1
00:00:21,774 --> 00:00:23,407
The Bullock gang.
2
00:00:28,892 --> 00:00:30,325
Pa!
3
00:00:33,421 --> 00:00:34,954
No!
4
00:00:38,817 --> 00:00:41,017
There's a little kid,
Bullock.
5
00:00:43,034 --> 00:00:45,753
He's silently vowing to
one day hunt us down,
6
00:00:45,878 --> 00:00:47,128
kill us like animals,
7
00:00:47,261 --> 00:00:49,813
and he just knows he's going
to catch me in an outhouse.
8
00:00:49,922 --> 00:00:51,300
I'll beg for my life,
9
00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:53,313
give up the whole gang immediately,
10
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,235
but then he kills me anyway.
Damn it!
11
00:00:56,305 --> 00:00:59,852
Well,
I won't give you the satisfaction.
12
00:01:03,657 --> 00:01:05,758
Thanks, boss.
I was almost a goner.
13
00:01:05,875 --> 00:01:07,729
Yah!
14
00:01:07,878 --> 00:01:12,047
♪♪
15
00:01:15,207 --> 00:01:17,375
♪♪
16
00:01:17,422 --> 00:01:19,946
*AMERICAN DAD*
Season 12 Episode 22
Title: "West to Mexico"
17
00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:41,616
He thinks
he hurts everywhere,
18
00:01:42,424 --> 00:01:44,050
but it's only a broken finger.
19
00:01:44,253 --> 00:01:46,011
What do you want, gringo?
20
00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:47,393
The honest answer?
21
00:01:47,488 --> 00:01:50,042
A friend to share this
lonely trail with.
22
00:01:50,214 --> 00:01:51,792
The cowboy answer?
23
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,051
♪♪-
24
00:01:54,831 --> 00:01:56,777
The bounty on this guy's head.
25
00:02:00,319 --> 00:02:01,986
And that coffin you're dragging,
26
00:02:02,033 --> 00:02:04,365
it is for him or for you?
27
00:02:06,576 --> 00:02:08,036
Nice. Oh, here's a joke.
28
00:02:08,107 --> 00:02:10,537
Why can't you starve in the desert?
29
00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:13,785
Because of the sand that is there.
30
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,278
You know,
it takes guts to tell a joke
31
00:02:18,315 --> 00:02:19,692
to a group of strangers,
32
00:02:19,803 --> 00:02:21,920
especially since I'm
not naturally funny.
33
00:02:22,006 --> 00:02:25,045
Oh, you're naturally funny...
looking.
34
00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:44,151
You can't starve in the desert
35
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:48,270
because of the sand-which-is-there.
36
00:02:48,380 --> 00:02:50,424
Oh, sandwiches?
37
00:02:50,549 --> 00:02:53,971
You said, "Sand that is."
38
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:58,017
I blew the punch line.
That was what it was.
39
00:02:58,065 --> 00:02:59,732
Still, the setup was rock solid.
40
00:02:59,848 --> 00:03:02,221
I'm getting better. I'm getting funnier.
41
00:03:02,487 --> 00:03:05,079
♪♪
42
00:03:05,127 --> 00:03:07,549
My parents and brother died of cholera.
43
00:03:07,616 --> 00:03:08,792
I gave it to them.
44
00:03:08,854 --> 00:03:10,854
Sometimes, I feel like I'm bad luck.
45
00:03:10,927 --> 00:03:12,436
Luckier 'n them.
46
00:03:12,506 --> 00:03:14,313
Well,
I guess I'll see what kind of luck
47
00:03:14,377 --> 00:03:16,182
I bring to my uncle's farm.
48
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:17,838
What brings you west,
stranger?
49
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:19,068
West?
50
00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:21,072
I thought we were going to Arizona.
51
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,064
We are.
That is west.
52
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,969
Okay. Okay. Good. Good, good, good.
53
00:03:25,095 --> 00:03:26,916
My sense of direction is not great.
