915 01:07:07,802 --> 01:07:08,881 What? 916 01:07:08,969 --> 01:07:13,216 Well, maybe a deboned ham hock, but that takes a whole lot of prep. 917 01:07:13,808 --> 01:07:14,887 Bend your knees. 918 01:07:14,975 --> 01:07:17,763 Next time you spank it, sit Indian-style. 919 01:07:17,978 --> 01:07:19,722 You won't come, not in a million years. 920 01:07:19,814 --> 01:07:22,518 Our sex organs are like musical instruments. 921 01:07:22,608 --> 01:07:24,517 Sure, you can have any technician blow on your horn, 922 01:07:24,610 --> 01:07:27,694 but to place your instrument into the hands of a true expert? 923 01:07:27,780 --> 01:07:30,485 That, my young friend, is true harmony. 924 01:07:30,574 --> 01:07:32,531 Guys don't talk to each other 925 01:07:32,618 --> 01:07:34,527 because they view each other as competitors, 926 01:07:34,620 --> 01:07:36,328 which I think is crazy. You know? 927 01:07:36,413 --> 01:07:39,865 Because men need to help each other and work together to get laid. 928 01:07:40,292 --> 01:07:42,249 Noah Levenstein, class of '70. 929 01:07:42,336 --> 01:07:45,041 Pete Sambrelli? That's right, the Noah Levenstein. 930 01:07:45,130 --> 01:07:46,162 Do you have a number for him? 931 01:07:46,257 --> 01:07:48,712 Hi This is regarding his advice on the lubricants. 932 01:07:48,801 --> 01:07:52,004 We found the tongue tornado in Regina. 933 01:07:53,389 --> 01:07:55,595 You said bros before hoes. 934 01:07:55,683 --> 01:07:59,680 Isn't that what you said? Bros before hoes. And then you screwed my girlfriend. 935 01:07:59,770 --> 01:08:02,806 Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito. What's your point? 936 01:08:05,700 --> 01:08:09,031 It's all about chemistry, and confidence is the key. 937 01:08:13,285 --> 01:08:15,953 R-E-S-P-E-C-T, you've heard that song, right? 938 01:08:16,036 --> 01:08:17,778 Boys, we got another confirmation. 939 01:08:17,870 --> 01:08:19,447 You gotta treat your lady right. 940 01:08:19,537 --> 01:08:24,361 You've got to be gentle, kind and respectful to the one you love. 941 01:08:24,789 --> 01:08:27,112 - Who are you talking to? - Shut the fuck up. 942 01:08:27,206 --> 01:08:29,031 This is how you get her really excited. 943 01:08:29,123 --> 01:08:32,490 Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me. 944 01:08:32,707 --> 01:08:34,829 Was that two fingers or one? 945 01:08:35,625 --> 01:08:37,415 I'm sorry. Confidential matter. 946 01:08:38,959 --> 01:08:40,618 Phone, phone. Okay. 947 01:08:41,210 --> 01:08:42,240 Then what happened? 948 01:08:42,335 --> 01:08:45,417 Hello. Yeah. Class of '77. 949 01:08:45,503 --> 01:08:47,044 Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen. 950 01:08:47,128 --> 01:08:48,242 Pete O'Donnell, please. 951 01:08:49,004 --> 01:08:50,413 Who is this? 952 01:08:51,296 --> 01:08:54,460 Mr. O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski. 953 01:08:54,547 --> 01:08:57,380 I just wanted to talk to you about what you wrote in the bible. 954 01:08:57,464 --> 01:09:01,459 You know, about having anal sex with Miss Johnson. 955 01:09:13,635 --> 01:09:16,469 ...very much! Mark S.! 956 01:09:27,264 --> 01:09:29,635 This is not a sex manual. 957 01:09:30,974 --> 01:09:33,510 It is a life manual. 