0
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:19,240
Sazu489...
1
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:22,437
MAN 1 ON COMPUTER: Mistress,
spank my bottom. Spank it really hard!
2
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,033
Please, spank my bottom!
3
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,270
- That is unpleasant.
- Spank it really hard.
4
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:28,678
WOMAN ON COMPUTER: Lick my nipples.
5
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,512
No, thank you, pregnant lady.
6
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,634
MAN 2 ON COMPUTER: Strip, soldier!
7
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,188
You're gonna find out
why they call me the drill sergeant.
8
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,679
(WHIP CRACKS)
9
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,149
(SIGHS)
10
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,796
That's... That's nice, baby.
11
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,473
No, Frizzy! No!
12
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:33,834
(GROANING)
13
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,434
(GASPING)
14
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,677
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
15
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:40,989
Frizzy.
16
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,069
(PHONE BEEPS)
17
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,594
No, no, no, wait! Cody! No.
18
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:06,469
ROB ON PHONE: No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
19
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,949
Don't worry about it, man.
Everyone's got a sex tape.
20
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,075
Please.
21
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,071
Yeah, except they're having sex with people.
22
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,155
- (GRO ANING) Frizzy.
- Right.
23
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,835
It's not technically incest
if your family member's a different species.
24
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,638
So, are you getting close with Dana yet?
25
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,154
The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge.
26
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,674
No sex? She was your sure thing.
27
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,270
- Faith-camp propaganda, man.
- NATHAN: She's waiting until marriage.
28
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,436
I thought she had sex with six guys.
29
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,309
What?
30
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:38,668
Get to class.
31
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,833
No cell phones in the hall, Alyson.
32
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,195
You can pick this up from my office
today after school.
33
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,716
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
34
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,792
Well, I've seen worse.
35
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:51,835
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
36
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,399
(CLEARS THROAT)
37
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,790
Miss Johnson. Lunch today?
38
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,797
I'll have to check my calendar, perv... Pete.
39
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,557
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
40
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,312
Look. Look. Look at that.
41
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,191
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
42
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,918
(CHEERLEADER EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
43
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,709
- Hey, just ignore them.
- Oh, God. You saw it, too?
44
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,435
- Just so you know, it's not at all...
- Hey, don't worry about it.
45
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,234
Frizzy's a good-looking dog.
46
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,470
So, do you wanna do it? Are we on?
47
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,952
Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period?
48
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,469
Yeah. I... I'll...
49
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,350
- I'll meet you over there.
- Okay.
50
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,677
- Doggy style!
- Hey, Stifler.
51
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,159
Is that your girlfriend?
52
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,515
No, we're just... We're just... We're friends.
53
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,189
Just friends? How sweet.
54
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,316
Well, she seems awful ripe.
If you don't pick the fruit, I will.
55
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,477
STIFLER: Hey, beautiful.
56
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,555
STIFLER: Wow!
57
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:02,550
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
58
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,598
CHARLES ON PA: Good morning,
East Great Falls Blazers.
59
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,478
Don't forget about the big game
against Central this week
60
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,473
and the Aloha Dance this Friday
from 7:00 to midnight.
61
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,599
Hawaiian shirts and leis
are recommended for entrance.
62
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:17,669
(CHARLES GIGGLES)
63
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,872
- PRINCIPAL ON PA: Charles, knock that off.
- Sorry.
64
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,590
(MR O'DONNELL CLEARS THROAT)
65
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,310
Let's focus on the quiz, please.
66
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,313
Douche bag.
67
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,316
I'm serious about this pledge, you know.
68
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,475
I know.
69
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,472
- So just dancing tonight.
- Yeah. Just dancing.
70
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,353
The horizontal hula.
71
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,112
Nathan.
72
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,228
Poor Nathan.
73
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,834
His willy must be hard enough
to cut glass by now.
74
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,195
Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me.
75
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:50,353
Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl
enough to give up sex.
76
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,631
And, B, well, what about you?
77
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,593
You must be feeling
pretty randy by now, Dana.
78
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,828
Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit,
79
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,275
but I really feel like I'm connecting
with the higher power here.
80
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,828
Yes, I know, and that is totally fab,
81
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,151
but I know I couldn't do it.
I'm way too into giving blow jobs.
82
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,113
Ask Richard.
83
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,910
Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay?
84
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,878
Sex is a really big deal,
and if you feel like you're not ready,
85
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,030
then I think you should wait.
86
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,675
DANA: But...
87
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,991
No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea
what you're talking about.
88
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,758
Text me later.
89
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,391
- Hey, Rob.
- ROB: Yeah?
90
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,996
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure. What's up?
91
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,991
Well, it's kind of personal.
92
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,074
Okay.
93
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,555
I've been thinking.
You know I'm a virgin, right?
94
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:50,834
It's just... I don't know.
95
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,150
Everyone's already done it
like a million times already,
96
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,556
and I know I don't have a boyfriend
or whatever, but...
97
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,516
But sometimes I feel like I should just
get it over with.
98
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,639
You know? I mean,
just get past this whole thing, this virgin.
99
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,191
What does that even mean, anyway?
100
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,711
So I've never had a penis in my vagina,
but so what?
101
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,271
Why do I have to label everything?
Like, "She's too innocent.
102
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,238
"She can't handle it." I'm not that innocent.
103
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,515
I've seen Showgirls and Blue Lagoon.
104
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,272
Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it.
But what do you think?
105
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:30,914
Yeah. I think you should definitely
go ahead and get it over with.
106
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,712
(LAUGHS) Thanks.
107
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,119
Let's get back to work.
108
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,312
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
109
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,629
(WHOOPS)
110
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,552
Stifcam coming at you live
from the Aloha Dance
111
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,671
here at the East Great Falls...
112
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,673
This chick just grabbed my ass.
113
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,194
She wants to play
the Stifmeister's flute skin.
114
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,999
Let go find some of that
sweet-looking pinoche, Gibbsy.
115
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,951
Hey, check it out. There's Heidi.
116
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,388
LUBE: All right, all right.
She looks highly doable.
117
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,871
All right, so what's the game plan here?
118
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,791
I don't know. Ask her to dance, I guess.
119
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:46,190
You need a plan, all right?
It's all about establishing your intentions.
120
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,238
See, right now,
she thinks of you as just a friend.
121
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,999
You need to break that paradigm.
122
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,550
Remember, friends don't let friends
just be friends.
123
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,359
- Right.
- I'm serious. You cannot puss out here.
124
00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,000
All right, take it easy.
I'm gonna go talk to her.
125
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,914
Wait. Aren't you forgetting something?
126
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,633
Oh. Oh. Oh.
127
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,398
Here, don't forget these.
128
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,276
You only need those when you're alone.
129
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,473
Right. Right. Okay.
130
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,880
- (EXCLAIMS) Okay!
- What? What's wrong?
131
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,188
I can't.
132
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,238
- But it's only second base.
- I know. But if we go there,
133
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,311
then we're gonna wanna go further.
134
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,071
But Adam and Eve did it.
135
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,195
(GASPS)
136
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,589
I'm sorry. Hey, hey.
137
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,314
I love you. Do you know that?
138
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,559
Come here.
139
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,034
Is God okay with a blow job?
140
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,235
(GASPS)
141
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,316
I thought you understood
how I felt about this.
142
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,073
I told you, it's important for me
to save myself until marriage.
143
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,673
You've had sex with seven guys.
144
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:03,954
(GASPING)
145
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,195
And it was six, not seven!
146
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,868
Well, one was a black guy,
so he counts as two.
147
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:13,909
Dana.
148
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,797
- Dana, come on.
- Fuck off.
149
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,118
Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana!
150
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,553
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
151
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,111
Hey, girls.
This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book.
152
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,475
I need you to kiss one time, okay?
153
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,269
I don't know.
154
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,432
Come on.
It's gonna be seen by millions of people.
155
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:40,869
(LAUGHS) Okay.
156
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,919
(BOYS CHEERING)
157
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,394
Okay, we're gonna go again,
158
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,153
but this time,
sneak in some tongue for daddy.
159
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,514
Okay.
160
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,158
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)
161
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,236
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
That's what I'm talking about, baby!
162
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:01,039
(BOYS CHEERING)
163
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,791
Stifmeister strikes again!
164
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:06,675
Dude.
165
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,790
You're gonna love this. Check this out.
166
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,553
Yeah. So?
167
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,194
Watch and learn.
168
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,239
"You're hot.
169
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:26,919
"Give me your number
and let's get together."
170
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,835
I throw this at a hot girl,
171
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,196
and she's so impressed
that I'm literally throwing around a Benjamin
172
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,515
that she wants to hook up with me.
173
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,034
Yeah. Good luck with that.
174
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,869
- I'm gonna go find Dana.
- All right, man.
175
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,434
Oh, no.
176
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,193
Oh, God.
177
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,280
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Watch out. Coming through.
178
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,032
(DANCE SONG PLAYING)
179
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,433
So, I was thinking about what
we were talking about, you know, before.
180
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:27,629
- Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
- Right. So I was thinking, why wait?
181
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,519
Right? I mean, you might as well,
you know, get it over with.
182
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,750
What? Like, here? At the dance?
183
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,671
Well, there's always the library.
184
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,400
- Yeah, the library.
- I'm kidding.
185
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,279
- Yeah. I know.
- But seriously, after the dance,
186
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,395
I don't know if you...
187
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,679
- What are you doing?
- Looking for my money.
188
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,236
- C-note thing?
- Yeah.
189
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,517
- Lose your money?
- Shut up.
190
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:52,869
Ooh.
191
00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,235
And we're back. What's up, dude?
Where's Heidi?
192
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,154
I don't know.
193
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,958
- She was here a second ago.
- Maybe she went to the bathroom.
194
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,953
- Yeah, maybe.
- Dana's pissed at me.
195
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,510
Dude, you gotta play along
with this whole pledge thing.
196
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,079
Well, that's easy for you to say.
197
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,798
You haven't exactly
broken the seal yet, either.
198
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,235
Dude, I've been getting to third base
on a regular basis.
199
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,436
I can't go back to jacking off now.