54
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:28,533
Looks like you've been in Mexico.
55
00:03:28,604 --> 00:03:31,148
Maybe.
I couldn't understand the people,
56
00:03:31,218 --> 00:03:32,584
so I never got a good answer.
57
00:03:32,632 --> 00:03:35,021
- How long were you there?
- Nearly five years.
58
00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:38,479
That's a long time to
not understand people.
59
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,222
Not for me.
60
00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:43,971
♪♪
61
00:03:44,486 --> 00:03:46,916
♪♪
62
00:03:48,945 --> 00:03:50,268
Aah!
63
00:03:50,470 --> 00:03:52,325
Oh, that's nice.
64
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:53,807
Stretch the legs.
65
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,494
Get some blood to the brain.
66
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:58,979
Scratch up the old face.
67
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,298
Oh, a mud bath.
68
00:04:02,369 --> 00:04:05,674
Ah, this town has it all.
69
00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:08,252
Wish me luck on the farm!
70
00:04:08,512 --> 00:04:10,512
Good luck on the farm.
71
00:04:12,307 --> 00:04:15,002
Hey, boy.
Where's your person?
72
00:04:16,292 --> 00:04:17,825
You need water.
73
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:26,211
Ever heard of dance lessons?
74
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:28,833
Oh!
75
00:04:29,117 --> 00:04:31,819
Damn it!
They mussed up my hair again.
76
00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:35,953
"Aw, my hairdo ain't purdy."
77
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,461
Sorry about the rowdy customers,
but what can I do?
78
00:04:41,509 --> 00:04:44,211
Just keep helping me up, I guess.
79
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,643
- Who was that?
- That's Francine.
80
00:04:47,784 --> 00:04:50,023
You just forget about her.
81
00:05:00,325 --> 00:05:01,672
Are you okay, ma'am?
82
00:05:01,872 --> 00:05:04,414
Oh, I can handle them pushing me,
83
00:05:04,465 --> 00:05:06,883
groping me, hot sauce in my eyes,
84
00:05:06,968 --> 00:05:08,990
even tar down my bloomers.
85
00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:12,602
But when they start in
on mussing up my hair...
86
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:15,025
This pie-eater buggin' you,
doll?
87
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,711
- I was just checking...
- Oh, like a checkup.
88
00:05:17,824 --> 00:05:20,711
Did this jerkwater town
finally get a doctor?
89
00:05:20,836 --> 00:05:24,133
Because I've been wanting to
see a doctor about my hand.
90
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,297
What's wrong with your hand?
91
00:05:25,344 --> 00:05:27,734
It hurts when I do
this!
92
00:05:28,148 --> 00:05:29,156
Aah!
93
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,359
Well, maybe don't do that.
94
00:05:31,650 --> 00:05:33,416
Then there's my foot.
95
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:43,638
Smart move, Doc.
96
00:05:45,974 --> 00:05:48,203
Anyone else want to see
the doctor?
97
00:05:50,746 --> 00:05:52,368
My foot hurts, too.
98
00:05:52,423 --> 00:05:55,123
Maestro,
how about some kickin' music?
99
00:05:55,475 --> 00:05:57,574
♪♪
100
00:05:58,550 --> 00:06:00,809
♪♪
101
00:06:01,459 --> 00:06:02,887
My pecker's been burning.
102
00:06:03,019 --> 00:06:05,145
Well, beat him with it!
103
00:06:11,189 --> 00:06:12,389
Here we are!
104
00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:14,871
They're all dead!
105
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,952
I told you it weren't much.
106
00:06:25,062 --> 00:06:27,952
Bullock's gang is just
terrorizing this town.
107
00:06:28,014 --> 00:06:29,910
This guy kind of started it,
though, right?
108
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,043
He kept calling himself "The Doctor."
109
00:06:32,154 --> 00:06:33,371
Klaus, cut it out.
110
00:06:33,468 --> 00:06:35,770
- He was trying to help.