958 01:09:35,141 --> 01:09:37,713 Now, I've been married for 35 years 959 01:09:37,809 --> 01:09:41,341 and not just because I'm this handsome dude 960 01:09:41,435 --> 01:09:43,805 who knows how to satisfy a woman. 961 01:09:43,977 --> 01:09:48,054 I've been married 35 years because I love my wife 962 01:09:48,145 --> 01:09:51,060 and I respect my wife. 963 01:09:51,396 --> 01:09:54,063 And whether it's Amsterdam or East Great Falls, 964 01:09:54,147 --> 01:09:55,853 it all comes down to this. 965 01:09:55,939 --> 01:09:59,804 If you're honest and treat a girl with respect, 966 01:10:00,857 --> 01:10:06,559 then whatever happens is meant to happen, because it's all perfectly natural. 967 01:10:11,652 --> 01:10:14,734 Boys, I've prepared you for this quest. 968 01:10:15,111 --> 01:10:18,608 And before you lies the biggest test of your lives. 969 01:10:27,364 --> 01:10:29,651 This book is a powerful weapon, 970 01:10:32,032 --> 01:10:33,822 so use it for good, 971 01:10:35,492 --> 01:10:36,736 not evil. 972 01:11:26,297 --> 01:11:27,376 Yes. 973 01:11:34,174 --> 01:11:35,798 You still looking for the vacuum? 974 01:11:35,883 --> 01:11:38,965 No. I found it in Cody's room. So strange. 975 01:11:39,051 --> 01:11:42,085 I mean, I just don't remember leaving it there. 976 01:11:42,177 --> 01:11:44,002 Losing my mind, clearly. 977 01:11:44,094 --> 01:11:46,630 Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip? 978 01:11:48,512 --> 01:11:49,590 Yes. 979 01:11:50,179 --> 01:11:54,423 But no drinking, and if you do drink, no driving. 980 01:11:54,513 --> 01:11:58,046 Don't worry. If I do anything wrong, I'm sure it'll end up on YouTube, so... 981 01:11:58,139 --> 01:12:00,131 Call you when I get there. 982 01:12:19,812 --> 01:12:21,186 Drinking round! 983 01:12:29,815 --> 01:12:32,269 - Deal me in. - What are you doing here? 984 01:12:32,357 --> 01:12:33,388 Katie. 985 01:12:33,483 --> 01:12:35,806 I know. But what are you doing here? 986 01:12:35,900 --> 01:12:38,389 - I wanna play. - Right. 987 01:12:38,484 --> 01:12:40,724 Just deal her in, Stifler. What's the big deal? 988 01:12:40,818 --> 01:12:42,477 Yeah, deal her in. 989 01:12:48,862 --> 01:12:50,236 Hi, Nathan. 990 01:12:53,071 --> 01:12:54,730 Thanks for the flowers. 991 01:12:54,822 --> 01:12:58,271 I'm sorry about being a jerk. And, for the record, I've learned my lesson. 992 01:12:58,364 --> 01:13:01,316 I'm ready to respect you and support you on your pledge. 993 01:13:01,407 --> 01:13:04,856 Really? But why? 994 01:13:06,200 --> 01:13:09,531 I'm in this for you. I'm not in it just to have sex. 995 01:13:10,034 --> 01:13:12,903 Well, I realised that I'm in this for you, 996 01:13:12,994 --> 01:13:16,823 and if the pledge gets in the way of that, then how good can it really be? 997 01:13:16,911 --> 01:13:21,617 Sounds like a good basis for the two of us to just relax and see what happens. 998 01:13:21,996 --> 01:13:24,568 Look. I bought a book. 999 01:13:25,414 --> 01:13:27,405 I was thinking that we could 1000 01:13:27,498 --> 01:13:30,911 start on page one and then see how far we get this weekend. 1001 01:13:31,749 --> 01:13:33,906 The first 3 chapters are foreplay. 