200
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:24,399
Dude, just use your left hand.
It feels completely different.
201
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,678
- I'm gonna go find Heidi.
- I'm gonna go find Dana.
202
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,952
BOY: (LAUGHS) No! Dude,
you're gonna make me hurl.
203
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:04,959
Heidi?
204
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,430
LUBE: No, no, no, no!
205
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:16,755
Wait.
206
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,439
Dude, yo.
207
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,239
(LAUGHS) Sluts.
208
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,389
(FARTING)
209
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,154
What the hell?
210
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,799
(LUBE GRUNTS)
211
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:51,509
Relax, dude.
212
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,113
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
213
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,519
Get off me, you freak!
214
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,791
Hey, a hundred bucks!
215
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:26,999
What are you doing?
216
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,990
Rob? You said...
217
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,509
Rob!
218
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,159
(EXCLAIMS)
219
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,272
Dude, nice cock block.
220
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,708
(SHRIEKS)
221
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,239
I'm on fire.
222
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,433
- I'm on fire.
- Oh, my God.
223
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,149
There's a fire. There's a fire, and it's on me.
224
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,388
Oh, my God.
225
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,796
HEIDl: Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off
your pants! Take off... Take your pants off!
226
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,354
Oh, God!
227
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,072
(SHRIEKS) Come on!
228
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:04,515
(SHRIEKS)
229
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,353
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
230
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,829
Hurry, Rob, come on.
231
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,952
Get it out! Get it out!
232
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,639
(FIRE ALARM RINGING)
233
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:16,755
(SHRIEKS)
234
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:17,875
Oh, God.
235
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,471
What the hell is going on in here?
236
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,510
Two months seems like an awfully long time
for Saturday detention.
237
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,591
We're supposed to clean up the library.
238
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,197
Do you guys know where the vacuum is?
239
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,395
Nope.
240
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,675
What were you doing in the library anyway?
241
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,591
I wasn't doing anything.
Heidi was already in there.
242
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,478
- I was just looking for her.
- I heard she was blowing some dude.
243
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:52,394
Cody! Well, I don't know
how you're gonna go on the school ski trip
244
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,833
if you're still on detention.
245
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,593
Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it.
I didn't do anything.
246
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,159
I heard you were the fluffer.
247
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,791
- Cody.
- Look. His lips are chapped.
248
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:01,909
(EXCLAIMS)
249
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,274
Well, we'll see.
250
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,629
All right. I have to go get ready.
251
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,031
Maybe it's in the garage.
252
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,352
Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you.
253
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:18,675
Do we have to?
254
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,070
Honey, I know that you're growing older,
255
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,675
and I don't know what your father
has told you about things,
256
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,672
but I think it's important to discuss
everything, you know?
257
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,478
Like about sex.
258
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,788
- Are you having sex?
- Mom, I don't wanna talk about this.
259
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:39,396
No, well, it's just that I found
this sock in the laundry, and, well...
260
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,149
Oh, God, Mom. Put that away.
261
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:49,549
And, also,
somebody sent me a link to this video.
262
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,917
ROB: No, no, no, Frizzy! No.
263
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,592
- Mom, just turn it off!
- I don't know how!
264
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,238
Your brother made it my start-up screen.
265
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,231
- Okay, I can... I can fix that.
- You can? Great.
266
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,309
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
267
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,118
- No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
- Thank you for that.
268
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,758
- Okay.
- And we're done. Right? Yeah.
269
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,070
Well, honey, please.
There's no reason to be ashamed.
270
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,752
Masturbation is perfectly natural.
271
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,628
I mean, boys your age
are maybe into experimentation
272
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,837
and trying new things with animals.
273
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,830
I mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for...
Since she was a puppy...
274
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,871
(STAMMERS) Hey, I'm late.
275
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,589
- You're tardy.
- Sorry.
276
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,790
You can start by cleaning off
all the damaged books
277
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,270
and separating the ruined ones.
I'll be checking on you.
278
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,559
Heidi. Look, about last night...
279
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,519
I don't wanna talk about it.
280
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,109
- Well, I just wanted to tell you...
- Rob.
281
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,077
I'm gonna go empty this bucket.
282
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,636
Do you have any idea what I found here?
283
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,109
- This is the bible.
- I thought that was an urban legend.
284
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,475
No. This is real. This goes back decades.
285
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,391
Okay. So what?
286
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,948
This is exactly what we need
to finally get laid.
287
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,069
How is this thing gonna help us get laid?
It's ruined.
288
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,310
You can't even read most of it.
289
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,198
This book has helped one lucky guy
each year at Great Falls.
290
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,392
And this year, that lucky guy is us.
291
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,396
Even with the damage, it still has
a ton of useful stuff. Check this out.
292
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,756
"February 1st, 1977. The G-spot."
293
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,794
- I can dig it.
- LUBE: What else you got?
294
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,670
"1991. How to shave your pubes
to make your dick look bigger."
295
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,673
Dad showed me that one.
296
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,719
"2003. I just had
the most amazing sexual experience."
297
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,714
Something I can't read.
"She used a breath mint."
298
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,674
A breath mint? For what?
299
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:39,432
You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and
the minty-ness makes your asshole twitch.
300
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:41,993
Everyone knows that.
301
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,996
Dude, I don't know. This sounds pretty weak.
302
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,548
Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff
on the internet anyway.
303
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,313
No, this is different.
This has personal experiences.
304
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,709
Plus, it's custom-tailored to Great Falls girls.
305
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,518
Since when does punani have a zip code?
306
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,558
What have we got to lose? Nathan,
you've been working on Dana for, what?
307
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,349
Like six months? Only to find out that
she loves the Lord more than sex?
308
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,277
And, Lube, how have all your schemes
to get laid been working out so far?
309
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,429
Minus $100.
310
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:12,036
Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting
all my time on some fantasy that someday
311
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:15,157
Heidi's gonna fall madly in love with me.
Face it, guys, we need help.
312
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,669
And this is it, staring us right in the face.
313
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,434
- I'm in.
- All right.
314
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,309
I'm in.
315
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:23,469
- Yeah.
- Yes.
316
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:24,749
(ALL WHOOPING)
317
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:25,875
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
318
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,678
Hey, easy. Guys, it's old.
319
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,117
"May 1st, 1990.
320
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,309
"The simplest way into a girl's pants
is still basic flattery."
321
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,155
That's it? Just flatter her?
322
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,112
- That's it.
- Well, think about it.
323
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,997
How many times do you actually do it?
324
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,118
Walk up to a girl and say,
"Wow, you have beautiful eyes."
325
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:50,796
Like, never. It's telling us the only proven
way to get women is to be an asshole,
326
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,997
'cause the guys that actually spew
that kind of crap get laid.
327
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,469
Check it out. Twelve o'clock.
328
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,152
(NATHAN EXCLAIMS)
329
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,239
(CHATTERING)
330
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,954
(WHISTLES)
331
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,509
- All right. Let's put this bible to a test.
- Yes.
332
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,400
- You go talk to her.
- I'm not trying it out on Ashley.
333
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,392
Why don't you go talk to her,
'cause you're the one who likes her?
334
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,830
- I'm eating.
- Okay. I'll do it.
335
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,236
Hey, Ashley.
336
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,276
Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend?
337
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,557
No... This is... It's for my mom.
338
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,714
She's dating again.
339
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:35,593
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
340
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,549
Well, you know, I...
Actually, I wanted to say,
341
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,398
you know,
you have the most gorgeous teeth.
342
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:52,317
Hey. Come with me.
343
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,438
Jealous? He's making a move
on your lady friend.
344
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,075
Unlike you, I don't mind sharing my women.
345
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,950
(LAUGHS) And what are
you wankers up to today?
346
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,871
- (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Cheerio.
- (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Hello, love.
347
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,949
Word to your mumsie.
348
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,156
Just waiting for some ladies
to join us, in fact.
349
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,754
You nancy boys couldn't get laid
at a Jonas Brothers concert
350
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:16,310
with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio.
351
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,239
(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
Was that a slam?
352
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,073
(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
You bet your bollocks.
353
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,599
- Hold this.
- Yeah.
354
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,793
How does this look?
355
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,439
Great, I'll take it.
356
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,629
Stand up.
357
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,676
Wait, what... What's... Wait, hold... Hold on.
358
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,389
Oh.
359
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,354
(GROANS)
360
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,474
(GASPING)
361
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,114
Should I call you?
362
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,119
Just walk out of the store
and meet me at the food court.
363
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:14,475
Act natural.
364
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,119
(INAUDIBLE)
365
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,275
Can I help you?
366
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:46,512
No. No. I'm... I'm just browsing.
367
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,279
Okay, then.
368
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,035
- Have a nice day.
- You, too.
369
00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,029
(ALARM SOUNDING)
370
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:02,635
I'm sorry! I wasn't stealing.
It was a... It was a prank.
371
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,598
I am so sorry.
I think we left the tags on your garments.
372
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,355
Please come back to the register.
We'll figure this out. I'm so embarrassed.
373
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,432
Oh, my God.
374
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,236
Sorry, I... I got excited.
375
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,273
(CLEARS THROAT)
376
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,479
(WHISPERS)
377
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,392
That'll be 149.90.
378
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,835
- How much?
- 149.90.
379
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,279
But they're so small.
380
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,674
- Madeleine?
- It's my mom. I'm... I have a note.
381
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,354
(LAUGHS)
382
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,676
- Thank you.
- Have a nice day.
383
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:07,679
Come again.
384
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,672
What took you so long? Did you get it?
385
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,594
Sure did. I even stole you a bag so
you don't have to touch it till you get home.
386
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,113
Great. Thanks.
387
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,711
Hey. What's up, Ashley?
388
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,671
What are you pillow biters doing here?
389
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:28,795
Stifler.
390
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,474
Don't eat that. You're gonna get fat.
391
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,597
I'm super horny.
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
392
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:35,869
Okay.
393
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,474
(GIGGLING)
394
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,316
(CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING)
395
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:54,029
(WHISPERING) Dana.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
396
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,754
Didn't mean to disrupt the...
This morning's mass.