- Well, damn it!
111
00:06:35,818 --> 00:06:37,488
This town needs
someone to give it hope,
112
00:06:37,536 --> 00:06:39,027
and I can't do it all.
113
00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:41,199
You haven't done anything.
114
00:06:42,207 --> 00:06:44,582
Lewis,
this guy needs stitches.
115
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,840
- My God in Heaven.
- I know.
116
00:06:49,919 --> 00:06:52,007
They beat on him for 40 minutes,
117
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:54,629
and they wanted fighting
music the whole time.
118
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,559
Guess we both kind of got
worked over.
119
00:06:56,607 --> 00:06:57,949
This is Stan Smith.
120
00:06:58,037 --> 00:06:59,520
He helped save my life.
121
00:06:59,568 --> 00:07:01,401
Wait.
You mean he's a hero?
122
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:05,095
Not exactly, but he's a good guy.
123
00:07:05,203 --> 00:07:08,003
I mean... yeah. He... He's a good guy.
124
00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:10,275
Ah! A good guy hero.
125
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:11,945
I think you're kind of just hearing
126
00:07:11,993 --> 00:07:13,580
what you want right now.
127
00:07:13,702 --> 00:07:15,124
We're saved!
128
00:07:37,599 --> 00:07:39,787
How did Stan save your life?
129
00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:41,962
It was three years
into the Civil War
130
00:07:42,016 --> 00:07:44,053
when the Union Army
came through Missouri.
131
00:07:44,193 --> 00:07:45,452
I was a slave then.
132
00:07:45,530 --> 00:07:47,428
Ooh, bummer.
133
00:07:47,555 --> 00:07:50,819
Yeah, it was a "bummer."
You obviously get it,
134
00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:52,795
so I won't bore you
with the details,
135
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,062
but they freed me, and I wanted to help.
136
00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:57,459
Stan and I dug trenches together.
137
00:07:57,582 --> 00:07:59,163
Anyhow, when the North moved on,
138
00:07:59,211 --> 00:08:00,796
some of the generals
ordered the freed slaves
139
00:08:00,843 --> 00:08:02,397
returned to the plantations.
140
00:08:02,445 --> 00:08:04,272
So you got to go home!
141
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:07,261
No, because you...
142
00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:08,979
didn't like it there.
143
00:08:09,027 --> 00:08:11,647
No, I didn't like it there.
144
00:08:11,873 --> 00:08:14,407
Anyway, Stan shot the general,
and we all ran.
145
00:08:14,556 --> 00:08:16,978
He killed a general to protect you?
146
00:08:17,048 --> 00:08:20,577
Yeah, and I told him to
come find me in Arizona.
147
00:08:20,805 --> 00:08:22,452
Wait...
148
00:08:22,559 --> 00:08:23,983
Gay?
149
00:08:24,845 --> 00:08:26,631
I'm looking for a man.
150
00:08:26,753 --> 00:08:28,908
Is this a gay town?
151
00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:32,084
Stage driver out of Tombstone
152
00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:34,209
says he saw a man looked like this.
153
00:08:34,285 --> 00:08:36,225
♪♪
154
00:08:36,405 --> 00:08:37,920
Nope.
155
00:08:38,171 --> 00:08:41,311
Say, Mister,
want a tour of the town?
156
00:08:41,359 --> 00:08:42,558
I'll show you all the spots
157
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,233
where our sheriffs were murdered.
158
00:08:44,319 --> 00:08:46,217
Well, I was gonna get
my whiskers cleaned up,
159
00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:49,615
but I think that's a closer
shave than I'm looking for.
160
00:08:54,787 --> 00:08:56,711
Why?
161
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,537
Why would anybody kill them?
162
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:01,811
I'm sure I don't have any idea.
163
00:09:02,152 --> 00:09:04,441
Why?
164
00:09:06,194 --> 00:09:09,913
Everybody's mussin' up my hair.