1002 01:13:33,999 --> 01:13:35,078 Wow. 1003 01:13:35,792 --> 01:13:39,039 You know, I've actually been reading a book, as well. 1004 01:13:39,126 --> 01:13:42,160 Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado? 1005 01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:44,293 Okay, let's go. 1006 01:13:48,753 --> 01:13:50,910 This is supposed to be fun. 1007 01:13:51,296 --> 01:13:52,837 This isn't fun. 1008 01:13:53,005 --> 01:13:56,169 Just you wait. You possess wisdom now. 1009 01:13:56,922 --> 01:13:58,581 Trust in the book. 1010 01:14:03,174 --> 01:14:07,216 I mean, what does that mean, anyway? Do you think I'm too clingy? 1011 01:14:07,425 --> 01:14:09,665 No. No, of course not. 1012 01:14:10,009 --> 01:14:11,633 Do you even know how to play poker? 1013 01:14:11,718 --> 01:14:12,749 I know the game. 1014 01:14:12,843 --> 01:14:16,589 And I tell you what, if I lose, I'll take off all my clothes. 1015 01:14:19,179 --> 01:14:20,672 Snap. Nice. 1016 01:14:20,762 --> 01:14:22,255 And if I lose? 1017 01:14:22,638 --> 01:14:24,428 You apologise to me. 1018 01:14:25,639 --> 01:14:27,713 - For what? Blowing you off? - Yes. 1019 01:14:27,806 --> 01:14:30,591 If it's not enough, it was my first time. 1020 01:14:30,807 --> 01:14:31,837 I deserve better. 1021 01:14:34,183 --> 01:14:37,715 But if I win, not only do you apologise to me, 1022 01:14:37,809 --> 01:14:40,013 you gotta run through the snow naked. 1023 01:14:42,380 --> 01:14:45,245 - Yeah. - It's a deal. 1024 01:14:53,246 --> 01:14:55,400 Start stripping, sweetheart. 1025 01:14:55,702 --> 01:14:57,360 It's not over yet. 1026 01:15:00,031 --> 01:15:01,523 Feeling lucky? 1027 01:15:03,528 --> 01:15:06,560 You better hope for a 5 on the river, baby. 1028 01:15:14,560 --> 01:15:16,882 She got the 5! Unbelievable. 1029 01:15:18,392 --> 01:15:19,717 Oh, my God. 1030 01:15:21,389 --> 01:15:23,046 - Strip. - Hold on a second. 1031 01:15:23,137 --> 01:15:24,628 - Strip. - Strip. 1032 01:15:24,719 --> 01:15:27,668 Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! 1033 01:15:27,759 --> 01:15:32,826 Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! 1034 01:15:32,921 --> 01:15:36,000 You want me to strip? You want some of this? 1035 01:15:36,710 --> 01:15:39,658 It's time to get it going, baby! 1036 01:15:41,455 --> 01:15:44,451 All right, let's go! Here we go, baby. 1037 01:15:46,150 --> 01:15:48,268 Wait, let's talk this over. 1038 01:15:50,559 --> 01:15:53,506 Shit. It's freezing out here. 1039 01:15:53,679 --> 01:15:55,218 Now apologise. 1040 01:15:55,510 --> 01:15:57,297 - I'm sorry. - For what? 1041 01:15:57,673 --> 01:16:00,157 I'm sorry for not calling you afterwards. 1042 01:16:00,252 --> 01:16:01,494 And what else? 1043 01:16:01,583 --> 01:16:03,985 I'm sorry for being a dick, okay? 1044 01:16:04,371 --> 01:16:06,487 Now, open the stinking door. 1045 01:16:06,991 --> 01:16:08,019 Oh! 1046 01:16:17,557 --> 01:16:19,095 Open the door! 1047 01:16:19,179 --> 01:16:23,664 Now, tell everyone how you cry like a little girl after you come. 1048 01:16:23,755 --> 01:16:26,322 I cry like a girl after I come, okay? 1049 01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:29,491 It's a very intense experience for me. 1050 01:16:35,320 --> 01:16:36,397 Call 911. 1051 01:17:48,000 --> 01:17:49,743 Hey, I'll meet you at the lodge later. 