397
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,308
(WHISPERING) What are you doing here?
398
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,511
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
399
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,792
Did you really think that
this is the best time to discuss this?
400
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,478
Well, you weren't answering any of my texts.
401
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:08,834
(SHUSHING)
402
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,431
- I'll be right back, okay?
- (WHISPERING) Okay.
403
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,556
PRIEST ON PA: What is faith?
404
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,995
When you flip the light switch
in your kitchen,
405
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,389
you know that the light will turn on.
406
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:23,713
Some might call that faith, but I tell you,
that is not the real faith.
407
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,755
Okay, so what is so important that
you needed to come and interrupt church?
408
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,478
I don't really get why
you're so mad at me right now.
409
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,519
Because you don't respect me.
This is all just a big joke to you.
410
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,036
You know what? You're right,
because this is just another phase for you.
411
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,599
Just like your little stint on yearbook.
412
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,035
You stuck with that for, what,
two weeks before you got bored with it?
413
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,475
Why is it so hard for you to believe
that I wanna
414
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,879
(ON PA) wait until marriage?
415
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,109
NATHAN ON PA:
Because you slept with Doug Wheeler
416
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,236
and Scott Thompson on the same night.
417
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,311
DANA: That doesn't count. I was drunk.
418
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:51,469
(WHISPERING) Is that Dana?
419
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,357
As soon as you get bored
with this whole pledge thing,
420
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,078
you're just gonna jump right back
in the saddle again.
421
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,276
And when you get to college,
don't even tell me
422
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,079
that you won't be experimenting
with the standard lesbian hookups,
423
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,355
having three-ways, trying anal.
424
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,429
(ALL GASPING)
425
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:05,509
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
426
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:06,589
That's what I'm talking...
427
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:07,874
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Fine. Just relax.
428
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,029
- Do something!
- PRIEST: Faith is...
429
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,473
- She's your daughter.
- Go!
430
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,118
PRIEST: Faith is the rock-solid...
431
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,998
DANA: You don't think I'm committed to this?
My parents waited until marriage.
432
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,117
NATHAN: (LAUGHS) My dad
went to high school with your mom.
433
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,633
He said she blew the whole football team
434
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,039
and had to have her stomach pumped.
435
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:22,315
(ALL GASPING)
436
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,833
DANA: Don't be gross, okay?
437
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:25,553
Plus, your dad was a Beta.
438
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,278
Those guys are notorious poon slayers.
439
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,150
Fuck it! This is bullshit!
440
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,078
(PEOPLE MUTTERING)
441
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,231
You know you want this.
442
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,274
Did we miss communion?
443
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:38,357
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
444
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:39,316
COMMENTATOR 1 ON PA:
Been a rough go for the
445
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:40,594
East Great Falls Blazers in this game...
446
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:41,999
CHEERLEADERS:
Go, Blazers!
447
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,277
... which is surprising, since this is
the last home game of the season.
448
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,271
You'd think they'd really
pump up the power there.
449
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,032
Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy!
450
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:53,159
Even though it's close to a tie,
we were hoping for better defence from the...
451
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,913
Oh, my gosh, wait.
So, what did your dad say?
452
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,230
He said if he ever sees Nathan
within 100 feet of me,
453
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,311
he's gonna castrate him
with a rusty Garden Weasel.
454
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,949
Oh, no. So what?
Is it over between you guys or what?
455
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:05,189
I don't know.
456
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,716
Well, if you ever want to try a ménage,
you're welcome to join Richard and me.
457
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,314
- No.
- No.
458
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,835
COMMENTATOR 1: Please don't say
"young boy" around Coach Daly.
459
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,319
COMMENTATOR 2 ON PA:
Yeah, out here he's...
460
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,719
- What about you, missy?
- What?
461
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:18,199
How's your sex life?
462
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,794
You guys, I'm gonna go through with it.
I am. I am.
463
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,952
You're so boring.
I would've thought you'd be fielding offers
464
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,996
after your striptease in the library.
465
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,388
Yeah, I'm...
I'm still just waiting for the right time.
466
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:37,798
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white,
let's go, fight, win. Let's go, fight, win.
467
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:42,915
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Blazers!
468
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,992
Fight, win.
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win.
469
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,115
(CAMERA CLICKING)
470
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,953
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
471
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,349
How about we get some of the game?
472
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,712
(CAMERA CLICKING)
473
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:35,309
(GRUNTS)
474
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,113
As you were.
475
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:44,154
Douche bag.
476
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,152
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white...
477
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:47,559
COMMENTATOR 1:
Shearson's bringing the ball up court.
478
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,949
He passes it off to Scott Stifler.
479
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,149
(STUDENTS EXCLAIM)
480
00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,913
Central takes a charge from Shearson.
481
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,958
Time out, Blazers.
What are we gonna do now, Bill?
482
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:04,309
COMMENTATOR 2:
Ten seconds in the game.
483
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:05,958
I think these guys
really need to get their act...
484
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,589
Get your head in the game, doggy style.
You can finish your wet dream later.
485
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,398
- I'm sorry.
- This is it for this game.
486
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,391
Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec?
487
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,040
- Are you nuts? I'm in the middle of a game.
- Last home game of the season.
488
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:17,155
(GIGGLES)
489
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,355
Really gotta get their act together.
490
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:19,793
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
491
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,873
Tie game, 89 all, 3.9 seconds left.
Let's see what's gonna happen here.
492
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,234
- Central's got the ball.
- CHEERLEADERS: Go, Blazers!
493
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,959
They have the advantage.
494
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:29,948
Looks like... Double screen!
495
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,112
Shearson gets the ball.
He passes it to Scott Stifler. It's good! It's in!
496
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,189
(BUZZER BUZZING)
497
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,795
The game's over.
91-89 for East Great Falls Blazers.
498
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,509
This is incredible, folks!
This means we're going on to the playoffs!
499
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,636
Unbelievable! It's exciting.
500
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:47,750
What a chain of events
that has occurred here today!
501
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,192
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
502
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,596
Honey, I need to talk to you.
503
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:57,679
Yeah, sure.
504
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,518
Is... Is that a Bible?
505
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,079
What? No. No, it's...
506
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,072
Well, honey, it's okay to read the Bible.
I mean, gosh, you act like
507
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:06,149
I caught you reading pornography.
508
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:07,673
(FORCED LAUGH)
509
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:09,753
What did you wanna talk about?
510
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,513
Well, I just got
my credit card statement and...
511
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,910
And here on your card
there's a charge here for a lingerie store.
512
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,280
Yeah, I'm...
I'm gonna pay you back for that, Mom.
513
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,638
Is there a girl you're seeing?
514
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,792
No. Mom, it's complicated.
515
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,520
- Did you buy something for yourself?
- No!
516
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,272
Because it's a very normal area
of exploration.
517
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,636
My book says that most fetishes are not
homosexual in nature,
518
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,472
and, well, you know, boys, they tend to...
519
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,030
Yes, Mom, that's it. You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.
520
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,634
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.
521
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,154
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.
522
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,229
Sexy.
523
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,436
Oh, God! Come on.
524
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:49,509
Gotcha.
525
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,794
(HUMMING)
526
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,348
(HISSING)
527
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,877
So it was for a girl.
528
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,474
Yeah, Mom.
529
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,155
Great.
530
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,998
So, you know that thing
you told me before the dance?
531
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,115
Yeah.
532
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,555
Right, well,
I was thinking about that conversation.
533
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,312
So, what about it?
534
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:26,399
I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you should wait.
535
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,949
I know. You know, I've thought about it, too,
536
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,508
but I still feel like
I'm making this whole thing
537
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,593
into, like, this huge deal. I mean,
it's consuming my every thought.
538
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,234
(SIGHS)
539
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,792
I don't know, Rob.
540
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:46,156
I still feel like it's best
if I just get it over with.
541
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,114
Yeah. I can see that.
542
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,750
ROB ON PHONE: You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.
543
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:57,070
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.
544
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,799
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.
545
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,996
What is up with this crap, butt nugget?
546
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,834
That was taken completely out of context.
All right? I was being facetious.
547
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:08,713
That means he wasn't being serious.
548
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,674
I know what facetious means, dick face.
549
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,310
Are you trying to repel
all the pussy in school?
550
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,879
- No...
- Tick tock, doggy boy.
551
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,313
You cock is on the clock.
552
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,471
Excuse me. Take notes.
553
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,519
- Hey, lmogen.
- Stifler.
554
00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,356
The word for the day is "legs."
555
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,229
So?
556
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:36,710
So, why don't we go back to my place
and spread the word?
557
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,068
Well, how about you save your breath?
558
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,515
You're gonna need it
to inflate your date later.
559
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,360
Gentlemen, it is time we got laid.
560
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,789
Really? And what is it
we've been trying to do all this time?
561
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:56,715
No, no. We need to get laid.
Right here. September 9th, 1995.
562
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,075
Can you give us the executive summary?
563
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,948
No, not that. This.
564
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,713
LUBE: We are going on a road trip.
565
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,592
How long do you intend
on staying in Canada?
566
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,317
Just a couple of hours.
567
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:33,833
What's the nature of your visit?
568
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:37,356
We've driven many miles
in search of vertical smiles.
569
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:38,919
(BOYS LAUGHING)
570
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,471
We use kilometres here.
571
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:48,672
Then we've driven many clicks
to wet our dicks?
572
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:50,509
LUBE: Yes!
ROB: Yeah!
573
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,272
- That works, right?
- Bye-bye.
574
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:53,509
(LAUGHS)
575
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,233
Fucking Americans.
576
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,033
(BOYS CHEERING)
577
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,795
You know, the exchange rate on the dollar
is really gonna help us out.
578
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:02,869
Yeah.
579
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,552
Okay, up ahead, turn right.
580
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:05,868
- You sure?
- Yes. Turn right.
581
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,835
Okay, boys. Let's do this.
582
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,399
Are you sure this is a good idea?
583
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,357
Come on, you pussy. Let's get laid.
584
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,516
The bible says to ask for Monique.
585
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,072
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
586
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,709
Hi. Are you Monique?