165
00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:13,790
- Hey, are you all right?
- No, obviously.
166
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:16,124
Whoa, obviously, no.
167
00:09:17,447 --> 00:09:19,670
I just want to forget everything.
168
00:09:19,753 --> 00:09:21,491
Oh, oh, oh, then I can help!
169
00:09:21,614 --> 00:09:23,944
- Do you have money?
- I have a little.
170
00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:26,178
Great! That's great.
171
00:09:26,226 --> 00:09:29,093
What's great? I-I have money. So what?
172
00:09:29,204 --> 00:09:31,493
You do? That's great!
173
00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:37,987
Aah!
174
00:09:38,089 --> 00:09:40,735
Stan, it's me, Brian.
175
00:09:40,837 --> 00:09:43,526
Brian, I...
I found you.
176
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,141
Yes, you did, my friend.
177
00:09:45,189 --> 00:09:46,798
Reunited at last.
178
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:49,289
We could buy a pig farm
and grow old together.
179
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,219
Stan, there's a bounty hunter
in town looking for you.
180
00:09:52,334 --> 00:09:54,047
Later.
Good luck with that pig farm.
181
00:09:55,416 --> 00:09:57,338
Stan,
you're too hurt to travel,
182
00:09:57,408 --> 00:09:58,808
but luckily you don't look like
183
00:09:58,856 --> 00:10:00,243
your wanted poster all beat up.
184
00:10:00,291 --> 00:10:03,532
Mr. Lewis, I need you to do my hair.
185
00:10:03,776 --> 00:10:05,539
Something un-mussable.
186
00:10:05,664 --> 00:10:07,381
Okay. Let me just clean my station
187
00:10:07,428 --> 00:10:08,852
and remember some
boring stories
188
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,488
about my son, hmm?
189
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,532
♪♪
190
00:10:15,234 --> 00:10:17,403
Are you still freaking out?
191
00:10:17,528 --> 00:10:20,485
Yeah,
but terrifyingly slowly.
192
00:10:20,599 --> 00:10:22,172
Oh, nice.
193
00:10:22,262 --> 00:10:24,875
I just don't get it.
It wasn't even a working farm.
194
00:10:24,973 --> 00:10:26,883
No crops. No livestock.
195
00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:28,375
Of course,
it did have a well,
196
00:10:28,423 --> 00:10:30,912
but who needs water in
the middle of nowhere?
197
00:10:31,022 --> 00:10:32,899
I guess trains do for steam,
198
00:10:32,961 --> 00:10:34,427
but the new railroad won't be going
199
00:10:34,537 --> 00:10:36,727
right by their farm for
at least six months.
200
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:38,852
I know that because I
read the announcement.
201
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,406
When was that? Oh, right.
202
00:10:40,454 --> 00:10:42,287
It was the day before
my family was murdered.
203
00:10:42,335 --> 00:10:45,601
Ohh, I wish I could put
two thoughts together.
204
00:10:45,649 --> 00:10:46,651
But you can't
205
00:10:46,703 --> 00:10:50,507
because you're too high
on celestial poisons!
206
00:10:50,638 --> 00:10:53,406
Did you say it was your
family that was murdered?
207
00:10:53,524 --> 00:10:55,846
Yeah. I'm the only one left.
208
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:59,251
Sole heir to Steam Juice Farm?
209
00:10:59,462 --> 00:11:01,784
I must protect you. I insist on it.
210
00:11:01,886 --> 00:11:03,119
I'm kind of with her.
211
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,320
Please, my dear.
212
00:11:04,368 --> 00:11:05,656
You must allow me
213
00:11:05,734 --> 00:11:07,351
and my gang of cruel men
214
00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:09,382
to escort you to the farm
215
00:11:09,477 --> 00:11:13,734
so we can bury your
whole family properly.
216
00:11:14,078 --> 00:11:15,367
Did you hear that, Jeff?