1052 01:17:49,835 --> 01:17:51,115 Yeah, yeah, sure. Go. 1053 01:17:52,754 --> 01:17:54,664 Heidi. Wait up. 1054 01:18:02,889 --> 01:18:05,344 Do you mind if I ride up with you? 1055 01:18:05,767 --> 01:18:06,846 Okay. 1056 01:18:35,878 --> 01:18:38,167 Hey. What's up? 1057 01:18:39,256 --> 01:18:42,173 We...We're in the same gondola. 1058 01:18:43,051 --> 01:18:44,510 Yeah, look at that. 1059 01:18:56,105 --> 01:18:57,386 Oh, God. 1060 01:19:14,372 --> 01:19:15,747 I didn't sleep with Stifler. 1061 01:19:15,832 --> 01:19:17,540 Yeah. I heard. 1062 01:19:18,710 --> 01:19:20,832 - But you still hate me? - No. 1063 01:19:22,421 --> 01:19:24,414 No. Why would you say that? 1064 01:19:24,507 --> 01:19:27,591 You haven't said a word to me since that night. 1065 01:19:28,260 --> 01:19:30,253 I know. I'm sorry. 1066 01:19:31,138 --> 01:19:34,922 I guess I just... I needed time to work through my feelings. 1067 01:19:40,105 --> 01:19:43,141 And? What did you decide? 1068 01:19:46,444 --> 01:19:50,144 Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on a foam rubber doughnut for 6 weeks. 1069 01:19:50,239 --> 01:19:54,023 And he says they're talking about amputating his feet from frostbite. 1070 01:19:54,118 --> 01:19:57,284 Gibbs is a liar. Stifler doesn't need amputation. 1071 01:19:57,371 --> 01:19:59,944 That's too bad. I got an A in Shop. 1072 01:20:05,753 --> 01:20:07,627 Oh, my. Was that a snort? 1073 01:20:22,644 --> 01:20:23,889 Come to gloat? 1074 01:20:23,979 --> 01:20:26,102 No. Just looking for a fag. 1075 01:20:26,273 --> 01:20:29,973 Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass doesn't mean I'm gay. 1076 01:20:30,068 --> 01:20:32,903 Very funny. How's your bum? 1077 01:20:32,987 --> 01:20:37,115 Feels like I gave birth to a mayonaise jar, but thanks for asking. 1078 01:20:37,867 --> 01:20:40,986 Hey, I heard about your boyfriend. That really sucks. 1079 01:20:41,078 --> 01:20:44,281 Yeah. I thought only high school boys were jerks. 1080 01:20:44,373 --> 01:20:46,081 It turns out they never outgrow it. 1081 01:20:46,166 --> 01:20:49,866 Imogen, no offence, and you're the most mature girl I know, 1082 01:20:50,545 --> 01:20:54,459 but a 24-year-old dude isn't gonna take a high-school girl seriously. 1083 01:20:54,549 --> 01:20:55,960 I suppose not. 1084 01:20:57,051 --> 01:20:58,795 You wanna sit down? 1085 01:20:59,470 --> 01:21:00,715 What for? 1086 01:21:00,888 --> 01:21:03,842 I just thought we could both use a friend right now. 1087 01:21:16,528 --> 01:21:17,559 Stifler. 1088 01:21:17,654 --> 01:21:19,196 My bad. Reflex. 1089 01:21:22,325 --> 01:21:23,700 I'm sorry. 1090 01:21:24,118 --> 01:21:25,399 You have to make your own decisions. 1091 01:21:25,494 --> 01:21:29,444 You know, I just... I thought we had something. 1092 01:21:29,540 --> 01:21:30,785 We did. 1093 01:21:32,459 --> 01:21:33,657 We do. 1094 01:21:35,045 --> 01:21:36,504 I was scared. 1095 01:21:37,214 --> 01:21:38,459 Of what? 1096 01:21:42,385 --> 01:21:44,010 I really like you. 1097 01:21:45,513 --> 01:21:47,838 And I want it to be special. 1098 01:21:49,267 --> 01:21:52,433 I guess I just wanted to be ready. 1099 01:21:54,438 --> 01:21:58,851 So you almost had sex with Stifler so you'd be ready for me. 1100 01:22:00,277 --> 01:22:01,356 Yeah. 1101 01:22:02,279 --> 01:22:05,114 That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 1102 01:22:06,199 --> 01:22:08,772 Well, I heard you got some practise. 