587
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,793
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) No, moi, no, no, no.
Mais, Monique, she is inside.
588
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:52,639
Come. Come, boys.
589
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,358
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
590
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:56,752
(POP SONG PLAYING)
591
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:03,115
Boys, entrez chez nous.
592
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:07,830
C'est magnifique, no? I will get Monique.
593
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:12,153
She will be so happy to see you.
594
00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:15,038
In the meantime, make yourselves at home.
595
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:16,394
(EXCLAIMS)
596
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,198
Jesus, tits. We came to the right place.
597
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,313
Is that a moose?
598
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,909
Condom?
599
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,750
Why, thank you.
600
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,354
Gentlemen.
601
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:34,795
Thank you.
602
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,274
Very much.
603
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:37,879
Thank you.
604
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:41,993
LUBE: Can't wait to see Monique.
605
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,719
(DOOR OPENING)
606
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,074
(ALL GASP)
607
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,195
(STAMMERING) We're here to see Monique.
608
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:00,838
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
609
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,190
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) I am Monique.
610
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,593
Well, that's... That's okay.
611
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:16,077
Come, come. I make you a nice drink.
612
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:20,029
(BONE CRACKS)
613
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:21,348
(GRUNTING)
614
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:39,118
Could you just give us just one minute?
615
00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:46,837
Okay. Let's go.
616
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:48,313
(STAMMERING)
617
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,197
Let's just talk about this for a second here.
618
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,317
- Yeah, I mean, it can't be that bad, right?
- Are you insane?
619
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:57,188
Listen, I put a lot of mileage on my mom's
minivan coming all the way up here.
620
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,748
The bible says she's got a lot of experience.
621
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:08,678
- This could be very educational for all of us.
- Really?
622
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,040
- He's up.
- No, no. Why am I first?
623
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,394
NATHAN: It was your idea.
624
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,472
Don't... Don't insult Monique.
She has an entire chapter in the bible.
625
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,073
Come on, you're going to have a nice time.
626
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,913
LUBE: (LAUGHS)
You two crazy kids have fun.
627
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,471
(WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
628
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:43,678
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
629
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,437
And welcome.
630
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:57,111
So... So, how does this work?
Am I supposed to pay you?
631
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,952
No, no, no. Not yet.
632
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,553
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
633
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,234
(LAUGHS)
634
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:07,753
I see.
635
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,912
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
636
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,159
(UNZIPPING PANTS)
637
00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:56,434
(MOANING)
638
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,074
(MOANING)
639
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,872
You've got one active imagination, boy.
640
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:05,674
(GASPS)
641
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,199
How long was I out?
642
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,272
Only about eight seconds that time.
643
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:15,949
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
644
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,109
(BONE CRACKING)
645
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:18,394
(GROANS)
646
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:32,469
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. No. No, no, no.
647
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,949
Yes. Yes.
648
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:36,628
(MOANING)
649
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,072
(ROB MOANING LOUDLY)
650
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:44,559
ROB: Monique! That's really nice.
651
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:47,719
(CLACKING)
652
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,594
ROB: That's it.
653
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:08,236
I'm so sorry. I usually last a lot longer.
654
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,189
Hey.
655
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:15,116
Hey, was I supposed to
tap you on the shoulder or something?
656
00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:18,798
Oh, no. No.
657
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:23,869
Help! Help! Help, help, help!
658
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,955
NATHAN: Go, go, go! Go!
LUBE: I'm coming!
659
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:29,875
- Jesus. Dude.
- Oh, God!
660
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:31,188
What, do you need an audience?
661
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,952
No, no. Wait, guys. I think she's dead!
662
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:34,555
Excuse me?
663
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,358
Oh, my God. This is not good.
664
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,954
I can't get her off.
I think she had a heart attack.
665
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,031
Help! She's got lockjaw. Get her off of me!
666
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,270
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- It's lockjaw.
667
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,238
Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw,
lockjaw, lockjaw!
668
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,912
- Okay.
- Get her off!
669
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,479
(ALL CLAMOURING)
670
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:52,988
I'm sorry!
671
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:54,955
(SCREAMING)
672
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,919
Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear!
673
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:02,352
Shit. What am I doing?
674
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:04,032
Clear, clear!
675
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:05,434
(SCREAMING)
676
00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:11,597
Okay. Come down here.
Grab her legs. One, two, three.
677
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,518
Forget it. It's totally screwed up. Oh, God.
678
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:18,155
(DOOR OPENING)
679
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:19,229
(MAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
680
00:44:19,720 --> 00:44:21,438
What you do to maman?
681
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:24,188
(SHRIEKS)
682
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,113
(BOYS SCREAMING)
683
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,435
(CRYING) Maman! You killed maman!
You killed maman!
684
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,794
(ROARING)
685
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:54,753
Fucking Americans! Come back here.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you cowards!
686
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:58,479
ROB: I killed her.
687
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,278
I killed her with my sperm!
688
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,318
Hey, man, when it's your time to go,
it's your time to go. She led a full life.
689
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,389
How do you know that?
690
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,630
Man, what do you want me to say?
You're the one that murdered her!
691
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:10,156
I can't believe that was the woman
the bible said we should have sex with.
692
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:13,630
Right here. "September 9th, 1995."
693
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,759
Let me see that.
694
00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:22,477
No. No, that's a seven!
That's 1975. It's from the '70s.
695
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,036
- I thought it was a nine.
- NATHAN: Shut up! Shut up!
696
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:29,511
- I didn't do anything!
- Shut up! Just shut up! I wanna go home.
697
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:30,749
I don't wanna be here.
698
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:31,869
(THUDS)
699
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,996
Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel.
700
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,678
LUBE: Well, that went well.
701
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,230
ROB: Guys, I think it's time
we try my interpretation.
702
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:44,312
Look, Nathan, you've been trying to
convince Dana to sleep with you,
703
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,470
instead of just listening to her.
Right, you know?
704
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,472
Trying to see things from her point of view?
Showing just...
705
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:51,471
Just a little respect.
706
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,358
And you, you're still trying
to trick women into sleeping with you,
707
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,397
instead of just being honest.
708
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:00,077
And you're still too much of a pussy
to tell Heidi you're into her.
709
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:10,996
You going to Stifler's house tonight?
710
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,355
Yeah. I'll probably go with Dana.
711
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,870
So any luck losing that thing you were
trying to get rid of?
712
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,269
- Rob.
- I'm just asking.
713
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,396
Maybe you should mind your own business.
714
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:26,798
What's with you today?
715
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:40,034
I wanna tell you something that
I've been wanting to say for a long time.
716
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,155
Okay.
717
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:47,752
I really like you.
718
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,316
I really like you, too.
719
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:55,915
No, not like that. I really like you.
720
00:46:58,080 --> 00:46:59,069
Oh.
721
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:02,468
- Rob...
- I think you're great.
722
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:07,391
You have a great personality.
I laugh at all your jokes. You're pretty.
723
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,996
Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great.
724
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,677
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm happy when I'm around you.
725
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,512
Now, I don't know if you feel the same way,
but if you do...
726
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,511
Let's not waste any more time. Right?
Let's just
727
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:23,835
see where our feelings take us.
728
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,112
I feel the same way.
729
00:47:30,240 --> 00:47:32,231
- You do?
- Yes.
730
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,392
This is great.
Why didn't you say something?
731
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:36,913
Why didn't you?
732
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,874
(LAUGHING)
733
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,154
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
734
00:47:40,240 --> 00:47:45,678
It's about that time, so I gotta go.
But I'll see you tonight?
735
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:47,515
Yes.
736
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:07,515
- DANA: Dad?
- Mmm-hmm?
737
00:48:08,240 --> 00:48:09,639
There she is.
738
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,833
(GASPING) They saw me!
Get down! Get down!
739
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,316
- Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
- Drive. Drive.
740
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,118
It's cool. It's cool.
741
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,112
Nathan, look, I've been thinking.
742
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:33,878
Maybe I've been too hard on you.
743
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:35,908
You have?
744
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,835
You obviously love my daughter,
and you two should be together.
745
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,234
- We should?
- Absolutely.
746
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,389
Honey, it is not right
to give a man blue balls.
747
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:52,190
If you want boys to like you, you gotta
put out. Here, start with Nathan's friend.
748
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:05,039
This is so not cool.
749
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:07,588
I mean, fantasising about
your best friend's girlfriend?
750
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,711
(SCREAMING) Oh, my God!
751
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,831
- Dad! Stop! Stop.
- Fucknut!
752
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:36,272
(ALL CHEERING)
753
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,711
All right, girls.
754
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:42,871
- Party looks good.
- Yeah.
755
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:44,075
Uh-huh.
756
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,034
All right, listen to me. Stay focused.
757
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,317
Be honest, show respect
and just say whatever's on your mind.
758
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:51,389
Stop, jerk.
759
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:52,515
I can't even get near Dana.
760
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:53,953
She'll be here. She's coming with Heidi.
761
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,474
Just try and think of things
from her point of view.
762
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,154
Yeah, and I might as well just crack
the Da Vinci Code while I'm at it.
763
00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:01,196
Just get her some frankincense and myrrh.
764
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:02,269
That's a great idea.
765
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,555
I'll just pick up some roofies for you
while I'm out.
766
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,757
You need a prescription for that,
from what I hear.
767
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,671
Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too.
768
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:13,548
All right.
Let's try to go in there and just be real.
769
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:16,072
All right, Oprah.
770
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:20,398
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
771
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,078
(BOY EXCLAIMING)
772
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:43,236
So, here is my sister getting undressed.
773
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:48,875
And this one is my cousin in the shower.
She's hot, huh?
774
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:54,919
And this one is
my grandma masturbating. Yeah?
775
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,911
I love Grandma's work.
776
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,274
(LAUGHING)
777
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:03,430
So, anyway, every time I'm in the hardware
store and I pass by the stud-finder station,
778
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,397
they always go off.
779
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:06,469
(MOCK LAUGHING)
780
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:07,788
(WHOOPING)
781
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:17,679
(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)
782
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,029
Fuck!