217
00:11:15,472 --> 00:11:17,773
My luck is finally changing.
218
00:11:18,703 --> 00:11:20,007
Jeff?
219
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:24,524
Oh, my God.
Was he smoking the same opium as I?
220
00:11:27,006 --> 00:11:28,894
That's so scary.
221
00:11:29,176 --> 00:11:32,195
♪♪ Mid-tempo piano music playing...
222
00:11:32,321 --> 00:11:33,375
Whiskey?
223
00:11:33,439 --> 00:11:35,117
I guess
I could have one for the road.
224
00:11:35,165 --> 00:11:36,617
You lightin' out, stranger?
225
00:11:36,743 --> 00:11:38,976
Make it two whiskeys,
and put them on my tab.
226
00:11:39,171 --> 00:11:41,539
- Where you headed?
- Thought I'd get away to Mexico.
227
00:11:41,644 --> 00:11:43,365
- Habla Español?
- Maybe.
228
00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:46,023
There or Mexico City.
229
00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:49,140
Tell Lewis it looks like trouble.
230
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:51,993
Francine worked up a new number.
231
00:11:52,118 --> 00:11:53,492
You'll be glad you stayed.
232
00:11:53,557 --> 00:11:55,868
♪♪
233
00:11:56,164 --> 00:11:58,390
So, you're a bounty hunter?
234
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:01,179
It's a friendless job,
but I'm the best there is.
235
00:12:01,281 --> 00:12:03,007
Not totally alone, though.
236
00:12:03,118 --> 00:12:04,506
I got my cough.
237
00:12:09,063 --> 00:12:11,797
- Allergies.
- Oh, she's on!
238
00:12:12,008 --> 00:12:14,819
♪♪ "Dessert" playing on piano...
239
00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:17,179
♪ They can't imitate you ♪♪
240
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:19,613
♪ But they can't duplicate you ♪
241
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:22,227
♪ 'Cause you got somethin' special ♪
242
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:24,818
♪ That makes me wanna taste you ♪
243
00:12:24,865 --> 00:12:27,032
♪ I want it all day long ♪
244
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:29,568
♪ I'm addicted like it's wrong ♪
245
00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:31,859
♪ I want it all day long ♪
246
00:12:31,906 --> 00:12:33,494
♪ I'm addicted like it's ♪
247
00:12:33,541 --> 00:12:35,841
♪ Whatcha gon',
whatcha' gon do with that dessert? ♪
248
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:38,132
♪ Do-wha do-wha-dee da dee-da-doop-da ♪
249
00:12:38,179 --> 00:12:40,679
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ♪ Do-wha do-wha-dee da dee-da-doop-da ♪
250
00:12:40,765 --> 00:12:43,280
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ♪ Do-wha do-wha-dee da dee-da-doop-da ♪
251
00:12:43,343 --> 00:12:46,518
♪ Murder that,
murder that dance floor, dance floor ♪
252
00:12:48,964 --> 00:12:50,630
Hot stuff!
253
00:12:55,496 --> 00:12:57,894
Bartender,
a round for everyone!
254
00:12:58,044 --> 00:12:59,977
I'm coming into some money.
255
00:13:00,118 --> 00:13:01,253
Right away!
256
00:13:02,788 --> 00:13:05,815
Oh, bro! Look at my damn mirror!
257
00:13:05,988 --> 00:13:07,378
Where'd he go?
258
00:13:07,439 --> 00:13:08,738
How'd you get over there?
259
00:13:08,786 --> 00:13:10,830
I'm fast. See my hands?
260
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,339
- Yeah.
- Now look at them.
261
00:13:12,518 --> 00:13:14,276
- Who-o-o-o-a.
- Whoa-a-a-a-a-a-a!
262
00:13:14,409 --> 00:13:15,956
I'm arresting you on the charges
263
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,073
of desertion and murder.
264
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,831
But they'll hang him. Stan's a good man.
265
00:13:20,879 --> 00:13:23,050
He shot his general in the back.