1103 01:22:09,452 --> 01:22:12,369 You know, the truth is, is nothing happened. 1104 01:22:14,332 --> 01:22:17,119 I didn't want it to be random like that. 1105 01:22:17,334 --> 01:22:18,532 And... 1106 01:22:21,296 --> 01:22:25,341 I couldn't picture my first time being with anybody else but you. 1107 01:22:45,819 --> 01:22:47,313 What was that? 1108 01:22:48,071 --> 01:22:49,696 I don't know. 1109 01:22:53,034 --> 01:22:54,991 - Looks like we're stuck. - Yeah. 1110 01:23:00,917 --> 01:23:04,250 You know, we could be up here for a while. 1111 01:23:04,337 --> 01:23:05,416 Yeah. 1112 01:23:31,529 --> 01:23:33,320 Hey, can I ask you a question? 1113 01:23:33,405 --> 01:23:35,113 Yeah, sure. Whatever. 1114 01:23:35,199 --> 01:23:37,736 Why do you hook up with assholes like Scott Stifler anyway? 1115 01:23:37,826 --> 01:23:40,115 Excuse me, but you don't know me. 1116 01:23:40,203 --> 01:23:43,370 You know, you're just the same as all the rest. 1117 01:23:43,456 --> 01:23:44,619 I'm just some sort of trophy to you. 1118 01:23:44,708 --> 01:23:47,163 You don't care about me. You just wanna sleep with me, 1119 01:23:47,252 --> 01:23:50,087 because you think it's some sort of status symbol. 1120 01:23:50,171 --> 01:23:51,334 Sorry. 1121 01:23:53,758 --> 01:23:54,789 God. 1122 01:23:56,385 --> 01:23:58,757 How long are we gonna be up here? 1123 01:24:00,597 --> 01:24:02,091 I'll get help. 1124 01:24:03,725 --> 01:24:05,136 What are you doing? 1125 01:24:05,227 --> 01:24:07,978 It's not that far down, and there's, like, 20 feet of snow. 1126 01:24:08,063 --> 01:24:10,055 What, is this supposed to impress me? 1127 01:24:10,148 --> 01:24:12,187 The thought had crossed my mind. 1128 01:24:12,275 --> 01:24:14,351 Absolutely not. First of all, it's just wrong. 1129 01:24:14,444 --> 01:24:16,732 Second of all, you're not even supposed to touch the door. 1130 01:24:16,821 --> 01:24:21,068 And third, it's just really dangerous, okay? So just get away from there. 1131 01:24:21,158 --> 01:24:23,614 Right. What was I thinking? 1132 01:24:27,539 --> 01:24:28,618 Whoa! 1133 01:24:32,127 --> 01:24:33,502 Are you okay? 1134 01:24:33,586 --> 01:24:35,081 I think I hurt my leg. 1135 01:24:36,631 --> 01:24:37,746 Idiot. 1136 01:24:53,105 --> 01:24:54,599 Are you okay? 1137 01:24:55,524 --> 01:24:57,066 Are you crazy? 1138 01:24:58,234 --> 01:24:59,693 Are you okay? 1139 01:25:00,320 --> 01:25:03,523 Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. 1140 01:25:03,614 --> 01:25:07,149 About what you said about how I don't care about you 1141 01:25:07,243 --> 01:25:09,994 and you're just a trophy, that's actually not true. 1142 01:25:10,079 --> 01:25:14,622 I really like you. We went to elementary school together. 1143 01:25:14,917 --> 01:25:18,083 I remember when you sang Hey Ya! In the 6th-grade talent show. 1144 01:25:18,170 --> 01:25:22,298 I remember when you fell off the pyramid at the homecoming game, freshman year. 1145 01:25:22,382 --> 01:25:25,252 You were so embarrassed, but I didn't care. 1146 01:25:25,426 --> 01:25:29,127 I just liked how you played it off like it was all part of the routine. 