783
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:23,313
(SHUDDERING)
784
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:25,119
(RETCHING)
785
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:31,914
Hey. Isn't that that chick from Central?
786
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:34,629
Yeah.
787
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:36,399
Hey, Stifler.
788
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,273
Oh, hey, there...
789
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:39,909
Katie.
790
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:43,556
Katie, right. I knew that.
Just having some fun with you.
791
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:47,429
Can I talk to you for a second,
like, in private?
792
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:49,149
Yeah, sure, you know what?
793
00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:52,118
Let me just grab another beer
and I'll be right back with you.
794
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:53,952
Don't you flake on me.
795
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,918
Dude, you been working out?
Didn't think so.
796
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:02,316
You two, stay amazing. My God.
797
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:03,919
(GIGGLES)
798
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,158
Hey, what's up, beautiful?
799
00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:09,071
You know, I got so drunk last weekend
800
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:12,436
that I nailed my cock to a table,
then set it on fire.
801
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:14,273
Wanna check it out?
802
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:16,157
The table or your cock?
803
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:18,271
God, I love that accent.
804
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:20,112
Could you do me a favour and just say,
805
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,875
"Spank me, Stifler.
Spank me wee little bum."
806
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,634
How did you know I like to be spanked?
807
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:30,630
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Awesome!
808
00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:35,395
So where's this boyfriend Richard you keep
talking about non-stop all the time?
809
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,914
He doesn't attend high-school parties.
810
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:42,357
Sounds like you might be in the market
for some home-grown American beef.
811
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:43,998
Sorry, I'm vegan.
812
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:46,189
Cheers.
813
00:52:49,240 --> 00:52:51,037
What if I use a cucumber?
814
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:56,672
Jackie, Sarah, and Krissi with an "I,"
here's how the game works.
815
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,911
Every time you get a question wrong,
you get to pop your top.
816
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:03,437
- Hey, I've played this game before.
- Krissi,
817
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:07,629
do you believe that new drugs should be
tested on Animal Crackers?
818
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,110
Absolutely not. Wait...
819
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:11,872
(IMITATING GAME SHOW BUZZER)
820
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:15,236
Poppy toppy! If only you listened better.
821
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:20,879
All right, boys. Tonight's the night.
Wish me luck.
822
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:22,109
Good luck, buddy.
823
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,555
Good luck, dude.
Tonight, you become a man.
824
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:26,756
That's it. Tonight, I'm getting laid!
825
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:28,996
- Yeah, buddy! Yes!
- Yeah, buddy.
826
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:30,433
- Yes!
- Right here.
827
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,397
Just give it to her nice and slow at first.
828
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:34,118
Then speed her up.
829
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:35,509
Dana!
830
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:37,794
Dana!
831
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:43,149
Yeah!
832
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:44,349
(WHOOPS)
833
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:47,159
Sarah, have you ever made out
with a thespian?
834
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,271
- What?
- Sorry.
835
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:52,588
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
836
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,113
- I can't find Heidi anywhere.
- Maybe she didn't come.
837
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,236
No, no. Her car is outside.
838
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:07,395
How you making out?
839
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:08,913
Check it out.
840
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,956
Don't you think maybe Ashley's
just a little bit out of your league?
841
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:18,113
I don't know. I'm just saying, you know,
you've been at it for years.
842
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,475
Maybe it's just not in the cards for you.
843
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:21,959
I'm a man of refinement.
844
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:25,157
Why settle for a six
when you can get a perfect 10?
845
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:31,112
Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck.
846
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,629
Right. I'm gonna do it.
847
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:36,997
Hey, what's up, Ashley?
848
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:38,754
Hey, Lube.
849
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,068
You want a beer?
850
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:41,479
Got a beer.
851
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:42,755
Right.
852
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,189
So...
853
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:51,589
You obviously know that I'm,
like, totally into you. Right?
854
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:53,353
Yeah. I've seen the shrine.
855
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:55,389
(LAUGHS)
856
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:57,238
All right.
857
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:01,709
Okay, so I'm just gonna be honest with you.
I'm just gonna lay it out on the line.
858
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:04,189
No tricks, no hidden agenda at all.
859
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,552
I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover.
860
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,199
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
861
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:16,709
I can guarantee that I will satisfy you
in every way possible,
862
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,916
and I shall not stop until I'm certain
863
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,151
that you are completely happy
with my endeavours.
864
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:27,349
Okay.
865
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:35,148
(SIGHS)
866
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:40,308
Look, that was a really interesting speech,
867
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:44,359
and I don't really wanna embarrass you
in front of everyone, but...
868
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:46,951
But it's not gonna happen.
869
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:50,396
I mean, I think that you're,
like, really super cool,
870
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,198
and you're really funny in class
and everything,
871
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:54,919
but I don't wanna have sex with you.
872
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:56,795
Okay?
873
00:55:57,240 --> 00:55:59,037
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.
874
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:02,715
- So are we cool?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
875
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:04,189
All right.
876
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:05,793
Well, I'm gonna go get another beer.
Do you want one?
877
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,440
No, no. I'm... I'm good. I'm good.
878
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:14,798
- Hey.
- Hey.
879
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:17,918
(CLEARS THROAT) What you said just now?
880
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:19,269
Yeah?
881
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:20,879
Was that true?
882
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:26,719
Guaranteed satisfaction and you won't stop
until a girl is completely satisfied?
883
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:28,875
Yeah.
884
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,040
All right. Well, what the hell.
885
00:56:33,720 --> 00:56:36,792
Meet me upstairs
in the first bedroom to the left.
886
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:40,668
(LAUGHS)
887
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,193
NATHAN: The truth is, yes,
I was trying to pressure you,
888
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,919
because I really, really wanna have sex.
889
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:58,919
But I really wanna have sex with you.
890
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:03,549
And, also, I mean, with us,
hooking up has always been about me.
891
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:09,752
I wanna forget myself for once
and try to make you feel good for a change.
892
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:14,550
Like, maybe try and make you feel
the way that you make me feel.
893
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:23,679
So Stifler tells me
you're a foreign exchange student.
894
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:24,789
Ja, ja.
895
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,633
My cousin, Nadia, was student here
at East Great Falls 10 years ago.
896
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:29,034
Not Nadia, Nadia.
897
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:30,189
Ja, ja.
898
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,840
You mean the Nadia? The legendarily hot...
899
00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:36,799
I mean, really academically gifted Nadia?
900
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:38,871
Ja, ja.
901
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:40,996
Well, how do I know for sure?
902
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,316
(GASPING)
903
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:52,757
You are Nadia's cousin.
904
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:56,949
Oh!
905
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:08,835
(PHONE BEEPS)
906
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:09,909
Oh.
907
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:13,514
You shouldn't... You shouldn't...
It's my phone.
908
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:14,999
Don't read my phone.
909
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:19,358
What's this supposed to mean?
"Give her a dose of manthrax"?
910
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:20,549
Well, I don't... What does that...
911
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:22,392
I don't know what that...
Do you know what that means?
912
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:24,311
"I'm getting laid"?
913
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:27,670
You're advertising this
before it even happens?
914
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:28,795
- No.
- Wow.
915
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,155
You must be some special kind of asshole.
916
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,435
No. No, no, no! No. I didn't... It was...
917
00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:34,509
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
918
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:35,999
Later, loser.
919
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:44,719
Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes.
920
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,679
Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes.
921
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,194
Oh, God, the man in the boat is out.
922
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,510
Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl.
923
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:56,070
Back to the bunny. That's it.
Okay. Now, more to the left.
924
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:58,072
More to the left!
925
00:58:58,320 --> 00:58:59,958
- My left or your left?
- My left, my left, my left!
926
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:01,029
All right.
927
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,631
Hey, have you seen Heidi?
928
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:06,509
Thanks.
929
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,268
Hey, Rob.
930
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,149
Heidi?
931
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:16,436
Hey, doggy style.
I told you, you snooze, you lose.
932
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:19,830
So unless you want mop-up duty,
close the door, pervert.
933
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:20,989
(STIFLER GIGGLES)
934
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:31,195
STIFLER: Hey, where are you going?
935
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,396
This was a horrible idea.
936
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,197
Rob? Excuse me.
937
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,995
Excuse me. Rob. Rob.
938
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:49,552
- Go away.
- I didn't. I...
939
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,108
I don't wanna see your face right now.
940
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:54,029
Rob.
941
00:59:58,360 --> 00:59:59,554
(GASPING)
942
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:01,469
(LAUGHS)
943
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:08,511
Whoa, whoa.
944
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:09,715
What are you doing?
945
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:13,713
What happened to forgetting about yourself
and making me feel good?
946
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:16,118
But I thought I just...
947
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:17,633
What? You thought that what, Nathan?
948
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:20,917
That you could just pretend that you cared
about my feelings and my pledge
949
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,798
and then just go
and try again when my guard was down?
950
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,075
No. You don't get it. I...
951
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:29,072
No. No, you're the one
that's not gonna get it.
952
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,914
Dude, you need to slow down.
953
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,195
Yeah, seriously. Let's just go home.
954
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:47,636
You, sir...
You, sir, were right about the bible.
955
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:51,073
Because assholes get laid!
956
01:00:51,160 --> 01:00:52,195
(BOYS CHEERING)
957
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:53,269
Yes.
958
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,513
No. No, no, dude. You were right.
959
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:00,910
- There's something to it.
- What are you talking about?
960
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:04,470
We tried the nice guy thing
and I believe we're all still virgins.
961
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:07,791
Well, the nice guy vibe got me
past the bouncer, man.
962
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:09,549
Hey.
963
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:19,589
Well, gentlemen, you failed,
and the proof, as they say, is in the Jell-o.
964
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:22,949
So I will see you later, nice guys.
965
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:28,357
- Hey.
- Hey.
966
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:30,153
I know you want me.
967
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:33,391
I'm gonna let you take me upstairs
and do me right now.
968
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:35,319
- Really?
- Yeah.
969
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,194
Kiss me.
970
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:43,316
STIFLER: Y'all ready for some pain?
971
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:49,477
Hey, ladies.
972
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:52,519
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
973
01:01:58,240 --> 01:01:59,593
GIRL: Oh, my God.