266
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,659
- Whoa!
- Let's go.
267
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:34,255
Did somebody take my
Little Bo Peep dress?
268
00:13:39,158 --> 00:13:41,339
All right, Skippy. Let's ride.
269
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,128
What the fudge?
270
00:13:44,184 --> 00:13:46,317
No little horse kisses for the murderer.
271
00:13:46,419 --> 00:13:48,355
So much for our hero.
272
00:13:48,551 --> 00:13:50,151
Do you think we were expecting too much
273
00:13:50,237 --> 00:13:51,546
from someone who came to town
274
00:13:51,617 --> 00:13:53,650
and was immediately
beaten beyond recognition
275
00:13:53,698 --> 00:13:55,511
by a 70-year-old man?
276
00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:58,605
Maybe Stan came to show
us we don't need a hero.
277
00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:00,784
- How's that?
- He's like us.
278
00:14:00,894 --> 00:14:04,112
Alone, he's not much,
but if we work together,
279
00:14:04,215 --> 00:14:06,204
we can protect each other.
280
00:14:06,252 --> 00:14:08,534
Us? We're too slow.
281
00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:09,737
Slow?
282
00:14:09,785 --> 00:14:11,956
You're lightning on the piano.
283
00:14:12,004 --> 00:14:14,159
You're magic with scissors.
284
00:14:14,389 --> 00:14:16,111
You never spill a drop.
285
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:19,558
I'm good with my hands in a
way I'm not going to describe.
286
00:14:19,644 --> 00:14:21,165
We have the skills,
287
00:14:21,298 --> 00:14:23,605
but we never had the stomach.
288
00:14:23,715 --> 00:14:25,570
- I'm in.
- Me, too.
289
00:14:25,836 --> 00:14:27,045
So am I.
290
00:14:27,162 --> 00:14:31,378
Now, let's go get Stan back
from that bounty hunter!
291
00:14:31,473 --> 00:14:34,175
Unhand our cowardly friend!
292
00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:37,601
Oh, they left.
293
00:14:37,922 --> 00:14:39,332
Whoo-whoo.
294
00:14:39,472 --> 00:14:41,651
Whatcha gonna do with that dessert?
295
00:14:42,665 --> 00:14:44,472
Can it, Tom!
296
00:14:45,222 --> 00:14:46,855
Thanks, Henry.
297
00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:53,440
So what's, uh...
w-what's in the coffin?
298
00:14:53,608 --> 00:14:55,563
Everyone and anyone.
299
00:14:55,712 --> 00:14:57,011
Hmm.
300
00:14:57,327 --> 00:14:58,917
Actually,
you lost me there. I-I, uh...
301
00:14:58,972 --> 00:15:00,229
I know.
It's stupid, right?
302
00:15:00,277 --> 00:15:02,222
Uh, for a while,
I thought it sounded badass,
303
00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:03,558
but it's just confusing.
304
00:15:03,663 --> 00:15:05,753
I always wanted to be a man of action,
305
00:15:05,935 --> 00:15:08,323
but I'm slow on the draw
and weak on the punch.
306
00:15:08,371 --> 00:15:09,667
Then what happened in Missouri?
307
00:15:09,715 --> 00:15:11,386
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
308
00:15:11,434 --> 00:15:13,901
- Tell me, or I'll kill you.
- It's 1863,
309
00:15:14,097 --> 00:15:16,706
and "Camptown Races"
is at the top of the charts.
310
00:15:16,892 --> 00:15:18,808
Sir, at the risk of repeating myself,
311
00:15:18,908 --> 00:15:21,658
I really, really, really,
really, really, really,
312
00:15:21,706 --> 00:15:23,986
really don't think we should
return the slaves to the South.
313
00:15:24,033 --> 00:15:26,369
Enough!
How can you think about that
314
00:15:26,417 --> 00:15:29,417
when dead soldiers'
teeth are turning to smoke?