1147 01:25:29,222 --> 01:25:35,805 I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe, but I actually like you for you. 1148 01:25:37,980 --> 01:25:40,684 Look, this may be a shock to you, 1149 01:25:40,774 --> 01:25:45,021 but I have no idea what I'm doing with girls. 1150 01:25:46,571 --> 01:25:49,904 But I really wanna learn. You just give me a chance. 1151 01:25:50,825 --> 01:25:52,699 That's all I'm asking. 1152 01:25:53,411 --> 01:25:57,408 And I guarantee that I will make it my life's mission 1153 01:25:57,498 --> 01:26:00,831 to satisfy you in every way possible. 1154 01:26:37,452 --> 01:26:40,073 - Let's go back to the... - To the cabin. 1155 01:27:37,425 --> 01:27:40,129 Dude. You forgot to sign it. 1156 01:27:47,684 --> 01:27:50,257 You sure we can't just keep it for one more year? 1157 01:27:50,353 --> 01:27:52,346 No, guys, it's someone else's turn. 1158 01:28:35,979 --> 01:28:38,351 This is my little brother, Cody, 1159 01:28:38,690 --> 01:28:42,474 and this is what he does with the vacuum every day. 1160 01:28:43,444 --> 01:28:45,401 No! Hey! No! 1161 01:28:45,905 --> 01:28:48,989 Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off! 1162 01:28:50,618 --> 01:28:53,109 Help! Help! It's stuck. 1163 01:28:53,746 --> 01:28:54,908 Gotcha. 1164 01:28:56,206 --> 01:28:57,321 Help! 1165 01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:01,658 No! 1166 01:29:05,215 --> 01:29:09,876 She was using me. l...That was really bad. 1167 01:29:10,261 --> 01:29:12,669 Father, why hast Thou forsaken me? 1168 01:29:13,556 --> 01:29:16,225 Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage? 1169 01:29:16,517 --> 01:29:19,186 Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey? 1170 01:29:21,230 --> 01:29:24,266 He's like an inch away from the real McCoy. 1171 01:29:24,941 --> 01:29:26,815 Did you bring condoms? 1172 01:29:26,985 --> 01:29:28,064 What? 1173 01:29:28,153 --> 01:29:31,272 I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay? 1174 01:29:31,406 --> 01:29:33,944 You nancy boys couldn't get lucky at a Jonas Brothers concert 1175 01:29:34,033 --> 01:29:36,156 with a fistful of backstage passes. 1176 01:29:36,536 --> 01:29:40,284 Faith in God and His promise of eternal life. 1177 01:29:41,874 --> 01:29:44,828 Now, put the condom on the banana. 1178 01:29:45,878 --> 01:29:49,543 Who didn't see that coming? Look at the time. Gotta go. 1179 01:29:50,590 --> 01:29:53,342 I think that is quite enough pictures of the cheerleaders. 1180 01:29:53,426 --> 01:29:54,885 How about we get some of the game? 1181 01:29:56,387 --> 01:29:57,467 We're eating. 1182 01:29:59,599 --> 01:30:02,006 You've been fucking Americans or... 1183 01:30:02,643 --> 01:30:04,351 Watching, loving... 1184 01:30:08,023 --> 01:30:09,054 Bear with me. 1185 01:30:09,149 --> 01:30:12,020 If she's down, bring her flowers. 1186 01:30:12,319 --> 01:30:14,810 If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne. 1187 01:30:14,905 --> 01:30:17,277 Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you, my wife is pretty effing hot. 1188 01:30:17,365 --> 01:30:20,816 I'm talking a tight, tight ass and squeaky clean. 1189 01:30:21,661 --> 01:30:24,366 Is that cream-filled? You rock. 1190 01:30:24,956 --> 01:30:27,114 Oh. Don't mention that, okay? 1191 01:30:27,750 --> 01:30:32,162 And whenever it comes to making out, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.