974
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:01,673
STIFLER: Oh, my God!
975
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:03,912
Look at those taters!
976
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:14,078
Do me from behind.
977
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:15,469
What?
978
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:19,429
I thought you liked it doggy style.
979
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,028
ROB: Huh?
980
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:28,114
What are you doing back there? Let's go.
981
01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:32,278
You're not putting your dick in that,
are you?
982
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:34,119
(SCREAMS)
983
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:36,988
Are you kidding me? Gross.
984
01:02:39,360 --> 01:02:40,270
(THUDS)
985
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:57,914
(GROANS)
986
01:02:58,000 --> 01:02:59,672
Here. This'll help.
987
01:02:59,960 --> 01:03:01,109
Thanks.
988
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:05,276
Honey, I know that I can't stop you
from doing certain things,
989
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:08,397
but I can insist that you are safe.
990
01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:10,478
Did you drink and drive?
991
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:12,949
No. John Costello drove me home.
992
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:18,509
Well, I want you to know that if
you find yourself in any carnal situation,
993
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,034
that you... You will use protection.
994
01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:23,431
What do you mean by carnal?
995
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:26,989
This.
996
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:31,789
(GROANS)
997
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:33,598
GIRL: Are you kidding me? Gross.
998
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:35,671
Is there no such thing as privacy any more?
999
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:39,355
I will tell your father that
you're just not up to seeing him today.
1000
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:41,271
You're not feeling well.
1001
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:43,274
Thanks.
1002
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:48,239
How was she?
1003
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:51,631
- How was who?
- Vomit girl.
1004
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:53,035
How do you know about that?
1005
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:56,317
Who do you think is forwarding
all those videos to Mom?
1006
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:02,718
ROB: I'm ready to give up.
1007
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:04,354
I thought I had the answers.
1008
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:07,989
It's too bad that 99% of the bible's
completely unreadable.
1009
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:11,114
That's it.
1010
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:13,836
We need to reconstruct the bible.
1011
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:14,955
Why?
1012
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:16,393
The secrets are in there.
1013
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:19,278
I mean, there's no one single answer
to getting laid.
1014
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,237
Right? We need the whole book
to understand.
1015
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:23,311
Probably has a lot of crap in there
that we need to know, too,
1016
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:26,278
like positions, techniques,
angle of insertion.
1017
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:30,399
Exactly. That's what the bible was
created for, to help guys like us.
1018
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:33,552
And we owe it to the others.
I ruined the bible.
1019
01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:36,314
I owe it to future generations
to restore its wisdom.
1020
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,039
Dude, I'm all for it, but how?
1021
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:46,392
Where do we start?
1022
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:49,998
From the beginning.
1023
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:52,158
LUBE: This must be the guy
who created the bible.
1024
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:55,393
(RINGING)
1025
01:04:57,120 --> 01:04:58,269
Hello?
1026
01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:01,033
ROB: Hi. May I speak
to Noah Levenstein, please?
1027
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:02,109
Speaking.
1028
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:04,430
Are you the one who created the bible?
1029
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:08,029
No, that would be God.
1030
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:09,952
No, no, no. Hold on.
1031
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:13,437
I'm referring to the bible.
1032
01:05:14,320 --> 01:05:15,992
I'm calling from
East Great Falls High School.
1033
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:22,959
NOAH: It was the summer
of my junior year, 1969,
1034
01:05:23,040 --> 01:05:25,679
and my buddies and I,
we take this trip to Amsterdam,
1035
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:29,514
where we run into a group
of semi-attractive Dutch nymphos
1036
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:33,639
who were willing to trade their bodies
for a handful of Jimi Hendrix LPs.
1037
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:38,032
Well, needless to say, we had ourselves
one super weekend with those gals,
1038
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:40,834
sexually speaking, if you get my drift.
1039
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:44,353
But the sad news was,
we had no idea what we were doing.
1040
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:46,112
We had no technique.
1041
01:05:46,480 --> 01:05:49,119
And then one day, we were out sight-seeing,
1042
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:52,033
and we run into this Dutch hooker
in the red-light district,
1043
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:54,429
and she tells us about this book.
1044
01:05:55,560 --> 01:06:00,395
It was a sex manual, evidently written
in the 19th century by some priest.
1045
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:02,755
Well, we read that thing cover to cover,
1046
01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:05,195
and then when we got back
to East Great Falls,
1047
01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:07,919
I had the bright idea to write my own book
1048
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:11,879
and add my own observations
and experiences and advice
1049
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:15,714
and leave it in the library for some
other hapless virgin in the class below us.
1050
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:19,713
But I had no idea it had been
passed down for 40 years.
1051
01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:22,434
Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein.
1052
01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:26,273
Do you have it here?
1053
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:27,395
Yeah.
1054
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:29,072
May I see it?
1055
01:06:32,760 --> 01:06:33,875
Oh.
1056
01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:35,389
Oh, my.
1057
01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:37,915
Boys.
1058
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:42,193
This is a real piece of history here.
1059
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:44,598
What happened to it?
1060
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:46,432
Well, that's why we're here.
1061
01:06:46,520 --> 01:06:47,714
The bible kinda got ruined,
1062
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:51,588
so we wanna call everyone on the list
and try to reconstruct it.
1063
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:53,874
Oh.
1064
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:58,674
Well, I think you boys might need
some help.
1065
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:04,354
Well, girls have the advantage,
because girls talk to each other,
1066
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:07,034
and don't kid yourself,
they talk about the penis.
1067
01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:10,396
Penis size, penis shape,
the angle of the bend.
1068
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:12,358
Whether it winks at you. They talk.
1069
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:16,194
Now, to really make love to a woman,
you gotta really care about her.
1070
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:20,068
But... Hey, sex is great, but sex with
someone you love? That's awesome.
1071
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:21,832
Dude, that is so profound.
1072
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:23,035
Telling you.
1073
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:24,917
Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road.
1074
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:27,434
Sure, I made love to all kinds
of different food groups.
1075
01:07:27,520 --> 01:07:29,636
Did you ever try making love
to a peanut-butter sandwich?
1076
01:07:29,720 --> 01:07:30,948
Nothing comes close.
1077
01:07:31,040 --> 01:07:32,075
What?
1078
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:36,233
Well, maybe a deboned ham hock,
but that takes a whole lot of prep.
1079
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:37,835
Bend your knees.
1080
01:07:37,920 --> 01:07:40,593
Next time you spank it, sit Indian-style.
1081
01:07:40,800 --> 01:07:42,472
You won't come, not in a million years.
1082
01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:45,154
MAN: Our sex organs
are like musical instruments.
1083
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:47,071
Sure, you can have any technician
blow on your horn,
1084
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:50,118
but to place your instrument into
the hands of a true expert?
1085
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:52,794
That, my young friend, is true harmony.
1086
01:07:52,880 --> 01:07:54,757
NOAH: Guys don't talk to each other
1087
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:56,671
because they view each other
as competitors,
1088
01:07:56,760 --> 01:07:58,398
which I think is crazy. You know?
1089
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,790
Because men need to help each other
and work together to get laid.
1090
01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:04,077
NO AH: Noah Levenstein, class of '70.
1091
01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:06,754
ROB: Pete Sambrelli?
NO AH: That's right, the Noah Levenstein.
1092
01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:07,829
ROB: Do you have a number for him?
1093
01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:10,275
Hi. This is regarding his advice
on the lubricants.
1094
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:13,432
We found the tongue tornado in Regina.
1095
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:14,509
(BOYS CHEERING)
1096
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:16,876
You said bros befo' hos.
1097
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:20,794
Isn't that what you said? Bros befo' hos.
And then you screwed my girlfriend.
1098
01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:23,792
Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito.
What's your point?
1099
01:08:23,880 --> 01:08:26,872
I married her, you asshole!
1100
01:08:26,960 --> 01:08:29,520
- Noah Levenstein.
- Janice?
1101
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:30,669
Jessica.
1102
01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:34,715
Well, congratulations!
Who didn't see that coming?
1103
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:36,950
Look at the time. Gotta go.
1104
01:08:39,760 --> 01:08:42,957
It's all about chemistry,
and confidence is the key.
1105
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:49,600
MAN: R-E-S-P-E-C-T,
you've heard that song, right?
1106
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:51,352
Boys, we got another confirmation.
1107
01:08:51,440 --> 01:08:52,953
MAN: You gotta treat your lady right.
1108
01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:57,670
You've got to be gentle, kind
and respectful to the one you love.
1109
01:08:58,080 --> 01:09:00,310
- Who are you talking to?
- Shut the fuck up.
1110
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:02,152
This is how you get her really excited.
1111
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:05,471
Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me.
1112
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:07,716
Was that two fingers or one?
1113
01:09:08,480 --> 01:09:10,198
LUBE: I'm sorry.
Confidential matter.
1114
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:13,272
NOAH: Phone, phone. Okay.
1115
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:14,829
LUBE: Then what happened?
1116
01:09:14,920 --> 01:09:17,878
Hello. Yeah. Class of '77.
1117
01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:19,439
Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen.
1118
01:09:19,520 --> 01:09:20,589
Pete O'Donnell, please.
1119
01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:22,673
Who is this?
1120
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:26,557
Mr O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski.
1121
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:29,359
I just wanted to talk to you about
what you wrote in the bible.
1122
01:09:29,440 --> 01:09:33,274
You know, about having anal sex
with Miss Johnson.
1123
01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:36,911
(ALL CLAMOURING)
1124
01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:47,679
...very much! Mark S.
1125
01:09:49,280 --> 01:09:50,713
(ALL CHEERING)
1126
01:09:58,040 --> 01:10:00,315
This is not a sex manual.
1127
01:10:01,600 --> 01:10:04,034
It is a life manual.
1128
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:08,068
Now, I've been married for 35 years
1129
01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:11,550
and not just because
I'm this handsome dude
1130
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:13,915
who knows how to satisfy a woman.
1131
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:17,993
I've been married 35 years
because I love my wife
1132
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:20,878
and I respect my wife.