315
00:15:29,835 --> 00:15:31,956
- I'm sorry, sir?
- The teeth!
316
00:15:32,079 --> 00:15:34,046
Wafting like fizzled candle smoke
317
00:15:34,111 --> 00:15:36,753
from every gaping mouth
on the battlefield!
318
00:15:36,913 --> 00:15:38,857
Oh, you've gone crazy.
319
00:15:39,014 --> 00:15:40,513
Maybe I'll leave the tent.
320
00:15:40,638 --> 00:15:43,378
Crazy?
More like invincible!
321
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,761
Nothing can stop me now.
322
00:15:50,761 --> 00:15:52,460
Nobody would ever believe that.
323
00:15:52,508 --> 00:15:53,884
Yeah. So I ran,
324
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,370
and I kept running west to Mexico.
325
00:15:56,418 --> 00:15:57,539
Mexico is south.
326
00:15:57,602 --> 00:15:59,490
I must've gone a weird way.
327
00:15:59,599 --> 00:16:01,588
Well, I guess it all worked out for you.
328
00:16:01,636 --> 00:16:03,269
And if you weren't about to be hanged,
329
00:16:03,385 --> 00:16:04,727
I'd be pretty dang jealous.
330
00:16:04,799 --> 00:16:06,332
I mean, you were in town for a day
331
00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:09,558
and made more friends than
I ever had in my life.
332
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,401
Zero. Goose egg.
333
00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:14,504
I try to stay positive,
but it really sucks balls.
334
00:16:14,645 --> 00:16:16,870
Friends aren't everything.
Where are they now?
335
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:19,284
- Hmm?
- They're following us.
336
00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:21,315
It's him, all right.
337
00:16:21,363 --> 00:16:23,112
We'll catch him at the Taft Farm.
338
00:16:23,159 --> 00:16:25,917
♪♪
339
00:16:26,042 --> 00:16:29,144
Maybe I'm just a little
too real for some people.
340
00:16:29,316 --> 00:16:31,386
And now, a cliff. Of course.
341
00:16:31,478 --> 00:16:33,573
Making a lady dig her own grave
342
00:16:33,621 --> 00:16:35,769
while she's coming down off
opium.
343
00:16:35,941 --> 00:16:37,674
Hey, that's the girl from the coach.
344
00:16:37,777 --> 00:16:38,933
We got to get down there.
345
00:16:39,051 --> 00:16:41,026
Oh, you know everybody.
346
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,924
You ride down there, t
hey'll kill you.
347
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,558
Same as riding with you,
I reckon.
348
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,081
Well,
I'm not going with you.
349
00:16:50,378 --> 00:16:53,690
♪♪
350
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:56,932
Oh, what the hell.
351
00:16:58,104 --> 00:16:59,674
Aah!
352
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,160
Hey, somebody's coming.
353
00:17:03,403 --> 00:17:07,174
♪♪
354
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:11,028
You come for another checkup, Doc?
355
00:17:12,783 --> 00:17:16,158
How about letting her go, guys?
Call it doctor's orders.
356
00:17:16,206 --> 00:17:17,950
And what if I don't?
357
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,174
Then Doc's going to call for the nurse.
358
00:17:23,211 --> 00:17:26,088
I'd rather the doctor gave me my shot.
359
00:17:26,394 --> 00:17:29,483
Give him your gun nice and slow.
360
00:17:31,712 --> 00:17:33,830
Oh, Doc caught a chill.
361
00:17:33,907 --> 00:17:35,651
He's shaking like a leaf!
362
00:17:37,617 --> 00:17:40,551
Come on, hero. Free shot.
363
00:17:44,057 --> 00:17:47,246
Come on, Stan.
Just slap the hammer four times
364
00:17:47,294 --> 00:17:48,927
like you're patting Skippy.
365
00:17:50,338 --> 00:17:53,573
♪♪
366
00:18:30,405 --> 00:18:33,006
Here comes the cavalry!
367
00:18:33,226 --> 00:18:35,281
♪♪
368
00:18:49,313 --> 00:18:50,563
You saved me.
369
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:53,008
I did all that amazing
shooting by myself,
370
00:18:53,123 --> 00:18:54,511
and then you saved me.
371
00:18:54,683 --> 00:18:56,040
That's how it happened.
372
00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:00,258
Stan,
every time I go after a bounty,
373
00:19:00,382 --> 00:19:01,558
I bring him in.
374
00:19:01,606 --> 00:19:03,469
Will you help me
keep my perfect record?
375
00:19:03,590 --> 00:19:07,407
Of course. I'll take my chances
with that trial in Tucson.
376
00:19:07,637 --> 00:19:09,871
- Are you crazy?
- Don't do it, mister.
377
00:19:09,997 --> 00:19:12,446
I can't run again.
It's too lonely.
378
00:19:12,558 --> 00:19:15,313
- Bring my coffin.
- Get that coffin over here!
379
00:19:19,507 --> 00:19:20,836
Open it.
380
00:19:22,969 --> 00:19:24,368
I'm you.
381
00:19:25,158 --> 00:19:26,696
He's holding a little him.
382
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:30,063
Hand over my body to
the Marshall in Tucson.
383
00:19:30,291 --> 00:19:33,930
Get the reward money and
take these folks east.
384
00:19:34,018 --> 00:19:35,813
- What?
- I mean, maybe send
385
00:19:35,922 --> 00:19:39,149
your kids' kids out west,
o-or their grandkids.
386
00:19:39,274 --> 00:19:41,863
In 100 years,
when there's a million jerks
387
00:19:41,911 --> 00:19:44,469
riding around
Manhattan drunk in limos,
388
00:19:44,631 --> 00:19:47,516
the West will seem like a paradise.
389
00:19:49,742 --> 00:19:51,742
He's gone.
390
00:19:52,172 --> 00:19:55,610
♪♪
391
00:19:55,844 --> 00:19:59,141
And promise me
you'll follow your dream
392
00:19:59,269 --> 00:20:01,188
and go to medical school.
393
00:20:01,399 --> 00:20:02,868
Well, that's actually a misunders...
394
00:20:02,916 --> 00:20:04,305
Promise me!
395
00:20:04,531 --> 00:20:06,165
You got it, friend.
396
00:20:06,282 --> 00:20:07,500
Friend?
397
00:20:07,595 --> 00:20:08,938
Really?
398
00:20:09,181 --> 00:20:11,211
Maybe I can beat this thing.
399
00:20:11,453 --> 00:20:12,719
Nope.
400
00:20:17,247 --> 00:20:20,702
♪♪
401
00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:25,773
East. That's an awful long ride...
402
00:20:25,864 --> 00:20:27,063
- I'm going.
- Me, too.
403
00:20:27,162 --> 00:20:28,394
Someone's got to pour drinks.
404
00:20:28,441 --> 00:20:29,945
I'll go to the north east.
405
00:20:30,039 --> 00:20:32,198
It's just sandwiches here.
406
00:20:37,298 --> 00:20:39,398
Let's ride, Skip.
407
00:20:41,670 --> 00:20:42,875
Come on, boy.
408
00:20:45,848 --> 00:20:47,715
Oh, of course.
409
00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:55,298
Wait. Don't we want
to go the other way?
410
00:20:55,345 --> 00:20:56,621
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
411
00:20:56,669 --> 00:20:58,191
- Yeah.
- Oh, we sure do.
412
00:20:58,238 --> 00:21:01,250
♪♪
413
00:21:01,445 --> 00:21:04,552
♪♪
414
00:21:04,718 --> 00:21:07,500
Looks like I'm
finally getting my bearings.
415
00:21:08,242 --> 00:21:10,883
Or maybe
head a little to the right?
416
00:21:11,251 --> 00:21:14,762
♪♪