1133
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:23,760
And whether it's Amsterdam
or East Great Falls,
1134
01:10:23,840 --> 01:10:25,478
it all comes down to this.
1135
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:29,269
If you're honest and treat a girl with respect,
1136
01:10:30,280 --> 01:10:35,752
then whatever happens is meant to happen,
because it's all perfectly natural.
1137
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:43,598
Boys, I've prepared you for this quest.
1138
01:10:43,960 --> 01:10:47,316
And before you lies
the biggest test of your lives.
1139
01:10:55,720 --> 01:10:57,915
This book is a powerful weapon,
1140
01:11:00,200 --> 01:11:01,918
so use it for good,
1141
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:04,714
not evil.
1142
01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:53,315
Yes.
1143
01:11:53,600 --> 01:11:54,589
(SIGHS)
1144
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:55,669
(DOOR CLOSING)
1145
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:01,398
ROB: You still looking for the vacuum?
1146
01:12:01,480 --> 01:12:04,438
No. I found it in Cody's room. So strange.
1147
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:07,432
I mean, I just don't remember
leaving it there.
1148
01:12:07,520 --> 01:12:09,272
(LAUGHS) Losing my mind, clearly.
1149
01:12:09,360 --> 01:12:11,794
Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip?
1150
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:14,635
Yes.
1151
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:19,273
But no drinking,
and if you do drink, no driving.
1152
01:12:19,360 --> 01:12:22,750
Don't worry. If I do anything wrong,
I'm sure it'll end up on YouTube, so...
1153
01:12:22,840 --> 01:12:24,751
Call you when I get there.
1154
01:12:39,520 --> 01:12:40,635
(CHATTERING)
1155
01:12:40,720 --> 01:12:42,039
(ALL WHOOPING)
1156
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:44,959
Drinking round!
1157
01:12:53,240 --> 01:12:55,595
- Deal me in.
- What are you doing here?
1158
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:56,669
Katie.
1159
01:12:56,760 --> 01:12:58,990
I know. But what are you doing here?
1160
01:12:59,080 --> 01:13:01,469
- I wanna play.
- Right.
1161
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:03,710
Just deal her in, Stifler. What's the big deal?
1162
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:05,392
AMY: Yeah, deal her in.
1163
01:13:11,520 --> 01:13:12,839
Hi, Nathan.
1164
01:13:15,560 --> 01:13:17,152
Thanks for the flowers.
1165
01:13:17,240 --> 01:13:20,550
I'm sorry about being a jerk.
And, for the record, I've learned my lesson.
1166
01:13:20,640 --> 01:13:23,473
I'm ready to respect you
and support you on your pledge.
1167
01:13:23,560 --> 01:13:26,870
Really? But why?
1168
01:13:28,160 --> 01:13:31,357
I'm in this for you.
I'm not in it just to have sex.
1169
01:13:31,840 --> 01:13:34,593
Well, I realised that I'm in this for you,
1170
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:38,355
and if the pledge gets in the way of that,
then how good can it really be?
1171
01:13:38,440 --> 01:13:42,956
Sounds like a good basis for the two of us
to just relax and see what happens.
1172
01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:45,788
Look. I bought a book.
1173
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:48,511
I was thinking that we could
1174
01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:51,876
start on page one
and then see how far we get this weekend.
1175
01:13:52,680 --> 01:13:54,750
The first three chapters are foreplay.
1176
01:13:54,840 --> 01:13:55,875
Wow.
1177
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:59,677
You know, I've actually been
reading a book, as well.
1178
01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:02,672
Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado?
1179
01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:04,719
Okay, let's go.
1180
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:11,070
This is supposed to be fun.
1181
01:14:11,440 --> 01:14:12,919
This isn't fun.
1182
01:14:13,080 --> 01:14:16,117
Just you wait. You possess wisdom now.
1183
01:14:16,840 --> 01:14:18,432
Trust in the book.
1184
01:14:22,840 --> 01:14:26,719
I mean, what does that mean, anyway?
Do you think I'm too clingy?
1185
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,070
No. No, of course not.
1186
01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:30,958
Do you even know how to play poker?
1187
01:14:31,040 --> 01:14:32,029
KATIE: I know the game.
1188
01:14:32,120 --> 01:14:35,715
And I tell you what,
if I lose, I'll take off all my clothes.
1189
01:14:35,800 --> 01:14:37,199
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1190
01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:39,633
AMY: Snap.
ASHLEY: Nice.
1191
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:41,153
And if I lose?
1192
01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:43,238
You apologise to me.
1193
01:14:44,400 --> 01:14:46,391
- For what? Blowing you off?
- KATIE: Yes.
1194
01:14:46,480 --> 01:14:49,153
If it's not enough, it was my first time.
1195
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:50,349
I deserve better.
1196
01:14:50,440 --> 01:14:51,668
(GASPS)
1197
01:14:52,600 --> 01:14:55,990
But if I win,
not only do you apologise to me,
1198
01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:58,196
you gotta run through the snow naked.
1199
01:14:58,280 --> 01:14:59,793
(ALL CHEERING)
1200
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:02,913
- Yeah.
- It's a deal.
1201
01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:12,670
Start stripping, sweetheart.
1202
01:15:12,960 --> 01:15:14,552
It's not over yet.
1203
01:15:17,120 --> 01:15:18,553
Feeling lucky?
1204
01:15:20,480 --> 01:15:23,392
You better hope for a five on the river, baby.
1205
01:15:31,080 --> 01:15:33,310
ASHLEY: She got the five! Unbelievable.
1206
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:34,674
(SCREAMING)
1207
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:36,034
Oh, my God.
1208
01:15:37,640 --> 01:15:39,232
- Strip.
- Hold on a second.
1209
01:15:39,320 --> 01:15:40,753
- Strip.
- Strip.
1210
01:15:40,840 --> 01:15:43,673
ALL: (CHANTING)
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1211
01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:48,629
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1212
01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:51,678
You want me to strip?
You want some of this?
1213
01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:55,193
It's time to get it going, baby!
1214
01:15:55,280 --> 01:15:56,679
(ALL CHEERING)
1215
01:15:56,920 --> 01:15:59,798
All right, let's go! Here we go, baby.
1216
01:16:01,360 --> 01:16:03,396
STIFLER: Wait, let's talk this over.
1217
01:16:05,600 --> 01:16:08,433
Shit. It's freezing out here.
1218
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:10,079
Now apologise.
1219
01:16:10,360 --> 01:16:12,078
- I'm sorry.
- For what?
1220
01:16:12,440 --> 01:16:14,829
I'm sorry for not calling you afterwards.
1221
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:16,114
And what else?
1222
01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:18,509
I'm sorry for being a dick, okay?
1223
01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,916
Now, open the stinking door.
1224
01:16:21,400 --> 01:16:22,389
GIRLS: Oh!
1225
01:16:23,160 --> 01:16:24,434
(EXCLAIMING)
1226
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:33,039
Open the door!
1227
01:16:33,120 --> 01:16:37,432
Now, tell everyone how you cry
like a little girl after you come.
1228
01:16:37,520 --> 01:16:39,988
I cry like a girl after I come, okay?
1229
01:16:40,680 --> 01:16:43,035
It's a very intense experience for me.
1230
01:16:44,320 --> 01:16:45,799
(MOOSE BELLOWING)
1231
01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:49,675
Call 911.
1232
01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:51,034
(SCREAMING)
1233
01:16:53,560 --> 01:16:54,549
(SNORTING)
1234
01:16:55,040 --> 01:16:56,029
(GRUNTING)
1235
01:16:57,600 --> 01:16:58,589
(SCREECHING)
1236
01:17:22,520 --> 01:17:23,953
Lube, get the rifle.
1237
01:17:27,520 --> 01:17:28,509
(DANA SCREAMING)
1238
01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:29,828
Oh, my God!
1239
01:17:31,960 --> 01:17:34,428
- Was that a moose?
- Was that the tongue tornado?
1240
01:17:34,520 --> 01:17:35,919
(DANA SIGHING)
1241
01:17:38,560 --> 01:17:39,959
Go get 'em.
1242
01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:18,072
Hey, I'll meet you at the lodge later.
1243
01:18:18,160 --> 01:18:19,388
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go.
1244
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:22,791
ROB: Heidi. Wait up.
1245
01:18:30,680 --> 01:18:33,035
Do you mind if I ride up with you?
1246
01:18:33,440 --> 01:18:34,475
Okay.
1247
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:04,515
Hey. What's up?
1248
01:19:05,560 --> 01:19:08,358
We... We're in the same gondola.
1249
01:19:09,200 --> 01:19:10,599
Yeah, look at that.
1250
01:19:16,760 --> 01:19:18,034
(GROANING)
1251
01:19:21,720 --> 01:19:22,948
Oh, God.
1252
01:19:39,240 --> 01:19:40,559
I didn't sleep with Stifler.
1253
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:42,278
Yeah. I heard.
1254
01:19:43,400 --> 01:19:45,436
- But you still hate me?
- No.
1255
01:19:46,960 --> 01:19:48,871
No. Why would you say that?
1256
01:19:48,960 --> 01:19:51,918
You haven't said a word to me
since that night.
1257
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:54,471
I know. I'm sorry.
1258
01:19:55,320 --> 01:19:58,949
I guess I just...
I needed time to work through my feelings.
1259
01:20:03,920 --> 01:20:06,832
And? What did you decide?
1260
01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:13,549
Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on
a foam rubber doughnut for six weeks.
1261
01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:17,269
And he says they're talking about
amputating his feet from frostbite.
1262
01:20:17,360 --> 01:20:20,397
Gibbs is a liar.
Stifler doesn't need amputation.
1263
01:20:20,480 --> 01:20:22,948
That's too bad. I got an A in Shop.
1264
01:20:27,440 --> 01:20:28,429
(SNORTS)
1265
01:20:28,520 --> 01:20:30,317
Oh, my. Was that a snort?
1266
01:20:44,720 --> 01:20:45,914
Come to gloat?
1267
01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:48,036
No. Just looking for a fag.
1268
01:20:48,200 --> 01:20:51,749
Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass
doesn't mean I'm gay.
1269
01:20:51,840 --> 01:20:54,559
Very funny. How's your bum?
1270
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:58,599
Feels like I gave birth to a mayonnaise jar,
but thanks for asking.
1271
01:20:59,320 --> 01:21:02,312
Hey, I heard about your boyfriend.
That really sucks.
1272
01:21:02,400 --> 01:21:05,472
Yeah. I thought only high school boys
were jerks.
1273
01:21:05,560 --> 01:21:07,198
It turns out they never outgrow it.
1274
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:10,829
Imogen, no offence,
and you're the most mature girl I know,
1275
01:21:11,480 --> 01:21:15,234
but a 24-year-old dude isn't gonna take
a high-school girl seriously.
1276
01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:16,673
I suppose not.
1277
01:21:17,720 --> 01:21:19,392
You wanna sit down?
1278
01:21:20,040 --> 01:21:21,234
What for?
1279
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:24,233
I just thought we could both use
a friend right now.
1280
01:21:36,400 --> 01:21:37,389
Stifler.
1281
01:21:37,480 --> 01:21:38,959
My bad. Reflex.
1282
01:21:39,040 --> 01:21:40,268
(LAUGHS)
1283
01:21:41,960 --> 01:21:43,279
ROB: I'm sorry.
1284
01:21:43,680 --> 01:21:44,908
You have to make your own decisions.
1285
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:48,788
You know, I just...
I thought we had something.
1286
01:21:48,880 --> 01:21:50,074
We did.
1287
01:21:51,680 --> 01:21:52,829
We do.
1288
01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:55,559
I was scared.
1289
01:21:56,240 --> 01:21:57,434
Of what?
1290
01:22:01,200 --> 01:22:02,758
I really like you.
1291
01:22:04,200 --> 01:22:06,430
And I want it to be special.
1292
01:22:07,800 --> 01:22:10,837
I guess I just wanted to be ready.
1293
01:22:12,760 --> 01:22:16,992
So you almost had sex with Stifler
so you'd be ready for me.
1294
01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:19,395
Yeah.
1295
01:22:20,280 --> 01:22:22,999
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
1296
01:22:24,040 --> 01:22:26,508
Well, I heard you got some practise.
1297
01:22:27,160 --> 01:22:29,958
You know, the truth is,
is nothing happened.
1298
01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:34,513
I didn't want it to be random like that.
1299
01:22:34,720 --> 01:22:35,869
And...
1300
01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:42,399
I couldn't picture my first time
being with anybody else but you.
1301
01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:03,473
What was that?
1302
01:23:04,200 --> 01:23:05,758
I don't know.
1303
01:23:08,960 --> 01:23:10,837
- Looks like we're stuck.
- Yeah.
1304
01:23:16,520 --> 01:23:19,717
You know, we could be up here for a while.
1305
01:23:19,800 --> 01:23:20,835
Yeah.
1306
01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:47,598
LUBE: Hey, can I ask you a question?
1307
01:23:47,680 --> 01:23:49,318
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
1308
01:23:49,400 --> 01:23:51,834
Why do you hook up with assholes
like Scott Stifler anyway?
1309
01:23:51,920 --> 01:23:54,115
Excuse me, but you don't know me.
1310
01:23:54,200 --> 01:23:57,237
(SCOFFS) You know,
you're just the same as all the rest.
1311
01:23:57,320 --> 01:23:58,435
I'm just some sort of trophy to you.
1312
01:23:58,520 --> 01:24:00,875
You don't care about me.
You just wanna sleep with me,
1313
01:24:00,960 --> 01:24:03,679
because you think
it's some sort of status symbol.
1314
01:24:03,760 --> 01:24:04,875
Sorry.
1315
01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:07,115
(ASHLEY SIGHS)
1316
01:24:07,200 --> 01:24:08,189
God.
1317
01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:11,995
How long are we gonna be up here?
1318
01:24:13,760 --> 01:24:15,193
I'll get help.
1319
01:24:16,760 --> 01:24:18,113
ASHLEY: What are you doing?
1320
01:24:18,200 --> 01:24:20,839
It's not that far down,
and there's, like, 20 feet of snow.
1321
01:24:20,920 --> 01:24:22,831
What, is this supposed to impress me?
1322
01:24:22,920 --> 01:24:24,876
The thought had crossed my mind.
1323
01:24:24,960 --> 01:24:26,951
Absolutely not. First of all, it's just wrong.
1324
01:24:27,040 --> 01:24:29,235
Second of all,
you're not even supposed to touch the door.
1325
01:24:29,320 --> 01:24:33,393
And third, it's just really dangerous, okay?
So just get away from there.
1326
01:24:33,480 --> 01:24:35,835
Right. What was I thinking?
1327
01:24:39,600 --> 01:24:40,635
Whoa!
1328
01:24:40,720 --> 01:24:42,312
(ASHLEY SCREAMING)
1329
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:45,319
Are you okay?
1330
01:24:45,400 --> 01:24:46,833
I think I hurt my leg.
1331
01:24:46,920 --> 01:24:48,114
(SIGHS)
1332
01:24:48,320 --> 01:24:49,389
Idiot.
1333
01:25:04,120 --> 01:25:05,553
Are you okay?
1334
01:25:06,440 --> 01:25:07,919
Are you crazy?
1335
01:25:09,040 --> 01:25:10,439
Are you okay?
1336
01:25:11,040 --> 01:25:14,112
Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
1337
01:25:14,200 --> 01:25:17,590
About what you said
about how I don't care about you
1338
01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:20,319
and you're just a trophy,
that's actually not true.
1339
01:25:20,400 --> 01:25:24,757
I really like you.
We went to elementary school together.
1340
01:25:25,040 --> 01:25:28,077
I remember when you sang Hey Ya!
In the sixth-grade talent show.
1341
01:25:28,160 --> 01:25:32,119
I remember when you fell off the pyramid
at the homecoming game, freshman year.
1342
01:25:32,200 --> 01:25:34,953
You were so embarrassed, but I didn't care.
1343
01:25:35,120 --> 01:25:38,669
I just liked how you played it off
like it was all part of the routine.
1344
01:25:38,760 --> 01:25:45,074
I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe,
but I actually like you for you.
1345
01:25:47,160 --> 01:25:49,754
Look, this may be a shock to you,
1346
01:25:49,840 --> 01:25:53,913
but I have no idea what I'm doing with girls.
1347
01:25:55,400 --> 01:25:58,597
But I really wanna learn.
You just give me a chance.
1348
01:25:59,480 --> 01:26:01,277
That's all I'm asking.
1349
01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:05,794
And I guarantee that
I will make it my life's mission
1350
01:26:05,880 --> 01:26:09,077
to satisfy you in every way possible.
1351
01:26:44,200 --> 01:26:46,714
- Let's go back to the...
- To the cabin.
1352
01:27:41,720 --> 01:27:44,314
Dude. You forgot to sign it.
1353
01:27:51,560 --> 01:27:54,028
You sure we can't just keep it
for one more year?
1354
01:27:54,120 --> 01:27:56,031
No, guys, it's someone else's turn.
1355
01:28:37,880 --> 01:28:40,155
ROB ON COMPUTER:
This is my little brother, Cody,
1356
01:28:40,480 --> 01:28:44,109
and this is what he does
with the vacuum every day.
1357
01:28:45,040 --> 01:28:46,917
No! Hey! No!
1358
01:28:47,400 --> 01:28:50,358
COD Y: Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off!
1359
01:28:50,600 --> 01:28:51,589
(COD Y GRO ANING)
1360
01:28:51,920 --> 01:28:54,309
Help! Help! It's stuck.
1361
01:28:54,920 --> 01:28:56,035
(LAUGHS) Gotcha.
1362
01:28:57,280 --> 01:28:58,349
COD Y: Help!
1363
01:29:01,520 --> 01:29:02,509
No!
1364
01:29:05,920 --> 01:29:10,391
She was using me. I... That was really bad.
1365
01:29:10,760 --> 01:29:13,069
Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?
1366
01:29:13,920 --> 01:29:16,480
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
1367
01:29:16,760 --> 01:29:19,320
Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey?
1368
01:29:21,280 --> 01:29:24,192
He's like an inch away from the real McCoy.
1369
01:29:24,840 --> 01:29:26,637
Did you bring condoms?
1370
01:29:26,800 --> 01:29:27,835
What?
1371
01:29:27,920 --> 01:29:30,912
I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay?
1372
01:29:31,040 --> 01:29:33,474
You nancy boys couldn't get lucky
at a Jonas Brothers concert
1373
01:29:33,560 --> 01:29:35,596
with a fistful of backstage passes.
1374
01:29:35,960 --> 01:29:39,555
Faith in God and His promise of eternal life.
1375
01:29:41,080 --> 01:29:43,913
Now, put the condom on the banana.
1376
01:29:44,920 --> 01:29:48,435
Who didn't see that coming?
Look at the time. Gotta go.
1377
01:29:49,440 --> 01:29:52,079
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
1378
01:29:52,160 --> 01:29:53,559
How about we get some of the game?
1379
01:29:55,000 --> 01:29:56,035
We're eating.
1380
01:29:56,520 --> 01:29:57,509
(FARTS)
1381
01:29:58,080 --> 01:30:00,389
You've been fucking Americans or...
1382
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:02,638
Watching, loving...
1383
01:30:06,160 --> 01:30:07,149
Bear with me.
1384
01:30:07,240 --> 01:30:09,993
If she's down, bring her flowers.
1385
01:30:10,280 --> 01:30:12,669
If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne.
1386
01:30:12,760 --> 01:30:15,035
Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you,
my wife is pretty effing hot.
1387
01:30:15,120 --> 01:30:18,430
I'm talking a tight, tight ass
and squeaky clean.
1388
01:30:19,240 --> 01:30:21,834
Is that cream-filled? You rock.
1389
01:30:22,400 --> 01:30:24,470
Oh. Don't mention that, okay?
1390
01:30:25,080 --> 01:30:29,312
And whenever it comes to making out,
put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
1391
01:30:29,312 --> 01:34:00,000
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